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The Unspoken Reality of Grief [RR 885]


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Jock Brocas, Author, Publisher, Researcher and Evidential Medium discusses the topic of grief and its impact on individuals and society. Jock shares his personal experience with grief and emphasizes the importance of integrating it into our lives rather than trying to recover from it. He explains there is a societal fear and discomfort surrounding grief and how it affects our ability to support those who are grieving. Jock offers insights on empathy versus sympathy and encourages engaging with those who are grieving. He also discusses the transformative power of grief and the importance of leaders in the automotive industry supporting their team members who may be grieving. Jock shares his simple model for coping with grief and emphasizes the power of choice. It's our hope that this conversation will inspire you to approach grief with empathy, understanding, and acceptance.

Jock Brocas, Author, Publisher, Researcher and Evidential Medium. jockbrocas.com

Show Notes

  • Watch Full Video
  • Grief as a Journey (00:04:03) Jock talks about the different aspects of grief and how it affects various areas of life, including work and relationships.
  • Grief as Integration (00:05:52) Jock explains that grief is not something to recover from, but rather something to integrate into our lives as a natural aspect of life.
  • Engaging with Grief (00:06:07) Jock discusses the importance of engaging with those who have experienced loss, asking them to share stories and memories of their loved ones instead of offering empty platitudes.
  • Fear and societal expectations surrounding grief (00:08:40) How fear and societal expectations contribute to the discomfort and avoidance of discussing grief.
  • The need to include and support those who are grieving (00:11:11) The importance of including and supporting individuals who are grieving, rather than disconnecting from them out of fear.
  • Finding Purpose in Grief (00:18:09) Exploration of how grief can become a transformative experience, leading to the discovery of purpose and a desire to serve others.
  • Traumatic Grief and its Impact (00:23:03) Explanation of different forms of grief, including traumatic grief, and how it can be a result of experiencing a shocking or inexplicable loss.
  • The Traumatic Grief Experience (00:25:28) Discussion on the personal experience of traumatic grief and the long-term effects it can have.
  • The Impact of Grief on Leadership (00:26:21) Exploring how leaders in the automotive industry who are grieving can make wrong decisions and negatively affect the company and its employees.
  • Tips for Coping with Grief (00:29:28) Advice on expressing grief, keeping the relationship with the loved one alive, and making the choice to continue living and transforming one's life.
  • Beliefs and living in the present (00:34:23) Exploration of the importance of allowing beliefs to change and living in the present moment.
  • Cultivating personal growth (00:34:41) Metaphorical explanation of how Jock sees himself as a gardener, planting seeds of personal growth and leaving it up to individuals to cultivate their own growth.

 

Thanks to our Partner, NAPA Auto Care

 

Learn more about NAPA Auto Care and the benefits of being part of the NAPA family by visiting https://www.napaonline.com/en/auto-care

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  • Have you checked out Joe's Latest Blog?

         5 comments
      I recently spoke with a friend of mine who owns a large general repair shop in the Midwest. His father founded the business in 1975. He was telling me that although he’s busy, he’s also very frustrated. When I probed him more about his frustrations, he said that it’s hard to find qualified technicians. My friend employs four technicians and is looking to hire two more. I then asked him, “How long does a technician last working for you.” He looked puzzled and replied, “I never really thought about that, but I can tell that except for one tech, most technicians don’t last working for me longer than a few years.”
      Judging from personal experience as a shop owner and from what I know about the auto repair industry, I can tell you that other than a few exceptions, the turnover rate for technicians in our industry is too high. This makes me think, do we have a technician shortage or a retention problem? Have we done the best we can over the decades to provide great pay plans, benefits packages, great work environments, and the right culture to ensure that the techs we have stay with us?
      Finding and hiring qualified automotive technicians is not a new phenomenon. This problem has been around for as long as I can remember. While we do need to attract people to our industry and provide the necessary training and mentorship, we also need to focus on retention. Having a revolving door and needing to hire techs every few years or so costs your company money. Big money! And that revolving door may be a sign of an even bigger issue: poor leadership, and poor employee management skills.
      Here’s one more thing to consider, for the most part, technicians don’t leave one job to start a new career, they leave one shop as a technician to become a technician at another shop. The reasons why they leave can be debated, but there is one fact that we cannot deny, people don’t quit the company they work for, they usually leave because of the boss or manager they work for.
      Put yourselves in the shoes of your employees. Do you have a workplace that communicates, “We appreciate you and want you to stay!”
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      In this podcast episode, Kimberly and Chris Cotton reflect on Kimberly's kidney donation to her brother. They delve into her recovery, the physical and emotional challenges she faced, and the importance of a compression belt post-surgery. Chris shares his concerns for Kimberly's well-being and discusses the adjustments her brother had to make due to the kidney size difference. They also cover her brother's recovery, the medical procedures he underwent, and the impact on his mental health. The episode concludes with a call to consider organ donation, and Chris thanks Kimberly for sharing her story, highlighting the significance of organ donor registration.
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      Chris Cotton (00:01:16) - So we are titling this Loosely Catching Up with Kimberly or follow up, and this is the follow up episode to The Kidney Donation. So in the previous episode, we talked about everything that we did running up to it. We've had the,, actual donation and what are we, six weeks past now? Kimberly Cotton (00:01:41) - It'll be seven weeks on Thursday. Chris Cotton (00:01:43) - Seven weeks on Thursday. I don't even know where all the time went. I don't even know how 1010 episodes elapsed either. But,, but this is amazing. So. Even even people that talked to me last week still ask me this week how she's doing. So who better than than my lovely wife Kimberly, to come in here and talk a little bit, talk about the donation and,, and kind of catch us up. So,, how are you doing? Kimberly Cotton (00:02:14) - I'm doing physically. I'm doing really well. Mentally, I'm doing really well., but I have started to notice,, I do have limitations still., I want to get back. Kimberly Cotton (00:02:28) - I want to be like I was before surgery. I could just go and do anything at the gym I wanted to, and now I have to really be careful on how much weight I'm lifting. I have to be careful the classes I'm taking because I am still feeling throughout the day. In the morning I'm great. It's usually in the afternoon and it's my back and strangely enough, it just starts to ache. It doesn't really hurt, it just takes a little bit. And so I just have to remind myself, you're only, you know, six weeks out of surgery. You have to give yourself some grace., but I all of my incisions from the surgery are healing great., I haven't had any issues with that., a week and a half after the surgery, my doctor released me to get back to normal activities., he did say, you know, don't lift anything over £30 and, you know, don't do any kickboxing classes or, you know, classes like that., but he said, yes, you are looking great. 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And if you didn't know me, you wouldn't know that that's what happened. Kimberly Cotton (00:04:31) - , so yes, I do have a problem with containing myself, and I. I'm humbled. Just about every day my body says, okay, that's enough. Stop. So. Yes. Chris Cotton (00:04:43) - Well, and I will tell everybody that's listening. She's like swimming on Tuesdays. She's doing her kickboxing now., she rides her bicycle to the gym. So she's she's pretty much getting after it, maybe not quite as hard, but she's, she's, she's doing great. And and I love you so much for doing this for your brother. And I still think I'm amazed every day, but the fact that you could do it because I know I couldn't. There's no way. So. So last time we talked to people, we were kind of giving them the rundown of the way we thought things were going to happen. 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And so we had to keep thinking about that., so we had the appointment pretty much all day, you know, met with, the nephrologist again and the, the kidney center., again, they're saying, you know, you can still back out. This is still your choice., we won't tell your brother any, you know, just, you know, something else happened, and not that you would have pulled out. Kimberly Cotton (00:06:44) - And it never even crossed my mind to not go through with the donation. I mean, it just. It is what it is. I was going to do it no matter what., so then after that Wednesday,, it was pretty much just a waiting game until we heard from my kidney advocate., the next Tuesday. So we did all the testing on that Wednesday. Then we had to wait until the next Monday and I had to have a Covid test., and then after that, it was again, you were just waiting. And then Tuesday afternoon., they finally called and said, okay, all the cross matches are still good. Everybody's healthy. Covid was negative., so we're good to go. So even though we thought we were good to go and the surgery was scheduled, it's never really a done deal till the final. Okay. Everybody's good to go. So then it was just another, you know, let's see. That was Tuesday. So the rest of Tuesday, all day Wednesday I had to not eat or drink anything, but I couldn't eat anything on that Wednesday it was an all liquid diet. Kimberly Cotton (00:07:54) - And then after midnight on that night, I couldn't have anything to eat or drink,, through the surgery. So I'd been fasting. I've been doing some, some of that, so I was comfortable with that. It was still hard., I was still, you know, I still wanted to eat, but I made it just fine., but I was getting very antsy. I just I wanted to get it done. I everything was good. I'm like, why do we have to wait? But that's when we had it scheduled for that Thursday. So it was just a waiting game at that point., so I tried to get out and walk a couple times a day just to get, you know, fresh air,, get my mind off of it. Which helped., and then my mom and dad showed up that Wednesday evening as well. So that helped me take my mind off of it, too. So they come over,. And stayed for another week and a half after that, just to take care of me and make sure I was doing okay, and basically to say, hey, you don't need to be doing that. Kimberly Cotton (00:08:58) - But so anyway,, everything's good to go. We wake up at 4:00 on Thursday morning. My brother and sister in law actually come pick us up. So we don't have too many vehicles at the hospital and we make it to the hospital. We get all checked in., and then they called me back first, and. That was it. That was like, okay. That was the point where I was like, okay, this is real. And for me, until something happens, it's not really real. 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And when I first went down there, you didn't have anybody next to you. So then we got you some ice water. I think we got you some pudding then or something. Yeah., but because the HIPAA regulations, they were bringing other people down on either side of you, and they had me leave. Yeah., but so we. So we got you to the room and kind of settled in a little bit., and we were trying to manage your pain, and I think, I think one of the important things, if you're listening and you're going to go through this out there, they talk about this. Chris Cotton (00:16:32) - It's not a phantom pain. But what happens is, is where the kidney was. And they insert these robot fingers inside your body and they blow up your abdomen with nitrogen. And and they do this with a robot. And they try to get all the air out, but they can't. And what happens is, is the air or the nitrogen that's left pushes on your diaphragm. And when that happens, your body thinks your shoulder hurts. So it has this like tremendous pain in your shoulder. And I've seen Kimberly,, give birth. I've seen her do all kinds of stuff in 25 plus years that we've been together. And I've never heard her. Yell in pain or anything like that. And oh, maybe that's what had happened. I'd gone and got you something to eat. And then I went and got me something to eat. And when I was coming back, I heard you hollering down the hallway I had. Kimberly Cotton (00:17:30) - Yeah, you hadn't probably been gone 20, 30 minutes maybe. And the pain all of a sudden hit me so hard. Kimberly Cotton (00:17:38) - So I pushed the nurses button and took them, you know, longer than I wanted to them for them to respond. But they finally responded and they said, can we help you? And I said, I need something for the pain. My I'm absolutely excruciating right now. And they said, what on the scale of what to what I'm like, I am above a ten. I mean, this is awful., and so it took them a little bit and then he could hear me moaning and groaning down the hallway, and I think he sprinted to the room after he could hear me., but it just hurts so bad., and it's the strangest thing I don't get it., but it wasn't just one shoulder. It was across my back, right at my clavicle. And it just so hurt, so bad until the pain medication finally kicked in., initially, I had only wanted to stay one night in the hospital, but everybody was like, just see how you feel. See how you're doing. Kimberly Cotton (00:18:41) - Well, the next day, the doctor,, comes. Another one comes in and takes me over, and he looks at me and he's like, yeah, you're spending another night. He could tell the pain on my face. And it wasn't constant, but it was just enough for him to say, yeah, we're going to up the dosage of your pain medication. And you're saying I'm like, okay, so but after they up the dosage, it was much better and much more manageable. Chris Cotton (00:19:07) - So, so out of all the things that they didn't tell us, this was kind of like the big moment or less and not right then. But,, so they wanted me to get her up and have her walking like at 8 p.m. that night. And so that happened. I think we took you for a walk before this happened. Yeah, but but what nobody told us was, was about 30 minutes before you get up to walk, call a nurse, have them give you the pain medication. That way, when you're sore and hurting after the walk, you've already been medicated and you're good to go. Chris Cotton (00:19:44) - So I think I think we walked you that night. I think we walked you a couple times that next day. And then I think the nurse that came in the following night was the one that was like, hey, you guys should be taking pain medication before you walk. And nobody, nobody told us that up until then. And that's,, that's like some Ron White. That's good information to know, right? Like. Yeah. Like,, that would have been handy. That would have been a little handy tidbit for people to tell us., so I, I think... Click to go to the Podcast on Remarkable Results Radio
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      Click to go to the Podcast on Remarkable Results Radio
    • By carmcapriotto
      Matt Fanslow and guest Margaret Light, a licensed marriage and family therapist, dive into the complexities of grief. They discuss the inevitability of loss, the importance of acknowledging grief, and strategies for self-support during the grieving process, such as maintaining routines and honoring loved ones. They also cover how to support others who are grieving, offering practical help and emotional support. The conversation touches on the challenges of dealing with grief in the workplace and the need for understanding and patience. Additionally, they explore the concept of surrendering to grief and the dangers of using work or other distractions to avoid dealing with emotions.
      Show Notes with Timestamps
      Margaret Light: https://www.equilibriumtherapyservices.org/ Matt's personal experience (00:01:12) Matt shares a personal experience about his father's health issues and his own feelings of grief and survivor's guilt. Understanding grief (00:05:29) Margaret explains the broad concept of grief, including different types of loss and the idea of complicated grief. The process of grief (00:12:36) Discussion on the non-linear nature of the grief process, the stages of grief, and the need to experience and process grief. Supporting individuals experiencing grief (00:18:06) Matt and Margaret discuss the challenges of navigating grief in professional settings and provide pointers on how to support individuals experiencing grief. Supporting Ourselves When Grieving (00:19:31) Tips for self-care during grief, including creating routine, seeking support, and honoring the loved one. Supporting Someone Who's Grieving (00:23:08) Practical ways to support a grieving person, such as providing childcare, acknowledging their grief, and avoiding false platitudes. Learning to Live with Loss (00:30:54) Discussion on the process of learning to live with the loss of a loved one and the challenges of accepting mortality. Dealing with Loss and Control (00:34:44) Exploration of the fear and loss of control associated with unexpected or unexplainable events, and the frustration of not being able to fix emotional pain. Grieving requires attention (00:37:28) Discussion on the intentional effort needed to be present and attentive during the grieving process. Surrendering to grief (00:38:03) Exploring the concept of surrendering to grief and accepting difficult emotions. Recognizing red flags in grief (00:41:22) Identifying signs of unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors in response to grief. Reintegration and moving forward (00:49:06) Exploring the reintegration phase of grief and the purpose of grief in helping individuals move forward in life. Acknowledging the value of grief (00:51:21) Recognizing the significance of grieving as a reflection of love and the importance of feeling strong emotions. Challenges in addressing emotions (00:54:35) Discussing the difficulties in addressing emotions, especially in male-dominated industries, and the need to learn to navigate and apply emotional understanding. Grief and Emotional Intelligence (00:56:33) Discussion on the benefits of emotional intelligence, the downside of suppressing emotions, and the importance of addressing grief.  
      Thanks to our Partner, NAPA Autotech napaautotech.com
       
      Email Matt: [email protected]
      Diagnosing the Aftermarket A - Z YouTube Channel HERE
      Aftermarket Radio Network: https://aftermarketradionetwork.com/
       
      Click to go to the Podcast on Remarkable Results Radio


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