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Posted

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached by a game warden in Central Mississippi as he started to haul his boat away from a lake. The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish??"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

"What a bunch of hog wash that is .... you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"

"WE do, now, do we?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!

"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

Posted

As I was driving home one day feeling a little depressed at how my life was going.

I saw a yard sign that said:

 

 

 

 

NEED HELP?

CALL JESUS

1-800-705-3787

 

 

 

Out of curiosity and desperation, I did.

 

It was a Latino with a lawnmower. blink.gif

 

My wife thought I lost it when I could not stop laughing!

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Posted

The Irish Bic Lighter
Mick and Paddy were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Mick pulled out a cigar. Finding he had No matches, he asked Paddy for a light.
'Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter,' Paddy replied and then reaching into his tackle
box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

'My God, man!' exclaimed Mick, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Where'd yew git dat monster?'
'Well,' replied Paddy, 'I got it from my Genie.'
'You haff a fecking Genie?' Mick asked.
'Ya, sure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Paddy.
'Could I see him?'
Paddy opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the Genie, Mick says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good pal of your master.
Will you grant me one wish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Mick asks the Genie for a million bucks. The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Mick sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the Irish sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying directly overhead.


Over the roar of the one million ducks Mick yells at Paddy, 'What the hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
Paddy answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?'

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Posted

A young city slicker decided to move out to the country and raise chickens.

 

He went to a nearby farmer and said, "I'd like 100 eggs. I'm going to raise my own flock."

A few weeks later he came back and said, "I'd like 100 eggs."

A few more weeks he's back, "I'd like another 100 eggs."

 

The farmer was so impressed with the young mans ambitions he said, "Wow, you're really going at this. How's many ya got so far?"

 

The young city slicker said, "I don't know... I think I'm planting them to close together."

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Posted

Getting Married in Heaven

 

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

 

St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves.

 

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

 

'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

 

'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

 

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.

 

'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer ?

 

 

 

Sent from my SCH-I605 using Tapatalk

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Posted

There's this 80 year old guy, driving down the main drag of Las Vegas at 3 AM. He gets pulled over by the cops. Cop asks, "where you goin?" Man answers "I'm going to a lecture on alcoholism and how it ruins your life and health and relationships". Cop asks "Who's giving this lecture at 3 AM?" Guy answers. "My wife".

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Posted

This guys wife is having an affair when her young son comes home early.

The boy hides out in the closet to catch what was going on, when the husband arrives home early too.

The would be affair is halted and the lover hides out in the same closet as the boy.

The boy says, "Hey, it's dark in here."  The lover answers, "Yep"

The boy replies, "I got a baseball, I'll sell to you.  That way I won't say a thing to my daddy."

The lover says, "How much?"  The young lad says to the lover, "250 bucks"

The lover pays the kid and when the coast is clear he sneaks out of the house.

A week later the same thing happens.  The boy says, "Hey, it's dark in here. I've got a baseball mitt for sale now."

The lover reluctantly asks, "How much this time?"  The boy says, "750 bucks."

Again the lover waits for the coast to clear and makes his escape.

Another week goes by and good old dad asks the son if he'd like to go play catch.  The son tells him he sold his ball and glove for a 1000 bucks.  Dad, being a bit of a prude, tells the boy that he needs to go straight to confession because that was way to much to sell his old ball and mitt for.

The boy heads to the confessional, he steps inside and says, "Hey, it's dark in here."  the voice from the other side says,

"NOW Don't start that crap AGAIN!" 

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  • Have you checked out Joe's Latest Blog?

         0 comments
      The Technician Shortage Is Our Fault, And It's Time We Own It
      Nearly every day, I hear shop owners complain: "There's a technician shortage. We can't find qualified people. There's no one out there." If that's true, then who's to blame?
      The industry? The schools? The government? I don't know how you feel, but who promised us an endless supply of qualified technicians?
      Another common complaint is that young people do not want to work in the trades. Well, if that were true, then why are other trades such as HVAC, electrical, and plumbing growing? What are they doing that the automotive industry is not? 
      Here's the reality we need to face: We do have a problem, but we shouldn't look for someone or any entity to rescue us. Not the government. Not the trade schools. Not the recruiting companies. No one owes us a workforce. If we want great people in our industry, it's up to us. At some point, we need to own up to the truth: Building a pipeline of qualified technicians is our responsibility.
      In this blog article, I will break down the key reasons we are in this situation today and what we, as an industry, can do to solve the technician shortage. Are you ready to look in the mirror?
      Have We Pushed Technicians Away?
      Let's take a look at flat-rate pay. True flat rate, which pays a technician only for the hours they produce, is a controversial pay plan that emphasizes high production levels and creates a competitive work environment that, if not properly controlled, can lead to increased mistakes and a decline in morale and team spirit. Additionally, the stress and physical demands placed on technicians as they age are not favorable to long-term employee retention. What do we do with technicians as they grow older into their fifties and begin to slow down? 
      I have heard all the arguments and pros and cons of flat-rate pay, and I am not going to judge any pay plan. Let the facts speak for themselves. True flat rate has changed in most areas around the country and has evolved into a pay plan that gives technicians some pay guarantee.
      Many shop owners have learned that team morale, along with the opportunity to earn income, is important to technicians and to the company's long-term success. But let me ask you: how many technicians have left or been pushed out over the years because of the old flat-rate pay system?
      Another issue is the workplace environment. I remember being grateful to be hired as a young technician at a local repair shop. While very thankful, the work environment was not ideal. The shop owner kept the bay doors open year-round (I am from New York) unless it rained or snowed. He felt that if the bay doors were closed, customers might think we were closed for business. We had no heat and no hot water. Many of the jobs were done outside, year-round,  in all types of weather. The starting pay was minimum wage, with no benefits, sick days, or vacation pay. 
      Now, again, I need to point out that I was truly grateful for the opportunity this shop owner gave me. I learned a lot working there, and the experience was pivotal in my career. But looking back, I wonder how many people were discouraged by these working conditions?
      While the physical demands of the repair workplace are daunting, perhaps even more critical is the culture. Too many of my generation shop owners preached the mindset of "my way or the highway." We were the business owners, after all. We started our companies, took all the risks, and provided jobs. Why shouldn't we be the ones to set the ground rules our way?   
      Many of us found over the years that the "my way or the highway" mentality was a sure way to isolate employees and make them more likely to look over the fence for greener grass. In other words, it led many technicians to seek employment elsewhere, where they felt they could be appreciated and recognized for their hard work. The issue, however, was that there wasn't much green grass around. Disappointment after disappointment, bouncing from repair to repair shop, eventually led to despair. So, I ask you: were workplace conditions a contributing factor in today's technician shortage?
      Another factor that we are all well aware of is the complexity of the modern automobile. When I started, the work was mostly physical, and you were required to master essentially three vehicle models: General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler. Let's fast-forward to today. The evolution of automotive technology, along with the extensive training and tools required, has outpaced the typical technician's pay compensation, with no clear career path. Again, leading to frustration and insecurity about the future.
      Here is the bottom line: people don't leave their job; they leave their experience. We must do a better job. 
      The News Isn't all Bad; Your Next Steps to Fix the Technician Shortage
      To fix the technician shortage, it will take a combined effort from everyone in the automotive industry, particularly automotive shop owners. Shop owners are in the perfect position to make the greatest impact, not only on their businesses but also on the future automotive workforce.
      First, shop owners must become better leaders and understand that their ultimate success is directly dependent on the people they assemble around them. Any shop owner who mistakenly believes they can build an empire solely on their abilities is destined for serious disappointment. Business owners who think like this will eventually plateau. Without the collective contributions from a team of qualified people, your business will stall; it will not continue to grow.
      Create a workplace that attracts top talent: a clean, professional, well-equipped facility designed to support productivity, teamwork, and a career, not just a job. Build a great reputation in your community by getting involved locally. Become the auto repair shop that people take notice of as "the" place to work.
      Next, shop owners must become more financially knowledgeable. Knowing your numbers and what you need to achieve for a strong bottom-line profit is essential to paying technicians the money they need and deserve. Profit will also allow you to compete with other trade industries by providing a benefits package that has real take-home value and security.
      When it comes to culture, this is where the rubber hits the road. People crave recognition, praise, and a sense of purpose. Despite what you hear, people are not just money-motivated. Once people feel secure in their financial situation, retaining and motivating technicians can only be achieved by connecting with them on an emotional level. You cannot show enough appreciation. Give out praise for a job well done as if your business depended on it, because it does.
      As technicians age, we need to have a place for them. Expecting a 58-year-old to perform like a 35-year-old is unrealistic. We need to be more focused on career pathing. Provide training, skill development, and coaching to develop leaders and mentors within our older workforce. While their bodies may have slowed, the knowledge they have gained is priceless. 
      Our future is dependent on young people entering our industry. We need to give more young people opportunities. Every shop owner across the country should consider hiring an apprentice, then build an apprentice training plan and career path for them. If every shop did this, we could solve the technician shortage within five years. Get involved with the trade schools and high schools in your area. Look into the NAPA Apprenticeship Program. Don't sit on your hands with this one. Do it today.
      Lastly, don't get left behind. Commit to ongoing training for all your employees. Keep up to date with tools and equipment tailored to your business model. Don't try to be all things to all people and all vehicles. Identify your core profile customer and the vehicles they drive, and become an expert on those vehicles and the services you offer.
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    • By Drivi
      Hey everyone,
      I'm building a tool that helps auto repair shops plan preventive maintenance automatically — it predicts when each customer should come back, sends reminders, and helps keep the shop busy year-round.
      But before I go any further, I’d rather hear it from real shop owners:
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      Thanks for sharing your experience — it’s worth way more than any market research report.
    • By carmcapriotto
      Thanks to our Partners, NAPA Auto Care and NAPA TRACS Watch Full Video Episode In this forward-looking conversation, Carm Capriotto and Chris Cloutier, CEO of AutoFlow and owner of three Golden Rule Auto Care locations, explore how artificial intelligence is rapidly transforming the automotive repair industry; not as a replacement for people, but as a powerful tool that helps shop owners lead smarter, communicate better, and operate more professionally.
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      The biggest takeaway from this episode is simple: AI will not replace highly skilled automotive professionals, but it will absolutely enhance the shops that learn how to use it effectively. From improving efficiency and communication to elevating the image of professionalism, AI offers tremendous advantages for modern repair businesses. However, Carm and Chris emphasize one critical principle throughout the conversation: trust, but verify. Just like quality control in the service bays, AI-generated information should always be reviewed carefully before being shared with customers or used to make important business decisions.
      Chris Cloutier, Golden Rule Auto Care, and CEO of Autoflow. Listen to Chris' other episodes HERE
      Thanks to our Partners, NAPA Auto Care and NAPA TRACS
      Learn more about NAPA Auto Care and the benefits of being part of the NAPA family by visiting https://www.napaonline.com/en/auto-care
      NAPA TRACS will move your shop into the SMS fast lane with onsite training and six days a week of support and local representation. Find NAPA TRACS on the Web at http://napatracs.com/
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      Follow on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carmcapriotto/ Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/remarkableresultsradiopodcast/ Join Our Virtual Toastmasters Club: https://remarkableresults.biz/toastmasters Join Our Private Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1734687266778976 Join our Insider List: https://remarkableresults.biz/insider All books mentioned on our podcasts: https://remarkableresults.biz/books Our Classroom page for personal or team learning: https://remarkableresults.biz/classroom Special episode collections: https://remarkableresults.biz/collections Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/carm   The Automotive Repair Podcast Network: https://automotiverepairpodcastnetwork.com/ Remarkable Results Radio Podcast with Carm Capriotto: Advancing the Aftermarket by Facilitating Wisdom Through Story Telling and Open Discussion. https://remarkableresults.biz/ Diagnosing the Aftermarket A to Z with Matt Fanslow: From Diagnostics to Metallica and Mental Health, Matt Fanslow is Lifting the Hood on Life. https://mattfanslow.captivate.fm/ Business by the Numbers with Hunt Demarest: Understand the Numbers of Your Business with CPA Hunt Demarest. https://huntdemarest.captivate.fm/ The Auto Repair Marketing Podcast with Kim and Brian Walker: Marketing Experts Brian & Kim Walker Work with Shop Owners to Take it to the Next Level. https://autorepairmarketing.captivate.fm/ The Weekly Blitz with Chris Cotton: Weekly Inspiration with Business Coach Chris Cotton from AutoFix - Auto Shop Coaching. https://chriscotton.captivate.fm/ Speak Up! Effective Communication with Craig O'Neill: Develop Interpersonal and Professional Communication Skills when Speaking to Audiences of Any Size. https://craigoneill.captivate.fm                                          Click to go to the Podcast on Remarkable Results Radio
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      VISION Hi-Tech Training and Expo: https://visionkc.com/
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      Thanks to our Partners, NAPA Auto Care and NAPA TRACS Learn more about NAPA Auto Care and the benefits of being part of the NAPA family by visiting https://www.napaonline.com/en/auto-care NAPA TRACS will move your shop into the SMS fast lane with onsite training and six days a week of support and local representation. Find NAPA TRACS on the Web at http://napatracs.com/ Connect with the Podcast: - Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RemarkableResultsRadioPodcast/ - Join Our Virtual Toastmasters Club: https://remarkableresults.biz/toastmasters - Join Our Private Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1734687266778976 - Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/carmcapriotto - Follow on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carmcapriotto/ - Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/remarkableresultsradiopodcast/ - Visit the Website: https://remarkableresults.biz/ - Join our Insider List: https://remarkableresults.biz/insider - All books mentioned on our podcasts: https://remarkableresults.biz/books - Our Classroom page for personal or team learning: https://remarkableresults.biz/classroom - Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/carm - Special episode collections: https://remarkableresults.biz/collections - The Automotive Repair Podcast Network: https://automotiverepairpodcastnetwork.com/ - Remarkable Results Radio Podcast with Carm Capriotto: Advancing the Aftermarket by Facilitating Wisdom Through Story Telling and Open Discussion. https://remarkableresults.biz/ - Diagnosing the Aftermarket A to Z with Matt Fanslow: From Diagnostics to Metallica and Mental Health, Matt Fanslow is Lifting the Hood on Life. https://mattfanslow.captivate.fm/ - Business by the Numbers with Hunt Demarest: Understand the Numbers of Your Business with CPA Hunt Demarest. https://huntdemarest.captivate.fm/ - The Auto Repair Marketing Podcast with Kim and Brian Walker: Marketing Experts Brian & Kim Walker Work with Shop Owners to Take it to the Next Level. https://autorepairmarketing.captivate.fm/ - The Weekly Blitz with Chris Cotton: Weekly Inspiration with Business Coach Chris Cotton from AutoFix - Auto Shop Coaching. https://chriscotton.captivate.fm/ - Speak Up! Effective Communication with Craig O'Neill: Develop Interpersonal and Professional Communication Skills when Speaking to Audiences of Any Size. https://craigoneill.captivate.fm                         Click to go to the Podcast on Remarkable Results Radio
    • By HeneryH
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    • By carmcapriotto
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      Thanks to our Partners, NAPA Auto Care and NAPA TRACS Learn more about NAPA Auto Care and the benefits of being part of the NAPA family by visiting https://www.napaonline.com/en/auto-care NAPA TRACS will move your shop into the SMS fast lane with onsite training and six days a week of support and local representation. Find NAPA TRACS on the Web at http://napatracs.com/ Connect with the Podcast: - Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RemarkableResultsRadioPodcast/ - Join Our Virtual Toastmasters Club: https://remarkableresults.biz/toastmasters - Join Our Private Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1734687266778976 - Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/carmcapriotto - Follow on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carmcapriotto/ - Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/remarkableresultsradiopodcast/ - Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/RResultsBiz - Visit the Website: https://remarkableresults.biz/ - Join our Insider List: https://remarkableresults.biz/insider - All books mentioned on our podcasts: https://remarkableresults.biz/books - Our Classroom page for personal or team learning: https://remarkableresults.biz/classroom - Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/carm - Special episode collections: https://remarkableresults.biz/collections - The Automotive Repair Podcast Network: https://automotiverepairpodcastnetwork.com/ - Remarkable Results Radio Podcast with Carm Capriotto: Advancing the Aftermarket by Facilitating Wisdom Through Story Telling and Open Discussion. https://remarkableresults.biz/ - Diagnosing the Aftermarket A to Z with Matt Fanslow: From Diagnostics to Metallica and Mental Health, Matt Fanslow is Lifting the Hood on Life. https://mattfanslow.captivate.fm/ - Business by the Numbers with Hunt Demarest: Understand the Numbers of Your Business with CPA Hunt Demarest. https://huntdemarest.captivate.fm/ - The Auto Repair Marketing Podcast with Kim and Brian Walker: Marketing Experts Brian & Kim Walker Work with Shop Owners to Take it to the Next Level. https://autorepairmarketing.captivate.fm/ - The Weekly Blitz with Chris Cotton: Weekly Inspiration with Business Coach Chris Cotton from AutoFix - Auto Shop Coaching. https://chriscotton.captivate.fm/ - Speak Up! Effective Communication with Craig O'Neill: Develop Interpersonal and Professional Communication Skills when Speaking to Audiences of Any Size. https://craigoneill.captivate.fm                         Click to go to the Podcast on Remarkable Results Radio


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