12 Days of Christmas

at an Automotive Repair Shop

You know the song, so just sing along with me in the holiday spirit.

On the 1st day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

A cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 2nd day Christmas my customers sent to me:

2 Latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 3rd day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

3 Wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 4th day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

4 Wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 5th day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

5 Piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 6th day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

6 Brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 7th day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

7 Dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 8th day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

8 Engines leaking, 7 dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 9th day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

9 Coils a-sparking, 8 engines leaking, 7 dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 10th day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

10 Headlights blinking, 9 coils a-sparking, 8 engines leaking, 7 dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 11th day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

11 Gears a-grinding, 10 headlights blinking, 9 coils a-sparking, 8 engines leaking, 7 dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 12th day of Christmas my customers sent to me:

12 Trannys slipping, 11 gears a-grinding, 10 headlights blinking, 9 coils a-sparking, 8 engines leaking, 7 dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

Speaking on behalf of the entire automotive repair industry,

Thank you to all our customers for their patronage.

We appreciate it.

Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

The Magical Elf

There’s a Christmas tradition in our family involving a little magical elf. This elf lives in a box all year until December 1st. Then he magically comes to life. At night he gets into all kinds of mischief, and just before the little ones get up in the morning, he freezes motionless, wherever or whatever he was doing at that very moment. He’s been known to spill flour on the kitchen counters and make snow angels, sometimes he can be found sitting on the toothpaste tube, one night he even wrapped the big screen TV like a huge present with a large bow on top! He could be anywhere; you just never know what he’ll be into next, and he seems to stay busy getting into things all night long. But, even when he is motionless he’s actually working… watching and listening to all the children in the house. His job is to report back to Santa at the north pole just before Christmas eve, so Santa can be sure each and every little boy and girl is on the right list. You know, the “Naughty or Nice list”? That’s how Santa knows so much … he has his own spies… and that little elf doesn’t miss a thing.

My oldest daughter Katie wanted to start her own magical elf tradition at her house with her kids. Let me introduce you to my three adorable granddaughters; Kelsie is 12, she’s the nonbeliever. She doesn’t think Santa is real at all… that’s kid stuff… she’s all grown up, you know. Kaitlyn is 9, she’s the tattle-teller. Maybe more like the talker of the group… even if she’s a part of whatever trouble they’ve gotten into now, she’ll be the first to tell you all about it. And of course, she’s still a big fan of jolly old Saint Nick. Then there is Audrey, she’s 6. Now Audrey…well, she and Santa go way back. (Too cute for words the way she tells her stories about the guy with the white beard and the big red suit.) She’s all about decorating the tree, and making sure there are milk and cookies for Santa on his big day. With these little munchkins, you can count on one thing for sure, there’s always something about to unfold at their house, especially around the holidays.

This year was special, as it was the first year for their magical elf. He came in his own little elf box, all decorated like a little house. There are even holes on the sides for him to breathe, cause ya know, ya gotta keep him comfortable and all. The house rules about the magic elf when he is in his box are simple. No one is allowed near the box, no touching, no looking, no nothing. He’ll come out when he’s good and ready. So on the shelf this little house sat… waiting for the right time to make his entrance. All the kids knew what was in the box, because they all knew the story of the magical elf, and they all knew he would be informing Santa, well… except of course for the nonbeliever, she’s too old for that sort of thing you know.

It was December 1st, and Katie was so busy preoccupied with putting up decorations she had completely forgotten about the little elf. She had to get him out of the box and into his mischief as soon as possible, time for a plan, a plan that would distract them long enough for her to accomplish her mission. Katie had an idea that just might work. Get the younger two interested in decorating cookies while Kelsie was upstairs in her room. Then she could pop the little guy out of his box and put him somewhere for the girls to discover him later. The cookies were out of the oven, cooled off and the decorating began as planned. Katie made her way out to front room while the two were busy adding sprinkles to everything and anything that was on or near the cookies. She took a quick peak up the stairs to make sure there was no sign of Kelsie. So far so good, now to get the little elf out of his resting place.

As she carefully opened the box she could hear tiny footsteps coming down the hallway. The rush was on, Mom can’t be caught with the box opened, no turning back now… what’s this???? The new little elf is wire tied into his little house!!! Quick, quick, untie him and get him out of there! The footsteps grew closer as the last wire tie came loose, then with a quick fling the elf went sailing through the air and landed in the branches of the Christmas tree. His head was buried amongst all the lights and ornaments with only his butt and legs exposed… undignified yes, but no harm, no foul… the game was on. Just as the tattle-teller rounded the corner Katie was standing there with that typical motherly look we all know from being on the other end of the situation, and using her best “mom” voice while showing her the empty box said, “Kaitlyn have you been in this box? Where is the elf?” Kaitlyn completely surprised and in utter shock says, “No Mommy, I know not to touch it. It wasn’t me… honest…ah, ah, I think it was… ah, Audrey.” Of course by now, that mom voice brought the youngest one running into the room carrying a half-eaten cookie and leaving a long trail of sprinkles behind her. “Where’s the elf mommy?” she asked. Katie with that stern look still on her face said to her, “Did you open the box?” Audrey, now almost in tears thinking the little elf must have ran away, “No Mommy, where did he go?”

Katie wasn’t about to let up on the Mommy thing just yet, but decided to soften the blow of losing their new elf and assure them it was perfectly alright. She told the two girls, “Well, it is December 1st, and it is his day to magically come to life. I guess he got out, and is probably somewhere in the house.” About then the nonbeliever came down from her bedroom, “What’s going on?” Kaitlyn quickly told everything (as usual), “He got out, he’s in the house somewhere, and we’ve got to go find him! Come on, let’s go!” Now Kelsie, who didn’t seem so interested, is now very interested, because she knew something that they didn’t know. She was going to logically explain the whole thing… because she knew mom wouldn’t have known about it either. With a firm conviction Kelsie said to them, “There’s no way he could have gotten out. He was strapped in there!” (That little sneak peeker!!) Clearly she had more interest in that little elf than she let on.

Kelsie, being the oldest, took charge of the situation and told the other two, “You look over there, you go over there, and I’ll look over here.” Off went the three of them, running through the house in search of one small magical elf, while mom stood by the tree still clutching the empty box. They eventually found him and screamed with joy like the little girls they are. And as for Kelsie, well… I think she already knows mom is really Santa, (the hand writing and the way the packages are wrapped are just like her birthday presents… sorry mom, she’s figured it out.), but that magic elf… oh he’s real… he’s very real.

There’s no doubt in my mind that the magic of the season is for the kid in all of us, and sometimes all it takes is a little mischievous elf to bring out. Even Kelsie knows that now.

Wishing you and your family (and your little magical elves) a Very Merry Christmas.

A Day to Reflect

Sometime ago I had my first book signing at a local book store. Steve’s Sundry – Books and Magazines. It’s a landmark bookstore in town, everyone knows Steve’s place. It’s been in town for more than 60 years. It’s a great place for a large malt at the soda fountain, or browse around the store to find a good book. I’m not a well-known author; I’m a mechanic/technician that wrote a book. I really didn’t think there would be a crowd of potential buyers and admirers at the book signing; I’m not that naive to think I would be bringing in a flood of new customers to the book store.

So instead, I used the time to study the people that came in and out of the store. What a wonderful place, a book store. In the back of the store is an old counter with a bar and several bar stools. The counter, the soda fountains, and the bar stools are all original 50’s decor. With malt shakes and great sandwiches. You could take the whole day to browse for books while sipping on a shake or coffee. It’s a very pleasant place, nostalgic and modern at the same time.

One regular customer sitting at the end of the bar was sipping away on his coffee while texting messages on his Blackberry. On the other end there was an old couple who appeared to be in their 70’s reading the paper and browsing a book or two. I could see this Norman Rockwell painting of them pictured there for probably the last 40 years doing the same thing.

My place for the day was at a little table next to the register. A large stack of my books was neatly spread across the table. People would walk by .. glance… and smile. The owner of the store would make short little references to my book and try to get people interested in talking to this so called “author” sitting there all solemn and quiet. The register was busy with small book purchases and a few patrons from the bar. Very home spun and relaxing, a lot of hello’s and “how’s the weather” comments throughout the afternoon. Some people would ask about the football game coming up and others would want to know where a certain book was.

All this was going on while I sat there patiently waiting for the clock to roll around to my designated leaving time. Not that I wanted to leave, oh no, I was enjoying the atmosphere and the quiet nature of the daily workings of the store.

That brings up the thought that came across my mind. Are these the same people that come to my shop with an attitude and misconceptions of the auto industry…..probably so. I have often wondered for many years that it must be my attitude that brings out the worst in people, but, the whole time I was sitting there I was still the mechanic, I was still the guy they needed to fix their car….however…these people didn’t know me as such…. I was an unknown author signing books.

When someone would ask about my book I would tell them that it was a book about people and the daily happenings at a repair shop. That it was funny, but informative…and you would definitely get something out of it. If you knew a person in the auto industry this would make a great gift and they would get a great kick out of reading it too. Well, something like that anyway. Most of the time I would get a disagreeable - hmm. Others had that pondering look as if they were going back into their memory trying to find what was so funny about getting the oil changed on their car. And then walk away shaking their head. I didn’t find that in anyway offensive, or disrespectful. I found it to be a logical, and a very intelligent way for a person to state their opinion without saying much at all. I admire folks like this, the ones that can speak their minds without uttering a word.

As each and every one of these patrons would checkout at the register they gladly paid for their things and gave a big thank you to the person behind the counter. I never heard one person ever ask “why does this cost so much”, “I think you shouldn’t charge so much for this sandwich”, “I know a place down the street that can do the same thing for half of what you’re charging.”

Now that’s funny, that’s pretty much what I hear every day. What gives….? Oh, now don’t get me wrong… it’s not every customer that complains about the prices. I have many, many customers that are eager to pay for my time and service…even a few that think I’m not charging enough for what I do. I even have some that feel the need to leave a tip. It’s those that want to complain and complain and complain that irks me. I have even had them tell me that I should give them the part for what I paid for it. Does the book store give you the book for what they paid for it? Come on people…. I wish I knew why it is the way it is, but for some reason perfectly sane people arrive at an auto repair shop and become tyrants of evil forces. Is it the smell of 90 weight oil in the air? Could it be the constant groan of pneumatic tools in the background? I wish I knew. Maybe after I retire I’ll take a job somewhere pleasant…. Quiet, reserved, and ever so nostalgic…. Yea…. Like a book store.

Magical Elixirs

Back before TV, radio, and the internet, it was the traveling salesman who would tell his tale about his wonderful elixirs he had for sale from the back of his wagon. The huckster would proclaim, “Gather one and all and let me tell you all about Dr. Murphy’s magical elixir! It will cure the common cold, stop a toothache, make your hair grow, restore your hearing, improve your eye sight, why you can work from sun up to sundown without getting fatigued after a mere sip of this tonic. It’s the miracle of the ages! Step right up folks for the worlds wonder of wonders, don’t push, don’t shove there’s plenty for everyone, just two bits will get you a bottle of Dr. Murphy’s elixir!” The sales would commence and the traveling salesman would grab all the loot he could. Hopefully, before somebody from the last town recognized him and let everyone know about his farfetched claims.

These magical elixirs never amounted to much, most of them were just a bottle of strong alcohol and some other added ingredients but, I’ll bet if you drank enough of it you might just forget you had any problems. Well, at least long enough for the salesman to sneak out of town.

These days we are bombarded by endless advertisements from every different direction and for some people distinguishing fact from fiction is a real challenge. You’re likely to find these hucksters and modern snake oil salesmen on late night infomercials, the internet, your cell phone, or spouting their claims with some gimmicky pitch on the radio. The old, “4 out of 5 doctors recommend” quotes you hear on these infomercials just proves to me that those snake oil salesmen are still alive and well.

The point of all this mumbo-jumbo goes back to the old saying made famous by P.T. Barnum, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Some people will buying anything if the sales pitch sounds convincing enough. Even in these modern times the sales continue, and it’s not hard to find some of these pitch artists working their craft on unsuspecting automotive consumers. There’s always some gadget somebody is selling that claims to improve your gas mileage or make a huge scratch on the fender disappear. Now with electronics so involved into the family car there’s even “widgets” to tackle those problems. Whether it’s by internet, smart phone, TV, radio, or the occasional door to door sales… there’s always a pitch, there’s always somebody going to buy some magic elixir.

I’m really not surprised when a customer brings me the latest-greatest gadget that’s going to revolutionize the auto industry they just purchased after staying up way too late watching TV. It could be nothing more than a diagram with instructions on how to turn plain water into Hydrogen with a few parts from the hardware store. (Still holding out on for that one… it can be done…sort of.), or some sort of whirly-gig thingy that is supposed to increase gas mileage by turning the intake air into a vortex of high velocity wind. Somehow, someway they’ll do their best to convince me this is going to work. Well, maybe I’m just the ultimate skeptic or the doubter of all doubters, but I just don’t see these things ever working any better than the elixirs from generations ago.

It’s a mind numbing, never ending, sales pitch that some people can’t get past before buying this stuff, and I don’t want to leave out those annoying salesmen that come to the shop showing off some sort super-duper cleaner that is better than anything I’ve ever seen before, or the guy selling tools and equipment out of his trunk. Seriously, I’ve seen it before… there’s a “No Soliciting” sign posted… but do ya think that stops them… nope … tomorrow they’ll be another one at the front counter and I’ll have to listen to them while they’re standing on the back of “their” wagon telling me all about the great benefits of their magical cure-all.

I do have one particular customer that has probably bought every single one of those gadgets and tries to get me to install them. Even after explaining my theory on some of these goofy gadgets (He doesn’t care what I think.) He’ll insist that I install them. Usually shaking my head in disbelief the whole time I’m doing it, but…hey, he’s paying me, besides it makes him happy when he believes he’s gotten over on the energy crisis.

One time he brought in some sort of navigation systems (this was probably 20 years ago) for me to install. It looked like a botched homemade project some guy fabricated on his kitchen table. Globs of solder were squishing out between the halves of the little plastic case and the leads were all different sizes. It looked like he used whatever he had on hand to build it. I read the directions provided and installed it. The next thing to do was to “navigate” it. You had to go outside and point the car north, then south, then east, and finally west. This was supposed to align the internal compass (whatever…), it never worked. I told him about it and he promptly called the guy who made it. Needless to say, no one answered the phone. Go figure.

His next big idea was some sort of fuel saving device. It was supposed to be installed in the fuel line and it was supposed to align the molecules of the fuel so that it would burn better. (Seriously unbelievable.) I installed it, and within a month his car was on a tow truck. Seems the restriction this thing was putting on the fuel line was too much for the fuel pump to handle. It came off when I changed the pump. It was his idea (with encouragement from me), besides, he didn’t see any change in his mileage so he had to agree I was right this time. (That didn’t happen very often.)

He wasn’t done yet. Then it was some magic pill that you put in the fuel tank. At least I didn’t have to install that, but he did try to entice me into selling those little pills at the counter for other people to use. I said no.

Yep, some people… they’ll buy anything if the sales pitch sounds convincing enough. No doubt, these snake oil salesmen still have the knack of selling today’s version of Dr. Murphy’s elixir. I know I’m not buying their story, and I sure ain’t buying their fix-all-does-all products. But, I do have that one old customer that will. He’s getting pretty old these days and he doesn’t get out as much, but when he does he’ll head straight to the shop with his latest purchase. Even if these magic elixirs don’t do what they claim, at least it makes him happy. I guess, in some ways that elixir does have some benefits after all… even though not in the way they were intended.

Real or Reality TV

Have ya noticed all the reality programs on TV these days? There’s a reality show for every subject you can think of... and probably a few you never would have thought of. From high society in the big city to the suburbs, and even some from way … way back in the woods. They can be quite entertaining, funny, and sometimes pretty strange.

Now, I’m not much on which rich neighbor is doing what with which rich neighbor or who makes the best moonshine, but what I do know a few things about is the automotive world. I might sit down and watch a few of those. Although, from my side of the wrench, as a professional mechanic, I take a completely different view of them. In my opinion, some of these reality shows are far from real reality. I’ve watched a few that I didn’t even make it to the first commercial break before I flipped the channel to something else.

It’s not so much the cars; it’s how they go about restoring them that gets to me. They’ll start off with somebody flashing a wad of cash, and then they buy some old relic, tow it to their garage and present it to the crew. The crew will have this shocked look at what was just dropped off or they’ll have their own ideas as to what to do with this latest acquisition. That's about the time the boss gives them the lowdown on what is going to take place, which usually consists of a full restoration job, and only a few weeks to do it all in. By the end of the show there's a gleaming fully restored work of art on the screen that almost certainly has a buyer or two ready to shell out some ridiculous amount of money for it.

But the shows that really irk me are the ones that use the “all-nighter” approach to car repair. They’ll completely dismantle a car and do all the mechanicals, electrical, vacuum systems, interior, dash and instrument panels, brakes, transmission, rear-end, engine, cooling system, heating systems, all the glass, and a full paint and body mod in less than 72 hours. And, the best part, (or biggest guffaw on these shows) is the final reveal to the owner/buyer of the newly restored gem. Off to the side, just out of the primary camera view is the entire crew that has spent the last three days bringing this ride back to life. I'm in awe of the crew to say the least, not one of them is covered in grease, or has half of their shirt untucked, no fresh cuts or scraps, and not one of them show any effects of sleep deprivation. Simply amazing… TV magic I guess.

I’ve done my share of all night marathon repairs before and quite frankly, by the time the sun comes up I’m not the most coherent guy with a lug wrench in his hand. Hey, they call it “Reality TV” but, as this arm chair quarterback sees it……. it doesn’t seem all that realistic to me. I’m sure the entire staff involved are some of the finest mechanics, bodyman, electrical gurus of the automotive world, but I highly doubt you can turn out a truly professionally restored vehicle in that short amount of time. There has to be a huge number of short cuts that are taken to meet the deadlines.

On the other hand, there are a lot of great automotive reality programs on the television that go to great lengths to show how a modification is installed and go through the process of explaining those mods to the “nth” degree. Any show that portrays the reality of doing the job I do every day in a professional manner I'll sit down and watch it from beginning to end. You want to show me how you install some super cool new rear tail light lenses or wild looking front grill... awesome!!! Or, pulling an engine out of a classic and doing the necessary rebuild on it... super!!! Love that stuff. But, when you try to convince me that you're going to take some car that has been sitting for ten years in the back of some family garage totally neglected and you're going to raise it from the dead overnight... ya lost me.

Come on, I do resto's all the time and the biggest hassle with any of them is … parts availability…. The job comes in the shop, you put it up on the lift and ya spin the drive shaft only to find out the differential or bearings are shot. It’s not like you're going to run down to the local parts store and pick up a set of bearings for a thirty year old low production car just like that. But, somehow some of these shows pull it off... (That's TV for ya.) And, someone also should consider what the original reason was for the car to be parked for so long in the first place. Something is usually worn out, hard to find, or really expensive to repair. Not every car in the back of the garage is there because someone was collecting it. I guess these TV shows neglect that part of the reality of restoring old cars.

I think it gives the novice car enthusiast the wrong impression of what it takes to restore a car. Lately I've been doing a lot more restoration projects than I've done in the past and I do believe it's a result of all these reality shows being aired. For that, I thank you. But, at the same time... shame on you! I can't live up to the overnight results that seem so possible on the big screen. Even though the customer doesn't mention they have been watching a reality show, you know... they're thinking … “This shouldn’t take any longer than it does on TV.” The idea that you're going to be able to resurrect a dilapidated hunk of iron into a show stopper in such a short span of time is not reality.

And, let's not forget the real big issue.... cost. Now there's some reality for ya. When the customer starts to see the costs, WOW!!! Then the reality of doing a restoration project starts to set in. I'm certainly grateful for the few shows that have that “sit-down-with-the-customer” session explaining the cost of the restoration. It does add to the realism and makes it more believable.

I’ve got a big “Thank You” to the guys and gals on these shows that portray the automotive world in its true form. It's a pleasure for me as a professional mechanic to see the artistry and talent of another professional on screen. Watching them dealing with a stuck bolt, rusty bodywork, or dodging the fumes from the soldering gun is all part of the real reality. But, I do have to give credit to all the other shows too, they are entertaining, and in some small way add to the resurgence in restorations projects across the country…. The only thing I ask is… keep it real.

.

Restoration for the Mechanic

Electrical issues on today’s cars have certainly taken center stage. Mechanical issues are still there too, but it’s not uncommon to have a mechanical problem be diagnosed, monitored, or calibrated by some electronic means. You just can’t get away from the electrical if you’re in the automotive repair business these days. It’s taken over just about every facet of the automobile.

Today’s mechanics have become something entirely different from the stereotypical mechanic from just a few decades ago. It’s not that long ago when the electrical section of the repair manuals were just a chapter or two, today… its volumes and volumes of schematics and diagnostic procedures. I’m old enough to remember when points and condensers were still the norm, and I’ve watched the industry go from electronic ignition to today’s electronic jungle of wires and processors. We’ve definitely come a long way with the technology.

Even though I work on all these newfangled electrical wizardry systems on the modern car, deep down I’m still the kid who got a kick out of tearing down an old junker and putting it back together. Now, I’m surrounded by modules, proximity keys, and sensors. Occasionally it’s kind of nice just to step away from the computer and just turn a wrench or two. I look forward to those simpler kinds of jobs, the ones that need a craftsman’s touch and not a box of transistors and capacitors to figure out what to do. Back to a time when a driver was more mechanical involved in the process of operating the vehicle. Heating vents with levers and cables, or a hand choke that needed just the right touch to get it started. No electronics, no service light, just the essentials. (For you younger techs, I’m referring to the days when you actually had to unlock a door with a key.)

I still marvel at the ingenuity and engineering of those times. I guess it’s one of the reasons why I like going to old car and steam engine shows so much. It’s all about the mechanics for me. Electronics are great, but to see the early mechanical devices that were commonplace a century ago still amazes me. How they figured it out, and how they made it work is shear brilliance. (If you ever get a chance to study some of those early mechanical systems, you might be surprised how things were accomplished prior to the computer age. It’s quite fascinating… well at least to me it is.)

It’s great to be able to step back once in a while and just be a mechanic. Back when things were rebuilt and not just replaced with new. There’s a certain satisfaction in taking a broken mechanical device and making it functional again. It’s those jobs that after you’ve wrestled the components into place, and everything is finished you realize that you’re covered in grease, but for some reason you’ve got this big smile on your face. It’s the look of accomplishment, a smile of pride in a job well done.

And while you’re cleaning up the tools, you look over at the finished project still smiling, knowing you’re done and can move onto the next project. It just doesn’t compare to finishing up on a modern car when the last thing to do is watch that blue line steadily move across the computer screen, waiting for it to say “Task completed”.

Not that I’m putting down the modern car, no far from it. It’s just nice to take a break once in a while from the technical mumbo-jumbo and just be a mechanic for a change. Even though it’s pretty awesome to solve a difficult electrical issue, it’s hard to beat a good old fashion mechanical repair. For me, when a restoration project shows up at the shop I get a chance to turn off the laptop and open the toolbox. These restoration jobs are just as much for the customer as they are for me. It’s a restoration of some of my old almost forgotten mechanical abilities. (Yea, I still got it…)

We put a lot of trust in the modern electronics, something the engineers and designers of those automobiles from a few decades ago never even though of. Their own ingenuity and craftsmanship kept them going. Components were built to be repaired not replaced. I think it’s safe to say that a car from 50 years ago is more likely to start and run in another 50 years but I seriously doubt a car from today would have the same luck. There again, it might be something a technician/mechanic of that era might figure out how to do by then. Me I’ll still stick with being a mechanic/technician … I still like the physical repair aspect of the job.

The future of electronics in today’s cars is constantly changing; sometimes we notice the changes while other times you can’t physically see them. Sometimes all it takes is a little R&R on an old jalopy just to make me remember how far we’ve come. In the meantime, the latest restoration job is done so it’s time to go for a test drive.

I’ll get back to the laptop and the modern car world just as soon as I get all the tools cleaned up… it might take a bit though … I’m still admiring the restoration job and I’ve got some more smilin’ to do.

...

Directionally Challenged

These days there are all kinds of ways to keep from getting lost on the highways and city streets. From GPS units mounted in your car, to phone apps that will talk back to you and actually tell you when to turn. There are still the old standby folded maps available at most convenience stores, if that’s what you prefer. But, if technology lets you down, you can always ask someone for directions.

If you think you’re close to your destination and still can’t seem to find it, the best person to ask directions from is … the pizza guy. If you spot a pizza delivery place, just stop in and ask. I’ll bet they know every street in the area.

For some people, finding their way to the repair shop is more than a little confusing. These directionally challenged individuals can’t make it out of their own driveway without getting lost, which has me wondering if all the technology they build into today’s cars is just a way to keep some goofball from becoming a fatality at the next intersection. (Mainly, because they don’t know their left from their right.) Maybe their little GPS voice should try to get their attention by screaming at them, or just go to full out “autonomous control” and drive the car for them. But, I’m sure…even then…they’ll find a way to screw that up too.

About an hour or so before closing one day, I got a call from a guy who wanted to drop off his car. “Sure, no problem,” I told him. This wasn’t the first call from this guy; he’s been calling for days, and every time he calls he must be thinking he’s talking to someone new, because he has to tell his entire story about his car all over again.

Like a lot of these types of phone calls, you never know if they’ll actually show up or not. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t, and sometimes if they do… you wish they didn’t.

In the meantime it was back to work as usual. It wasn’t long before the phone rang again. Same guy, same story… weird yes, but for this guy… pretty predictable.

He asked, “Now, you’re going to be there, right?”

“Yes, I’ll be here, but I’m not waiting all night for ya.”

“Not a problem, I’ll be there on the double,” he hurriedly answered.

Closing time was getting closer and closer. The phone rang again. “Say man, where are you?” the caller asked. It’s that same guy again. I gave him the address (again), and he thanked me and hung up. A few minutes later the phone rang again. It’s him again. “So what are you near?” I gave him the name of the businesses on the corner of the main street and told him we were a block east of the intersection. He hung up again. A few minutes later he called back. “I’m at the convenience store at the corner and I don’t see you. Where you at?”

Again, I gave him the address and told him “again” that we are a block east of the intersection. (Seems this guy couldn’t remember anything.) He would hang up and call back…over and over, asking the same questions.

Finally, after about the 15^th phone call, instead of just hanging up, he asked, “OK, so how far “up” the street do I have to go?”

I had stop and gather my thoughts for a second. I really was getting tired of this. “We are east of the intersection. Up doesn’t tell me anything. You need to be a little more specific, the convenience store is on the south-east corner of the intersection. Now go east one block.”

“So I go “down” the street?”

“Which way is down?”

“I don’t know, I’m not from around here.” (Obviously he’s not from around here. He’s probably from some nearby planet or something, maybe one that uses “up” for east and “down” for west. I really don’t know.) Actually, I think this guy could have gotten lost in his own backyard.

Looks like I’ll have to lead this one in. I’m going to have to get creative because this guy doesn’t have a clue which “up” or “down” to take. It’s a good thing we’re not back in the early pioneering days when people crossed the vast uncharted prairies with nothing more than the sun to guide them. No doubt this guy would have been lost on the trail somewhere. At least you’d be able to find him… just look for the buzzards circling overhead.

“Let’s try this,” I told him, while trying to keep my composure, “If you’re standing at the corner with the convenience store on it. You’re only a block away. Just go east one block. We’re on the north side of the street.”

“Is that left or right?” he asked.

“Are you standing in front of the store?”

“Yes.”

“Do you see a veterinarian hospital in front of you?”

“Yea, it’s on the other side of the street.”

“OK, you’re facing north, East is to your right side… go in that direction about a block and you’ll see us on the north side of the street… that would be on your left.”

I hung up the phone expecting him any minute… only seconds went by… the phone rang again… it’s the girl friend this time. “What’s that address again?”

Apparently these two were meant for each other. Neither one of them could figure out where they were, or where they’re going. All said and done, it took nearly an hour for these two to figure out how to navigate one city block. (I almost had to break out the orange flashlights like they use at the airports.)

I know I’m not the only one who has run across these “directionally challenged” customers. I hear stories like this from everyone. A good friend of mine who owns a shop just off a four lane highway told me an interesting one. One of his usual (as he put it) wacky type customers walked all the way to his shop to pick up his car after it had been repaired. He paid for the repair, and asked for directions to an address he wasn’t sure of.

He told the guy, “Oh sure, it’s on the main highway about 4 miles south of here. You’ll have to go about a half mile north to get to the nearest place to turn back south.”

The guy thanked him and left. Moments later my friend realized something rather strange about the traveler… he wasn’t taking his car… he was on foot….and walk he did…north to the intersection, U-turned and then south past his shop.

My friend said to me, “Why he didn’t take his car, I’ll never know. The address he gave me is on this side of the highway. Now he’ll have to walk across all 4 lanes of traffic again.”

Repairing cars can be a challenge, and yes… sometimes just getting the job to the shop, or giving directions can be an even bigger one.

Back When … Which Era Are You From?

We’ve all heard the old mechanic at the repair shop tell us about those simpler times; the times when you could fix a car with bailing wire and a boot strap. Let’s take a look back at the way things were, back to the time when the old salty dog mechanic was just a green apprentice in the shop, and see what it was really like. Maybe you’ll find where you are, where you come from, and where we’re all heading.

1940’s to 1949

Pre-War and Post War Era

The Artisan Years

The major setback to the automotive industry was of course World War II. The 1940’s is by far the most unusual time in automotive industry. This was the only time when production actually stopped. 1942 was the last civilian production year and no new production was started back up until 1946. Early 40’s cars were all about luxury, and showcased the wealth and status of its owner.

Throughout the 40’s there was a sense of pride to the craft of creating an automobile. Luxury, style, and pure craftsmanship were evident in almost all the models produced back then. A new car in the 1940’s would set you back about $800.00, and a full out luxury convertible by 1949. with all the bells and whistles could run a whopping $3,970.00 (Chrysler’s Town and Country Woody).

By the mid 40’s gas prices shot up to .18 cents a gallon. Average mileage back then for a production car… 15-20 mpg. Fluid drives, over drives, and power brakes were offered as standard features. Sealed headlights and heating systems were becoming standard features as well.

1950 – 1959

The Style and Chrome Era

The post war years brought on a prosperous time in America. Soldiers returned and settled with their young families in a new concept of housing… the suburbs. Farms were getting larger and smaller farms were being combined. Farm tractors and implements made huge advancements in their capabilities, which meant that fewer hands were needed on the farms. It was the time when more roads and bridges were being constructed, as well as full scale manufacturing of all types of goods was sweeping the nation. More returning GI’s searched out work in the big cities, and getting there required a car. By 1950 there were almost 40 million cars on the road, (40% increase from the 40’s) and 3 out of 5 families owned a car.

Car manufacturers were going for the glitz, glamor, and larger size of cars. Some models by the late 50’s reached epic proportions. Advertising was more likely to emphasize the cosmetics of the car rather than the mechanical features. New colors, chrome, automatic and power accessories overwhelmed a new car buyer. Tail fins started out small in the early 50’s, but by the end of the decade they were the size of small sails. These designs all grew out of the big fad of space travel, rockets, air ships, and plane travel.

Tail light lenses had the shade of ruby red lipstick, paint schemes came in two tones, large front bumpers and lots and lots of chrome. Chrome seemed to be everywhere, inside and out.

Car sales dipped a bit by the mid 50’s, which drove a few of the smaller car manufacturers out of business. Mechanics of that era were all about turning wrenches and keeping things in working shape, and with so many cars on the road it wasn’t hard to stay busy.

A new trend was starting to take hold in communities all over the country… the used car market. It had been there for many years before, but wasn’t as strong a player in the automotive market. Now with more models, more changes and innovations people started trading in their cars more frequently. Everyone wanted the latest, greatest models offered. (Advertising at work…) By 1957, buying a car on credit became the norm.

1955 the average car cost $1500. to $3000, and a gallon of gas… .23 cents.

1960 to 1969

The early Muscle Car era

Most connoisseurs of the muscle cars would say the first muscle car was the Olds Rocket 88 from the 40’s. True… but, in the 60’s mom and dad could go down and purchase a new family station wagon that could run on the drag strip that afternoon with no modifications… straight from the showroom. By the early 60’s the “Big Three” (GM, Ford, Chrysler) dominated the global market. 93% of all cars came from the big three back then. Although companies like VW and other foreign manufacturers began to gain a foothold on American soil with their small economical vehicles as well.

Styling was still important, but raw horsepower was definitely the selling point at the dealerships. Some cars got the term “sleeper”, because from the outside the dull and unassuming body style hid a raging high powered V8 engine under the hood. Every manufacturer was putting out more and more muscle type cars well into the mid 70’s, but the mid-size and compact market was a growing market as well.

The Chevy II, Monza, Corvair, Dodge Dart, Chrysler Valiant and the Ford Falcon are just a few examples of the small sized cars available back then. Some say it was the VW Beetle and the gas crunch that brought it on, others say it was government regulation on emission and safety standards, and the smog conditions in some parts of the country that brought the end to the leaded gas years, but whatever it was, I’m still a fan of the raw horsepower of a muscle cars.

In the 60’s a new car might set you back about $3000, while .32 cents put a gallon of gas in it.

1970 – 1979

The Last of the Muscle Cars

The Technical Era

The first microprocessor came out in 1971 (the Intel 4004), the video game “Pong” came out in 1972, and things like the liquid crystal watch made its debut. Electronic ignition was a biggie, which started in the early 70’s It became popular for a lot of mechanics to switch older rides over to the more reliable electronic ignitions. Lots of various systems were developed; on board lean burn systems (Chrysler) in 1976, Dura spark, and many others. Radial tires, stamped out aluminum rims, and electronic charging systems became common place. (Chrysler had the first alternator car back in the 60’s). Anti-lock brakes became an option, and many other innovative ideas started being added to the cars back then.

A lot of the technology had been around for decades, and some manufacturers used some of those innovative ideas even as early as the 40’s, although, most of them didn’t become a standard feature or workable until the advent of the early computer age.

By far the technical aspect of what was happening around the automotive world had a bigger influence on the market place than any styling or horsepower. It was the sign of the times … economy, safety, emissions, and mpg that stood out as the biggest concerns. By the 70’s it wasn’t uncommon for a family to have more than one car. Mom would have the family car, while dad had his ride. The signs of the busy, fast pace life (as we know it today) had its meager start with the ability to do more, go to more places, and be more mobile.

By the mid 70’s a new car had a price tag of around $2500.00 to $4000.00 while a gallon of gas ran about .57 cents.

1980 to 1989

The Check Engine Light Era

With the clean air act established in 1963, improved amendments added in 1970 (more changes in 1990 also), and the national speed limit dropped to 55 mph in 1974, (prompted by the spike in oil prices of the late 70’s) a huge change was under way for cars that were produced by the time the 80’s came along. Car and Driver Magazine referred to the last muscle car as "The Last of the Fast Ones". Their pick for the last of the show room hot rods was Pontiac's Firebird Trans Am SD455 model of 1973–1974. The 80’s had an entirely different outlook about cars than they did in 70’s… times were changing.

The big car was getting smaller. Some of the same names for those muscle cars of the 60’s and 70’s were still used on the new models, but the car was entirely different, and was nothing like its earlier predecessors. Gone were the tail fins of the 50’s, and so were the muscle cars of the 60’s and 70’s. Now things were geared for fuel economy and safety. By 1984 some states started making seat belt use mandatory, and it wasn’t long before everyone else required it.

Computer aided systems were the new innovations. There were a few earlier computerized/ECU controlled systems before the 80’s (the first production car with a working electronic computer system was a 1968 VW type 4. In the USA the 1975 Cosworth Vega, and later the 1979 Cadillac were the first that I know about.), but by the mid 80’s most productions vehicles had a check engine light and some sort of ECU.

All in all styling was secondary, horsepower wasn’t what it used to be, and the overall length and size of the family car was changing as well. Now controlling emission and gas mileage was the big concern. The check engine light was here to stay, and so was the computer age in the automotive world. Things were changing and changing rapidly.

By 1985 an average car would cost about $8500.00 and gas was a whopping $1.20 a gallon.

1990 to 1999

Converters - O2’s

The Smart Car Era

By the time the mid 90’s rolled around computers were in charge. The biggest changes were definitely with the electronics in cars, and that hasn’t stopped yet. The ECU, ECM, PCM became not just a device that watched for failed emission readings, but now has become part of the actual operation of the car. There were a lot of earlier models with chips and proms that governed the operation of the vehicle, but with the more up to date computers things like the air conditioning, transmission, lighting, and practically every other function in the car was handled by some form of computerized control.

If you could take a time capsule back to the 60’s and see the smog level in some of the larger cities, and compare it to now, you’d see a dramatic difference in the air quality. Needless to say, the catalytic converter made the difference. Using the modern computer systems with their O2 sensors monitoring the exhaust, the car of today has a much healthier emission foot print than those of a few decades ago. Granted, a lot of “tuner” mechanics will tell you that a properly tuned and well maintained car from the muscle car era will have just as clean an exhaust as its modern counterpart. That might be true, but… that’s a hard and probably impossible task, considering the number of cars on the road. You’re just not going to be able to keep them all tuned to that efficiency. But, the converter in today’s car makes it all possible.

By the late 90’s styling starting coming back into the picture. Gone were the boxy body styles, the early emission systems with their countless vacuum tubes, and toned down horsepower models of the 80’s. Horsepower started to get some notice again, and there was definitely some interest in a show room hot rod, just as it was way back when. Especially after 1995 when the 55 mph act was repealed. The need for speed was back. Of course we also have the added features like air bag systems, better suspensions, better handling, better brake systems, better engines, better transmissions, etc… (the list goes on and on.) Computers and technology really made a difference in the automotive industry in the 90’s. Handling was better, performance was better, and overall the cars were better. With proper care a lot of these cars could go well past 100k miles on the odometer.

The average car off the show room floor in 1995 was around $15,000. While a gallon of gas was $1.15 (Interesting compared to the 80’s)

2000 to the present

The Computerized Era

It’s the era of computers, internet, smart phones, face book and the like. Cars have GPS satellite coverage, self-parking, automatous capabilities, and can perform a lot of its own self checks with internal diagnostics. Styling is alive and well… maybe not to the extremes of the 50’s, but a more modern approach to a stream lined body style with a touch of the old nostalgic look as well. Horsepower from smaller displacement engines is the norm, lots of horsepower by the way. Mileage is increasing with every new model, too. There’s no doubt the electronic computerized engine control era is upon us. With more advancements and better technology waiting to be implemented, it’s just a matter of time before cars surpass anything that resembles the mechanical wonders from decades ago.

In the near future the next generation of mechanics will undoubtedly be nothing like the mechanic from the 40’s. Oh sure, they’ll still have a big box of tools, but along with that they’ll also have an understanding of electronics and computers their predecessors never needed. The sad part of that is the craftsmanship of those early pioneers in the industry will be few and far between. Computers and technology override the old “hands on” approach to car repair.

Average new car in 2005 was around $25,000.

In 2010 the average car would set you back about $28,000.

2005 a gallon of gas averaged 1.95, while in 2010 it was 2.51

I’m looking forward to introducing those mechanics born in this time period to the world of automotive repair, and what a world it’s going to be, Hybrids, Electrics, GDIs, and other variations and innovations.

I hope I haven’t bored you with my take on what it was like to be a mechanic throughout these decades I’ve listed. Of course I couldn’t cover everything, or some of the other important highlights. It’s more of what I thought was interesting for those time periods. So which decade do you fit in? When were you born?

The changes are all around us, and sometimes those changes are evident by which decade your car comes from. Taking a look back at the automotive industry from a different perspective might make you appreciate your mechanic and your car just a little more than usual. But don’t forget, keep one an eye on the future too.

Parts, Prices, and People

There’s one thing that never changes in the world of auto repair, and that’s change. Every model, every year has some slight difference from the previous one. Even though functionally, the same results are achieved, the newer version will undoubtedly accomplish it with a slightly modified or different component than the older version. The big issue is usually cost of those replacement parts, and sometimes that’s a real shocker to the consumer when they get the estimate for repairs.

One rather hectic morning a lady came in with a headlight problem. The diagnostics came to an abrupt halt when the dimmer switch lever was found dangling from the steering column. A pretty straight forward repair, tear down the steering column and replace the switch, then see if there was any other problems down the line. But, it wouldn’t be much of a story if that’s all it was, now would it?

The part in question was not just a dimmer switch, but the entire combination switch: turn signals, cruise, etc… and the part, oh boy, was it outrageously expensive. I’ve had many of these seemingly insignificant components that you would think wouldn’t break the bank turn out to be so expensive. Some people can’t cope with the reality of the cost, and take their anger out at the front desk. This was no exception.

When the parts supplier quoted me the price on the phone I was already shaking my head, knowing what was going to happen next. I said to the parts guy, “You know, the price of this part is going to be the deal breaker on this one. How in the world am I going to sell this gold plated dimmer switch to this lady? I know it’s not your fault, and I know you’re just the messenger… but you probably know what I’m going to be dealing with next.” He laughingly answered, “Yea, I know. I get the same reaction from shops all the time… sorry bud, but you know how it goes.”

I realize the cost of some of these parts and components is enough to sink a battle ship; it’s just something you have to deal with as the mechanic.. or the consumer. Just to be on the safe side I called all my other suppliers and the dealer parts department to compare prices. Everybody had about the same price, give or take a little.

I’d like to think that I’m very sympathetic to the unknowing consumer’s pocket book. I really feel sorry for them, but I just can’t do anything about the cost of some of these parts. At this point, it’s out of my hands, it is what it is. Now the fun part, I have to break the news to this lady.

“This is highway robbery. You’re gouging me! It shouldn’t cost that much for a dimmer switch! I had one changed on a car I had several years ago, and it didn’t cost this much! I’m not paying that, I’ll take it elsewhere, and I’m never coming back here again!” said the lady. (You know, I actually expected that kind of response.) Stands to reason when a customer has a thought in their head as to how much something should cost, and you throw a number at them that is completely off the charts, they’re going to go ballistic. Calming this lady down wasn’t going to work, she had made up her mind that this wasn’t right, and was bound and determined to let me know just what she thought of the whole thing.

The more I explained, the angrier she got. It’s not like this lady was a new customer, quite the opposite. She had been in several times for other repairs, and I never had a problem before, but now I’ve got a situation that isn’t going to end happily no matter what I do.

Customer reaction to the cost of parts is nothing new, typically they’ll make a few calls and find out it’s pretty much the same anywhere they go. Sometimes, they’re so ticked off at the thought of spending that much they won’t come back. Pride I guess. They’ll go to another shop just so they can avoid a face to face confrontation with the original shop that gave them the quote. I totally understand that, even though it does seem a bit foolish.

I may diagnose it, find the problem, and write the estimate up, only to have the cost of the part become the dagger that kills the deal. The sad part of it is, there are lots of components on today’s cars that are quite frankly… way overpriced. (We all know it, but again…we can’t do anything about that.) Try explaining the cost of replacing HID headlights and ballast to someone who just came in thinking they needed a new bulb. YIKES!

Comparing one car to the next doesn’t work anymore either, and if for some reason a customer calls a parts store and the right information isn’t passed to the counterperson by the caller, chances are the quoted price will be for the wrong application. Nine chances out of ten when that happens the price is likely to be for a cheaper component that doesn’t fit, or is the wrong part all together. Now my job at the service counter becomes even more difficult.

As the lady stormed out of the lobby full of other customers she had to spout off one more time about how much of a crook I was, and how she was never coming back. She made it a point to tell all the other customers waiting on their cars that they should think twice about having me work on their cars. Seriously lady, ya made your point… now leave.

The next day I got a call from a shop on the other side of town. He said he just had a very disturbing, very demanding lady show up to his shop. (This particular shop is one that I’ve done business with for more than a decade.) He told the lady that he doesn’t do electrical work, but refers that type of problem to my shop.

The lady sternly told him, “Well, I just left there. They are way too expensive, and I’m never going back there. So you fix it instead!”

He promptly told her, “Well, ma’am, he’s the best in town, and I don’t do that kind of repair. That’s why we send everything there.”

“Who else would you recommend?” she asked.

“Nobody,” he replied.

“Well I need it done, and I’m not having them do it.”

“I guess then, if you’re not going to have them do it, it ain’t getting done… you’re on your own lady.”

I got a laugh out of that one. (Thanks for sticking up for me partner… appreciate that.) Of course, I haven’t seen the lady again. I’m sure she found somebody to change out the dimmer switch by now. But, I doubt it was any cheaper. Parts and their prices will constantly change, and will always challenge our perception of what things should cost. On the other hand, some people’s perception about the prices of car repair… may never change.

Mechanic Culture Shock

When you go to another country with their own set of values and way of doing things, you soon find yourself making comparisons to your own surroundings, and how much things are different than you’re used to. Being there yourself you’ll see things the way they really are, and not how the evening news or the documentary channels portrays it. Recently my wife and I took some time off for a trip to Mexico. We enjoyed the beautiful ocean breezes, the spectacular palms and other tropical vegetation. We spent the days lounging around the pool, and then watched the beautiful sunsets every night at a little cabana café while sipping on the local brew. Even though we had other reasons for being there, and work wasn’t one of them, I still was interested in checking out how the local mechanic operated.

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico thrives on tourism. Large ocean cruise ships dock near the downtown area daily. Taxis are waiting everywhere to take the tourist to all the hot spots in town. Cars zoom past each other on the main thoroughfare with just inches to spare. (You can always tell who’s the new arrivals are by the death grip they’ll have on the back of the seat in the taxi.) After a while though, you get pretty used to the zipping between cars and the sudden lane changes or the odd stop light arrangements, just sit back and enjoy the views.

On one of our hair raising taxi adventures the driver asked, “Donde es usted?” (Where are you from?) and then he asked, “A que se dedica?” (What do you do for a living?). I told him where I was from, and that I was a mechanic. He replied in perfect English, “Are you a good one?” (Wouldn’t ya know it, I go miles and miles from home and ya still get the same responses when you tell someone you’re a mechanic.) Apparently, good mechanics are hard to find everywhere, Mexico included.

One morning we decided to take in some of the local sites, but we also wanted to see some of the local areas that generally are off the usual tourist spots. We found an understanding taxi driver who spoke very good English who understood what we wanted. I told him that I was interested in seeing a few mechanic shops as well. Not a problem, since his uncle owned a small shop here in PV.

We drove by a few new car dealers on the main street areas where all the service bays are open air; you could see every inch of floor space, the lifts, tools, etc... The floors, walls, and the mechanics were spotless. Our taxi driver said that he doesn’t get his vehicles fixed at the dealer, because they were so much higher than the local independent shops. (Sounds familiar doesn’t it.) He went on to tell me that most locals don’t go to the dealer either. It’s just too expensive for them.

Very few independent shops are visible from the main thoroughfare, so it was time to venture into the local scenes. As we turned off the neatly hand laid brick main streets, we soon reached the uneven and bumpy cobblestone roads that are common throughout this part of the world. These are teeth jarring, bone rattling, and suspension beating roads that require the dexterity of a surgeon to navigate them without bouncing your passengers around like rag dolls. Our driver definitely was up to the task. Formula one speed when needed, and then back to tiptoeing around like a butterfly with sore feet. Amazing driving skills to say the least.

The streets twist and turn or gain attitude so quickly you think the cab is getting ready to launch into space sometimes, and without any type of emission standards in place the fumes in certain areas, or in the two main tunnels in town can be a bit much for someone not used to it. There’s not a lot of room for error with the streets so narrow but with a soft toot on the horn or a simple wave, a non-spoken language is communicated between drivers and they all manage to avoid tangling bumpers. (amazing…)

Most of the independent shops were dirt floor, with one or two lifts. Parking is hard to come by because every available space is used, front parking is rare and you can forget about anything you might call a waiting area … it just doesn’t exist. Part stores aren’t big or elaborate either. They are very small, and I mean small! Parts are hard to come by, so a lot of mechanics spend hours repairing the original parts as best as possible. (Try that in the states.) From what I was told, every effort is made to repair things (no matter what it takes), rather than to replace parts. A carburetor that would be considered unbuildable in the states is nothing for the crafty Mexican mechanic. They’ll tinker on the thing for days or weeks if needed, just to get it to work again. Our taxi driver said it is very rare that anyone ever gets upset that it takes so long to get their car repaired. “It’s just the way things are here,” he said.

Scanners and modern tools are not very common place; if possible, electrical related problems are generally pushed off to the side, while more effort is concentrated on getting the cars running and rolling again. There are a lot of electrical repair shops, though. They’ll spend the time to change a single bearing out of an alternator and put it back together, even if the brushes and other components are barely reusable… but being still usable, means they still work. Nothing is wasted.

The whole atmosphere of the shops and the customers is more of a carefree attitude, and not so much the hustle and bustle like in the states. (OK, except for when they’re behind the wheel of a car… yikes watch out then.) And after spending the day driving around observing the work habits and conditions these shops owners and mechanics go through on a daily basis it got me to thinking. “What was more important today, the car or the customer?” Now if I have to explain that one to you… you definitely need a vacation.

This attitude goes both ways; from the customer’s anticipation of getting their car repaired to the mechanic trying to make the repairs, our hurried society puts a lot of pressure on solving things quickly and efficiently just so we can all stay on that fast paced life style we seemed to have become accustomed too. Here in the USA it seems to me that if we stopped long enough to see the fading sunset, or took a moment to witness the last rays of sunlight to disappear, the second after it disappears over the horizon somebody will be in a hurry to go somewhere else and ruin the moment.

Yea, it was a culture shock to see how the other side of the world handles auto repair… but, after a few cervezas, a few more of those beautiful sunsets, I think I could get used to the local pace and learn how to slow down and enjoy life too.

Paradox

Paradox: a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd, but in reality expresses a possible truth.

That definition sounds a lot like the situations I get into at the repair shop, some absurd, some self-contradictory, and some that have a small amount truth to them, but I never know which one (or all) it’s going to be.

A frequent customer of mine had bought a small car for their daughter to drive back and forth to college. It’s a nice little car, low miles, decent shape, and well-kept. The only thing it needed was a new battery. I was happy to oblige him with a new one, and off to college she went.

That was last year, and then just a few weeks ago I get a call from the father that the daughter’s car is having a new problem. She could drive just a few blocks before the temperature gauge would start to climb.

“I’m guessing a coolant system problem,” I told him.

Since the car was out of state the dad and I both agreed that she should take it to a shop and have it checked out.

It turned out to be a faulty coolant fan. You would think changing the coolant fan would be the end of it, but the technician noticed the battery that I installed earlier was leaking acid out of the positive post. Which is a problem, sure, but let’s not call it “life threating”, as they seemed to have put it to her? Not only did they scare this guy’s daughter half to death with wild claims, but they also felt it necessary to tell her that they were “the one and only shop” to perform repairs on her car and that the last shop that had installed the battery had installed the wrong one in the first place… namely me.

I do take it as an insult to the trade when another repair shop finds it appropriate to scare someone into making a repair. The paradox that all shops are created equal and all mechanics are the same but perform the same repairs with the same results is no more a true statement than all cars are the same color.

As I listened to the customer relay what he was told I got the feeling this was more of an attempt to “up-sell” the customer rather any kind of emergency. The dad stated to me what the service writer told him, “Obviously, the person who put the battery in doesn’t know what he’s doing. Only an idiot would put the wrong size battery in a car.”

OK, now you’ve gone and done it, ya pushed my “pissed off” button. I could have put the wrong battery in, I could have installed it wrong, and I most certainly could be a complete idiot. But what part (or all) of this is the absurdness? There’s definitely a paradox here… but exactly where?

“Don’t turn the old battery in. Have her bring it to the shop when she comes back into town and I’ll take care of it. I’d like to see what they are talking about,” I told him.

A week or so later the car shows up at the shop, the battery was wrapped in a garbage bag in a box, inside another box. The dad was standing at the counter and I’ll have to say, with a not so happy attitude. (I could tell the “other” shop has done their damage.) There was no problem warranting the battery, I was more concerned with the story behind it all. After unwrapping the battery it was clear that it had been leaking for quite some time, although it was the correct battery for the car. We checked the car out together, and there didn’t seem to be anything pulling on the cable that could have caused it. (The cause was undetermined and probably will fall into another paradox of unexplained problems.) Should I warranty the battery? Sure, what’s a battery in the whole scheme of things? The paradox isn’t the battery; it’s the story behind it. Ok, we’ve checked the installation, we’ve checked the battery, and we’ve checked for any outstanding reasons that might have caused the problem. I guess that only leaves one thing… who’s the idiot?

“Why couldn’t they just warranty the battery for you while you were up there?” I asked.

“She took it to a dealership and they don’t sell that brand of battery. They have their own brand. So I had to buy that one.” he tells me.

Now it’s making a little more sense: yes, it was only a cracked positive post seal and yes, it was in need of exchanging, and yes, it was quite a drive back to my shop. (But I’ll bet there was a battery dealer close by. It’s a national brand.). More to the point, she drove into their service bay with a car that was over heating, not a battery issue. She could have easily driven out that way if given the chance. Would it have been a bad thing to drive back with the battery in that condition? I don’t see why not, although when the hard sell is placed in front of a young driver and you’ve got dad on the phone miles away who’s worried about his off spring, that “hard sale” becomes another paradox. At this point, I have to go by the judgment of the tech at the dealership on this one. I, for one, would have probably suggested a new battery too. But, I think I would have also suggested finding a place that could warranty the battery instead of just selling her a new one. (If possible.)

Now we add a new paradox to the story: Would it have been wiser to find a place to warranty it or would it have been wiser to sell her a new one… or would it have been wiser to find another shop to look at the car who wasn’t just trying to “up-sell” her more parts, and the real issue… bringing in the fear of automotive failure into the conversation. Then to add the part about telling good old dad and having him worried too. And where am I, oh I’m the guy standing in the lobby with a busted battery in a plastic bag, inside a box, inside a box.

It’s just another one of those paradoxes in a pair of boxes.

Party Line

Every once in a while I’ll get a car in that just doesn’t follow the normal procedure for reflashing or reprogramming. GM products seemed to be the most common ones to do this, but I’ve had it happen on other cars as well. Say you’re about to install a new PCM, and you have to download the new software into it. After you get the software loaded onto the scanner, you start to transfer the information, and when you get about half way through the procedure the screen freezes and says, “Download incomplete” or “Download failed”. The usual cause is one or more of the other modules on the communication line are trying to communicate while the scanner is sending the new information.

When this happens… and it does happen quite a few times, I have to find the splice pack where all the communication lines are, and disconnect it. Then using a scope (wiring diagram isn’t much help because all the comm. lines are usually the same color on the splice) find the exact lead that goes to the module that I’m trying to program, and jump that one… and only that one… to the ALDL. Then start the whole procedure over again. It’s my way of telling the rest of the modules to shut up… politely.

It’s like the old telephone party lines. (If you’re old enough to remember those.) Basically, several homes were on the same pair of wires, and each house had its own distinctive ring. If you wanted to make a call, you had to pick up the receiver and check to make sure nobody else was on the phone. If someone was, you politely excused yourself, and tried again later. (Of course there was always that nosey neighbor who would listen in on other people’s calls.)

That’s pretty much what it’s like trying to program some of these cars these days. Too many different systems are trying to talk all at the same time, and when that happens… nothing gets done. But, if you can isolate it down to one module, or somehow tell all the other modules to behave themselves for just a bit, then the new information can make it where it needs to go without any “Download has failed” across the screen.

It’s bad enough to deal with the “party line” issues when I’m out in the shop trying to get a new program installed, it’s quite a different thing when it’s at the front counter or on the phone. It doesn’t work as well to tell the background chatter to “shut up” when you have two or more people trying to explain their car to you all at the same time. Having to maintain that professional image while they are all try to engage in a meaningful conversation with you is quite trying. Seriously, sometimes I wish I could just shut them up…politely.

The other day I had a car dropped off that turned into the party line from the twilight zone. There was no way to avoid the confrontation in the front office on this one. In walks the whole entire family, dad, the wife, the two kids, the dog, and somebody who happened to be tagging along (I think he was the neighbor) with the rest of this ensemble.

“What can I do for you?” I asked…. Needless to say I didn’t address my greetings to just one person, but to the group in general.

At that moment the husband, the wife, one of the kids, and their extra person, (the other kid kept the dog occupied.) commenced to speak all at the same time, all in rather loud voices, and they all had different things to say. When one would hesitate, the other would jump in even louder than before, then the other one was speaking over the first one again. It was a free for all of random car problems, and not one of them was giving an inch as to who was going to speak first about the car. It kept getting louder and more confusing as they went on.

“Hold on a second,” I said, louder than normal, “One at a time, I can’t answer all of your questions at the same time! Let’s have one person explains things; the rest of you please keep quiet… I’ll get to you all in a minute.”

Now it’s like some old vaudeville act in the lobby, one person turns to the other, “Oh I’m so sorry, you go ahead.” …. “No, no… you first”….”No really, you should tell him.”… “You drive the car more … you should be the one to tell him.” … “Oh no, you should tell him.”… (The kid jumps into the act), “I saw it do it, Mom. I can tell him!” … then the neighbor, “It happened to me the other day when I borrowed the car. I just don’t want to get blamed for it messing up, but you should tell him, it’s your car.”

Everyone was apologizing to the other, you tell him-no you tell him-no that’s perfectly alright… you tell him. This went on for so long I was waiting for the giant hook to come from stage left and end this show. I suppose in some small way I must have been part of this comedy act, and I’m the guy who has to straighten this whole mess out, time to say something, “I don’t care who tells me… but somebody tell me what’s going on here!”

It still took a few more apologizes to finally get the mom to begin to tell me about the car. I swear… I’ve had less trouble isolating a communication line on the scanner. But, with a room full of people I couldn’t just scope out which one had the right info or not. I’m out of my element. (This is definitely not part of my training.) Unbelievable… and what a party this has turned out to be…!

Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t install hidden cameras in the front lobby for just these sorts of things. Put it on YouTube or something. Hilarious stuff. As a technician/mechanic I’m pretty capable of dealing with the frustrating party line chatter on the communication line in the car, but this… this is way too much vaudeville for me.

Well, ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Repairing cars is what keeps the shop in the black, and at times dealing with the owner is more of a challenge than making the repairs. Maybe I’ll eventually laugh about all of this, but until then I’ll just keep at it working on improving my communication with the scanners…. and those occasional vaudeville entertainers. Ring, ring, ring… it’s the phone… … hold that thought… there’s another party on the line… here we go again.

Square Peg Round Hole

I’ve made a career out repair cars; it’s a great living full of all kinds of surprises and new adventures. It’s not a career for everyone but for those who have done it for as long as I have we’ve all seen the changes in the way we approach car repair. Our tools and techniques have evolved right alongside of the cars we service. But there is still one fundamental thing that hasn’t changed… a knowledgeable technician/mechanic who understands the complexities of the modern car and how to properly diagnose and repair them. That all starts with the good technical information.

Years ago performing repairs and diagnosing problems was done with the help of those oversize manuals. Some were bound, others not, but for the most part, it was still ink on paper. These manuals spent a lot of time on the edge of a fender and went through a lot of abuse before they were either replaced or taped back together. (Like a lot of mine are.) Every type of information, specifications, and procedures were between the covers of those manuals, and as time passed the volume of information kept growing, as well as the thickness of those manuals. When the PC (personal computer) became the norm so did the way we get our information. Most often it was offered on CD’s or floppy discs when they first came out. That wasn’t that long ago, but, these days everything has gone internet.

In the days of the paper manuals I would take a pencil and scratch notes on the margin of the pages or scribble another line between the words on a page so that I would have a reminder of a change or update for a certain procedure. After a while there were a lot of personal notes in those big heavy books. With the CD’s it wasn’t as easy… however, most of the CD’s were just a transcribed editions of those early books. So, whatever changes that I kept on the margins of those books weren’t part of the CD, which meant I would have to revert back to the old books on occasions.

With the internet services we have today, there is a notation section that I can jot my little cheat sheet information down and store it for later use. I still find some things that just don’t make any sense when I’m looking up some information though, just as it was with the book form there a times when even the great internet information is amiss, slightly off, incorrectly labeled, poorly explained, and… OK, OK, enough of the pleasantries … the truth of the matter is… it’s just flat wrong!

There’s a certain amount of frustration a mechanic goes through when looking up something like a fuse box for instance on a certain car or truck and you get to the “correct page” only to find out that it’s the wrong fuse box. Now you have to go back through, change the year or something and see if you can find a match to the fuse box you’re actually working on. It can be maddening at times trying to dig through the maze of information. Especially when things aren’t where they should be.

Another area that will put you into an early coronary or psycho ward is the component locator section. (You know, if the consumer knew how much time is spent just trying to locate some of these out of the way components they may take away from this experience a whole new appreciation of their mechanic.) I’ve got to admit a doctor only has two different models to work on, be it, some are large and some small…But, all the parts are (generally) in the same place…or at least they’re supposed to be. In a car, not a chance. Every year the manufacturers gotta move things around to accommodate either a new design or some other change. I’m never surprised when the locater tells me a part is on the left side of the glove box and it’s not. Then the chase is on, you find a wire that matches, maybe a relay that’s in the circuit you’re working on, or some clue that leads you to look elsewhere… finally you locate it under the center console and not behind the glove box. Yep, been there…done that. (Time to write a note about this one.)

It’s like trying to put the preverbal square peg in a round hole sometimes. The harder you try the harder it seems to get. Ya just have to be aware that sometimes that peg just doesn’t fit and it ain’t going to fit. You’re on your own to find that component, labor time, or procedure. It’s just another challenge in the automotive repair business that a lot of folks out there are not aware of. To me, it can be the most frustrating part of the job. I may know what the problem is by looking at the wiring diagram or from a scanner reading but when it comes down to getting to that ailing part and it’s not where it’s supposed be, I’ll guarantee it’s not a good time to ask me, “How’s it going?” Kinder words may have been spoken in the past… but not right about now!

Just the other day I got a 09 Hyundai in that had a bad alternator in it. With the aide of the wiring diagram, meters, and a quick scan I was able to determine the condition of the alternator. The next step was to get the thing out of the car. By the book it was only supposed to take a couple of hours… uh - huh… sure… sure it does. The only way to get it free from its encasement was to get the coolant fans out of the way.

I had to explain to the customer that the book time for the job was wrong before I even started. And, like most people who get an estimate from their mechanic that they aren’t agreeable with they start to call everyone else on their list of repair shops. Of course, everybody else has the same labor rate that I found… but nobody on the list had ever taken an alternator out of that particular car before either. The car was still too new; it was just out of its factory warranty, so I was the first to see this guy’s car outside the dealer. (Lucky me….)

With almost the entire front end of the car dismantled the alternator finally came out. What an ordeal… not only was the job made difficult by the extraction but worse by the customers concerns that I was overcharging. (Pictures helped by the way.) Cooler heads prevailed in the end; it’s all part of my job to explain things as well as to fix things. FYI; Labor guides are called “guides” not labor quotes, just keep that in mind.

You can bet I made a note on this one. In more ways than one, it was one of those square peg in the round hole problems, and I’m sure it won’t be the last one either.

Nothing Beats a Full House

There’s days, even weeks (depending on the time of year) when a pair is pretty good. Then there are days when three of a kind ain’t bad. But in my book nothing beats a full house.

I’ll bet you thought I was talking about poker, didn’t ya? Nope, I’m talking about the automotive repair business. When the shop is humming, and the jobs are flowing, and business is brisk, that’s when I know I’ve been dealt a winning hand. It might mean coming into work really early or staying late, but at the end of the week it’s a pretty good feeling to know you’ve played your cards right.

There’s been many a day that closing down the shop early is better than being dealt jokers or cards that won’t play. The phone isn’t ringing, the shop is empty, all the tools and service bays have been cleaned, and all the shelves are stocked, but not a single car in the service bays. Those are the days that even a pair sounds good. I’d even settle for pulling one decent card out of the deck on those days.

“It’s feast or famine,” a good friend of mine told me. He’s a realtor, and his business is the same way. One day everybody is calling, and the next day you have to pick up the phone just to see if there’s still a dial tone. (Boy, do I know it, I certainly can relate to that.) There is a pattern to all of this chaos though. It took me years of running a shop to figure it out, and I’m sure the same thing happens in every part of the country, just like it does here in the southern part where I live.

Take the holidays… no, seriously… take them. There a joyous time to be with family and friends, but it’s not that great if you’re making a living servicing cars. It never fails when a holiday is on the calendar you can bet it’s slow. But, the day or so before a long weekend holiday you can guarantee it’s going to be packed at the repair shop. Seems everybody waits to the last minute to get the car ready for a trip and everybody wants their car done… RIGHT NOW! I pretty much know those are the days I’m coming in early and staying late.

Then there’s when school starts… listen close…can ya hear the crickets out in the shop? I know I can. Usually the week or two before school starts everything slows to a crawl. Oh you might get a couple of pair, maybe three of a kind but it’s doubtful you’ll get a full house. As soon as school is in session the cards start to fall in the right place again. It’s a sure bet the shop is going to be full for the next couple of weeks.

Of course there’s Fair week. Don’t get me wrong, I like the Fair, I think it’s pretty cool, but not from a business stand point that’s for sure… it’s the week to fold your hand. Nothing ever happens Fair week. In my early years there was one Fair week that I’ll never forget. I had one car for the whole entire week… yes… one and only one car. However, it was a super huge job that nearly took the whole week to finish. (Funny how things work out that way.)

Temperature and the weather have a lot to do with what cards you’re dealt in this crazy world of auto repair. Heavy snow or monsoon rain means… stay home, fold em’. Now a light rain, one of those steady down pours that doesn’t seem to end has a different affect. The shop slows, but the phone rings constantly. The usual caller will tell me something like this; “Yes, I’m having a problem with my wipers can you fix them?”

I’ll answer, “Why yes, we could get you in right now.”

“Oh it’s raining, but as soon as it lets up I’ll bring it in.”

I know better than to assume they’ll be in on the next sunny day. As soon as the sun comes out they forget all about their wiper troubles. I guess it’s one of those “out of sight, out of mind” things. Although, I’ve learned to get their phone number, and call them the next day and remind them of their previous call and set an appointment to get it in the shop. Surprisingly enough, it works.

Now the temperature, that’s a real fickle issue. Too hot or too cold does some strange things to cars. Usually means it’s going to be busy. Then again if it’s a “room temperature” sort of day… it’s probably not going to be that busy. There are the calls of course, there’s the “stop by the shop and chat about it” kind, and then there are the ones that just want to pick your brain and price check everything.

When it comes to creature comforts in the car, it’s a safe bet on those high or low temperature days those systems are on the top of the repair priority list. Wouldn’t be the first time someone has come in the shop with their brakes metal to metal, but they’re not worried about that… that A/C is a must. Now in the winter months it’s the heater, or the defroster, or the wiper blades that froze to the windshield the night before and they didn’t bother to clean them off… they just turned them on, and now... oops… they don’t work at all.

The one ace in the hole that does take the edge off of the ups and downs of the seasonal changes is to have a back burner job sitting in the corner of the shop. Maybe a restoration project or some personal toy you can pull out of moth balls for the guys to fiddle around with when it’s slow.

All in all, doing this job is a great reward; it’s a great career choice. You meet some really interesting people from all walks of life in this business. A lot of them become regulars, and stop by no matter what the temperature is or whether or not the Fair is in town. Ya just got to play your cards right, know when to fold them and know when to hold them.

When it’s slow you might tend to dwell on things and think you’ve done something wrong, but then things pick back up and you forget all about those thoughts. You’re taking a gamble in just about any career choice you make, automotive repair is no different, and when someone asks, “How’s it going?” I always answer with, “It’s slowly getting busy or busy getting slow.” A couple of cars in the morning, maybe three of a kind later that afternoon, whatever there is that’s the hand you’ve been dealt for the day. But, in this game of auto repair… nothing beats a full house.

Battin' a Thousand

The batter steps up to the plate, takes a hand full of dirt and rubs his hands and the bat. He takes a few scrapes with his feet from the batter’s box while digging in with his cleats. He then gives the pitcher the evil eye and sets his bat ready to take whatever the pitcher is going to throw at him. The catcher gives the signs, the pitcher nods his head. He takes a quick look to first base makes his wind up and then lets the ball fly to home plate. The batter takes a swing... “Pop” the ball is in the catcher’s glove.

“Steee---rike!!!” yells the umpire.

Somewhere there is an announcer telling the crowd the count while a statistician is writing down the results of the pitch, and calculating the batter's average. With baseball if you can manage to get a hit 5 out of 10 times you’re up to bat… you’re doing outstanding. Achieving a perfect hitting record on the other hand, may never happen in baseball, but in the auto repair business (and most every other field of play) batting a thousand is not a goal it's a requirement.

Every job that comes into the service bay is another attempt at keeping that perfect score. Come-backs, bad diagnosis, faulty parts and the like are not what any service person wants to deal with. To keep that perfect score going you have to overcome those obstacles and get the job done right before sending the customer’s car around the bases. Unlike the highly paid professional ball player who is never going to achieve that perfect score the highly trained mechanic has to knock it out of the park each and every time.

There's a lot of talk in the industry about how some service advisers/writers and shop owners want a quick “off the cuff” diagnosis and repair rather than waiting for the results of a lengthy-time consuming diagnostic procedure. A mechanic may have a general idea of what is wrong but it still takes proper testing to determine the correct course of action to make the repair. I don't know where this idea came from that every mechanic has the correct answer to ever problem simply by listening to the description given to them by the customer or service writer. It's not like we (mechanics) know what kind of pitch is being hurled at us each and every time.

I'm sure the pro ball player could “up” his stats if he knew exactly what kind of pitch was coming across the plate. As it is, he has to make a quick decision, make the right swing, and make contact. In the repair world, analyzing the pitch is the key to a successful outcome. Diagnostics is what makes the difference. Especially on today's vehicles with their interconnected systems, multi-layered computer controls, and the occasional “oops” from a previous botched repair, these all have to be sorted out before the repair is made. This takes time, diagnostics takes time, and time is money.

When I hear that a shop isn't charging for diagnostic time it tells me they are either under estimating the value of proper diagnostics or believe they are good enough to read the catcher’s signals and in some way already know what pitch is being thrown. Taking a couple of swings at a repair and not diagnosing anything is like standing in the batter’s box blindfolded. I'd call that a foul ball waiting to happen for sure.

It’s important to examine a problem, diagnose as needed and not swing at every pitch that you’re given. In the long run, from the consumers standpoint, a shop that takes the time to diagnose a vehicle correctly may sound more expensive at first when you walk up to the service counter, but chances are you won’t be picked off at 2^nd base because you have to spend more cash, buy even more parts that you probably didn’t need, while trying to solve the problem at those shops that don’t see a need in proper diagnostic time.

A new player entered the field; it was a job from one of the body shops I do business with. This 2013 Ford Escape was almost ready to go home, however the air bag light wouldn't go off. That's when I was called to plate.

“We can sell this job today if you can get this taken care of. We’ve struck out so far,” the owner of the body shop told me.

“I’ll see what I can do,” I told him.

The first thing I did was check out what codes were in the system. There was only one code. B0095-11 (Right front impact sensor fault – sub code “shorted to ground”). Since it was in a front collision I took my first swing up to bat by checking to see if the wires were smashed or cut. Strike one... the wires are fine, wrong colors though, need to check that a little further. OK, let's try something else... is the connector damaged or the sensor itself in anyway a problem. Strike two... now this is getting serious. Did the module fail? Is there more to this story? Where's the next pitch coming from?

A little more snooping around and a bit more in-depth studying of the wiring diagram I think I've got the answer. Very close to the impact sensor is another sensor with the exact same type of connector. The real tell-tale was the wire colors. It looks like when they put the car back together they inadvertently switched the two connectors. (Pretty dumb to have the same type of connectors so close together under the hood... but it ain't the first time I've seen a curve ball like this.) I switched the leads and then went back into the system to clear the code. (With most of these newer systems you not only have to clear the code but you also have to “reboot” the computer by turning the key off before attempting the next “at-bat”.)

Well, this batter is ready, the catcher has thrown down the sign, the computers and connections on the playing field are ready to go. All that's left is the pitch. I turned the key and the pitch is on its way. The warning lights come on, the air bag light stayed on for its required amount of time and then.... went off. No codes present and the rest of the systems checked out fine. Yep, I took my swing, and it’s a long, long high flyer… it looks like…yes… yes it is… it’s a “HOME RUN!”

Here's a perfect example of the diagnostics taking longer than the actual repair. The way I see it, diagnostic is the mechanics swing at bat, and it's just as important as the actual repair. After spending the time to research a problem only to find out that it was a simple connector doesn’t diminish the time already spent to find out it was just a connector.

Mechanics get paid to fix a car, that’s what we do, diagnosing a problem is part of it, and good diagnostic work will keep ya battin’ a thousand.

Shop Swappers

I’m not just a shop owner, but also a consumer. As a consumer I’m always looking for the best deal, but… having been in the service industry for as long as I have, I also understand the value of quality service provided to me when I’m the consumer. If my HVAC at the house goes on the fritz, I’m not likely to call from place to place looking for the cheapest company, nor am I likely to go with the most expensive.

What I will do is go with the one that has been recommended, or one I feel comfortable with. That might even mean I have to pay a little extra to get that certain company to make the long journey to my home… but that’s what I’m paying for… quality service. Now, when the shoe is on the other foot, and I’m the service provider at my automotive repair shop, I assume my customers are looking at my services the same way. But, that’s not always the case with some “one time” customers, who are just looking for a deal or a cheap repair.

The phone rings and the lady on the other end began to tell me about her old pickup problem.

“I had it over at a shop, and they said it needed a new fuel pump. So they put one in, and now it has no power, and it sometimes bucks and jerks. Also, my A/C goes off and on intermittently. It didn’t do any of this until they changed the fuel pump.”

It’s not the first time I’ve got a call like this. I do want to help them, but at the same time I want to make sure they get some value out of what they have already spent to have their car repaired. My first response is always the same.

“Did you take it back to them, so they could check their work?” I asked.

“Yes I did. They installed another fuel pump, and it’s still doing the same thing.”

“Well, maybe the fuel pump isn’t your problem,” I answered back.

The conversation continued with more of the same questions and answers. Somehow, someway I work this statement into the conversation:

“If they told you they fixed your problem with a new pump, and it didn’t fix it to your satisfaction, then I suggest you go back and explain to them what you just told me and see if they will re-diagnose it.”

“OK, thanks for the tip I’ll take it back tomorrow.”

A week later, the phone rings.

“I did what you told me, and I took it back. They installed another pump, but it still is acting up. So, I took it to the dealership a couple of days ago. They put in a new A/C compressor and installed another fuel pump, but it still isn’t working correctly.”

Here I am, standing in my shop wondering what kind of person would take their car to one repair shop, pay for their work, then call another shop for advice, only to take it to an entirely different shop to be serviced. (Just to let you know… I make a living repairing cars…not giving advice.)

“Ma’am, I suggest you take it back to both places and have them make it right. There’s no reason to be calling me, you’ve obviously spent a lot of money at both places, and it sounds like you’re still not getting the results you expected. Unless you want to spend more cash with me to check it out, I’d suggest the same thing I told you before… take it back.”

“Oh, I don’t have any more money to spend on it.” (I could have guessed that.)

“Then take it back.”

When this sort of person doesn’t feel like they are getting anything accomplished at one shop, rather than deal with them they head to the next shop down the road. Spending more and more, and not get anything accomplished.

On the other hand, it could be they are not explaining their problem fully. As much as I hate to admit it, I turn into the grouchy old mechanic when people ask for my advice and I’m not getting compensated for my time. Could be why they only called for advice, instead of bringing it in. Sometimes all it takes is a service writer’s charm to get people to bring their car into a particular shop vs. another. (Obviously, that ain’t me.)

Salesmanship is one thing, but results are what matters. Sugar-coating the response to a potential customer doesn’t change the results back in the shop. When a “shop swapper” meets up with a “parts swapper” shop, (shops that don’t diagnose but use the old “9 out of 10 times this solves the problem” method.) … … it’s going to be a long drawn out repair job. Of course, the primary reason to even think about going to one of the “chain” store repair shops, or one of those “Have tools will change parts” places … is price or location. (Or they have that service writer with the gift of gab.)

A lot of people won’t ask for certifications or qualifications of the person working on their car. They see a big sign out front and it’s close to their home or office … and that’s all it takes… done deal.

These days with the advanced electronics and computer systems, false diagnoses are more common than ever before, and shops willing to swap a parts rather than test for a solution are even more common than in years past… and so are the “shop swappers”. (Must be an economy thing.)

Another time it was a car that came in with a finicky fuel gauge. If you hit a bump just right, the gauge would swing all the way to empty. He took it back several times to the repair shop, and they kept changing the same parts over and over again. The owner then took it to another shop who fiddled around with it for over a week, before they gave up. (And of course, he paid both shops for their time and efforts.) After I dragged some critical details out of the owner on and when it would happen, it led me to a chaffed wire that was nearly cut in two by a loose bracket in the engine bay. Problem solved.

He asked me, “If I would have brought it here in the first place would you have found it without putting all those parts on that the other shops did?”

You know, I’d like to say I would have, but… as I told him, “Maybe, but that would have depended on the condition of the original parts that were changed. Assuming all the original components were in working order, and you explained things as well as you have… then quite possibly yes.”

The moral of the story for the consumer out there who’s trying to get their car repaired: “When possible, always take your car back to the original shop first. Have them make it right. Stick with one and explain things fully. You’ll end up with better results and fewer headaches and less time shopping for a repair shop.”

The American Dream

Like most young lads, I grew up with a lot of the same dreams and aspirations as we all did. Things like owning your own home, a nice car, maybe a few “boy” toys, and … most of all, the ultimate American dream… owning your own business.

Looking back on things now, I guess my interest in owning my own business probably started with my paper route. My family lived out in a rural part of the country, just outside a small college town, and delivering the paper took a bit more than a stroll down a sidewalk. This was farm country, and houses were sometimes miles apart. Luckily, my dad let me ride my mini-bike to make my rounds, and since it was so rural even the county cop looked the other way. Besides, I had his paper in that sack as well… if he wanted his paper he’d have to ignore the half-pint kid on the little Briggs and Stratton powered motor-scooter. At least as long as I had that huge sack over my shoulder and I was delivering the paper, he didn’t seem to mind. But, I’m sure any other time he’d have a few words. (I don’t think you could get away with that today.)

I saved my money, counted it often, and thought it was pretty cool that somebody would pay me money to do something that I was having fun doing in the first place. Yep, I thought this sole proprietorship thing was pretty awesome. Then as we all must do, we grow a bit older and find out rather quickly that a few dollars from a paper route doesn’t add up to a tank of gas in that hotrod you’re now driving to high school.... ya need a better paying job. So the self-employed thing gets put on hold.

For some, the idea of being self-employed goes no farther than the newspaper route or the lemonade stand. It becomes a part of your past, but for others, including me, owning your own business draws you back in.

It could be because of the smiles and wonderful comments I would get as I pulled up on that little mini-bike when I was delivering the paper. Maybe that was part of the motivation to go into private business as an adult. I still remember how some of my older customers I delivered to would be at their mailbox when they heard that scooter coming up the road. They’d smile and hand me my change, then wave goodbye as I took off for my next stop. It was a Norman Rockwell moment to say the least.

Ok, time to snap out of that nostalgic dream land and back to reality. Is owning your own business for everyone? No, it’s not… it’s a tough road of ups and downs, argumentative people, bad choices, poor investments, lack of working capital, and long hours. At that’s on a good day. Not every day is that way; some days remind me of my paper route customers greeting me at the mailbox. But, owning your own business can be a rough, tangled road that takes years to figure out how to make it all work, and even tougher to figure out how to keep it going for another day.

Being self-employed “sounds” great until you realize the hours you put towards your success is based on the hours you put into it. Which generally means, 12 – 16 hour days, no vacations, no paid holidays, no paid health insurance, and no time off just ‘cause it’s your birthday. You have to be totally self-motivated and willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done. As well as keeping up with the advanced education needed to stay current with your chosen field. It’s not a dream anymore… it’s certainly not a nightmare (unless you let it be.) It’s just not as easy as it was when all you had to do was ride that scooter up and down those country roads with a sack full of papers.

Is it any easier after you put a few years under your belt? Well, that depends on the effort you put into it in the beginning. I’ve been at this independent repair shop thing for three decades now, and I don’t think it’s any easier than it was thirty years ago. Mind you, with the skills, the patrons, and the reputation you gain over the years (decades) things do get a bit better. But, you still have to show up every work day ready to take on the next challenge.

When I first opened my shop there was an elderly man in the rented space next to mine, and he would come over to check on me from time to time. He had been in private business his entire adult life, and would tell me stories of how he made money and lost money. With his various ups and downs his stories reflected upon my concerns about starting up my own business. I’ll never forget what he told me about being in private business.

He said, “Don’t let the banks own ya, and don’t let the business own ya. You run the business; don’t let the business run you.”

I take that to heart every day. What I got out of it was that you have to make sure you remember what you were trying to accomplish in the first place. That is, to create an opportunity for yourself and others while doing something you liked to do. But, don’t forget to take time off, get away from it when you can, and reminding yourself that running your own business isn’t just for you… it’s for your family too. They’re the real winners in your choice to follow the American dream.

Blink, and those days on that little scooter are just a memory, another blink and you’re looking at retirement square in the face. Make the best of your time, and don’t forget your family along the way. Private business ain’t bad. It’s not for everyone, but I do think it’s something everyone should experience. And if you do decide to follow the American dream, just remember that kid on that noisy little mini-bike heading down that country road on his way to the next house. All he was looking for is another smile and a bit of change.

Hopefully, we can all run our business like that, with a smile and make a bit of change, while taking our own personal ride on the American dream.

Had to bring this story back out of moth balls. I'm cleaning up old stories this week and this story still makes me laugh. Thought I'd share it with ya again.

Rocky Mountain Oysters

At my shop I tend to do more electrical repairs than anything else. It’s what I’m known for, and sometimes I get my share of odd ball electrical problems. Sometimes it’s a factory defect where a harness has rubbed into a bracket behind the dash and shorted things out. But, a lot of times it’s some add-on that causes the problems. Usually some sort of flashy-testosterone filled bling that the owner is using to show off his macho self to all who pass by.

Seldom do I see these “manly” things on a girl’s car… it’s mostly the guy’s… sorry dudes… it’s true. You guys can’t leave them alone. Ya gotta show your manhood somewhere on that Detroit steel.

I had this cowboy’s truck in the shop; it’s was a late 80’s Chevy pickup, jacked up to the sky and loud. His only problem was his parking lights would blow a fuse. My usual first question is, “When did ya put in the stereo?” (Over the years I would say it’s probably the no#1 problem I find in the park light systems on these GM cars and trucks of that era.) It never fails; some goof ball is going to use the gray wire as the radio ground. I can usually tell these types of guys because they’ll “always” tell me how they used an ohm meter to check the wiring. (More testosterone showing... gotta make like they've got some "cojones"... at least, more than the mechanic who's going to fix the mess they created, you know.)

The gray wire will show continuity to ground because the dash light filaments will send the meter signal to the next bulb and the next until it reaches another ground source. It’s really not a ground at all; it’s actually the positive voltage lead for the dash light circuit that is part of the factory radio. However when you turn the park lights on (Which they won’t check until the next time they drive at night.) the fuse to the park lights will blow. Happens all the time.

But in this case this hombre was safe… it wasn’t the radio. Now I have to look elsewhere. One of my many “tricks” to test a short circuit on these older trucks is with 2 fuses. No meters, no high tech equipment, just a couple of fuses. First stick one in the fuse box and turn on the park lights. (It came in blown, and I doubt you’re going to make it any worse) … Keep your eye on the fuse, did it blow quickly? … Or did it take a bit? When I say a bit… I don’t mean like… a second….I mean not immediately, let’s just call it a quick blink. If the fuse takes a bit to blow that tells me the short is farther away from the fuse box than closer. (Learning the difference may take some practice.)

In this case this saddle sore owner’s problem was not immediate, but an ever slight delay. I’m going to look around the outside of the vehicle and see if it reveals any clues. It could be in the back or the front of this herd chasing cattleman’s Cadillac. I climbed out of the cab and headed to the south end of this northbound rig to check for any trailer wiring. (It’s my 2nd usual place to look for faulty wiring on this type of truck.) Any time you get the handy-dandy farmhand with his fence pliers working his magic on the horse trailer wiring, you’re bound to have problems.

Well, how about that… it was professionally done… and in fact the wiring looked great! But there was this other foreign object dangling on the receiver hitch. Oh, man … is this necessary? Bull testicles? There’s a pair of fake plastic bovine male parts rocking back and forth with every sway of this pasture cavorting vehicle. Now, I don’t know who this cowboy is trying to impress… ‘cause if I was a cow… I’d think there something wrong with this bull. And, if I was some gal in a car behind this boot wearin’, skoal chewin’, cattle jockey… I don’t think I’d be impressed either… or at all.

But then something else caught my eye… and it wasn’t the swinging genitals. There’s a small wire connected to them, and the wire is connected to the brown wire of the trailer connector… which, is the park light wiring. OMG… no way…these rocky mountain oysters light up and glow with the evening sky. I don’t remember animal husbandry being a part of my job requirements. And I don’t think glow in the dark dangling beef ta-tas was covered in any of my training classes.

You mean to tell me, if I disconnect the wire from this cowboy’s dangling plastic bull parts that the park lights might work? This is nuts! I can’t believe this … … this is definitely not going well today. Well, I’ve gotta try, it could be the end of my search of why the park lights are blowing the fuse … here goes… … with one hand, I grabbed this pasture-prowlers-artificial-cattle-creators and held on with an almighty firm grip. With the other hand, I took steady aim with my trusty cutters--- “Snip” ---the deed is done.

Back to the fuse box and change the fuse, and then flip on the park lights. Well what do ya know, we have lights! Tell all the Angus and Holsteins on the farm – the park lights are working perfectly! ! Ya Hoo!

I’ll have to admit, it’s the first time I have ever had to castrate a truck to get the park lights to work… Well, I guess, there’s a first time for everything, might as well start up my new career. You’ll find me on one of those late night infomercials or in the business yellow pages under; --- “Bull Castrator/Mechanic”--- .

Language Mecánico

I’ve wanted to learn a third language for a very long time, so I’ve been taking classes in Española. One of these days I might actually be able to hold a conversation in Spanish with some of my Spanish speaking customers. Did ya notice I said third language? Yes, that’s right I already know two languages rather well. English is my first language of course, and my second language is … mechanic.

If you’ve been in the business or around repair shops as long as I have you pick up on the terms and slang of the business. If you’re not familiar with the language let me introduce you to a few of the common words mechanics here at the service counter.

“Didya” - Usually associated with an overzealous customer who can’t stand to be away from his/her car for any length of time.

“Didya get my car done yet?”

Even though the mechanic has told them that changing out the heater core may take a day or two, they’re never too far away from a phone. Sometimes it’s just a few hours after the car was dropped off, and they’re already calling. “Didya” can also be in a form of a question at the time they pick up their car as well. It generally refers to something they thought you’d run across during the repair. Very rarely does it actually have anything to do with the repair that was just done, but more of a second thought they had, and either forgot to mention or they’ve been talking with someone after they left the shop and were told that they should ask the mechanic about it before they picked up their car.

“Sinchya” - An all-time favorite of mine.

“Sinchya got the car here for new wiper blades, could ya rotate the tires too?”

Let’s take a look at this example of replacing the wiper blades. As with most techs you schedule your day around what work there is to do, and you place certain cars in certain bays to do certain types of work. Since changing the wiper blades doesn’t require putting it in a bay, with a lift you save an out of the way stall for just that kind of work. In the meantime you shuffle the “lift” jobs according to their priorities or whether or not parts have arrived, and get those jobs hoisted up in the air so you can get started on them.

You know, there’s a certain type of smile a mechanic gets on his/her face when “Sinchya” comes into the conversation. Anyone in the business knows the smile. That smile isn’t really a full out smile, it’s more of a half snarl and half grin. ‘Cause, if you knew what I was thinking right about then you’d probably not ask, “Sinchya got it here”. The whole time I’m standing there I’m already trying to figure out the jigsaw puzzle of cars in the shop, and how I’m going to get this job on the lift while this customer is waiting on it.

I’m sure the customer is thinking, “You know, it’s not that big of a deal… just rotate the tires… can’t take that long can it?” If I say, “Sorry, bays are tied up right now. If you come back later I could do it.” Chances are they’ll just run down the street to the next shop, so I better make every effort I can to bend backwards and get it done for them.

Since the question of “Sinchya” usually comes up after they have written the check for the repair that brought them here in the first place, its stand to reason they expect whatever it is they would like done now as complete gratis. (I think that’s the snarl part of that half smile.)

But, I can't leave out the ultra-classic use of "Sinchya", "Sinchya worked on my car last, it does this now... and it didn't do it before." Don't even get me started on that one.

“Bidaway” – Another classic.

“Sinchya” and “Bidaway” go hand in hand.

They pretty much mean the same thing, although just like in most languages there are times when certain words that mean the same thing are more appropriate in certain instances.

Example; “Bidaway, can I get an oil change while it’s here?”

This is usually brought up after the car has been sitting up in the air on a lift waiting on some special part. The part finally comes in, you get it installed, and lower the car to the ground. You’ve kicked the lift supports out of the way, and are about to drive it out to the parking lot when someone from the front desk comes up to the car window and mentions to you that the owner would like an oil change while it’s here. You know, fifteen minutes earlier and this wouldn’t be a problem. Now, I’ve got to crawl down there and reset the lift supports, check the balance, and raise the dang thing back up. And, of course, it would be one of those cars that you have to be sure to put the lift arms in just the right places so that it will raise up level.

“I’vBinthinkin” – A very dangerous mechanic conversational word.

It has more to do with someone wanting to explain some sort of mechanical or electrical spark of brilliance they have come up with; some miracle that all the engineers in Detroit never thought of.

Such as; “I’vBinthinkin, I should run 90 weight oil in my engine, because it’s so thick it would be impossible for it to leak out. It sure would be a lot cheaper than having you change the gaskets.”

Can’t argue with that logic now, can I? Depending on how the conversation goes the mechanic may set things straight, or the question asker with their super powered knowledge will be even more determined to try it their way and not take the advice of a mere mortal mechanic.

“Ryashur” - Without a doubt the most disturbing word in the mechanic’s vocabulary.

Take a long diagnostic problem, one that required several special tools, maybe a scope, probably a scanner, and a whole lot of time going over procedures and wiring diagrams. The car in question has been to several other shops with no concrete answers from anyone. But through diligence and perseverance the mechanic has solved the problem.

The customer asks, “Ryashur?” (There’s that quirky smile popping up again.) Now I have to explain the whole thing to someone who doesn’t have a clue. But, I’ll run through each step… step by step. Even after explaining everything in detail and there is still a bewildered look on their face, it’s time to break out the hand puppets, model cars, colored flow charts, and a complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. (It’s quite a show sometimes.)

I’ve only covered a few of the vocabulary words, but there’s plenty more out there. For the young techs, if you don’t know the words, don’t worry, it’s a learn as you go type of language.

If you’re ever at a repair shop and you ask the mechanic something, and he hesitates, stares off into the distance, then gets this half grin on his face… you’ve inadvertently used one of those “mechanic” words. Give him a minute… it’s OK, he’ll snap out of it.

Diagnostics MD

Ever notice there a lot of medical shows with names like: “Diagnostic Unknown”, “Medical Mystery”, “Untold Stories from the Emergency Room” ?… you know, if I didn’t know any better it sounds like these highly trained doctors are having a tough time diagnosing certain “medical” problems. I can relate to tough diagnostic problems myself.

Now, I’m only a mechanic, not a doctor, however in some respects we do the same type of job… that is: diagnose and repair. It’s like the old joke: “What’s the difference between a doctor and a mechanic? Answer: A doctor does his work with the engine still running.” True, but I’ll bet he can’t get his patient to go 0 to 60 mph in 3.5 seconds.

These days the equivalent technical abilities of a practicing doctor and a mechanic are getting closer and closer than ever before. Granted, I don’t need to learn as much as they need to know, but the concept is basically the same. Even though a technician doesn’t need a degree to repair cars… he might as well have one with the way the automobile has evolved.

The one thing I have a real problem with is how the news portrays the automotive repair industry. There’s always some repair shop that has botched a job for a customer on the ten o’clock news. Usually with the customer looking for sympathy, and the news reporter doing his part by showing how fouled up the repair was made. I’m not saying we (the guys and gals in the repair business) don’t make mistakes, but it sounds to me after watching some of these medical shows that doctors can botch a diagnostics up just as easily. The only thing is the repair shop gets the evening news, and the doctor gets a national syndicated television show. Now for the next half hour they explain how some weird medical problem came into the emergency room, and how they eventually solved it. Quite frankly, if there was a show about some of the weird problems that I’ve seen in the automotive repair business, I know I’d sit down and watch that program.

You hardly hear a thing on the news about someone getting over charged or falsely diagnosed at the physician’s office. But leave it to an automotive repair shop or body shop… it’ll make the evening news for sure.

There are other comparisons to think about. Did you ever notice if a doctor has a problem with a patient they’ll refer them to a specialist? Sounds just like what we do in the auto industry doesn’t it? The big difference is the first doctor is still going to send you a bill. Then again, if we send a job on to a specialist we very seldom get paid for our time that we’ve already invested into the customer vehicle. Maybe if mechanics had an “AD” (Automotive Doctor) at the end of their title things might be different. (Or whatever it would take to be recognized as a professional and not one of those wrench benders, who are only out to take people’s money and do subpar work on a customer’s car. Which, only degrades the entire industry.)

I get calls all the time from people wanting to know how much to fix their car. All they want is an over the phone estimate. Since I mainly do electrical repair, rewiring a complete car is nothing new for me, although an estimate is another matter all together. I find it hard to just throw a number out there and be anywhere close to what it is actually going to take. I sometimes think they believe that I should have a “one size fits all” price. The automotive wiring system is far more complex than a single price per foot or length of time that I can give over the phone. I want to know the extent of the “rewire” before giving out any numbers, or I’d like to know a little history about the vehicle, so I can at least get close to something in the way of an estimate. Some of the usual drawbacks are whether or not someone has already worked on it, or it’s completely torn apart already. (That always throws a curve into the estimate.)

Now, how does that work if I call a doctor for an estimate? Can there be a price difference between doctors? Should I question him on what he/she is charging based on what the physician down the street is charging? Should I tell the doctor that so-and-so worked on it before? From what I gather it’s an insult to ask a doctor how much a procedure is going to cost other than the cost of an office visit. (Of course, there are those unmentioned fees that seem to always creep up when the final bill comes in) Insult or not, I find it rather amusing that there is such a difference in prices from hospital to hospital and “Joe-public” doesn’t have a clue or seems unconcerned about it before hand or during the “procedures”.

Then you get into the issue where “Joe-public” will attempt to repair things themselves. This un-professional approach is probably the same thing a doctor will run across when someone tries to take care of a simple problem, or tries to use the internet to diagnose what they think is wrong with them, only to have it end up as an entirely different problem. However, they still won’t ask the doctor “How much?” Of course when the bill shows up in the mail their chin drops to the floor and gasps at the cost. (I wonder if a doctor has ever had a call from a recent client stating their prices are way too high compared to the last guy they went to.)

Maybe it’s a good thing people ask me how much a repair will be. At least then, it’s not as much of a shock to their pocketbook or to their physical health. Human life still outweighs anything in regards to an automobile. It’s a poor comparison to even suggest any kind of comparison. It’s not really the “human” side of it that I’m trying to compare; it’s the dollars spent, and how each and every one of us tend to be misled by pain and suffering vs. cost and contentment.

I’ve got to hand it to the medical profession, insurance companies and the like. They’ve all manage to make a buck on everyone who’s in the need of repair. Too bad we couldn’t get the same kind of coverage on a car. I’m not talking about extended warranties, or some aftermarket company that covers certain aspects of auto repair. I’m talking about a real health insurance policy for the car.

I doubt too many people would call me up asking for prices on repairs then. I’d bet the caller on the phone would most likely say, “It’s covered. I’ve got great insurance… just get it done.”

Owner’s Manuals

The Tell, No-Tell Book of Knowledge.

Hardly a day goes by that I'm not changing oil in a car. It's a simple task to perform… you know drain the oil, change the filter, and pour in the right amount of fresh oil. These days along with the usual oil change you also have to reset the oil reminder system on most cars. The procedure varies from model to model, as well as from year to year. Since I’m right there by the car I might as well find the owner’s manual, and look it up myself. It’s that little booklet that’s buried in the glove box under all those extra napkins, broken sunglasses, and assorted paperwork. (Funny, the one thing I never find in a glove box is … gloves.) Well that little book does (in most cases) have that information in there. A lot of times I might even use it to find the exact amount of oil I need to add, but for some reason not one of these various manufacturers can come up with one method of putting the information in a convenient spot. It’s a war of words between the writers of these manuals and my slowly diminishing patience.

The information is in there, but it’s hardly ever clearly placed where you can find it. You’d think it would be a fairly simple task, just flip a few pages and find the answers, and you’d think with years of going through various owner’s manuals to find these reset procedures, or the quantity of oil that I’d have this down to an art. !!NOT!!

There I am, just another day at the shop, another oil change, and just like the last oil change, I’m sitting in the car flipping page after page of that crazy book trying to find the right section. I do believe the definition of crazy is doing the same thing but expecting different results. That might explain the crazy mechanic in the car, if you walked by right about then. You’d probably noticed me shouting out a few comments about what I think of these poorly written exposés of motor world. The out pouring of obscenities and derogatory comments goes something like this, “Come on, you put it under capacities last time, where the heck did you move it to this year? Who in their right mind puts the oil reset under “interior controls”? Specifications section? Yea right… people! Let’s be specific… where in the world did you put it this time!?” Crazy is when you keep grabbing for the owner’s manual and expect a different answer than the last time you tried looking up things. (Wait a minute… is that me!? #!@#& owner’s manual!) But I’ll try looking up the information… over and over again.

It’s like a maze of confusing references from one page to another. I mean really… there’s not that many pages in these darn things. Tell me, why do these owner’s manual writers make it so difficult to find such everyday information? I know it’s in there, probably one short paragraph describing a few steps you need to do to clear the warning light, but do ya think they’ll put a reference to that particular page in the index? HA! Good luck on that one. Of course, the real issue becomes my own stubbornness. Once I've rattled around in the glove box, found the owner's manual, and have started to dig through the pages of information I'm determined to find out how much oil goes in this car even if it takes me the rest of the afternoon to do it. I’m not letting some owner's manual get the best of me. I'm going to sit here and dig through this book until I find it! (Definition of crazy is in affect again.)

Not that I like spending my afternoon reading a boring owner’s manual, but there really is a lot of useful information in there. Sometimes I do find a few things interesting. I call it “accidental reading” when I actually do run onto something I didn’t know before. (Usually while I’m looking for those reset procedures.) The other day I had one of my old regulars pull up with a van they had just purchased. They wanted to know how to fold the seats down to their storage position so they could go on a vacation with it. I just happen to be reading about how to fold the back seat in that particular car just the other day. (I was actually taking a mental break from trying to find the oil capacity page in the owner’s manual, besides, it had a really cool photo section in it.) That’s the only reason I even knew about it, and since I’m fresh with this new acquired knowledge I was more than happy to share it with my customer. Needless to say, he was totally impressed that I knew exactly how to do it. (If he would have asked me a few weeks earlier, I doubt I’d even know what to do other than looking in the glove box for his manual.) (It’s all about timing… you know.)

Oh, I'm sure if you're a complete novice at driving, and you don't even know how to open the sun roof you should probably spend some time reading the owner’s manual. Of course, ya have to actually open the book. It doesn’t do much good just sitting in the glove box with all the other forgotten about items. Of course, a lot of new cars have gone to a cd or a website that you can view the manual. To me, that just makes it even less likely that I’ll look. I'll just go to my own computer and find the information there instead. It's less hassle than logging onto the web, and dealing with some website that starts you off with some bogus advertisement before you can get to the actual site information.

I've lost count of how many times I think I've found the page with the information I needed, only to be directed to another section, which then leads to an entirely different section. It’s just a pain in the dipstick to read these manuals sometimes, and that’s probably why people don’t read them at all. You know what these manufacturers need to do? They need to spice it up a bit. Yea, like hiring a professional drama writer to write the owner’s manual for them. Maybe turn it into a novel… doll it up… make it interesting and not so boring. I can’t say I’d sit down in my comfy chair next to the fireplace with a copy of “Gone With the Owner’s Manual”, but it wouldn’t hurt to make them more readable… maybe then people might actually “read” them. And as for me, while I’m digging through the manual trying to find the reset procedures I might actually enjoy the read. Hey, a little entertainment while changing the oil… I’m up for that!

Hood Props and Latches

Just as soon as the manufacturers got away from using heavy springs to hold the hood up they went to these tiny hydraulic hood shocks. But, since these shocks don’t hold up all that well over years of use, coming up with a way to “hold up” the hood can turn into its own form of backyard engineering. So what do you do? Some of these car hood crafters find the proverbial discarded broom stick or something of adequate length to prop the bonnet up for them. It works; hey… it held the hood up right? When the job under the hood is done you’ll tuck it away in the garage, or find an appropriate spot under the hood where you can leave it for future use. Once the hood is closed what was once a problem is now not a problem; out of sight – out of mind. Needless to say, replacing the hood shocks isn't high on the maintenance priority list.

I make it a habit to re-purpose old broom sticks myself. If I need a more unobstructed access under the hood, or those old hood shocks have the “dropsies” (Yea, tell me you've never had that happen before.) I’ll reach for a pair of vice-grips to clamp onto the shock rod instead of propping it up with the broom stick.

Of course there are those cars out there that don’t use hydraulic shocks at all. A lot of manufacturers have gone with using a permanent hood “holder-upper” rod permanently mounted in the engine bay. What baffles me about them is the countless times I've opened a hood and the rod has vanished. Now I’m back to finding that broom stick of mine, or look around for the owner’s creative “holder-upper” tool they so carefully stashed somewhere under the hood.

What I’d like to know is, “Where do these hood props go?” They’re attached. I mean seriously, how do ya lose a hood prop? I just don’t get it. I can see somebody misplacing the jack because they changed a tire in their garage and didn't put it back, but the hood prop? It’s mounted in there so you can’t misplace it. It has one function in life, that’s to hold up the hood. What? Did somebody find a better use for one? I’d like know!

Once these props and shocks have become non-functioning the quick thinking car owner comes up with a solution. Some are feats of real engineering while others just grabbed whatever was handy. I’ve found everything from a shortened 2X4 stud, re-bar tree limbs, PVC pipe, yard sticks, walking canes, pool cues, batons, pieces from a swing set, ax handles, large monkey wrenches, metal chair legs, and even a full size crutch stuck under the hood. I've got to admit, some of these creations are quite unique. Some of them might be worthy of a patent. Heck, why not… someone is always building a better mouse trap you know.

All this talk of propping the hood up gets me to thinking about the other ingenious home repairs people have come up with regarding the hood, and that’s how do ya get the thing open when it won’t open. These days every car manufacturer I know of has gone with an inside release rather than the main latch release out under the front grill or bumper. The real surprise about the hood release snafu is when someone drops a car off for repair and neglects to tell the mechanic that they “rigged” the hood release. If the inside release isn't where it’s supposed to be… well then…the search is on…. (Usually with a spattering of inappropriate comments to go along with it.)

Once you find the remnants of the cable or handle then it’s a question of whether or not to pull the cable, wiggle it, or yank it for all its worth. (More “words” will commence in just a few seconds.) Oh, I’ve spent my fair share of time groping around looking for the working end of the release cables before. And, of course there’s always the one with the cable broken off. (Grrrr…!) That’s about the time I’ll look at the repair order to see what I’m really supposed to be doing. As usual, nowhere on the RO does it say, “Good luck finding the hood release cable!” or “You might want to fix the hood cable before you change that water pump.” Nope, not a chance… seems everyone including the owner has forgotten all about the hood being an issue. Leave it up to the mechanic to find out all about it, aye? It’s a thrill a minute around here folks! (Start the chant; “I love my job, I love my job. Repeat as necessary.)

It just keeps getting better… how about those mystery hoods? The ones that give you no signs that the main latch has released. You pull the lever and nothing happens. On some cars you grab that sucker and pull so hard you think you’re going to jerk the cable clean into the trunk, while others you can feel the latch releasing with a baby soft tug, but the hood doesn't budge. It’s still even with the rest of the body panels. That’s when you have to go out and use the old “Fonzie bump on the jute box” trick to get it to pop open. Some pop right up, but eventually you’ll run across a stubborn one, usually with the telltale signs of a screwdriver being used to pry it up high enough to get your fingers to the secondary safety latch. (Grumbling and cussing has erupted again.)

Needless to say, the objective of the day was to get into the engine bay for whatever repairs you needed to make. Not make a chore out of just getting the blasted hood open. But it happens… happens a lot. Once in a while the owner will politely tell me that the hood doesn't open up very well. I appreciate that. At least now, I’m aware of the problem and not confronted with the unexpected dilemma of an uncooperative hood. Sometimes I do have to ask the customer, “Say, how do ya get your hood open?”, even though I feel like an idiot doing so. Wasn't I supposed to be the expert here? I thought it was my job to tackle car related problems and make the necessary repairs? Honestly, what kind of impression are you making with that new customer who’s at the shop for the first time, and you have to go up front just to ask them how to open the hood of their car?! Needless to say, you've probably already spent way too much time trying to figure it out on your own… before you swallowed your pride and went up to ask. (Been there…done that.)

Well, the next job is coming in, and I can already see the hood cable dangling from under the front bumper on this one. Oh joy, another day in the shop… great, just great… I best go find that broom stick… I’m going to need it.

Zombie Cars

“Brains, Brains, we need Brains!”

Zombie cars? What’s a zombie car? Way back when we used points and condensers and later the basic electronic ignition systems cars didn’t need brains (ECM – Electronic Control Module), but that all changed in the mid 70’s on some imports and pretty much on everything else by the time the 80’s came around. Some of these brains were only cursory and didn’t actually control the car, but merely watched for emission issues, while others played a major role in the actual ignition spark or fuel delivery systems.

Most of the engines in those early years of electronics still used the same basic distributor setups (with a few exceptions) as their earlier counterparts that used the old tried and true points and condenser type of ignition systems. On those older models it was rather easy to slap a different distributor in it or change it over to electronic ignition, (which worked quite well by the way). These days, well, it’s not that easy. These computer systems have become so involved into the engine controls and other related systems that it’s nearly impossible to bypass the fuel or ignition systems. However, there are still a lot of people out there with low mileage cars from that early era that have kept them parked alongside of the garage or hung on to them for some sentimental reason. Some (very few) are in great shape, others… well, they look like zombies already.

What makes them zombies? The brain… the brain… they need brains! Just this past week I had several of these faded paint monstrosities lined up in the parking lot. (They never come alone… always in a pack.) For starters an old dilapidated 1986 Dodge pickup with a slant six. This old rusted, tilting to one side relic had been at another shop for a tune-up but, as the story was told to me by the owner, the other shop tried to start it when a fuel line ruptured and caught the old truck on fire. Luckily, they managed to get it out, but the damage was already done. The main harness from the firewall to the distributor, coil, charging system, blower motor, oil sending unit, temp. sender, and the starter wiring were completely melted into an unrecognizable mass of plastic and copper. It was my job to bring this dilapidated hulk back to life. The problem was the spark control computer was shorted out and unusable. Worse yet, the brain was discontinued eons ago and no replacement parts were available. This zombie needs a brain, and there doesn’t seem to be an easy way to get one. Seemed to me, a better idea was to do away with the electronic brain and refit the old slant six with a simpler ignition system than what it originally had. A lobototomy if you will. (Dr. Frankenstein would be envious.)

Then there’s this 2002 Mustang that needs a new BCM (Body Control Module). Call the dealer, call the parts warehouse, call everybody! Anybody! Is there a brain for this car? Nope, discontinued. Seems this BCM is a rather rare brain out there in zombie land. At the same time this was going on in comes a 1982 Ford Bronco with the original Variable Venturi carburetor still on it. Ok, not a brain, but just as bad. Trying to find a suitable replacement these days is a challenge. Ten or twenty years ago this would be no problem finding parts or conversion kits for it, but not today. This is going to take a bit of time to get these zombies back on the road.

This trend of bringing back the dead looks like it’s only going to continue with the economy in the shape it’s in. In some ways, I believe the manufacturers have thought this out long before there was a potential of these cars becoming zombies. Even though the car might physically still be in fair shape the components themselves are not readily available to bring these rolling dead back to life.

In my youth it was nothing for me and a few friends to grab an old car out of a junk yard, throw a few shots of gas down the carburetor, add a few wires and a fresh battery and fire that old thing up. The rust would fly, the engine would clatter, and the exhaust would roar. Those days are long gone now. Cars could be dead for a very long time in that salvage yard or behind the shed and easily brought back to life in those days. Nowadays, the engine and other mechanicals hold up a lot longer than years ago. Even the body and interior can hold up pretty good, but the electronics are not as friendly with the ravages of time, temperature, and the weather.

These zombies seem to be coming out of hiding more often than ever before. Reviving some of these early electronic zombies may happen, but on the other hand, it may be a futile effort. The truth of the matter is… these resurrections are not as easy to do as it was so many years ago. There are countless problems that have to be overcome to bring some of these rusted heaps back amongst the living, especially if you’re in area that requires emission testing. Just trying to bypass some of those early electronic brains when a replacement part can’t be found can be a real challenge. Some never make it and eventually die from the lack of a brain, while others wander aimlessly from shop to shop still searching for their elusive electronic gray matter.

Even after you manage to find a brain for these living dead vehicles it’s likely something else is going to go wrong. After being cast aside for so long all the hoses, belts, and gaskets have dried up. Something will or is about to fall off all by itself. Just as soon as one of these zombie mobiles makes an attempt to join the living something will undoubtedly come tumbling to the shop floor. Whether it’s coolant, oil, a belt, or a pressure hose off of the power steering, something is not going to stay in place. Just like in every zombie movie I’ve ever watched, one of them always has an arm or leg falling off. It sure seems that these zombie cars follow right along with that same affliction.

It’s safe to say, these relics of the early electronic era of the automotive world are in some respects the car equivalent to a zombie, half dead, half alive…and in search of a brain they may never find. So don’t be surprised if you’re at the next traffic light when an old faded-rusty-dented car with a shattered windshield, screeching brakes, and plumes of smoke that seem to follow it no matter where it goes, comes to a stop next to you. It’s just another car beginning its transformation into a “ZOMBIE CAR”.

This Job Stinks!

Sometimes it’s not the diagnostic issues, the parts, the software, or the procedures that put up a stink when it comes to fixing cars. Sometimes it’s the car itself that smells to high heaven. Oh, and I mean a real stink and a half sometimes. On occasions I get into a car that has been left out in the parking lot on a hot summer day with all the windows rolled up, and by the time I get around to moving it into the shop it wreaks as if something has crawled in there and died.

Once in a while it’s left over food scraps in fast food bag that bring out the foul smell. Other times it’s some dirty skanky clothing, or a gym bag full of sweaty, soiled socks that puts off the foul odor. Sometimes it’s the heavy smoker’s car, or the putrid smell of stale beer that makes your nostrils wish they were somewhere else. Of course, you can’t forget about the lingering odor of the illegal smoking paraphernalia and/or residue that you’ll run across from time to time.

Honestly, some people just don’t give a stink as to how their car smells. But, others go to the other far extreme. There’s always somebody who tends to keep so many of those air fresheners hanging off of the rear view mirror that you can barely see out the windshield. They must be trying to cover up the smell of the dead body in the trunk with those things, or they’ve decided to start a collection of green and blue air fresheners shaped like little pine trees for some reason. I don’t know which. (I’ll skip looking in the trunk for right now.)

So these smells, these odors, these nostril bending stench makers almost always have one thing in common... the owner doesn’t notice the smell. Ok, Ok… sometimes it’s the baby barf in the back seat or the dog hair trapped in the evap. core that is stinking up the place…and the owner might mention to you that they have a dog, or baby on board… but even then… they seem to be oblivious to the stomach churning stench they are carrying around in their car.

I’ve run across some really nasty smells from the interior of all kinds of cars in my time. Smells that could curl your toes. From putrid steaks in several bags in the back seat of a Cadillac to just plain “B.O” that lingers in the air. Even those whiffs of stale perfume that seem to permeate the interior of some cars can act like a sort of leech looking for a new victim to attach itself. Ya just can’t get rid of some of those smells so easily.

Shortly after I went into business, so many years ago I had a late 60’s Ford Van come into the shop with brake light problems. The owners dropped it off early that morning, and were hoping I could get to it by that afternoon. Needless to say, it was a hot, dry August day with the midday temps well over 100 degrees. It was so hot you could see the heat waves coming off of the blacktop. Not a day to be spending a lot of time out in the blistering sun for any extended period of time. I was hot myself, sweating and very busy, but I did manage to get things caught up in time to look at this old van’s brake lights by mid-afternoon.

I grabbed the invoice and the keys and made a dash out onto the tarmac with the scorching sun blazing down on my back. It was so hot that touching anything metal outside was enough to burn you. I quickly threw the door open, jumped in and fired it up. EGADS! WHAT‘S THAT FREAKIN SMELL?? In mere seconds, my eyes were watering, my nose was burning; I’m about to go unconscious from all this heat, and I certainly don’t want to pass out in this foul smelling contraption. It’s running, I ain’t stopping now, one quick gulp of that hot air from outside of the van and drop it in drive… back to the service bay where there is at least a cool fan waiting for me.

After bringing the van to a screeching halt I bailed out of that thing as fast as I could with one giant leap to the shop floor. Still gagging from the unexpected stench I went around and opened all the doors to the van. Then I got the biggest shop fan to blow that smell outside. Even with the fan blowing right at the steering column that stench seemed to swirl around and around in the same area I was working in. But, I pressed on. My eyes have somewhat adjusted. I can at least focus now. Even though my nose still burned from it, I figured I wouldn’t be in there that long. Thank goodness, it’s a quick fix; the old Ford’s brake light switch was tagged as the problem.

Super… now I just have to dive in there one more time to replace it. As soon as the part showed up I braved the stench one last time and installed the new switch. Mind you, the aroma wasn’t letting up… not even for a second. There was a point there when I didn’t seem to mind the smell, but all it took was a little wind shift from that big shop fan to remind me all over again.

There was one last thing I just had to know, and that was of course… what was that smell? If you remember these old vans had a metal stand that the seat was bolted to. This made for a perfect under-seat storage area too. Storage yes, but I don’t think it was meant for what I found under there. Balled up into little separate packages had to be more than a dozen soiled, wet and gross…. Baby diapers… there was even a small trail of oozing Yuk traveling down the brackets and running to the rear of the van. Yes, potty panties for little ones… used, abused and full of you know what.

That was enough for me. Get this poop mobile outside and let it bake for another couple of hours until the owners come.

By closing time the owners made it in to settle up. (I didn’t say a word to them about the smell.) I watched as they climbed into their van, oddly enough there wasn’t any reaction from the odor, or any indication they even noticed a foul smell emanating from their mobile cesspool. They just started it up, dropped it into gear, and away they went. Unbelievable, my eyes are still stinging from the ammonia, and I’m not even in the van anymore. I can’t see how they could stand it in there with the windows rolled up and all. Gross! Well, one thing’s for sure, this is one time I can say, and I really do mean it this time! …

This Job Stinks!