Gonzo

I know you and Joe, and I think I know or should I say heard one other... but the rest are on there own. thanx for keepin tabs. Gonzo

Thanx for reading it... thanx for passing it on... then tell them to buy another copy... LOL The stories are all true... the flair is of course to make it more readable and funny. (Mr. Ditto wasn't a happy camper let me tell you) I tried to keep the stories real and to some sort of basic scenario that I have had other shops talk to me about over the years. That's why they are so easily related to any shop across the country. That was my intention... sounds like I did that from what your telling me. And, I'll bet some did migrate from or to Indiana... LOL As far as the wife.... www.persimmonquilts.com My wife has written 2 quilt books so far. the first one has become a best seller, the second one will be out late this year. She is very VERY well known in the quilting world. That Army Rangers wife who is a quilter probably knows my wife... but I'll bet she doesn't know... she knows. (she probably has her book) One of the things my wife does is what is called "Quilts of Valor" you can read about that on her website. It's a organization that hands out a hand made quilt to any injured service person. leaving any military hospital.. it's something that she does that I am very proud of. Oh, and my wife has one of those big quilting machines.... and our entire upstairs is all quilting... she didn't just take over a bedroom she took over an entire house... LOL... I think there is over 150 quilts for service people up there waiting to get done. Have your friends wife go to my wife's site... Thanx for reading my book... it's a little something that I thought all of us in the business needed to read... because... we ain't alone behind that counter... Keep it between the ditches and off the tow trucks.. Gonzo

Again, right on the money Joe... Somehow, the "old school" way of charging for our efforts has to be brought up to today's level. I don't have the answer, but I do think getting the word out may make others aware that there needs to be something done differently than what has been done in the past. BTW the next article I'm submitting to Brake and Front end is going to be the one about the "shade tree mechanic" it should go over pretty good. the "views" here on ASO have been really great... great comments... keep them coming. the more posts on B/Front end the better... keeps me in the spot light at the editors desk... LOL.. thanx again Gonzo

that's great... hope ya like it... Don't forget, like I always tell the customer as they are leaving the front office... "Keep it between the ditches.... and off the back of the tow trucks." Leaves em' speechless everytime.. LOL Later.. Gonzo

I totally agree... thanx for the comments. Keep them coming... the more comments the better... Brake and Front end magazine thought it was a great article, I hope I do more of them. Thanx for leaving a comment on the B-Front end page Joe... appreciate it. When you leave a comment on that page the editors then know that they have something others would like to read. The more comments the BETTER. Thanx again. Gonzo

Hi everyone, If you have been reading my posts then you probably have already read this article in it's original version. Diagnostic fee or Diagnostic free... If you haven't here it is edited for Brake and Front end magazine. This is the FIRST article for Brake and Front end. I'm pretty proud of it if ya can't tell. What can you do for me... besides reading my posts ?? Go to the link that takes you to the article at Brake and Front end and leave a comment at the bottom of the page. Say whatever you would like, but of course it would even better to say something that would encourage the editors/staff to want to print more of my stories... sure would appreciate it. BTW... every article that I am working on that I will eventually send out I let you guys see it first... it's a good feed back as to what I should change or add to the articles. Thanx again... Gonzo Here is the link to my article... Diagnostic...

I'll check into it in my area... You know, I've heard of these deals before... but it always seems to go for a while and then they seem to fade away... why's that??

autographed and on it's way.... enjoy...

I've had similar problems with techs. Some ... when they do call in late for the 3rd or 4th time... I tell them not to bother coming in at all... but I reserve that for the bad ones. The good techs.. well, I won't assign them work... If you come in late... you get nothing. Eventually they either get the idea or they quit. My worst offenders of this whole thing has always been the interns... I ended up handling them this way.... first off they are usually college or high school students... keep that in mind too. What I do is stand by their work area at exactly the start of the day... IF you are not there ON TIME... then GO HOME... all day. Until you can make it in the real world at the real time... you don't need this job. I'll usually play this game thru their entire internship... then when it's grading time it will show on thier report card. It's worked in the past... hope this helps. Gonzo

Pretty funny stuff... thanx...for the comments. and ya wonder why ... when you get a chance to get back to your office you just roll your eyeballs back in your head... wondering... how in the world did the gene pool miss throwing this one out when they had the chance... Thanx again... you should get a copy of my book... ask Joe... he's got a copy... LOL

I think it would make a hysterically funny sitcom myself... It doesn't matter what part of the country your in.... it's all the same... there are stooges everywhere... LOL

Joe, all I have to do is go to work each day and I have new material to write about.... and YES... it really is a true story... I take it you liked the story then.... This story really makes me laugh... it's so typical of the "know-it-all" types out there. Everytime I read it... I can't help but laugh. To bad I didn't charge this trio of automotive excellence for all the oil dry I went thru... LOL

This story hasn't gone out yet... You're the first to see it... let me know what ya think of it. It will probably be edited for length, and may get cut down ... but I kinda like this version. Gonzo High in the sky Jeep, the stooge trio This trio of comic geniuses showed up at the shop one afternoon, the “Talker”, the “Looker”, and the “Nodder”. These three buddies have been working on a CJ for many, many years. Not one of them have any background in mechanics or electrical. But, as usual the “Talker” knew everything. The “Looker” never looked at a thing but performed his task with the greatest level of expertise. He had that 40 foot stare in a 20 foot room, always glancing at something that was not part of the conversation. The ceiling was a common theme, then there is the book rack, the disclaimers on the wall, the usual advertisements on the counter, pretty much anything but not a thing important. I think you could have asked this guy any question about the room, the people in the room, or for that matter probably his own name… I doubt if he could have answered a single question without saying “Huh” before coming up with some sort of ridiculous half wit response. Now the “Nodder”, he was in rare form. There was the quick nod, the slow responsive nod, and ever so popular nod your head so hard that your hair flips up and down, while at the same time maintaining his proper distance from the service counter. His only other function is to observe the “Looker” and “Talker” and confirm that they are doing their part in this trio of humorous delinquents. That only leaves the “Talker”; it’s the classic confrontation at the counter. “Yes, I’m interesting in finding out if you or anyone here knows how to wire up a CJ from scratch?” he asked. “Sure, I’ve done lots of them over the years,” I said, quite confidently. “Well, it only needs a few things done, I just don’t have the time to finish it,” the “Talker” said with his nodding buddy in the back doing his best to stay up with the conversation. The “Looker” on the other hand was busy… you know… “Looking”… at what, I haven’t a clue. At this point I’m starting to wonder about the three of them. Two classic mistakes have already been made. Number one, “I don’t have time to finish it”, Let me translate that for you… it really means; “I couldn’t figure it out even if the directions were tattooed to the inside of my eyelids”. Number two, “It only needs a few things” … what that really means is… “You ain’t going to believe how screwed we got this”. Thus, the quandary of problems that are about to unfold in front of me. The conversation went on with its usual head nods from the “Nodder” and stares into space by the “Looker”. With the never ending … Deeping… hole of unpronounceable automotive terms that the “Talker” was sinking into. Trying to put an end to all this confusion, without falling into the hole myself, “Where’s the Jeep at?” I asked. “Oh it’s at our garage,” the “Talker” added, “We’ll have to get it over to you. It doesn’t run right now.” “Don’t you think you should get it running first,” I asked. “It’s got a brand new crate motor in it,” the “Looker” jumped into the conversation with his two cents worth of information. Confused now, I said, “A crate engine, you haven’t hooked up the wires to the engine yet? I guess that’s what you want me to do.” “No, that’s done,” said the “Talker”, “We finished that up about a year ago. It just needs cleaned up a bit.” The “Nodder” did a hair flip about then… good job, that confirmed it… they’re all nuts. The “Talker”, the “Nodder”, and the “Looker” all took their turns at the front counter. I use to think I’ve heard it all, and then these three stooges showed up and proved me wrong. Oh yes, this was a several year project, all of which was…. completely done backwards. From what I could piece together, the paint was finished first to a show room luster, while the body was being painted the frame was completely stripped down and powder coated. It took them over a year just to decide on which type of wheels and rims to put on it. Wiring seemed to have come in dead last … or that’s what I thought. The next day the Jeep showed up on a trailer. Wow, what a superior paint job, all shiny and new. It was a mile high in the air with this huge lift kit installed. There were beautifully chromed engine parts everywhere, all gleaming in the sun. That was about it though. No exhaust system, no coolant, gobs and gobs of wiring strewn all through the engine compartment and undercarriage. Wires were run right through the headers and into the inside of the Jeep. There were no seats, doors, or even a windshield. All the extra wire was wrapped around the steering column or dangled into different cavities. There was no hole for the floor shifter and there was no place to mount the four wheel drive controls. Oh they had everything… in boxes, with assorted nuts and bolts, cables, and wiring. Even the headers will need reworked. The passenger side header was up against that beautifully powder coated frame and, you know, it was more than likely going to burn that pretty paint off. There were no spark plugs, no plug wires, and no throttle cable. It was without a doubt the largest expenditure into a total disaster I have ever seen in my years of business. The “Talker” was busy explaining his master piece to me while I was busy eyeballing this checkbook gone wild, wanna-be beast of the 4wd world. The more I looked the worst it kept getting. I finally had to put an end to the talkers’ non-stop trip to purgatory. “Why don’t you take this over and have the exhaust taken care of,” I interrupted him with a sudden jolt back to the planet, “Once you have that done, you could fill up the coolant system, look for leaks and maybe even put some plugs in it and see if it starts.” I was surprised at his response… he said, “That would be great, and then I’ll get it back to you to finish the wiring.” I was actually hoping he wouldn’t remember that part. But, I’ve done crazier rewires in the past… it’s just another day at the office for me. Weeks later the Jeep showed up again. This time it had a complete exhaust system installed, however they never moved the header away from the frame. Not only was it poorly put in, but the mufflers were right on top of the fuel pump lines and the electric fuel pump. All of which now will need moved to a better location. I didn’t think this job was going to ever be finished. My years of experience in this business made me think to keep asking questions to these guys and see how far their wallet was going to stretch. Something told me there was more to this story than… “I don’t have the time”, and “It only needs a few things done”. I had the phone number to the “Nodder”, I’ll call him. “How, far do you want me to go?” I asked. “I think he just wants a rough idea as to how much it will cost, but I think they want you to get it started too.” The “Nodder” told me. “Ok then, I’ll rough it in, get it started and then write up an estimate,” I said. “Sounds, good to me,” our friend the “Nodder” answered. I’m sure he was up to his usual head bobbing by now and was working his way to a full hair flip. As I rigged up some jumper wires to the fuel pump, temporally of course, it was just enough to get voltage to the right spots. Then hot wire the coil and starter. I guess, it’s time to turn it over and see if it will start. A couple of cranks on the starter and huge plumes of fire belched out of the glistening chrome carburetor. Would it start? Not a chance, they had the distributor in 180 degrees off. Pull it out, turn it around and start over again. Oops, just noticed… they forgot the coolant. I filled the chromed out radiator with coolant… it leaked all over the engine. There were gaskets that weren’t sealing and hose clamps that weren’t tight. Another delay, another mess and, more expense just to see if this thing would start. Finally, the leaks were holding… sort of, at least enough to proceed. Back to trying to solve the actual problem for the day… will the engine run. After priming the carburetor and a couple of turns of the starter motor the gleaming 4wd beast sprang to life… spewing oil everywhere! ! What now?!?!? There was no oil pressure switch in the engine block. Holy engines of chrome! ! Shut it off and put something in the hole. One more try … vroom! It starts and it runs, hey, and it even sounds pretty good. But the water leaks started showing up again. Seems they didn’t use any sealant on any of the water gaskets. This job is never going to end. It’s starting to sound like that old saying; “Stop counting the alligators when all you’re supposed to do is drain the swamp.” Enough alligator counting, I’m stopping! Here and now, I’ll try to make some sense out of the rest of this wiring disaster. Now this next part of this story shouldn’t come as a big surprise. Not one of the three stooges ever talked to the other one as to what I was supposed to do. The only thing they agreed on was that the “Nodder” would take the phone calls and relay the info. I think poor old “Nodder” just nodded his way into being the escape goat. He doesn’t have a clue, he never did. Well, for that matter, neither do the other two dim wits. A week or so later with the car resting in the shop, the three dunder heads showed up with a trailer. Now it was my turn to be wrong. Number one, It was mutually understood between the trio, that they knew it all, and I knew nothing. Number two, I was too expensive and was going to take too long to finish the job. Geez, how much time did they think I needed? I’m sure I could have done the job within a couple of years… maybe sooner. I’m so confused. The last word on this one was that they were going to finish it themselves. My question was… when? I’ll be old and gray before these knuckleheads ever figure it out. But I’m a sucker for an old three stooges classic; I’ll sit back and watch this episode unfold. It might be a pretty good story whenever this Jeep comes out of the upper atmosphere and back to planet earth. Ynuk, Ynuk, Ynuk.

When I read your comment I was laughing so hard the wife came by just see what was so funny. It would be different if the manufacturers would put a campaign together where they took their products to the repair shops and gave us the chance to listen to their technical side of the whole thing first. Instead of sending all their propaganda out to the naive general public... who... seems to believe what they see on TV or the news. But a perfect world it isn't.... maybe we should make our own infomercials.... LOL Thanx for the laugh Joe... that was truly funny... Just to see the wifes reaction was priceless.

If they ask for it I'll get it, if they ask my opinion of a certian oil they'll get that too. I will almost always tell them to check their owners manual for the proper oil and not go by the latest TV commercial they just watched. Gonzo

Thanks Richard, glad ya like it. I've got about the same thing in my neck of the woods. Except it's other shops, guys that make a living ... or should I say ... make a living charging something to the customer, but not getting the job done, and then send me the car completely torn apart... and then ask me to repair it. Happens a lot. Another day, another story.... working with the general public you never run out of stories... I've got a lot more. Gonzo

Thanx Joe, I'm glad you like the story. The sad part of the story is that we... the shop keepers of the country... have all seen this..... and if someone is reading this now... and hasn't experienced it... you will.. don't worry... And to add to the "don't back down" Without a doubt... I will not back down. Here's my thoughts on this subject. Draw the line in the sand... stand on that line... If you have done your job correctly and you know your right... then stand there... take the abusive name calling. Because in the long run that type of customer isn't coming back to your establishment anytime soon. More than likely they'll end up at the next shop and try the same thing again. People, money, and their cars are never a good combination... throw in the dork with a wrench who also sounds convincing.... You've got the makings of disaster soup... and when that pot boils.... holy wrenches... what a mess. It's a part of the job... it's the part of the job that no one tells you about when you open the doors to your repair shop.... you find this out the hard way... experience. Lastly, yes I'm very confident of what I do,what I know. Without that, I don't think you or I could have lasted as long in private business. Thanx again for all your comments and replies.... Gonzo

I'm like Joe, I pay a base salary... (what I call... "just enough" to get by on $$) then the main focus is on the performance bonus or % of actual sales that they accomplish. I even have an incentive if you manage to stick it out on a slow week where there is very little in bonus/perfomance... be here a whole 40 hours, you get your base pay and a 100 to 150 bonus.. just for being here. That works on the busy weeks and the slow weeks too. It's worked well for years. However, now with the economy taking a dive, and... some of the other shops lowering their labor rates... I may need to come up with a new plan. Cause the guys are staying... and I'm a paying... and the work is off and on... Hey, lean times, just hanging around waiting for spring... Gonzo

Thanx, glad ya liked the story.... In my book I tried to account for each and any different type of shop situation that I could think of. It makes you think of the situations that you have been in that relate to the story... Interesting isn't it..... no matter what part of the country your in... people, oops, customers... are the same. LOL Purchase a copy of my book, either from amazon.com, or my website. Or, go to your local book store and ask them to stock the book. Hey, maybe I'll just write stories and sell the wrenches... ah, not any time soon. LOL Thanx again

Yes, I would never ever call done ... done... I almost always tell the customer that .... this is what i found... hopefully you won't have another problem, but there are so many things that can cause that check engine light to come on. To bad there isn't a check engine light for every different problem but your dash would look like a cockpit... and it would be to distracting to drive on the roads. That usually makes them feel better if the light comes back on after I'm done with the repairs that I originaly found. try that and see if it helps. Gonzo

Another story published on my monthly column... Another day, another crazy event at the shop. Gonzo_Regular_Mechanic.pdf

All of that is very good... I think we can add some other stuff too. Like... A shop should be required to carry insurance... bonded against any traffic accidents involved with customers cars and or disasters in the shop. A rating system that would inform the customer AT THE DOOR of the level of customer history.. In my published book I gave a reasonable good explanation of how I thought it should... of course it's only one persons opinion. I could reprint that section of my book for everyone to read.. (or buy my book...LOL) On the other hand, how are we... as the independent market... going to ever get the ability to obtain dealer class level instructions on the latest greates stuff coming down from detroit. What I mean by that.. is... a wash machine tech can put on his sleeve.. "factory trained" a lawn mower mechanic can put on his sleeve "Factory trained" But, a lonely old mechanic is on his own with the perils of daily..." by gosh, by golly... so thats how that works.." I hope I'm making sense. Let's keep adding to the list... we'll work on the "acutal" list when we have more input. Thanx

Xrac.... I give them the number to the BBB. and say,"Why don't ya do that.... I would appreciate it." But a very rarely ever if not never see the BBB. but it happens... nothing has ever stuck nothing has ever come out of it. (I did sell a copy of my book to the BBB though.... now thats really hysterical... LOL)

Intelligent minds think alike.... I thought I was the only one that thought the BBB was a bunch of dues collecting dim wits that only had a dollar in mind. And your right the consumer thinks they walk on water.... dah... what a joke. The cheap shop is a problem... had a customer stop in ask about my prices and when I went to lunch I seen their car at the cheap shop in line to be repaired... go figure. I'm so so glad to see we are all thinking on the same lines... lets me know that I'm not the only boat in the water... well, gotta get back to paddlein' more to do today. Thanx for all your comments. Hearing that we all have the same views is quite a comfort. thanx again.

Joe, the only reason this SOB is still in business is simply PRICE... his shop is jammed full of cheap repairs. I'm sitting over here with 10's of thousands of dollars worth of diagnostic scanners... and having a tough time staying open. If I didn't charge the rate that I do (65.00 to 75.00 hourly which is the norm for our area) I couldn't pay for those scanners... without them I can't work. I can't believe that in todays economy I am going to have to drop my prices to stay in business, and I'm not talking about lowering my prices to suit the downward economics I'm talking about being competitive with other shops in the area. People like this... shop owners and for that matter the mechanic willing to trade his talent in for less than what he should be getting... in my book are nothing but whores of the industry. I worked a lot of hours to build up what I have only to see it go down the tubes because some numb nuts down the street who hasn't invested in the scanners and todays technology, and undercharges for his work...... but draws the customers in. Do ya think I'm a little peeved... YOU BET YA ! !