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Flash Sale + Social Proof


Flash Sale + Social Proof


Flash Sale + Social Proof

Joke of the Day


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Since it is Sunday and I am on my way to church I thought you might enjoy a religious story:

 

Here is the lost paragraph in GENESIS....

 

So God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"

 

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

 

God said that he was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. God said, "This person will gather food for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion when ever you need it."

 

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

 

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

 

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

 

And the rest is history.

 

 

I read it to my wife... All I got was the "evil" eye.... I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight... thanx... thanx a lot. LOL She says it was a bargain for just a rib.... He should have ask for a little more... how about a toe or something....

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  • 2 weeks later...

At the St. Peters Catholic Church in Chicago, weekly marriage seminars are held for husbands. At a recent session, Father O’Malley asked Giuseppe, a naturalized citizen from Italy who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

 

To the assembled husbands, each leaning forward and listening intently, Giuseppe said, “Well-a, I’ve-a tried to treat her nice-a. I spend-a da money on her. But best-a all, I took-a her back to da old country, to Italy, for our 25th wedding anniversary.”

 

Father O’Malley, duly impressed, responded. “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here. Please tell us what you are planning for your wife on your 50th anniversary?”

 

Proudly, Giuseppe said, “ I’m-a gonna go pick her up!”

 

Coming from an Italian background, that is truly funny. I laughed so hard, I really needed the laugh after a hot, tough day!

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Some of your wives didn't appreciate the other jokes I posted. Maybe they will like this one better!

 

40 years of marriage..

 

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.....

 

I'm going out with friends tonight and planning on tell this joke! This is a classic!

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Vaseline

 

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young

Woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the

Product?" She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

 

The researcher was a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say

That they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge.

But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for

Your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how

You use it for sex?"

The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it

On the door knob to keep the kids out."

 

I love it, clean old fashion fun!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

 

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

 

The woman shakes her head no.

 

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

 

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

 

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

 

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

 

That’s your best joke yet! Hysterically funny!

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

pinch me.... I'm dreamin'.... no, no, no don't wake me up... I'm enjoying the moment.... LOL

 

A Guy Fairy Tale

 

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess...

Will you marry me?

The Princess said NO!!

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles

And went fishing and hunting and played golf

And dated women half his age

And drank beer and scotch

And had tons of money in the bank

And left the toilet seat up.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

Celibacy can be a choice in life or a condition imposed by circumstances.

 

While attending a Marriage Weekend, my wife and I listened to

 

the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the

 

things that are important to each other."

 

 

He then addressed the men,

 

"Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"

 

I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently, and whispered,

 

 

"Gold Medal All-Purpose, isn't it?"

 

 

And, thus began my introduction to celibacy....

 

Thanks, I needed a good laugh this morning!

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  • 1 month later...

Ok, he did it the hard way, but does he still want 200 buck an hour??? LOL

A gynecologiost had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

 

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

 

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"

 

"The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly,which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career.

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A gynecologiost had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

 

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

 

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"

 

"The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly,which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career.

 

Now that's funny! My wife is a nurse, I will be sure to pass this on to her.

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  • 5 months later...

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing. He asked the trainer that was nearby, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet young thing over there?"

 

The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I would try the ATM in the lobby."

 

Truly funny! Thanks for the laugh!

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  • 2 months later...
  • 9 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...
  • 5 months later...

OLD TIMER'S HOSPITAL STAY

 

Jim was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one nurse that just drove him crazy.

Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, 'And how are we doing this morning',

 

Or 'Are we ready for a bath', or 'Are we hungry?'

 

Old Jim had had enough of this particular nurse.

 

One day, at breakfast, Old Jim took the apple juice off the tray and put it in his bed side stand. Next, he was given a urine bottle to fill for testing. So you know where the juice went !

 

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.

 

'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today. '

 

At this, Old Jim snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, 'Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.'

 

The nurse fainted.

 

Old Jim just smiled.

 

DON'T MESS WITH 'OLD' PEOPLE.

 

Very funny, I will keep that in mind for the future.

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  • 4 months later...

An elderly fella was in a hospital room gathering his thoughts as he laid there with a breathing mask on. In walked a young nurse to check up on him.

She asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Through the breathing mask the young nurse heard, "Yes, are my testicles black?"

 

She was a little shocked, but being the dutiful nurse she was, she lifted the hospital robe and examined the old guys private parts.

"No," she said, "They're quite normal in color and very well proportioned I might add. Anything else you'd like me to do?"

 

The old man took a deep breath and pulled the mask away and said with a smile, "Thanks for the complements young lady. Been a long time since a pretty girl noticed,"he grabbed another breath from the mask, "Now, could you find out if my tests results are back?"

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