Gonzo

May 19, 2018

Real or Reality TV

Have ya noticed all the reality programs on TV these days?

There’s a reality show for every subject you can think of... and

probably a few you never would have thought of.

From high society in the big city to the suburbs, and even some

from way … way back in the woods. They can be quite

entertaining, funny, and sometimes pretty strange.

Now, I’m not much on which rich neighbor is doing what with

which rich neighbor or who makes the best moonshine, but what

I do know is a few things about the automotive repair world. I've been

to check a few of those shows out. Although, from my side of

the wrench, as a professional mechanic, I take a completely

different view of them. In my opinion, some of these reality

shows are far from 'real' reality, and I’ve certainly watched a few

that I didn’t even make it past the first commercial break before I flipped

the channel to something else.

It’s not so much the cars; it’s how they go about restoring them that gets to me. They’ll start off with somebody flashing a wad of cash, and then they buy some old relic, tow it to their garage and present it to the crew. The crew will have this shocked look as to what was just dropped off or they’ll have their own ideas about how nuts their boss is for even thinking about taking on this relic as a project. That's about the time the boss gives them the lowdown on what his/her vision is of the latest acquisition. Which, usually consists of a full tear down and rebuild, but they only have a few weeks to do it all in. By the end of the show there's a gleaming fully restored work of art that (for the sake of reality TV) there is already a buyer or two ready to shell out some ridiculous amount of money for it.

But the shows that really irk me are the ones that use the “all-nighter” approach to car repair. They’ll completely dismantle a car down to the last nut and bolt and in the length of one long commercial break they'll have all the mechanical, electrical, vacuum systems, interior, instrument panel, brakes, transmission, rear-end, engine, cooling system, heating systems, glass, and a full paint and body mod completed in less than 72 hours. (I can't find a lot of those parts in less than 72 hours) And, the best part, (or biggest guffaw on these shows) is during the final reveal. They drag the new or previous owner into a warehouse and surprise them with their refurbished car. Off to the side, just out of the primary camera view, is the entire crew that has spent the last three days with no sleep looking as fresh as a daisy. I'm in awe of the crew to say the least, not one of them is covered in grease, has half of their shirt untucked, no fresh cuts or scraps, not a single bandaid in view, and not one of them showing any effects from sleep deprivation. Simply amazing… gotta love it... must be some of that TV magic.

I’ve done my share of all night marathon repairs before and quite frankly, by the time the sun comes up I’m not the most coherent guy with a lug wrench in his hand. Hey, they call it “Reality TV” but, as this arm chair quarterback sees it……. it doesn’t seem all that realistic to me. I’m sure the entire staff are some of the finest mechanics, bodyman, electrical gurus of the automotive world, but I highly doubt you can turn out a truly professionally restored vehicle in that short amount of time. There has to be a huge number of short cuts that are taken to meet the TV deadlines.

On the other hand, there are a lot of great automotive reality programs on the television that go to great lengths to show how a modification is installed and go through the process of explaining those mods to the “nth” degree. Any show that portrays the reality of doing the job I do every day in a professional manner I'll sit down and watch it from beginning to end. You want to show me how you install some super cool new rear tail light lenses or wild looking front grill... awesome!!! Or, pulling an engine out of a classic and doing the necessary rebuild on it... super!!! Love that stuff. But, when you try to convince me that you're going to take some car that has been sitting for ten years in the back of some family garage totally neglected and raise it from the dead overnight... ya lost me.

Come on, I do resto's all the time and the biggest hassle with any of them is and always been the parts availability. A job comes in the shop, y put it up on the lift and spin the drive shaft only to find out the differential or bearings are shot. It’s not like you're going to run down to the local parts store and pick up a set of bearings for a thirty year old low production car just like that. But, somehow, someway, some of these shows pull it off... (That's TV for ya.) Aside from all the mechanical woes, ya have to consider what the original reason was for the car to be parked for so long in the first place. Nine chances out of ten it's because something was worn out and the replacement part was hard to find, or really expensive to repair. Not every car in the back of the garage is there because someone was collecting it or saving it for a reality show to come by and restore it.

In some ways it gives the novice car enthusiast the wrong impression of what it takes to restore a car. Lately I've been doing a lot more restoration projects than I've done in the past and I do believe it's a result of all these reality shows being aired. For that, I thank you. But, at the same time... shame on you! I can't live up to the overnight expectations that seem so possible on the big screen. Even though the customer doesn't mention they have been watching a reality show, you know... they're thinking … “This shouldn’t take that long. It didn't take that long for that guy on TV.” The idea that you're going to resurrect a dilapidated hunk of iron into a show stopper in a short span of time just ain't real reality.

And, let's not forget the real big issue.... cost. Now there's some reality for ya! When the customer starts to see the costs, WOW!!! Then the reality of doing a restoration project starts to set in. Makes ya wonder if putting that old rust bucket back in the corner of the garage might be a far better idea than fixing it up. I'm certainly grateful for the few shows that have that “sit-down-with-the-customer” session explaining the cost of the restoration. It does add to the realism and makes it more believable.

I’ve got a big “Thank You” to the guys and gals on these shows that portray the automotive world in its true form. It's a pleasure for me as a professional mechanic to see the artistry and talent of another professional on screen. Watching them dealing with a stuck bolt, rusty bodywork, or dodging the fumes from the soldering gun is all part of the real reality. But, I do have to give credit to all the other shows too, they are entertaining, and in some small way add to the resurgence in restorations projects across the country…. The only thing I ask is… keep it real.

View full article

May 12, 2018

Clamps and Batteries

(Some of the ways I've seen battery clamps installed on

cars over the years... there are some positive and

some negative aspects to them... )

The first time I saw a hose clamp holding the

positive cable onto the battery I just couldn’t believe it.

Nobody prepared me for things like this. It’s not

the kind of thing covered in tech schools, or in one

of those “how-to-fix-your-car” manuals. It’s something

that will surprise you the first time you see it… but

then it happens again.

A few months later, I open the hood on another car,

and low and behold… it’s a pair of grip pliers attached the terminal. This time I took the pliers up to the customer and told him what I found. He didn’t want the pliers back… OK, then… I’ll clean them up, and put them in my tool box.

Now I’ve got a collection of these crazy battery clamp contraptions. They’ve kept showing up over the years without fail; from screws and nails tightening a worn out clamp to some foreign object taking the place of the original clamps. Ya just never know.

I think the grip pliers are probably the most popular form of substitution. Not much use as pliers anymore, the teeth are usually worn or something else is wrong with them. But, I don’t want to just throw them away… I always think I’ll find some use for them later… never do of course.

Wouldn’t it make more sense to replace the clamp when it’s time with an appropriate type of replacement clamp? And, it’s not like some of these “wiz-bang” contraptions were just put on yesterday, oh no… some of these creations have huge amounts of corrosion and “fuzz” built up on the terminals.

There must be a misconception about how a battery clamp does its job? Has to be, why else would I see this so often, and it’s not always on the good old hunting truck or the farm truck that hardly ever makes it out of the fields. It’s the everyday soccer mom’s car or the exotic odd-shape-battery-style cars, either.

Something else to think about… some thought has gone into these “home engineered” clamps. It took a lot of time and effort to accomplish these inventive forms of electrical fasteners. I’ve even had a car that someone had taken strips of a soda can and used them as spacers between the clamp and the post. This wasn’t just a quick little effort mind you. Somebody had to think about it, conjure up a plan… get a pair of tin snips, cut out strips from a soda can at just the right height to match the clamp and then carefully place a few of them into the gap.

Before ya knew it, the clamp was tight again… a genius at work I tell you…a genius!… maybe not MENSA material, but a genius for sure.

One time I had a car in where somebody used a high voltage connector for a battery clamp. The kind you would find on high voltage overhead electrical lines. It was a splice clamp used to hold two lines together. Apparently it was the only thing handy, and it did work; in fact must have worked for quite some time… I couldn’t tell what it was until I removed the almost two inches of corrosion build up. I don’t know what kind of material this clamp was made out of, but battery acid sure liked it a lot.

Then there was this rocket scientist attempt at improving on the old battery clamp… he used a hacksaw blade and cut the post down the middle. Then put the clamp back on with a small steel wedge down into the crack he made with the hacksaw. From the pounding the top of the battery had taken it looked like the guy used a sledge hammer to knock the little wedge in place. Of course, it wasn’t long before the battery started to leak acid out of the post. What a mess…

A real favorite of mine are the ones that tighten, and tighten, and tighten the bolt clamp until that little bolt won’t go one thread tighter. Then bring the car in thinking they have a major electrical problem, because at times the starter will click, or they’ll lose all power to the vehicle. The place I’ll always look at first are the clamps. 99% of time it’s a simple clamp problem, especially when I can remove the battery clamp off the post without turning the bolt. (Yo’ dude… that clamp is made of lead… it will stretch and deform out of shape. You can tighten all you want but it ain’t going to get any better.)

Now let’s talk battery size… really… is this all that hard to figure out? If the battery in the car had the positive post on the right, and you put a battery in that had the positive post on the left… uhmmm… do ya think ya might have a problem? Ya gotta put the right size back in… just ‘cause it fit… doesn’t mean it “fits”.

The old air cooled VW is one that comes to mind. I’ve lost count of how many of those I’ve rewired after a too tall battery was installed and burnt the whole back end of the car.

It never ceases to amaze me how a simple thing like a battery or a clamp can become such a traumatic fiasco in a car. Just boggles the mind at all the variations of craziness I’ve seen over the years with battery installations and repairs.

Many years ago a customer brought in a 75’ MBenz that his grandson had put the battery in backwards. The car was ruined, but not completely… it could be rewired and repaired, but the cost was more than he wanted to deal with. I bought the car off of him as is, and tore it down and rewired it. I drove it for several years, and then later gave it to my daughter to use.

Battery replacement should be a basic simple repair; however, after seeing some of the creative ways people create their own connections or how they install them, looks like a complete loss of common sense to me. I’d like to think simple is the word to explain it, but simple doesn’t even begin to describe it all.

These days I just laugh at the marvels of these back yard engineering feats. It’s hard to keep a straight face when you get back to the front counter to explain to the customer that a paperclip and two bread twist ties aren’t strong enough to keep the cable attached to the battery.

It’s some of the best entertainment at the shop. Gotta love em’.

Just to let ya know, I’ve already got enough grip pliers, old hose clamps, coat hangers, screws, wire nuts, small bench vices, ratcheting wood clamps, fence pliers, clothes pins, meat skewers, and c-clamps to last me a lifetime, so if you would please, come up with a few new ones for me… I’ve got room in my collection for more…Oh, and I could use a few more laughs too.

View full article

April 28, 2018

The Ghost Mechanic

Creepier things have happened, but rarely do things go without an explanation. This time around it’s the mystery mechanic who seems to have been working on this guy’s car, or maybe not. Maybe it’s that ghostly mechanic who haunts people’s cars on quiet neighborhood streets in the middle of the night. You know, that guy who leaves nothing but telltale greasy finger prints or unattached wire harnesses, or even loose bolts where loose bolts shouldn’t be. This job was no exception to the antics of the invisible mechanic’s handy work. It’s a mystery worth solving.

A Chevy HHR was towed in for a no start condition. It wasn’t exactly a no start; it was more like a poor starting/running condition. When it would run, the poor thing sounded like it was on its last trip to the garage and its first trip to the salvage yard. Trying to beat it to its last ride on the tow truck, I hooked up the scanner to see what inner mysteries were present. Code P1682 (Ignition 1 switch circuit 2), but I wasn’t done yet. Time to do a complete health check on all the modules. Sure enough, the ‘U’ codes were off the charts. Seems we have a lot of low voltage codes causing a problem.

A quick check of the wiring diagram showed the power led to a voltage input lead for the PCM, TCM, and several other circuits that would definitely lead to a rough, hard to start, non-cooperating HHR. This may turn out to be a simple problem after all. Could be wiring, a component, or perhaps a fuse box problem. A quick glance at the fuse box didn’t reveal much, but I should probably take a closer look at that fuse box. Maybe go as far as physically checking the actual fuse circuit. Hmm, something is amiss here. The fuse is good, but the fuse is in the wrong slot. The slot that it’s in should be an empty slot. Seems somebody was fooling around under the hood and didn’t put the fuse back correctly.

Might as well try moving the fuse back to the proper location. Well, imagine that, this old HHR starts right up! OK, it’s not running the best . . . yet. Do a little throttle relearn and it runs as good as new.

After rechecking the related circuits for any damage, or out of place items I gave the HHR the once around the block test. Runs great, sounds great, no warning lights, no unusual noises, seems fine to me. I guess I’ll write up an invoice on this job and call the customer. As I closed the hood, the telltale greasy hand prints from the last guy who was under the hood were everywhere. I think I spent as much time cleaning this guy’s hood as I spent diagnosing the problem.

I gave him a call and explained to him, as best I could, what I had found. Although, I did have that one nagging question regarding who had worked on the car previously. I really wanted an answer to that question.

"NOBODY" … are you serious? That’s when I explained the entire repair all over again. Between the greasy finger marks on the hood and fenders, and the fuse in the wrong place, I’m afraid I’m not going to buy the story that the mysterious ghost mechanic has struck again. His only explanation came down to the whole thing must have been a poltergeist or something. Or ‘someone’ not ‘something’ is a better way to put it. I’m not buying the ghost mechanic theory. At this point, he seemed to be more intent on finding out the final bill, and not so much on solving the mystery of how the fuse mysteriously moved into a different slot.

But, before I gave him the total, I recommended he perform an exorcism on his car, since ‘NOBODY’ has been touching it. His response, "How much more will that cost me?” Seriously? Now, I’ve been asked to do all sorts of things to a car, like put a helicopter landing pad on the roof, remove a varmint from behind the dash, or turn a Prius into a tow truck, but I don’t think I’ve ever been explicitly asked to do an exorcism on the family truckster. Actually, I’m starting to put this whole thing together.

The mystery mechanic is none other than this guy himself. His answers to certain questions, and how he told his story were a dead giveaway as to who the ghost mechanic was. I swear some people just can’t be honest and admit when they’re beyond their learning curve. We both might have had a good laugh over the whole thing, but instead this guy wants me to drop the price in half, since it was such an ‘easy’ repair and all, and ignore the whereabouts of this seemingly ghostly apparition with the mindless ability to screw up the family car. But, since this guy wouldn’t own up to it, even with the evidence of his very own greasy paw prints, he’s in for a lesson of honesty, awareness of his own abilities, and how to pay for a professional diagnosis.

It’s just another case of the mechanic solving the mystery of the proverbial ghost mechanic. Debunking wives’A tales about the modern automobile, supernatural occurrences under the hood, and apparitions that seem to move fuses around is just another duty of the modern mechanic. Oh, and don’t think you’re the first person who’s tried the ghost mechanic as your method of passing the blame… you’re not. Every good mechanic has performed their fair share of exorcisms in the past and have seen the results of the mystery mechanic and his endeavors. We know who you really are.

View full article

April 14, 2018

LET’S MAKE A DEAL

You know everyone wants a deal, something

cheaper, something “thrown in” to sweeten the pot.

Money (as always) is always the driving force,

and I don’t think that will ever change. A deal is

a deal, but if you can’t make a deal… well, then,

deal with it.

One bright morning, a mid-90’s Subaru showed

up at the shop on the back of a wrecker. It’s one

of my regular customer’s young teenager’s car.

The phone rang, it was the dad, Oh, and did he have a story

to tell… a real whopper of a story.

“My son told me he was driving along when the car bumped the curb and flattened two tires. I haven’t seen the car, but my son said there wasn’t any real damage. So, I don’t think it should take you very long to get it back on the road. Do what you can, and call me with the estimate.”

I only saw the driver’s side of the car when the tow truck pulled up. The tow driver came in and tells me, “Wherever you put this, you won’t be able to move it again. You’ll have to drag it or put it on “dollies”, it’s pretty messed up. If I were you, I’d stick it directly on the lift.”

Ok, ya got me, no real damage aye? But, the tow driver tells me differently… now I’ve got to go look for myself.

No real damage? Hmmm, let’s see…the whole passenger side of the car looks like someone tried to peel the sheet metal off with a can opener. Underneath the car was even worse. The upper and lower passenger side control arms are bent. The wheel, spindle, and tire are sitting on the oil pan area. The sway bar looks like a pretzel, both rims on the passenger side are beyond reuse, the tires are torn apart and shards of rubber are peeling off of the steel belts, and the transmission has been ripped off its mounts.

Yea, you’re right……he just bumped the curb……..yea sure he did. Looks more like he rode the edge of the curb like a bucking bronco for a long-long way. My guess is somebody was trying to drift around corners or slide it sideways with the emergency brake on, and probably took out every bus stop, park bench, and light pole for a block or two.

Ok, the tow driver gets a “thumbs up” on this one; let’s put it on the lift.

I told the customer what I had found and the estimate for the repair, and as always I let him know about any “hidden” problems that might be lurking under all this stuff. He was not a shocked as I thought he would be even after I gave him the price for all the work that needed done, but definitely concerned. He kept hinting around as to what I thought might have caused the problem.

From the conversation on the phone he was hoping I would say something like… mechanical failure, slick road conditions, defective part, or something like that. The farthest thing in his mind was that the kid might be the problem. I told him what I thought had happened, he didn’t want to believe it, but he was going to check into to it. In the mean time, order the parts and start getting it ready to get back on the road.

Several days later all the parts showed up, and I could get a better idea of the damage with parts that weren’t bent like a pretzel. It wasn’t long before I found a few more flaws in the little “Scooby-do”, nothing major but the kind of thing that should be replaced. The extra parts were just a few brackets that were bent, but I knew dad’s pocket book was getting tight. His main concern now was how much I was willing to chew off the original bill to help him out, and to my surprise he confirmed my suspicions as to what caused the accident.

Oh yea, the kid was trying to drift the Subaru. (DAH! Now how do ya drift a front wheel drive car… ah, slide with the e-brake???)

Now I can do a lot of things, and lower repair costs in order to save the customer money is one of them. Money, or not, I think there is a lesson to be learned here. I thought it was appropriate to make a small request to good old dad. If he wanted a cut on the price of the job, then let’s make a deal.

“You bring the little ridge runner to the shop dressed for work. He can earn his keep and save you a few bucks in the process. Maybe even take a different approach to driving in the future,” I told the dad.

My customer was a little taken back by my deal to save him some money, but it sounded like a good idea. Now his only job was to get the lad down to the shop ready to fulfill his part of the bargain.

Work stopped until I heard back from him. In the mean time, the car is stuck on the lift with no wheels and only half a suspension. With a service bay tied up, it’s starting to cost me money. 2 days go by, then 4 more, another week and still no answer.

Finally on a Monday morning when I reached the point where I wasn’t going to wait any longer… the dad calls, “Just fix it, and call me when it’s ready. My son doesn’t want to do it, and I’m not having much luck in getting him to your shop to help at all. So I guess I’ll have to deal with the cost of the repair instead.”

A little different deal than I expected. Well, a deal is a deal. I’ll handle my end of the bargain, and old dad has decided on how to handle his. There’s an old saying that comes to mind, it goes like this; “If you want to save a dollar … do the job yourself, but if you have to pay someone else to do it… don’t ask for cheap work, unless you’re willing to share the cost in some way.”

After another day of getting everything back into place the car was ready for the road again. Sure there are few battle scars still showing, but mechanically the car is in great shape.

That only leaves one more deal that’s not quite finished.

… … the father needs to deal with the son. . . .

View full article

April 7, 2018

Joe Friday Diagnostics

"How would Sgt. Friday explain auto repair and diagnostics…

que the music: "

The story you’re about to read is true; the names have been

changed to protect the innocent.

Monday morning, it was cold that day. I was working day shift out

of the repair division. There’s a suspicious vehicle at the front of the shop.

A customer walks in the door. I’ll take it from here. I’m a mechanic, the name’s Friday.

It was a 2003 Ford, 5.4 liter, fully loaded and sounded like it was running rough. The lady came to the counter.

“Good Morning ma’am, what can I do for you,” I said to the complaintant.

“Yes, I’m here about my car,” she answered.

“There’s a problem with the car, I see. What can you tell me about it?” I asked, in my usual non-threatening, but confident monotone voice.

“I was on my way to deliver my recyclables to the east side collection area, because I’m a concerned citizen you know, when my car started to make a coughing and clattering sound. I thought I would bring it in to have it checked out,” the owner answered.

“Coughing and clattering, hmm, not a problem. I’ll get it investigated, I can interrogate the pursuant this morning, especially for a concerned citizen such as yourself,” I answered while maintaining my professionalism.

“Well, do you need any other information from me?” she asked.

“Just the facts ma’am, just the facts,” I said.

“The check engine light came on,” she reported.

“This could be of some help. Sounds like a possible 0300 (engine misfire). But I’ll check it out first, I’ll need to finish my investigation in order to give you any proper results,” I said to her, while my pen was busy jotting down the facts onto the always present handy notepad.

She left the car with me for further interrogations. Using the scanner made the results easy to locate. It wasn’t long before I got an answer. It was a P0302 in progress… misfire on no#2 cylinder… normally an open and shut case.

09:30 Am, working on the assumption that the perpetrator was somewhere near the 2nd cylinder; I went in for further investigations. I checked the usual suspects. Pulling the plug didn’t yield any new clues. The plug was good and answered all the standard questions. The coil was a more likely suspect; a simple test could answer the problem.

I’ll set up a little sting operation by using a decoy. Taking the nearest coil and replacing it with the suspected faulty coil, and put the known good coil on the other plug. I was hoping to see the miss move to the other cylinder. It didn’t. In fact it was gone.

10:05 Am, Now the challenge was on. I’ll have to go back over my facts and check the crime scene again. There’s something I must have overlooked that might be the key to this investigation. Two things come up as good possibles; the connection or terminals at the coil, or the spark plug boot attached to the coil. The plug boot had a good alibi… it had just been changed, in fact so was the spark plug. That left the coil connection.

A more in-depth interrogation of the connector is needed. My years of technical diagnostics work told me to look closer at the wire and the connector. The guilty party in this case appears to be one of the wires at the connector. It was barely hanging onto the housing. Only the plastic sheath was still connected, and the wire itself was not answering to any of the standard questioning or interrogative tactics.

Under the intense glow of the high powered shop light the investigation continued. Resorting to some strong arm tactics I pulled on the wire while using a few choice investigative words, the plastic sheathing kept getting longer and longer. Soon, it snapped under the pressure to expose the desperado for the perpetrator it really was.

11:45 Am, The repair was completed, and tested to verify the repairs were effective. The car in question was back with its rightful owner by the end of the day. I now can close the file on this one, another job well done.

In conclusion: With the P0302 in question deleted from the computer history, the coil connector was then convicted of failure to cooperate. With her car back on the road she could once again be a productive concerned citizen of this great metropolis.

Case closed and now, back to the front desk waiting for that next problem to come through the door. This city is full of broken, non-maintained, and poorly running cars. As a concerned citizen I’ll be on the lookout for these suspicious misfires and other infractions of the auto world.

There are thousands of men and women in this city, who know that being an auto tech is an thankless, grease covered job that's done everyday without any fan fare. Then again, I'm part of that glamourless, grease covered world... my names Friday, I'm a mechanic.

View full article

March 31, 2018

Since I've been teaching lately and not under the hood, I'm seeing a whole different aspect to automotive repair. When new prospects show up at the school and I'm free, I'm usually the one to walk them around and show them the college grounds. It never ceases to amaze me how some snot nose kid will walk around with me and tell me, "I already know everything there is to know about how to fix cars. I've been doing it since I was 15. I'm just going to this school because I can't get hired on anywhere." Really...??? you already know everything??? Dammmmmm!?! I can't understand why you can't get a job.... (chuckle, chuckle) Then when they're in the class room they're the ones that can't understand lefty loosey-righty tighty. so so so typical. They're also the ones that usually flunk out of the program too. LOL

It's actually kind of funny in some ways that the majority of the students don't know who I am or what I've accomplished. Once in a while they pick up one of the magazines in the front lobby and see their teacher. Then, they have to show it to me....like they've just discovered something that I didn't know. Too friggin hilarious.

March 31, 2018

Ouija Board Diagnostics

I’ve often wondered why a lot of the driving public believes auto repair is something for non-thinking Neanderthals that have no ambition to do anything else in life. For all I know they think we (us mechanics that is) diagnose every problem by breaking out a Ouija board, while humming some ancient automotive chant. It could also be that a good mechanic just makes things look easy to the unaware and uniformed layman. With the right mechanic the whole thing can seem effortless, easy, and somewhat second nature when it comes to diagnosing a problem. To the armchair mechanic sitting at home watching the next new automotive reality show, it’s either – “Repairs are a no-brainer, I can do that”, or it must be some sort of Ouija board magic.

Mind you, the number of individuals who still believe anyone can be a mechanic is dwindling ever so slowly. Mainly because the car itself has gone past the point of parts swapping and a shade tree mechanic’s ability to repair the modern car. It’s no secret good old dad with the typical box of tools from a discount chain store can hardly change a spark plug anymore, let alone find them. Oh sure, you can still do a pad slap at home, and you can probably toss on a set of shocks, replace a bulb or two, but diagnosing a problem, especially one that involves some form of electronics… well… that’s a whole new issue to deal with.

It could be they need to master the Ouija board diagnostic scenario, or they need another round of You Tube videos. Every mechanic has undoubtedly heard the same thing from a well-seasoned You Tuber, “Oh I could have done that.” This usually leads to an even longer explanation of how you’ve done the entire repair wrong, but put the tools in their hands, and the results are pretty consistent. The car is either incorrectly put together, or they’ve lost some parts between point A and point B. Videos are great, but you still need to have some mechanical dexterity.

A good example of this scenario is when I was teaching a brake shoe replacement class the other day. After explaining the type of brake system we were working on, I removed the brake shoes from the car. Next, I reinstalled the same shoes, slowing down just enough so they could see how to use the brake tools. It probably took all of 20 minutes to explain it in detail and install the shoes. All the heads were bobbing and the usual consensus was they all had this repair procedure down pat, because, as we all know, anybody can do brakes. Well, as if it was no surprise, when the students got their hands into the job all I heard was one cuss word after another and the occasional student chasing a bouncing spring or clip across the shop floor. So much for easy, aye?

So, where do most of these unprofessional type mechanics and couch connoisseurs of the automotive world go for any information? Where else, the internet. The one place that doesn’t check the credentials of the person making the video, and the one place where anyone with a box of tools can be a superstar with a wrench. In their video they’re the automotive expert, camera man, sound man, director of content, and editor all at the same time. No need in researching the facts, looking up the proper methods, or any other various procedures, service bulletins, or the latest tools related to that particular job. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a video out there with a couple of guys surrounding one of those Ouija boards asking why the short fuel trim is higher on one of side than the other.

Ouija board or not, there are a few draw backs to internet information, but there really are a lot of super fantastic guys and gals putting out some very helpful videos on car repair. It’s just the few home brewed videos that make me cringe. Some of these back yard magicians seem to consult their Ouija board way too often. As if they conjured up some miracle answer right on the spot. Honestly, some of these videos are about as reliable as fake news. But, then again… that’s what some people think the professional mechanic does every day.

As there has always been, and there will always be, a shortage of trained technicians out there able to handle the job of repairing the modern car. I’m very sure we will never see the day when there is an overabundance of good mechanics who have to change careers because there is no room for them under the hood. It’s never going to happen. What does need to happen is the one thing consumers don’t want, and that’s cost of repairs most certainly need to rise, as well as the mechanics’ wages to keep up with all of these technical advancements. It’s not a maybe, it’s a must or the technology will run right past you. Ask any mechanic what they learned on a vehicle from 10 years ago vs. today’s cars, and you’ll find that nearly half of what they did back then isn’t applicable in today’s diagnostic procedures.

To be a good technician these days takes a lot of training, a lot of time spent reading, and understanding the latest technologies. New information comes from the manufacturers’ engineering departments just as fast as the cars come off the assembly lines, and to stay on top of things you need to study. I’ve heard people tell me, “Yea, I went to an automotive tech school to be a mechanic, but I didn’t learn anything.” Seriously? I’m sure you learned a whole lot. The problem isn’t the school training, the problem is you. Training doesn’t stop with your diploma, it stops when you stop wanting to advance your knowledge in the repair industry. School is a starting point, but to be a modern mechanic means you need to stay focused on the technology, take advanced training classes in your field of choice, and not expect answers from a You Tube video or your Ouija board.

There’s a lot to learn and retain. It’s not a trade where you learn one method and expect that skill to last you throughout your career. It’s an ever changing industry with ever changing technology. Learn the basics, then learn to diagnose the modern car. You can’t guess at a solution or consult that old Ouija board for the answers. It takes practice and a lot of hands on from a dedicated individual willing to get their hands dirty and diagnose an automotive problem. Then solve it correctly. Sorry, no Ouija board diagnostics allowed.

View full article

March 17, 2018

STUDENT SPOTLIGHT …
Contributed by Scott “Gonzo” Weaver
Flash or Pass?
Students … Here’s what you need to know

A few decades ago cars were just . . . well, cars. They had an engine, transmission, a starter, a heater, maybe an air conditioner, and all the usual accouterments that made them a car. Mechanics toiled away at replacing engines, rebuilding master cylinders, and fixing transmissions.

Almost every component on the car was reworked to a like new condition and some parts may even have been rebuilt several times, before they were too worn out to go around the horn one more time. Labor rates rose and fell with the economy, while parts suppliers kept up the demand for rebuild kits as a normal over-the-counter parts inventory.

Then Somewhere Along the Way Something Changed

The era of the microchip followed right along with the era of plastics. Things were built not to “rebuild”, but to toss. Thin plastic housings with hundreds and hundreds of microcircuits all wired into a microchip made up circuits that allowed the impossible to become the possible. Some tasks became obsolete, like the telephone switchboard operator, even bank tellers nearly went extinct when the ATM machine was developed. The world would never be the same with the microchip in every facet of modern life.

Machining tools could now process and manufacturer automotive parts to such close tolerances that less material was needed per component. The prices for some of these components fell to less than or equivalent to the rebuild kits. Rebuilding an automotive component was soon a thing of past generations. The skills of the mechanic were now overshadowed by the microchip’s ability to manufacture a part better and cheaper than he could repair the old one.

Soon, all this “toss-when-worn-out” reached the microchip itself. Computer software started finding itself in the very same throwaway society. Maybe not in the sense that we actually threw it away, but a new set of instructions or a software update may be needed and flashed into a replacement processor.

This brings up a whole new problem for the mechanic. Now those skills he developed in rebuilding a master cylinder have next to nothing to do with reprogramming an anti-lock brake module, and if he wants to stay in the business of repairing today’s cars he’s going to need to know how to program, or at least understand the need for and/or the process, rather than knowing the old school way of rebuilding a master cylinder.

As aspiring technicians today, students have to ask themselves: “Do I flash, or do I pass?” Passing on the flash may mean you might not get this type of work in the shop you’re hired at after graduation.

Luckily, There is a Way Around That Problem

These days nearly every car on the road has more than one type of computer device in the car, and there’s a very good chance that at some point something will need a software update or be re-flashed because a component has been changed or upgraded. In a way re-flashing, programming, coding, or the other various software issues there are in the modern car are somewhat of today’s version of rebuilding that master cylinder to a like new condition.

Cars these days are lasting longer, running longer, and have different types of break downs than models from those early days. That’s doesn’t mean changing brake pads or installing a remanufactured transmission isn’t done on a daily basis, they most certainly are. It’s the other side of the repair business, the computer updating and re-flashing that’s an even bigger part of regular maintenance than ever before.

So, which type of technician will you be? Will you be the technician who will do the mechanical work, but leave electronic issues to someone else? Or will you be the technician who embraces, engages and invests in training, grows competencies and adapts to change? It’s something every technician, as well as employers, need to think about.

Fortunately, there is a way for some to do the mechanical stuff and be a proficient technician, without breaking the bank, and still service shop customers’ electrical and software needs. For instance, the answer for some is using an expert mobile diagnostic technician. Seriously, I never dreamed there would come a day I would be saying this, but an expert mobile diagnostician can be a viable source of revenue and a vital source of technical skills that shops or technicians lacking those skills for certain vehicles can utilize.

Now, I’m not talking about those fly by night boys with a box of tools. Rather, I’m referring to the diagnostic scanner mobile expert, who is properly tooled, current with automaker-specific information and training, and experienced in dealing with all the service information websites, service procedures and programming issues, such as re-flashing, key programming, and uploading new software.

More recently, remote diagnostic services have emerged. In contrast to an individual mobile diagnostician, remote services feature a team of brand-specific, tooled and factory trained diagnostic experts. Of note, remote services are becoming an effective and economical alternative.

Don’t Get Stuck in the Past

What’s happening in the automotive electronic world reminds me of how things were when manufacturers switched from points and condensers to electronic ignition systems. A lot of guys refused to learn the new systems and soon found themselves only working on older models, which eventually faded away.

When electronic ignition systems took hold, parts-swapping became the norm. Instead of testing or diagnosing a problem it was a lot easier to keep the various types of ignition modules in your toolbox, and when a “no-start” came into a shop, it only took a few minutes to swap the ignition module with your test piece.

It did save diagnostic time and it did get results, but the microchip and new technology has struck back again. The old school ways of parts-swapping vs. in depth diagnostic with scopes and scanners has just about run its course. In addition, now swapping components can lead to an even bigger problem than what the car originally came in for.

Be aware the general public is having a hard time comprehending the reason for these diagnostic costs. It used to be that they would bring the car to the shop, the mechanic would do some fiddle greasy job that involved rebuilding some part or swapping the old ignition module, without charging a diagnostic fee.

If a part was suspected as bad, it could usually be swapped out without any worries. That’s just not car repair anymore. Now swapping components with integrated modules can lead a disaster.

On the other hand, those techs who pick up the pieces after one of these parts changers finish slapping on parts should be commended. The aftermath of installing a processor without knowing the eventual outcome can also be a brutal blow to a shop’s pocketbook.

Radar systems, infrared and optical systems, cameras and proximity sensors aren’t the kind of components easily rebuilt, if at all. But, there’s a good chance you can reprogram most of it. Yes, we still have engines that need rebuilds and gears that need changing, but there clearly is a lot more to mechanical service and repair that involves electronics.

To be one of today’s top mechanical repair shops that can get the job done, a lot more emphasis has to be put on that little microchip than on a rebuild kit. Flashing modules and loading computer software updates are just a part of everyday business now.

While programming isn’t for everyone, technicians and shops cannot avoid dealing with it. Developing this expertise matters, but recognize some vehicles may be outside your wheelhouse and utilize the expertise that is available to you. You can learn how to flash by attending a few classes and find an expert to service vehicle models you’re not yet familiar with. Just don’t pass on the flash.

View full article

March 10, 2018

Down the Hatch

The crazy stuff I’ve found in a gas tank.

Never fails, boyfriend dumps girlfriend, girlfriend pours sugar in boyfriend’s gas tank. Girlfriend dumps boyfriend, time for more sugar in the boyfriend’s fuel tank. The actual “who” that does the pouring is up for grabs. Sometimes it’s the boyfriend, sometimes it’s the girlfriend, sometimes it’s that crazy co-worker you worked with, or some wacky protester who just hates gasoline for some reason. Ya just never know, but you can be sure of one thing, somebody, somewhere, is going to pour something into somebody’s fuel tank.

Sugar is the ‘go to’ item in most cases. Can’t find the sugar, then find a good substitute. You’re not much on improvising while you’re stressed out about the latest fling who let you down? Not to worry, as long as it’s something that will fit down the filler neck … it’s fair game. Honestly, after all the crazy stuff I’ve found stuffed down the old petrol pipe, I feel like I’m a regular expert on the subject.

On occasion, it’s plain dirt that finds its way to the bottom of the fuel tank, but chocolate bars, rice, and flour are all common substitutes when the sugar is running low in the cupboard. The last chocolate bar incident was rather unusual, though. They didn’t bother to take the wrappers off the bars. Nice try. Effective yes, and it did get the car sent to the repair shop, but the repair was minor compared to the sticky mess that it could have been. Maybe next time go for the small bars you get around Halloween, they’ll fit down the filler neck a bit better. Chocolate is always a favorite, especially after Valentine’s Day. You get all those bite size pieces with their gooey centers slowly oozing their way into the fuel tank. Those cherry centers ones, eww… they’re extra messy.

Rice on the other hand, well that’s a bit more devious than the traditional sugar stuff-o-matic method. The rice doesn’t really swell in gasoline, it tends to harden like little concrete torpedoes. Flour tends to float, clumps up like badly shaped dough balls, and makes an even bigger mess if it gets into the fuel pump. But, let’s not dwell on just kitchen condiments and baking supplies as the only source for self-satisfaction after a bad relationship or a bit of self-retribution and redemption. Shampoo, liquid soap, shaving cream, and other hygiene products from the bano have made their way to the fuel tank on a few occasions, too.

Now, there was this one diesel truck I’d like to mention with a rather gravely problem. It still ran and drove into the shop, but the fuel gauge wasn’t working. However, when the tank wouldn’t hold as much as it used to the owner began to wonder if something was a bit more seriously wrong. There was something wrong all right, the tank was about half full of gravel! It weighed a ton! Dropping the tank was a lesson in dealing with a ‘live’ load and how to balance a fuel tank that couldn’t be completely drained on a precarious tranny jack. Imagine my surprise when I finally got a chance to look inside the tank and saw this guy’s driveway soaking in diesel fuel. The owner thinks it was his grandkids helping him out. Nice try kids. Any other truck would have had a screen in the filler neck or some sort of check ball, but not this one.

Now with these DEF systems there’s a whole new problem to deal with. Put the wrong fluid down the wrong filler neck and you could be in for a huge repair bill. Generally these types of problems aren’t from your old girlfriend or boyfriend, but they could be. Maybe, they’re just trying to be helpful. Then, you find out they’re color blind, and they can’t tell the difference between the green and blue labels. Uhm, my bad. (Yea, likely story) Now, if it’s on one of those newer Dodge trucks… there’s no colored coded fuel cap anyway. To make matters worse, the urea mix is acidic and isn’t all that friendly to the paint. How wonderful is that!?

Sticks, plastic straws, wire, and the occasional siphon hose have all been a source of amusement at the repair shop when it comes to what you can find at the bottom of a fuel tank. You’d think that little baffle and the check ball would stop most of these intrusions. Actually, I think they just create a new spot for things to get stuck and plug up the entire works. Occasionally these types of fuel tanks end up at the shop anyway, regardless of some foreign object being inserted in the filler neck, or not. They have a tendency of leaving their owners standing at the pump holding the fuel nozzle on the first click, because if they tried any faster the pump would just shut off.

You’d think in this advanced electronic age, somebody would invent an anti-ex-boyfriend/girlfriend fuel tank early warning system because the locked gas cap just ain’t doing the trick. Oh it will stop a few, but the true sabotage master will find a way to pry that door open or rip it off the hinges. Locking gas caps are only there to urge on the saboteur. Nothing will stop them when revenge is at the helm; they’ll do whatever it takes to get the dastardly dead done.

If nothing else, how about a sugar detector checker. Something that would verify the quality of the fuel before you take off for work in the morning. Or how about some sort of electronic system that would sense any foreign material slipped into the fuel tank, and send whatever it is into a separate holding tank. Then when you get home you could unload the unwanted intruder, identify it, maybe even determine who the culprit is, and take care of business without a trip to the repair shop. Wishful thinking I’m sure.

Well, there is one alternative to all of this. If you’re in a relationship with a seemingly psychotic person, you have a grumpy neighbor who’s been eyeballing the fuel door on your car, or you’re the type of person who generally pisses people off for no apparent reason and you live extremely close to a sugar factory … well then…by all means… do yourself a favor… buy an electric car instead.

View full article

February 28, 2018

Ok, should be easy to find.

February 28, 2018

Where exactly is the 180 room? Im sure i can make it.

February 26, 2018

Thursday would be better

February 24, 2018

Electronically Handicapped

Are we so inundated with electrical devices we’ve forgotten how

to do certain tasks without them? I believe the time has come when

common sense values and electronics have crossed paths to change

the way some people assume things are done. Yes, we’ve become

electronically handicapped by the very means that are supposed to

make things better.

Expecting those electronic wonders to always be in working order

is one thing, but not knowing what to do when those devices fail and

having to resort to good old fashion “hands on” is where the problems

and frustrations begin.

Case in point: a guy calls and asks if I can fix his speedometer. He explains he wouldn’t be able to drive the car to the shop, because he has no idea how fast he’s going. I suggested he just stay up with traffic or download one of the many apps displaying mph. This led to even more hysteria because he was afraid of an electronic bug affecting his phone. Instead, all he wanted was one of those “I ain’t holding ya to it” estimates. Not knowing the reason why his speedometer wasn’t working, I gave him a rough guess on the cost of the various components related to a speedometer problem.

He then tells me, “Let me know when the part shows up.” I asked, “What part?” Now I’m confused. Finally, it came down to one question. “Sir, even if I knew exactly what component or problem you’re having, how are you going to get the car here? Tow truck, or do you want me to come and get it?” I asked. Absolutely no tow trucks, and he didn’t want anyone else to drive his car. Instead, he was going to check “YouTube” for a video on how to fix it.

Then, there are those individuals that common sense has entirely left them. A lady called to tell me her door locks stopped working, and how she was trapped in her car for several hours until her husband showed up. (He unlocked the door with the key from the outside.) I asked her, “Why didn’t you just unlock the door from the inside?” Her answer, “Sir, I pushed the button several times but it never would unlock the door.” I calmly asked (although I was secretly bursting with laughter), “Why didn’t you use the mechanical lock knob or push the manual lock lever in the opposite direction?”

The tone of her voice was enough to tell you she was more than a little shaken up over the whole door lock ordeal. Thinking I could ease her obvious tension, I suggested that she could have rolled the window down, but that just spurred her anxiety even more. She couldn’t understand why I would suggest such a thing; she would have had to start the car in order to do that. Since the windows were up, the fear of carbon monoxide poisoning was an even bigger concern.

Now with back up cameras, lane departure systems, auto parking, active cruise control, and perimeter warning systems some of these folks that barely understand how to turn on a light switch are going to be even more lost when these systems in their cars fail. I'm convinced by the actions of some people that it's already happening. Like the time my wife's rear view camera was covered in mud, she stopped the car, calls me and says, "The camera isn't working, is it safe to back the car up?" What's the world coming too?

Pretty soon, there will be a generation that won’t understand or even care to know anything about some of the old technologies. That is until they’re face-to-face with a situation calling for some nostalgic common sense and a bit of mechanical know-how. We’ve modernized the family car into a nightmarish electronic wonder, which has caused a lot of people to lose touch with the basic fundamentals of its operation. Not only is it more complicated electronically, but it’s also becoming more reliant on GPS and computers.

Here’s something else that I don’t understand: We still call a manual shift transmission a standard transmission. There’s nothing “standard” about it anymore. It was the standard for decades, but not anymore. Now it’s rather rare for new drivers to even know how to operate a stick shift.

Even now, you see people who don’t have a clue how to use their turn signals. I doubt they know the proper hand signals or for that matter how to stick their arm out the window. Of course, that would mean rolling down the electric window, which probably doesn't work either. What about the tire monitor systems on cars these days? How many people know how to properly use a tire pressure gauge? Then again, why? We’ve got electronics to take care of that stuff.

A vehicle operator seems to require less common sense these days as the electronic world has already accomplished these tasks with minimal to no effort with things like voice activated entertainment to navigation controls. Why, we even have crash avoidance systems and air bags to keep us safe. More to the point… less personal responsibility for your actions; make it the car’s responsibility.

I grew up in the time when road maps were in every glove box. Folding one back up from the passenger seat while giving directions could be a contest of wit and skill to say the least. You paid attention to the road signs and observed the different land features as well as points of interest that were pointed out in the map details. These days, you listen to this voice on the navigation system that says, “Turn right in 500 feet onto exit 227.” Why, I’ll bet you didn’t even notice you passed the world’s largest ball of string a mile back. It seems the navigation voice failed to mention anything about all those roadside features the folding map could tell you about. Just goes to show how much we have become dependent on these electronic devices.

We’ve all become so complacent with our modern electronic conveniences that opening a garage door by hand seems barbaric in some way. I know I’m guilty of it myself.

One time after a rather long and frustrating day at the shop, I came down my driveway tapping my finger on the garage door remote button. The door refused to move. Not to be outwitted by a garage door remote, I sat out there bashing the button and cussing at the door… determined to get that blasted thing to raise one more time. Eventually, the wife comes out and opens the door from the inside button. She was standing there with that typical wife look of disbelief, staring at her goof ball husband having a four letter word conversation with a dead garage door remote. Her response was priceless, “The battery is probably dead in the remote dummy! Just get out of the truck and open the door!”

So, you say, “Yea well, I might be a little electronically handicapped, but I’m not as bad as ya think. I could handle living like they did a hundred years ago. No battery needed to start a horse.” Oh, really? A century ago anyone over 10 years old could hitch up a two horse team to a buggy for an afternoon trip to town and knew how to deal with their horses’ temperament. Can you? Back then, that knowledge was passed down from father to son. These days, well, you’re more likely to Google the answer than ask Grandpa.

View full article

February 17, 2018

Recycling old stories. Lol... getting a bit busy again

February 17, 2018

Battin' a Thousand

The batter steps up to the plate, takes a hand full of dirt

and rubs his hands and the bat. He takes a few scrapes with

his feet from the batter’s box while digging in with his cleats.

He then gives the pitcher the evil eye and sets his bat ready

to take whatever the pitcher is going to throw at him. The

catcher gives the signs, the pitcher nods his head. He takes

a quick look to first base makes his wind up and then lets the

ball fly to home plate. The batter takes a swing... “Pop” the

ball is in the catcher’s glove.

“Steee---rike!!!” yells the umpire.

Somewhere there is an announcer telling the crowd the

count while a statistician is writing down the results of the

pitch, and calculating the batter's average. With baseball if

you can manage to get a hit 5 out of 10 times you’re up to bat…

you’re doing outstanding. Achieving a perfect hitting record

on the other hand, may never happen in baseball, but in the

auto repair business (and most every other field of play)

batting a thousand is not a goal it's a requirement.

Every job that comes into the service bay is another attempt at keeping that perfect score. Come-backs, bad diagnosis, faulty parts and the like are not what any service person wants to deal with. To keep that perfect score going you have to overcome those obstacles and get the job done right before sending the customer’s car around the bases. Unlike the highly paid professional ball player who is never going to achieve that perfect score the highly trained mechanic has to knock it out of the park each and every time.

There's a lot of talk in the industry about how some service advisers/writers and shop owners want a quick “off the cuff” diagnosis and repair rather than waiting for the results of a lengthy-time consuming diagnostic procedure. A mechanic may have a general idea of what is wrong but it still takes proper testing to determine the correct course of action to make the repair. I don't know where this idea came from that every mechanic has the correct answer to ever problem simply by listening to the description given to them by the customer or service writer. It's not like we (mechanics) know what kind of pitch is being hurled at us each and every time.

I'm sure the pro ball player could “up” his stats if he knew exactly what kind of pitch was coming across the plate. As it is, he has to make a quick decision, make the right swing, and make contact. In the repair world, analyzing the pitch is the key to a successful outcome. Diagnostics is what makes the difference. Especially on today's vehicles with their interconnected systems, multi-layered computer controls, and the occasional “oops” from a previous botched repair, these all have to be sorted out before the repair is made. This takes time, diagnostics takes time, and time is money.

When I hear that a shop isn't charging for diagnostic time it tells me they are either under estimating the value of proper diagnostics or believe they are good enough to read the catcher’s signals and in some way already know what pitch is being thrown. Taking a couple of swings at a repair and not diagnosing anything is like standing in the batter’s box blindfolded. I'd call that a foul ball waiting to happen for sure.

It’s important to examine a problem, diagnose as needed and not swing at every pitch that you’re given. In the long run, from the consumers standpoint, a shop that takes the time to diagnose a vehicle correctly may sound more expensive at first when you walk up to the service counter, but chances are you won’t be picked off at 2nd base because you have to spend more cash, buy even more parts that you probably didn’t need, while trying to solve the problem at those shops that don’t see a need in proper diagnostic time.

A new player entered the field; it was a job from one of the body shops I do business with. This 2013 Ford Escape was almost ready to go home, however the air bag light wouldn't go off. That's when I was called to plate.

“We can sell this job today if you can get this taken care of. We’ve struck out so far,” the owner of the body shop told me.

“I’ll see what I can do,” I told him.

The first thing I did was check out what codes were in the system. There was only one code. B0095-11 (Right front impact sensor fault – sub code “shorted to ground”). Since it was in a front collision I took my first swing up to bat by checking to see if the wires were smashed or cut. Strike one... the wires are fine, wrong colors though, need to check that a little further. OK, let's try something else... is the connector damaged or the sensor itself in anyway a problem. Strike two... now this is getting serious. Did the module fail? Is there more to this story? Where's the next pitch coming from?

A little more snooping around and a bit more in-depth studying of the wiring diagram I think I've got the answer. Very close to the impact sensor is another sensor with the exact same type of connector. The real tell-tale was the wire colors. It looks like when they put the car back together they inadvertently switched the two connectors. (Pretty dumb to have the same type of connectors so close together under the hood... but it ain't the first time I've seen a curve ball like this.) I switched the leads and then went back into the system to clear the code. (With most of these newer systems you not only have to clear the code but you also have to “reboot” the computer by turning the key off before attempting the next “at-bat”.)

Well, this batter is ready, the catcher has thrown down the sign, the computers and connections on the playing field are ready to go. All that's left is the pitch. I turned the key and the pitch is on its way. The warning lights come on, the air bag light stayed on for its required amount of time and then.... went off. No codes present and the rest of the systems checked out fine. Yep, I took my swing, and it’s a long, long high flyer… it looks like…yes… yes it is… it’s a “HOME RUN!”

Here's a perfect example of the diagnostics taking longer than the actual repair. The way I see it, diagnostic is the mechanics swing at bat, and it's just as important as the actual repair. After spending the time to research a problem only to find out that it was a simple connector doesn’t diminish the time already spent to find out it was just a connector.

Mechanics get paid to fix a car, that’s what we do, diagnosing a problem is part of it, and good diagnostic work will keep ya battin’ a thousand.

View full article

February 3, 2018

HOME

Hood Props and Latches

Just as soon as the manufacturers got away from using heavy springs to hold the hood up they went to these tiny hydraulic hood shocks. But, since these shocks don’t hold up all that well over years of use, coming up with a way to “hold up” the hood can turn into its own form of backyard engineering.

So what do you do? Some of these car hood crafter's find the proverbial discarded broom stick or something of adequate length to prop the bonnet up for them. It works; hey… it held the hoodup

right? When the job under the hood is done you’ll tuck it away in the garage, or find an appropriate spot under the hood

where you can leave it for future use.

Once the hood is closed what was once a problem is now not a problem; out of sight – out of mind. Needless to say, replacing the hood shocks isn’t high on the maintenance priority list.

I make it a habit to re-purpose old broom sticks myself. If I need a more unobstructed access under the hood, or those old hood shocks have the “dropsies” (Yea, tell me you’ve never had that happen before.) I’ll reach for a pair of vice-grips to clamp onto the shock rod instead of propping it up with the broom stick.

Of course there are those cars out there that don’t use hydraulic shocks at all. A lot of manufacturers have gone with using a permanent hood “holder-upper” rod permanently mounted in the engine bay. What baffles me about them is the countless times I’ve opened a hood and the rod has vanished. Now I’m back to finding that broom stick of mine, or look around for the owner’s creative “holder-upper” tool they so carefully stashed somewhere under the hood.

What I’d like to know is, “Where do these hood props go?” They’re attached. I mean seriously, how do ya lose a hood prop? I just don’t get it. I can see somebody misplacing the jack because they changed a tire in their garage and didn’t put it back, but the hood prop? It’s mounted in there so you can’t misplace it. It has one function in life, that’s to hold up the hood. What? Did somebody find a better use for one? I’d like know!

Once these props and shocks have become non-functioning the quick thinking car owner comes up with a solution. Some are feats of real engineering while others just grabbed whatever was handy. I’ve found everything from a shortened 2X4 stud, re-bar, tree limbs, PVC pipe, yard sticks, walking canes, pool cues, batons, pieces from a swing set, axe handles, large monkey wrenches, metal chair legs, and even a full size crutch stuck under the hood. I’ve got to admit, some of these creations are quite unique. Some of them might be worthy of a patent. Heck, why not… someone is always building a better mouse trap you know.

All this talk of propping the hood up gets me to thinking about the other ingenious home repairs people have come up with regarding the hood, and that’s how do ya get the thing open when it won’t open. These days every car manufacturer I know of has gone with an inside release rather than the main latch release out under the front grill or bumper. The real surprise about the hood release snafu is when someone drops a car off for repair and neglects to tell the mechanic that they “rigged” the hood release. If the inside release isn’t where it’s supposed to be… well then…the search is on…. (Usually with a spattering of inappropriate comments to go along with it.)

Once you find the remnants of the cable or handle then it’s a question of whether or not to pull the cable, wiggle it, or yank it for all its worth. (More “words” will commence in just a few seconds.) Oh, I’ve spent my fair share of time groping around looking for the working end of the release cables before. And, of course there’s always the one with the cable broken off. (Grrrr…!) That’s about the time I’ll look at the repair order to see what I’m really supposed to be doing. As usual, nowhere on the RO does it say, “Good luck finding the hood release cable!” or “You might want to fix the hood cable before you change that water pump.” Nope, not a chance… seems everyone including the owner has forgotten all about the hood being an issue. Leave it up to the mechanic to find out all about it, aye? It’s a thrill a minute around here folks! (Start the chant; “I love my job, I love my job. Repeat as necessary.)

It just keeps getting better… how about those mystery hoods? The ones that give you no signs that the main latch has released. You pull the lever and nothing happens. On some cars you grab that sucker and pull so hard you think you’re going to jerk the cable clean into the trunk, while others you can feel the latch releasing with a baby soft tug, but the hood doesn’t budge. It’s still even with the rest of the body panels. That’s when you have to go out and use the old “Fonzie bump on the jute box” trick to get it to pop open. Some pop right up, but eventually you’ll run across a stubborn one, usually with the telltale signs of a screwdriver being used to pry it up high enough to get your fingers to the secondary safety latch. (Grumbling and cussing has erupted again.)

Needless to say, the objective of the day was to get into the engine bay for whatever repairs you needed to make. Not make a chore out of just getting the blasted hood open. But it happens… happens a lot. Once in a while the owner will politely tell me that the hood doesn’t open up very well. I appreciate that. At least now, I’m aware of the problem and not confronted with the unexpected dilemma of an uncooperative hood. Sometimes I do have to ask the customer, “Say, how do ya get your hood open?”, even though I feel like an idiot doing so. Wasn’t I supposed to be the expert here? I thought it was my job to tackle car related problems and make the necessary repairs? Honestly, what kind of impression are you making with that new customer who’s at the shop for the first time, and you have to go up front just to ask them how to open the hood of their car?! Needless to say, you’ve probably already spent way too much time trying to figure it out on your own… before you swallowed your pride and went up to ask. (Been there…done that.)

Well, the next job is coming in, and I can already see the hood cable dangling from under the front bumper on this one. Oh joy, another day in the shop… great, just great… I best go find that broom stick… I’m going to need it.

View full article

January 27, 2018

Just another day at the shop.... 😉

January 27, 2018

Some Days You’re The Oil, Some Days You’re The Filter

In the auto repair business hardly a day goes by that something doesn’t try to upset the apple cart. It might be the new lube guy who spilled 30 gallons of oil on the floor, or that lost set of customer keys. No matter what it is, something or someone is bound and determined to make your day different than the next.

From time to time it helps to go with the flow. You know, just let things slip on by and not take things so seriously, because no matter what, there’s always another hectic situation just around the corner to test your stress level. Think of it this way, you could be the oil or you could be the filter. You either let things slide through the day, or you’re trapped with the rest of the grit and grime.

Speaking of oil, take the day of the oil SNAFU. I have several customers who have their own preferences as to which brand of oil they would like to have in their car. Now, of course, I strictly adhere to the appropriate type and weight, but as far as brands of oils I’m up for any name on the bottle. (Although I do have a few brands I consider taboo.) Funny thing is, I never seem to get through to some of these folks the importance of a quality oil filter. I believe this should be a higher concern than the brand of oil.

This particular day was a rather chaotic day with more than one issue on the rise. Being the well-seasoned shop owner, I was more than up for the task of getting each and every job in and out the door with the skill of a professional.

In comes two of my old time regulars with their precious chosen brand of oil they have hand picked off the shelf. Oh yes, I mean hand-picked. These guys remind of the careful shopper at the grocery store who goes through the produce isle finding that perfect melon or apple. I can picture these two guys at the parts store picking up each bottle and examining it in detail before selecting that very bottle for their car. A bit eccentric, yes, but at their age it’s something technology hasn’t taken away from them. It still allows them to feel they can contribute to their car’s well-being, even though they can’t physically work on their own cars anymore. Needless to say these cherished oil cans are treated like gold when they enter the realm of the service bay… or at least that’s the normal way we handled it for our golden years customers.

Today, well, it was a bit different. We have our new lube tech, Clifford in charge of the oil service bay. He’s doing a great job, and even managed to up-sell a few seriously overlooked problems on a few customer cars. I have high hopes for this youngster, and encourage him to study for his ASE tests and further his education in the automotive field. This afternoon we already had 4 oil changes lined up for him. Two were the normal, ‘getrdone’ oil changes and two were our regular old timers with their hand selected oil.

Clifford has these oil change scenarios down pat. Everything from looking up the actual amount and type of oil required, to verifying what oil they brought, if there is an adequate amount, as well as saving the empties to show the customer when all was said and done.

As the cars were shuffled in and out of the service bay, somehow between the front office, the service bay, and back to the front lobby, the wrong box of oil was sent with the wrong car, or at least it was assumed. (No one knows for sure) Luckily, the oil weight, amount, and type were exactly the same from car to car. The only thing that was different was the one thing the owners of these cars had the most pride and input about, and that was the ‘brand’ of oil.

Mind you, for some of these regulars who bring their hand-picked-hand-selected oil, they’re quite serious about it. You just don’t calm the situation down by telling them you’ll replace the oil with the brand they originally wanted. Oh heavens no! That’s sacrilegious! That would mean a complete engine tear down (while they watched over you like a hawk) with the interior of the motor completely hand wiped to remove any traces of this foreign oil. I wouldn’t doubt it if they would have gone as far as having the molecular structure of the oil checked and verified that none of the competitor’s brand of oil was left to contaminate their engine.

By now, our new lube tech, Clifford has been dragged from the service bay and was about to receive a third degree interrogation while trying to explain his side of this debacle to the older gentlemen.

I took it upon myself to advert the possible cardiac arrest in the front lobby and save Clifford from a fate worse than a stuck on oil filter. As usual, there is one thing that separates the counter guy, the lube rack guy, and the owner… the person who makes the final decision on how to dissolve a situation, that’s me, the owner.

At the front counter the two old gentlemen were busy sorting through the bottles in each box while holding each of them up to the light for a closer inspection. The conversation went from who did what, to who didn’t do what, and why their brand was better than the other guys brand. Each of them now were trying to play “oil detective” and locate the slippery individual who screwed this all up. As things go with this typical bunch of grandpas, they were soon talking about vacations and grandkids. In fact the two old guys were starting to wonder which oil was theirs in first place.

I stepped in between my two elderly customers and their precious boxes of empty oil bottles. Without saying a word I ever so graciously reached for the oil bottles that each of them were holding and placed them back into their respective boxes. Then, with the moves of a Las Vegas magician, I switched box A with customer B and box B with customer A. Then cheerfully said, “There ya go, just a little mix up. It’s all good, you’re all set.” and walked away without another word. I just looked at my counter guy and gave him a wink. He knew what to do, as I guided the bewildered lube tech back to the service bay.

I don’t think I’ll ever find out who mixed up what oil with what car, or if there ever was a mix up at all, but you can be sure Clifford won’t forget about this. One minute he’s changing oil, the next he’s got two old guys shaking empty oil bottles at him. Sure made for an interesting day. Sometimes, ya just never know what’s going to happen when ya unscrew that drain plug… some days you’re the oil, some days you’re the filter.

View full article

January 14, 2018

This was a fun one to write... hopefully it goes out on my column soon.

January 13, 2018

Where’s my 10mm Socket

Deep or shallow, impact or chrome, 12 point or six point, ¼” or ½” drive, it really doesn’t matter, those 10 mm sockets have the ability to grow legs. Out of all the hundreds of sockets in the drawer, only the 10mm seems to be the one that disappears without a trace. Sure, it’s used a lot, and yes, it does seem to be on every car and in every form and fashion you can think of, but why is this most useful socket also the one with the escape artistry of Steve McQueen in the movie “The Great Escape”?

They can vanish without a trace, leave without warning, or fall into an engine bay never to see the light of day again. One time I actually caught a glimpse of one on a mad dash for freedom. I was working under a car installing a few brackets with my trusty (trustee) 10mm socket attached to my ¼” air ratchet when the socket spun off the ratchet. It traveled along the top edge of the crossmember spinning like mad when it came upon a small hole in the center. It hopped straight up, still spinning, did a perfect pirouette and slipped right down the hole. It was like watching a cartoon character sticking their head out of the hole just long enough to say, “See ya!” and disappear out of sight. I never managed to fish the socket out of there, either. The hole was too small for anything but the socket and the ends of the crossmember were welded shut. That one got away, but I saw the whole thing myself. They really do try to escape.

It’s like spotting Big Foot. I mean, who would believe ya when you tell them you just saw your 10mm socket make a break for it and escape down some rabbit hole in a crossmember? Ya might as well call one of those tabloid magazines and tell them. At least they might believe your story. I think the tabloids would put it all down as some sort of conspiracy anyway. It’s the only way to explain it. When I lose a socket the tool truck always has a replacement. For all I know, those fiendish little sockets are sneaking back on the truck, while I’m purchasing one of their buddies. Maybe they’re all out to prove something, or they’re all working with the tool trucks for a cut in the profits.

We should start a 10 mm support group for all those socket sets and mechanics who are missing one. I can just hear it now. “I’m here to tell my story about my 10 mm socket. We were good friends, we did a lot together, but now he’s gone and I’m all alone.” The group could all get a T shirt that says, “I lost my 10mm socket. Can you help me?”, but knowing my luck, I’d probably lose the shir, too.

Maybe I’ll just paint them all bright yellow, or buy them in bulk and keep so many around that I can’t possibly ever not have one handy. But, knowing those 10mm sockets the way I do, I’d bet they’d find a way to have a mass escape when I’m not looking. The next thing ya know, I’ll start a chain gang of 10mm escapees and have them all work on the worst slimy, greasy, dirty, nastiest part of the car I can find.

Here’s the thing I don’t understand. Why doesn’t the 7 and 8mm socket make a break for it? They’re out and about just as much as the 10? As a matter of fact, why not use the 9mm socket or the 11mm a bit more often and give that 10mm guy a bit of break. Maybe then the 10mm won’t feel so over worked and have the tendency to walk off the job.

Way back when everything was SAE instead of metric, I don’t recall having to put posters on the neighborhood telephone poles, “Have you seen this ¼” socket?” Most of the time it was right where I left it, and eventually I would wear it out to the point it couldn’t grip a bolt or nut anymore. But would I replace it? No, of course not. I’d put it back in the rack with all of the other sockets, only to remember how worn out it was the next time I needed it. But, that 10 mm, haven’t worn one out yet, because that guy will use any excuse to leave before it gets that old.

I’m not saying all the other metric wrenches and sockets are exempt from trying to flee the tool box. Heck no. I’m pretty sure I stumbled onto one of their mass escape plans before. I came into work one day and somebody had moved my tool box. When I opened the drawer all the sockets were haphazardly scattered everywhere you looked. I’ll bet that 10mm socket dude got the other sockets all riled up and would have made good on their escape if it wasn’t for the tool box being locked.

Then, there are those two sockets that rest on either side of the 10mm. They don’t seem to do much, they hardly get out of the drawer, and apparently don't take after that 10mm guy at all. You know these two, they're the 9 and 11mm sockets. Every now and then you'll find that one or two odd ball nuts or bolts that are specifically made for a 9 or 11mm socket. They seem to be content living in the tool box with this empty gap between them and they never seem to get lost or go AWOL. In fact, I somehow have a large collection of 9 and 11mm sockets that I don’t even remember buying. But that 10mm socket, that guy hardly ever ends up back in the box and is a bad influence on the rest of them. It’s out all night, can’t find its way home, rolls up under a cabinet and hides, or its favorite trick, finds the one spot in the very center underneath the car that you can’t possibly reach. It's also been known to take the suicide approach of avoiding going back in the tool box. It will take a dive off the edge of a fender and fall into a narrow crevice from which you’ll never retrieve it again.

I’m starting to believe those 10mm sockets got it in for us mechanics. They’ll hide in plain sight or sit there shining up at us from some unreachable spot in the corner of the engine bay. I’m pretty sure I saw one scoot across the floor and under a bench once. Never did find him again, either. Maybe we should get Sherlock Holmes on the case. Maybe he could find the whereabouts of these elusive 10 mm runaway sockets.

In the mean time I’ve got another problem to take care of. My new pocket screwdriver I just got off the tool truck has disappeared. Seems it’s been hanging around those 10mm sockets way too long, and has gotten ambitious about going over the wall on its own. Or maybe he’s stuck on the edge of the driver’s door again, but that’s another story entirely.

View full article

January 9, 2018

When you say, 'I own a shop' is quite different than saying, 'I run a shop'. They are two different things entirely. It's when you (the shop owner/mechanic) realize the difference and work towards making your 'shop' into a business.

January 7, 2018

1 hour ago, kenk said:

maybe not, the next generation of cars will have the autonomous feature of being able to fix itself! It will drive itself to a location and a bunch of automated arms will hover over the engine, make the diagnosis and put in the new already programed parts, and you will be off your way. The only thing that will be the same is the price of repair, still going up!

I guess the next generation of mechanics will be the guys and gals that fix the machines that fix the machines then. LOL

January 6, 2018

Diversity in Mechanics

The days when nearly every driver was aware of what was going on under the hood of their car has faded into the history books. Not only has the driver lost touch with the inner workings of their automobile, the car itself has become more “user-friendly”. There’s no hand crank to twist, no choke lever to pull out, no manual brakes, and anymore, hardly no one rolls a window down by hand or uses a clutch to shift the transmission.

Less and less effort is required by the driver to operate the vehicle. What was once a series of steps you hand to accomplish to start a car has now become automated to the point all you have to do is push a button and the car starts. Gone are the cold morning starts where you had to pump the gas pedal, crank the engine, then listen to the motor to see if the fast idle had set or not. But, you always had to be careful that you didn’t flood the cold engine, and if you did… that brought on a whole other set of tasks the driver had to accomplish correctly.

It’s not just starting the vehicle that needs less driver influence, even parallel parking has become a hands free procedure. Now, with all the cameras and radar systems attached to the car there’s hardly anything to do except be a passenger. Even then, you’re basked in a climate controlled cocoon with atmospheric controls such as lighting, massage chairs, heated seats, and soothing background music all the while computers and sensors are controlling every movement.

Growing up around car repair shops might have made a difference as to how I look at these complicated thing-a-ma-jigs they refer to as the modern car. They’re not just a ‘car’ anymore. In my youth it was nothing to see a gang of dads leaning over a hood when something went wrong. Today, there’s not a whole lot to see. It’s all plastic covers with various caps and knobs for adding fluids and if you’re lucky there might even still be a dipstick under there too.

Diagnosing and repairing the modern car isn’t quite the same as it was back in the day all the dad’s would gather around the fenders. Even though the operation of the vehicle has been somewhat automated the repair side of things has gone other way. Parts swapping, guess until ya get it, and the old ask your uncle Bob what’s wrong with your car is as out of date as the crank start. But, I still find it rather amazing how the engineers and designers managed to “dummy-down” all the possible problems that possibly could happen to a little check engine light on the dash. Can you imagine what it would be like if they didn’t?

Service lights, warning indicators, and digital messages inform the driver of the severity or condition of the vehicle. Although, most of the information that appears on the digital screen is more of a generic message or sometimes even displayed as a short message telling the driver of the condition of the vehicle without actually telling them precisely what’s wrong. Even if it did, who would understand it? Surely not the driver (in most cases), that’s left up to the service technician.

You know ‘that’ guy. The one that overcharges you for those repairs you don’t understand or even care to know because you’re far above the educational requirements of a certified mechanic. Of course, anyone who’s been around the business for any length of time will tell you that the days of the grease jockey recharging your air conditioner by slappin’ a can of Freon in your car so you can whiz off to work are about as far gone as 2 ply tires. That’s where diversity between mechanics and the technical advances start to show through.

The technical training for a good mechanic with advanced skill levels can exceed the requirements of most 4 year college degrees. The big difference between the academic degree and the technical school degree is still greatly debated. To me, the requirements of the educational programs differ only in the fact that in an academic setting you’re required a certain level of English, math, and the other various ‘general’ skills for graduation. The trade schools generally don’t have those academic requirements for graduation. The big problem is the non-car aficionados (general public) don’t want to admit that the family car requires a college degree to keep them in tip top shape. So why would the guy changing the oil need to have a degree?

There’s a very good possibility that a shortage of technicians qualified to work on the modern car is drastically going to increase in the next decade or so. Of course, ask anyone in the business now and they’ll tell you the average age of the professional mechanic has slowly been increasing to well over 50 years of age. That might have a lot do with the startup requirements put on the new technicians coming into the field. To many times a young mechanic gets into the business with those wild eyed ideas that they can fix anything that rolls into their service bay, only to find out their skills sets lack a lot of the required knowledge in understanding the complexities of the modern types of problems their facing.

That brings us back to that college grad again. They’ve spent a ton of money on their education, and some may never pay those loans off for years, if not decades. Technical college fees remain low in comparison, and with luck, the average educated technician will have their tuition fees taken care long before the college grad has theirs paid off. Here’s something else to think about, while a lot of college grads take on temporary jobs like a waiter while their waiting for their big break into that six figure job they’ve been trained for, most grads of the tech schools are out working in the very field they’ve been trained for. They might be the college grad on the lube rack, but he’s there, in his field of choice getting his hands dirty and working towards his ultimate goals. Chances are, the mechanic will be at that very restaurant having lunch while wearing their rental uniform covered in the days grease and grime and the waiter…. well, they’re still working for tips.

The real issue for the mechanic’s world is the acceptance of the educational level required and the respect that the mechanic deserves as well as being compensated for said education and skills needed. I do believe, in time, the shortage of trained-qualified technicians will turn into an increase in wages across the board. Which is just what the industry needs to draw in those new faces to the service bays. All this can start back in high school. Somebody needs to tell the school guidance counselors that being an automotive mechanic is a trade with high expectations and compensation, not a last resort job for those undesirable individuals that didn’t pass their SAT’s.

View full article

December 25, 2017

New Thoughts of the day... Now that I'm older and slowing down a bit.

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

December 24, 2017

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE! ! ! !

Sign In

Forums

AutoShopOwner Articles

Downloads

Blogs

Gallery

Profiles

Events

Store

Links Directory

Shop Labor Rates

Community Map

Posts posted by Gonzo

Main Sections

More Sections

Discussion Forums