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Crystal Ball Diagnosing -- Seeking knowledge and enlightment

Gonzo

By Gonzo
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Gonzo Grand Master

Gonzo

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CRYSTAL BALL DIAGNOSING

 

A seeker of knowledge climbed a narrow staircase up a very remote mountain side, high into the clouds, and arrived at the temple of all answers. The swami, wearing his pearl white turban, is sitting in the lotus position surrounded by large red velvet curtains with plumes of smoke obscuring all but a brief glimpse of the room. There in front of the swami is his crystal ball, which with a mere glance he can give you the answers you seek.

 

The question from the traveler is put forth, “Why doesn't my driver's window go up and down?” He peers into the crystal ball; his eyes grow ever more

intense as his gaze reaches deeper into the glistening orb.

He answers, “Probably a switch or a motor.”

 

The seeker's eyes roll back into his head in disbelief. Already frustrated, the seeker answers angrily, “Nope, that’s not it. I already tried that. You mean to tell me I climbed all the way up here, and that's your best answer?”

The swami calmly answers, “All will be revealed after proper diagnostic tests have been completed.”

“I'll bet that ain't cheap either!” the traveler says.

 

“You are quite right,” the swami says, “Long ago such things could be obtained without fees... those days have passed as well. Today’s cars are far more complicated, which requires more than a mere glance into the crystal ball to solve the problem.”

 

The now aggravated seeker of knowledge (who had no intention of paying) storms down the same long winding path to begin their search for another swami who might provide an answer to their quest without any monetary exchange.

Ok, I'm no swami, I don't have a pearl white turban, and even though I've looked high and low... I can't find a crystal ball anywhere. From the very first day I stood behind the service counter there has always been someone who wants to pick the swami’s brain for free information. It’s no surprise to me that I've heard the same thing over and over again.

 

“So what do you think it is?”

 

If I give them my best guess, there's still a chance their rebuttal will be, “No, that ain't it, I tried that already.” I'd like to say, (but I keep it to myself), “Why the hell did you ask for my opinion if all you’re going to do is get all huffy with the answer I give?” What I end up telling them is, “Sorry, but that's my best guess without my crystal ball, or actually testing it.”

 

Even though the cars have changed tremendously over the years, I still have to diagnose and repair them just as before. Guesses are great, and sometimes it's the best way to tackle a problem. But I still prefer diagnosing it first. I could resort to calling out some witch doctors to parade around the car in a counter-clockwise fashion, during a full moon, holding onto a dead chicken while chanting at the top of their lungs. But, you know, they’ve got better things to do....besides, I can't wait for the next moon cycle for these guys to show up, and neither will the customer. I've got to fix these cars now. (Impatient world we live in, you know…)

 

Just like the swami situation, the one thing that hasn't changed is how some people will drive clear across town to ask about their car. I can appreciate the time and effort they’ve put into tracking me down, but that doesn't change the fact that I still have to test and diagnose a problem to find out what is exactly wrong with it.

 

Even if I had a crystal ball I'm sure I'd still want to test things before swapping parts. Mind you, there are common failures and common results, but I'm completely dumbfounded that some people think I've got the answer to every sort of problem logged into memory. The truth is … no, I don't. Because even with the simplest sounding problems, some things can lead to drastic results with greater complications than anyone can imagine.

 

I sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t be better to answer these questions like this: “Nine out of ten mechanics said your alternator is what's wrong with your car.”

Now when they blurt out their response... “I tried that already.”

I can answer them with, “You're going to have to go tell that to at least eight other mechanics... because we all agreed that was the most common problem. Until it is tested there is no way of knowing beyond that.”

 

There are times that even a glance under the hood doesn't answer a thing. Their questions might be on the right path to enlightenment, but they neglected to mention that they've reengineered the car to their own set of specifications. I call them “Heinz 57” cars. These are the whimsical dreams and creations of backyard mechanics who have installed different engines, wiring harnesses, computers, etc. Sure, they've accomplished a lot on their own. Installing engines and harnesses from cars 10, or maybe 20 production years apart. They may have the ability of making the thing start and drive, but they just can't seem to get some of those basic essentials to adapt to their new found aspirations of driving excellence.

 

It might be the wipers, or the HVAC, maybe it's the door locks, or the instrument cluster and gauges, or the brake system or perhaps the suspension. Sometimes it’s just a stereo system they installed that’s causing a problem. Their "engineering" is usually not to any professional standard, but thrown in with the wires all wadded up behind the dash. Then they expect the mechanic to look into his crystal ball and give them an answer as to what it would take to get all those little details working, and how long it will take.

It all seems simple to them; it can't be that hard. They've already spent hours upon hours slicing and dicing the car to create their contraption, surely all this “other” stuff isn’t that big of a deal.

 

After the mechanic comes out of his transcendental state and delivers the news, they’re probably going to be in shock at the answers. (Staring under the dash or hood at some of these creations is what brings on the trance.) Honestly, if there was such a thing as a crystal ball I would have peered into it and stopped some of these backyard creations from ever being created. It would have been a lot better if they would have climbed up that narrow pathway into the mountains and sought professional wisdom before attempting these engineering debacles.

 

Let's face it, there is no magic machine with the answers. There's no crystal ball, and sad to say, I’m fresh out of witch doctors, too. True mechanical and electrical repair on today's cars takes a dedicated individual with the right equipment and knowledge, not a swami on a cloud covered mountain top. Not much is free these days, but go ahead and ask your questions. But until they are tested and diagnosed, they're still just another glance into that crystal ball.

 

 


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Gonzo Grand Master

Gonzo

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With the new internet provider at the house and the changes here at ASO I've been having problems logging on. Funny part is.. "only ASO" is having the problem. All the changes recently I was certianly confused as to what was the cause. The only way I could get a story up this week was to wait until I got to the shop and used the shop computer.

 

Should have everything straightened out this week. A Special thanks to Alex and Joe... the helped tremendously this weekend to sort out the problem. (Looks like it's my router or the internet provider, will find out today.)

In the mean time, here's the story for this week.

Later. Gonzo

Gonzo Grand Master

Gonzo

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I saw those on one of the tool trucks.. LOL too funny. On my counter I have a couple of those "8" ball auto diagnostic balls that I got from AVI (Automotive Video Inc) I do a bit of work for them once in a while so they sent them to me.

 

Got laugh at the whole thing otherwise, you'll just drive yourself crazy.

 

Keep smilin, keep wrenchin....

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      The Technician Shortage Is Our Fault, And It's Time We Own It
      Nearly every day, I hear shop owners complain: "There's a technician shortage. We can't find qualified people. There's no one out there." If that's true, then who's to blame?
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      I have heard all the arguments and pros and cons of flat-rate pay, and I am not going to judge any pay plan. Let the facts speak for themselves. True flat rate has changed in most areas around the country and has evolved into a pay plan that gives technicians some pay guarantee.
      Many shop owners have learned that team morale, along with the opportunity to earn income, is important to technicians and to the company's long-term success. But let me ask you: how many technicians have left or been pushed out over the years because of the old flat-rate pay system?
      Another issue is the workplace environment. I remember being grateful to be hired as a young technician at a local repair shop. While very thankful, the work environment was not ideal. The shop owner kept the bay doors open year-round (I am from New York) unless it rained or snowed. He felt that if the bay doors were closed, customers might think we were closed for business. We had no heat and no hot water. Many of the jobs were done outside, year-round,  in all types of weather. The starting pay was minimum wage, with no benefits, sick days, or vacation pay. 
      Now, again, I need to point out that I was truly grateful for the opportunity this shop owner gave me. I learned a lot working there, and the experience was pivotal in my career. But looking back, I wonder how many people were discouraged by these working conditions?
      While the physical demands of the repair workplace are daunting, perhaps even more critical is the culture. Too many of my generation shop owners preached the mindset of "my way or the highway." We were the business owners, after all. We started our companies, took all the risks, and provided jobs. Why shouldn't we be the ones to set the ground rules our way?   
      Many of us found over the years that the "my way or the highway" mentality was a sure way to isolate employees and make them more likely to look over the fence for greener grass. In other words, it led many technicians to seek employment elsewhere, where they felt they could be appreciated and recognized for their hard work. The issue, however, was that there wasn't much green grass around. Disappointment after disappointment, bouncing from repair to repair shop, eventually led to despair. So, I ask you: were workplace conditions a contributing factor in today's technician shortage?
      Another factor that we are all well aware of is the complexity of the modern automobile. When I started, the work was mostly physical, and you were required to master essentially three vehicle models: General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler. Let's fast-forward to today. The evolution of automotive technology, along with the extensive training and tools required, has outpaced the typical technician's pay compensation, with no clear career path. Again, leading to frustration and insecurity about the future.
      Here is the bottom line: people don't leave their job; they leave their experience. We must do a better job. 
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      To fix the technician shortage, it will take a combined effort from everyone in the automotive industry, particularly automotive shop owners. Shop owners are in the perfect position to make the greatest impact, not only on their businesses but also on the future automotive workforce.
      First, shop owners must become better leaders and understand that their ultimate success is directly dependent on the people they assemble around them. Any shop owner who mistakenly believes they can build an empire solely on their abilities is destined for serious disappointment. Business owners who think like this will eventually plateau. Without the collective contributions from a team of qualified people, your business will stall; it will not continue to grow.
      Create a workplace that attracts top talent: a clean, professional, well-equipped facility designed to support productivity, teamwork, and a career, not just a job. Build a great reputation in your community by getting involved locally. Become the auto repair shop that people take notice of as "the" place to work.
      Next, shop owners must become more financially knowledgeable. Knowing your numbers and what you need to achieve for a strong bottom-line profit is essential to paying technicians the money they need and deserve. Profit will also allow you to compete with other trade industries by providing a benefits package that has real take-home value and security.
      When it comes to culture, this is where the rubber hits the road. People crave recognition, praise, and a sense of purpose. Despite what you hear, people are not just money-motivated. Once people feel secure in their financial situation, retaining and motivating technicians can only be achieved by connecting with them on an emotional level. You cannot show enough appreciation. Give out praise for a job well done as if your business depended on it, because it does.
      As technicians age, we need to have a place for them. Expecting a 58-year-old to perform like a 35-year-old is unrealistic. We need to be more focused on career pathing. Provide training, skill development, and coaching to develop leaders and mentors within our older workforce. While their bodies may have slowed, the knowledge they have gained is priceless. 
      Our future is dependent on young people entering our industry. We need to give more young people opportunities. Every shop owner across the country should consider hiring an apprentice, then build an apprentice training plan and career path for them. If every shop did this, we could solve the technician shortage within five years. Get involved with the trade schools and high schools in your area. Look into the NAPA Apprenticeship Program. Don't sit on your hands with this one. Do it today.
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