Lemon Picker & Irishman

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The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

 

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?

 

Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers, I voted for Obama and now I drive aToyota.

 

 

One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years,saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not aship. And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities ofa small boat or even a raft.

 

Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, 'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?'

 

'Ten years,' replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over andunzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. 'Faith and begorra,'said the man, 'that is so good I'd almost forgotten howgreat a smoke can be!'

 

'And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey' asked the blonde.

 

Trembling, the castaway replied, 'Ten years.' Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket there and removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. 'Tis nectar of the gods!' stated the Irishman. 'Tis truly fantastic!!!'

 

At this point the gorgeous bl onde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, 'And how long has it been since you played around?'

 

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, 'Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!'

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More Golf Stories

 

Ed and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for

Her. When they discovered they both lived in the same city only a few miles

Apart, Ed was ecstatic.

 

He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple

Of weeks, Ed had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts,

Movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

 

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed

Took Dorothy to a fine restaurant.

While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said....

"I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little

Serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before

I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only

Fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I

Watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going

To be a problem, for us, you'd better say so now!"

 

Dorothy took a deep breath and responded...

"Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love

Golf too.......but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you

Need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

 

"Oh wow! I see," Ed replied.

He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in thought

Then he added........

"You know, it's probably just because you're not keeping your

Wrists straight when you tee off. "