The Basic Tools Have Changed

What would you do if tomorrow all your scanners and internet connections just completely stopped. Would you be able to perform your job? For some, it would be quite impossible to even begin the day, let alone make it to lunch time. As for your car, well that’s a different story all together. In some ways, yes, in others… not a chance.

If such a thing happened, you’d hear the senior mechanics shouting, “Ya gotta learn how to use the old basic tools! Otherwise you’ll have to rely on those confounded computers for everything!” These days nearly every repair requiring any sort of data has something to do with a computer, whether it’s for checking service codes or looking up specifications. I doubt too many shops rely on the old hard copy book anymore. But, that’s the catch to this modern world of auto repair. The basic tools of the trade have changed. Sure, the fundamentals are still the same, but the tools, those every day diagnostics tools and those basic every day jobs have changed.

I’m sure the next generation of techs would find it hard to imagine a time when a dwell meter and a timing light were on the top shelf of every mechanics tool box. Back in the day, they were the “go to” testing equipment. You couldn’t walk through a shop without seeing the flashing strobe of a timing light, and I’d hate to even guess how many hours I’ve spent under a hood with one. But, times have changed, and those basic tools have been replaced with microchips and sensors.

These days, in most of the trade schools the emphasis is on learning to read diagrams, use scanners, and doing the hands-on under the hood training. Which is all good, and well worth it. I doubt a lot of time is spent on learning how to use some of those out dated and antiquated tools of the trade . . . if at all. There’s only so much you can fit into the classroom time. The instructor will probably mention them, spend a quick minute or two on them, but it’s not a tool most of the new students will even use in their future. There’s no doubt the technology has changed, not only the basic tools, but the teaching methods as well.

Just the other day I ran across a post on Facebook from a young tech who was trying to solve a problem on an early 80’s car. He was thinking the problem had something to do with the O2 sensors, but his ever reliable scanner wasn’t able to read information on that old of a car. As he put it, “Without the scanner I’m lost.” He didn’t know how to check an O2 other than using that “confounded” computer. So instead, he passed the job onto another shop. Probably one those shops with a few old timers around who still knew how to check one.

I can picture the whole scenario. The young tech takes the car to one of those shops that have been around since the earth was flat, and some old gray haired tech steps up to the challenge. He’s probably that same guy in the far corner bay who listens to 60/70’s rock music in the background and relies on a volt/ohm for everything, all the while sharping his ever shortening test light to a fine point. But, that young tech watches intently as the old timer shows him how to check it with those “old” basic tools of trade.

What if a car from the 40’s or 50’s showed up at your shop? Would you know how to repair it? There’s not too many guys left around from the generation of magnetos and 6 volt systems, and those tools and testing methods are getting lost with each passing year. For me, I’ve learned most of what I know on those old systems from the old timers in my life. The whole point of this is, “Should the new up and coming techs know some of the old methods of testing?” Sure some of them, if not a brief description of how to use those tools from a few decades ago. There’s still quite a few of those cars out there.

To put it another way, not everything you learn in this business is out of a book or from a classroom. Some of it comes from being around those who have experienced it firsthand. That’s really how knowledge is passed down from generation to generation, and that includes the use of those basic tools of the trade.

But, in today’s fast moving and ever changing automotive repair market, learning some of the old school methods may sound important, but at the same time a lot of those old procedures and basic tools are practically useless. Some of the old methods and tools have been improved upon so much by modern technology that the original basic tool is almost unrecognizable in comparison to today’s version of the same tool or procedure.

For example: holding a long screwdriver up to your ear and listening for a loose rocker arm, or checking a misfire by dead heading each spark plug wire with a test light could be considered dangerous, if not entirely unacceptable practices now. Besides, with most of these new cars you can’t even get that close to everything.

So, a little note to the old guys: Someday a young tech might come up to you and ask about the tools of the trade that you used back in the day. Give them a little schooling on the ways it used to be done. They might ask you what a growler is, or how to use a timing light, or how to bubble balance a tire. Show them, teach them.

But, keep in mind you younger techs, one of these days you’ll be the old timer in the shop, and you’ll be the one showing the next new generation your version of the basic tools of the trade.

Shift Happens

Jo was a new customer referred by an old-time regular. Her little KIA had a transmission problem that seemed to be getting the best of the transmission shop. The story goes that the SUV was constantly in limp mode, and would never shift properly… ever. As it always seems to be the case when a simple problem can’t be solved simply, somebody started the diagnostics off in the wrong direction. Little did I know this was a simple problem…. But, as I see it, each and every type of diagnostic work that you do requires a certain step by step procedure that you must follow. Miss a step, or completely overlook a step, usually means you’re going to miss that simple problem all together. This was no exception.

From what information I could gather the person who diagnosed it at the transmission shop wasn’t the same person who installed it. So after the tech put the last bolt in the transmission, he set the car out front, and told the front office, “Got the transmission in that KIA.” The front office considered it done, and the call went out for Jo to pick it up. She didn’t make it around the block before she was back at the front counter in a “not-so” pleasant mood. You can just imagine the situation at the counter… not pleasant I’m sure. After some deliberation, and very little diagnostics the transmission shop came up with the conclusion that it must be a bad transmission. Luckily, Jo’s ride that had brought her there was still in the parking lot, so she left the KIA for them to re-do the whole job again.

A week later, it was supposedly done. This time a different tech had installed the second transmission. Unfortunately, he made the same mistake as the first tech. When Jo came to pick up her car the shop owner took her for a ride to be sure that the repairs were made to her satisfaction. It was a short drive… This time, the owner said he was going to pay for the transmission, and would even purchase one from the dealership just to be sure it wasn’t their mistake in rebuilding it. But even the dealer transmission failed to shift properly. The tranny shop was at a loss, they decided to make a few calls for some help, and that’s when my phone rang.

Now, I’m not one to diagnose anything over the phone. I just don’t think it’s a smart way of taking care of such problems, because you never quite know what you’re getting into. But the tranny shop owner sounded desperate, and now the repair costs were coming out of his pocket. From his frantic explanations of no codes, no shift, and no idea of the problem, he kind of put me on the spot … so … I suggested a computer. Heck, why not… ya’ changed the tranny 3 times for Pete’s sake, obviously that ain’t’ it. I probably shouldn’t have done that, but I think he wanted to try and save as much money as possible without resorting to taking it to another shop.

Well, a new TCM didn’t work either…. Now, the car is finally coming my way. Jo was a little unsure whether or not there was anyone out there who could find the problem, but her friend told her that it couldn’t hurt to let me see what I could do for her. I’ll give it a try.

When the car showed up at the shop I took it around the block once to verify the condition, and then put it up on the lift. While it was on the lift I decided to drop it into gear and check it against the scanner. To my surprise, it shifted perfectly. I’m not kidding… absolutely perfect. I dropped it back on the ground, and went for a ride again. I didn’t even make it around the first corner… stuck in limp mode just as it was before, this dang thing can’t pull itself out of a pot hole.

Back up on the lift, and wouldn’t ya know it, shifts perfectly… AGAIN! What’s the deal here? I did it several times, just so I could be sure of the results I was getting. After a few trips I checked the wiring to the transmission while it was on the ground. Oh, oh, the main ground to the TCM wasn’t there. How in the world was it there when it was in the air? AH HA! It’s moving the wire! Yes, it was moving the wire alright, and a few more than just the TCM ground lead. The locator page showed the TCM ground wire was bundled with several other ground leads that were all attached to the main chassis ground… which wasn’t attached to a thing, but was dangling by the battery box.

Turns out the whole problem started when she had her battery changed at a department store repair shop, and they didn’t have the right size to fit the car. They disconnected the chassis ground wire, so the taller battery would fit.

When I told Jo what I found, the two of us pieced together the how and why it happened. Her only comment was, “Well, shift happens”.

All said and done with, the transmission shop paid for the entire repair, and gave her back what she spent with them. Everyone involved was glad to have the problem solved, and the car back on the road as good as new. I like this gal, she’s become a regular at the shop these days. What a card! Always has some sarcastic comment for me, but at the same time a very understanding nature and takes life in stride. I’d love to have a couple of dozen customers just like her.

As she always tells me… “If you can’t live on the bright side of life… start polishing the dull one.”

Anticipated Questions

With all this new technology such as self-driving cars, stop-start vehicles, automatic braking systems, crash avoidance systems, and assisted parking systems, there’s bound to be a few questions and complaints. The car of today can practically think for itself, make decisions, and is aware of its surroundings. They’re programmed to perform their tasks to the best of their abilities, even if we mere humans don’t have a clue what’s going on inside those computer chips.

As with anything new and different, there’s a learning curve for the consumer as well as the technicians. It’s hard enough for the technician to wrap his head around the fact that a car can do things you wouldn’t even dream of years before. Now the consumer has to try and explain some weird goings on to the mechanic. Obviously, the technician will have to understand the inner workings of these technologically advanced systems long before the first car rolls in the service bay. So, as a mechanic/technician you have to keep in mind, once these systems hit the pavement there’s bound to be some issues.

So, to speed things along I thought I’d put together some of the more interesting questions, complaints, and conversations I’ve overheard. Even though these questions and answers are purely fictional they could happen… ya just never know. Considering the years I’ve spent listening to the wacky things people have told me at the service desk I’ll bet I’m not too far off.

Caller: “I told the car to take me to the donut shop but instead it took me to the gym.”

Mechanic: “The passenger presence system was activated. Based on your weight and height infrared readings, your car determined you needed to go to the gym more than you needed to go to the donut shop.”

Caller: “I was trying to give my neighbor a hand by pushing his car out of the street with my car. But, as soon as I got close to his car my brakes locked on and wouldn’t allow me to push his car with my bumper.”

Mechanic: “Sir, your car was protecting itself. The computer system is more concerned with maintaining the integrity of itself than moving an obstruction off the highway.”

Caller: “I just bought this car and the salesman said it has stop/start technology. The first time I tried it the car ran right into a tree. I thought it would stop, and quite frankly... it hasn’t started since I hit the tree either.”

Mechanic: “Sir, that feature is to conserve gas at stoplights. Try keeping it on the road next time.”

Patient: “Doctor, I’m finding myself very aggravated and fidgety these days. I’m constantly badgering my co-workers and my family. I just can’t seem to calm down. What’s wrong with me?”

Doctor: “Did you recently purchase a self-driving car?”

Patient: “Why yes I did. Oh it’s great, because I can put my makeup on and check my email while I’m on the way to work. But, the car will only do the speed limit, it won’t crawl up on the bumper of that slow guy in the left lane, it won’t lurch out into traffic anticipating the green light or go through yellows. Is the car causing my problem?”

Doctor: “You are going through aggressive driver’s withdrawal. I would advise you to take up oval track racing as a hobby. This should alleviate your stress level.”

Caller: “The other day I was fooling around with the A/C cranked up to max. It was really cold, just the way I like it. It was cold outside too, so as I was driving along I rolled down all the windows. Just then the air conditioning stopped blowing as much cold air as before.”

Mechanic: “Ya can’t have both, the processor knows the windows are down, it knows the temperature, and it knows you don’t need the A/C on... nuff said.”

Caller: “I’ve got one of those self-drive cars that I was towing behind my motor home, but I was in an accident the other day. I turned on the cruise control in my motor home and went back to fix myself a sandwich. The next thing I knew I was in a ditch.”

Mechanic: “Your motor home isn’t equipped with the self-drive system only your car is. The car can’t do anything for the motor home just because you’ve got them connected.”

Caller: “I was towing a trailer last week and when I tried to back up the beepers were going off and the car wouldn’t budge. It’s like the brake was on. What’s wrong?”

Mechanic: “Ma’am your car is equipped with a rear crash avoidance system and area obstruction brake sensing unit. You need to turn those features off when towing.”

Caller: “My car asked me a question about my destination, so I answered. Ok, I was a bit upset at the time and I swore at it. How come it doesn’t understand what I want when I’m aggravated?”

Mechanic: “I have trouble understanding most people when they’re aggravated too.”

Caller: “Ok, now what do I do? My self-parking car did a fantastic job of getting me into this parallel parking spot, but now I can’t figure out how to get out of it.”

Mechanic: “You’ll need to learn to drive your car. The system can only do so much for you. If not, try avoiding any of these newer cars for the next few years. By then they’ll have the technology to get you out of your predicament.”

Caller: “My automatic dimming rear view mirror is always too dark in the daytime. How come?”

Mechanic: “Your pike pass is covering the optic sensor. Try moving it to a new location.”

Caller: “I just bought this car and the radio is muted all the time.”

Mechanic: “Put your seat belt on.”

Caller: “I don’t like wearing a seat belt.”

Mechanic: “Then sing to yourself.”

Caller: “My buddy told me the best way to check my transmission is to hold my foot on the brake and stomp on the gas pedal. But the engine won’t rev up, and the service light is flashing...what’s wrong?”

Mechanic: “I scanned your car and the code refers to abusive drive train usage by the operator. Your car is telling me it doesn’t like the way it’s being treated. You’re lucky the auto ejection seat and electric Taser system hasn’t been installed on this model yet.”

Bank Robber: “Yes judge, I robbed the bank. But, how did you guys know it so fast? And, how come my car wouldn’t go over 30 miles an hour, locked all the doors, and then drove me to the police station where it stopped right at the front door. I was trying to get away, and ya caught me red handed.”

Judge: “Your car told us. The surveillance cameras at the bank got your tag number. We then got into the car’s satellite communication through the telematics systems. After listening to your conversation with your navigation system we knew we had ya. So, we took control of your car and guided it in to the precinct with the GPS. Besides, it’s not a good idea to name your destination as the “hideout” on your nav. screen.”

Ok, I made all this up. But it’s true that today’s cars are far more than transportation. It’s an all seeing, all knowing, microcosm world of technology. Ya just can’t do what you used to do. The car will know, and it’s going to tell on you. It’s a different world out there on the open highway than it has ever been in the past, and these changes go a lot further than just the blacktop. So as the world changes so does the modern day auto mechanic change too meet the demand of this new technology. Even if none of these anticipated questions ever come about, there’s no doubt auto repair will never...ever be the same again.

Why Is It?

There are so many questions that need answered. Some can be answered with a little background in engineering or technical information. Some can be answered after a few visits with your local shrink. Other questions are just left in limbo for eternity.

I thought I’d put together a few of those perplexing questions a mechanic might have about his daily life with cars, people and all the other nuts … and bolts of the business. It ain’t all about ratchets and wrenches, you know. Sometimes ya just have to ask “WHY?”, even if the answer doesn’t matter. Here’s a few to ponder.

Why is it - Some OEM parts come in fast food tater tot trays?

Why is it - That some people can’t tell you what’s wrong with their car, or the reason they’re at the repair shop, without starting their explanation from the day they bought the car?

Why is it - When I hear, “All the fuses are good”, without fail, the problem turns out to be a fuse? Usually the missing one.

Why is it – An intermittent problem won’t act up (at all), you’ve been waiting

all day(s) for it to fail, and just when the customer decides to bring it back, and you’re just about to pull it out of the service bay…then it stars acting up?!

Why is it - Friday is just two days before the next Monday. However, Mondays can last all week. That makes Friday the new Monday, which makes Saturday Tuesday. Now you’ve got a whole new week ahead of you, and you haven’t even left the shop for the weekend. I know… it gets confusing.

Why is it - A bad day always starts right after a good day?

Why is it - An appointment only means “maybe I’ll make it”, while “I’ll be right there” means tomorrow or next Tuesday?

Why is it - The car stops acting up for the customer as soon as it’s at the shop?

Why is it - Diagnosing a problem with the customer hovering over your shoulder always takes longer?

Why is it – Those special ordered parts that you’ve been waiting for all day, perhaps even a week, show up really late in the afternoon (as usual), and are either bad out of the box or the wrong part all together? But, the correct part has been on the shelf at the dealership the whole time. (Probably in a tater tot tray)

Why is it - On most cars with a single exhaust pipe, the exhaust is always on the opposite side of the fuel filler door?

Why is it - The manufacturer’s scanner that you’ve had for years, which has worked great on every car that has come in, but won’t work on the model you now have in the service bay? This one requires the use of the “new” manufacturer’s scanner and not the “old” factory scanner.

Why is it - As soon as you (or the shop) can afford to spring for the latest greatest factory scan tool to handle those models not covered on the original factory scan tool… not a single car has come in for the past 6 months that needs the newer scanner?

Why is it - A watched pot never boils, but a watched mechanic will?

Why is it – On those really slow days the only phone calls you get are from one of those long winded solicitors?

Why is it – You can tell the new guy isn’t going to work out when he spins the fake lug nuts off the hub caps?

Why is it – Nobody will admit to blowing the fuse in the shop’s multimeter or clogging the shop toilet?… same difference.

Why is it – That everyone assumes you make a zillion dollars a day fixing cars, but we all know that ain’t true. The proof? … You wear rented work clothes.

Why is it - No matter how many wrenches you grab out of your tool box… you never seem to have the right one?

Why is it – Just as soon as a technician has successfully mastered the latest greatest system in a car… they change it all up again?

Why is it – The kid at the parts store with his little generic code reader has as much influence on the outcome of a repair (as far as the customer is concerned), as the seasoned tech does at a professional repair shop with the latest and greatest diagnostic equipment?

Why is it – Some people think price is the only consideration when it comes to car repair? I wonder what those same people would do if they could price check their doctors the way they price check their mechanic?

I could go on. But, it’s time for you to think of some of your own “Why is it?” I’m sure you have a few you’d like to share. It doesn’t take much for a mechanic with today’s sophisticated car technology to ask why they do the things they do. And yes, there are answers to some of these questions… just not all of them. That’s why ya have to ask… “Why is it?”

Now, I think I’ll go grab some grub and a cup o’Joe, and ponder a while. Hmm…tator tots sound good for some reason.

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

Sometimes, with some things, accuracy isn’t all that important. Like in a game of horseshoes or tossing a hand grenade. But the same can’t be said for diagnosing today’s cars. Close isn’t good enough. Today’s professional mechanic doesn’t just grab a component hanging from a branch of the proverbial parts tree and see if that will fix the problem. It requires a diligent effort of testing and diagnostic time to analyze the maze of electronic data. That’s not to say a consumer won’t stumble across a repair shop that still uses the hand grenade method to diagnosing their car. Believe me, there still out there.

Basically, there are two types of mechanics a consumer will run into. One that will test and retest before condemning a component and the other that will swap parts until they’ve solved the problem or give up and send the customer to the other type of mechanic.

To avoid the proverbial slinging of the horseshoe a good shop will listening to the customer’s complaint, following the diagnostic procedures and base their findings on the test results. It’s a far better way of solving a problem than firing the old parts cannon at a job. Testing for a failure or scanning for failed data (or scope) is the preferred method by any good mechanic.

Take a look at any training video out there. They’ll show you how a component or system functions and then get into how to test it for failures. They might use a scanner, perhaps a scope, or even a basic multimeter. But, in all situations the concept is to show the technician the various ways of testing. Seriously, have you ever watched a training video that told you to fire up the parts cannon and take a wild shot at it rather than testing for the failure? I haven’t.

So why are parts swapping repair shops still a big part of the automotive repair business? In my opinion, it’s the lack of training, no time for advance classes, or they believe they can get by without learning something new. Most of these shops are after how fast they can get a customer’s out the door. They’ll spend as little time as possible diagnosing while spending the majority of their time taking stabs at installing different parts that might be the problem. Eventually, they’ll hit the target.

Instead of taking the time to hire qualified technicians these shops have a tendency to hire anybody that has a toolbox, walks upright, and can fog a mirror. Training isn’t cheap, and a trained technician isn’t either. Proper testing takes time, which invariably costs money.

Their methods of repair are quick, cheap, and occasionally spot on. But not always. Then, to top it all off, most of these places will use the second rate components from the local discount auto parts store and not a mechanics grade or OEM level component. The average consumer doesn’t know which part or brand is better than the other. They’re relying on the mechanic and the shop to sort that out for them, and at these shops you can bet the quality of the part is going to be in question. They just want it as cheap as possible and as quick as possible. But, when the old switch-a-roo cheap parts merry go round doesn’t do the trick they’ll send the customer onto one of those other guys. You know, the ones that will test things first.

Of course, by the time the customer has reached a shop that will correctly test the problem they’re already out of cash and have little to no confidence that anyone can fix their car. Now the problem isn’t so much about the cost of the parts or components, but the time (and cost) it will take to correctly diagnose it.

I’ve got to hand it to these stab in the dark parts shops, and those parts stores that offer free code checks. They’ve got the market cornered on convincing the consumer that all it takes to fix today’s cars is a quick glance at some off shore generic code reader and a couple of cheap components from parts unknown. Never mind that there are pages and pages of diagnostic procedures that go along with those service codes.

Of course, when the customer who has already lost their patience and has finally made it to a shop that will actually diagnose their problem you’ll hear, “I’ve already had it tested so I don’t need to pay you to test it again.” Now that’s funny, getting it tested and diagnosed correctly is exactly why they are there in the first place. Go figure.

A good example of this was a rather heated customer whose car had a miss after a tune up at another shop. (One of those parts swapper’s shops) The other shop had already tossed the parts grenade at it and had given up. They tried sensors, computer, the tune up, and just about every other part they could think of. The tech at the new shop looked it over with his scanner and to back up the scanner results he pulled out his scope and checked it in a completely different way than what the scanner was capable of.

Looking at the secondary ignition trace this trained technician could clearly see a problem with the spark plug. The entire problem turned out to be a brand new spark plug that had a slight crack in the porcelain.

Now how long did it take to make the actual repair? You know, replacing one easy to reach spark plug that the original shop had already replaced? Not long at all. But, how long did it take to set up the scope and do the testing and verify the results? Probably twice as long as it took to change the plug. Just goes to prove that diagnosing is a bigger part of the repair procedure than ever before and shouldn’t be overlooked just to cheapen the job.

Parts swapping without testing or simply going off a code as a solution to today’s car problems is like playing with horseshoes or hand grenades. You’re going to get it right some of the time but that’s just sheer luck. You have to ask yourself, “Is close enough good enough when you’re diagnosing and repairing today’s cars for a paying customer?” I think not.

Mechanically Confidential

Are there things mechanics keep to themselves and not let other mechanics know about them? I hope not, but I’m sure even doctors and lawyers have a few secrets they’re not sharing with each other. The big secret is there really are no secrets. What it really comes down to is knowledge. Every good mechanic has a few things they won’t forget about for a certain car or procedure. Especially one of those problems where the amount of time spent on the job far exceeds what the boss is willing to collect on it. But, by far there are more things you’ve completely forgotten about, because you don’t see that type of engine anymore, or it’s something you’ve never encountered before.

That’s where a bit of extra help from a fellow mechanic comes in handy. I have a lot of friends in the business who call me, or I call them when I’m stuck on some weird problem. Sometimes, neither one of us can actually help each other out, but we may in fact trigger a thought or memory that will.

Sadly however, it never fails somewhere in this crazy world of auto repair there are those who feel it is necessary to slam the next guy for not knowing something, call the other technician an idiot in front of the customer, and so on. These few are the type who won’t help their fellow mechanic in any shape or form. Whether or not it’s a guy in the next bay, or from another shop. I’m not sure if it’s because of an ego thing, or self-preservation in fear the competition is getting the next job.

It’s a poor practice at any rate, and I’ve witnessed firsthand egotistical mechanics more than once. Let’s face it, nobody knows it all and I’m the first one to admit it. That’s why I reach out and find help from another tech. Sometimes it’s because you just can’t make out the diagnostics, or it could be you don’t have the right tool for the job. Whatever the reason, there’s no harm in finding a source for that knowledge you don’t have.

This time around it was a 25+ year old Beemer with a battery drain that I reluctantly took on. European cars are not my specialty, but I managed to chase down the problem to the central module. To my surprise the dealership still carried the replacement part. Now all I had to do was install it, but plugging it in was only half the battle. It needs to be coded. That’s something my scanners wouldn’t accomplish. It’s time to make that phone call to my buddy in the European repair biz.

Now, Jack is a really sharp BMW tech at a very well-known independent European repair shop in town. Jack doesn’t warm up to just anybody. He’s been around as long as I have, and he’s seen the “wanna-be” techs and the slap it together shops come and go just like I have. To say the least, he’s a bit picky as to who he’ll help out. Ya can’t blame the guy, I know exactly how he feels. I called him up and asked if he could slip me in and code this car for me. “Not a problem,” he said, “Just pull up to the service bay and honk the horn.”

Of course, in his shop he’s the king, and I’m just the lowly delivery boy bringing the car into the service bay. Naturally, I had to endure the “Wrath of Jack” as he coded the module for me. Today’s lecture was about coding. “Now coding isn’t programming, and coding isn’t flashing, it’s coding. You understand?” Jake tells me in his usual stern manner. I nodded my head in agreement as he went on to tell me why BMW uses a coding system for their various modules as well as programming. I sort of already knew all that, because I read it in the repair manual when I was researching the repair procedure, but you’re in his shop. Let him tell you anyway; it’s best to listen intently and look interested.

Before long the car was ready for me to head back to my little shop and finish up the job. Jack’s a great guy, and any time I can help him out I certainly will. Of course, he’ll have to sit through the “Wrath of Gonzo” when he comes to my shop. (Gotta return the favor, ya know) Thanks for your help Jack, it's my turn next.

Working together to solve an issue and sharing information is important for not only the customer, but for both technicians as well as both businesses. This is an information world we live in these days, and sharing that information is all part of it. Some will say, “Don’t tell the DIY’r how to do it!” I say, tell him! If that person is capable of handling the repair, so be it! I’m no carpenter or plumber, but I’m sure going to give it a try if it’s something I feel confident enough to tackle myself. Hey, if I mess it up I’m sure the “Wrath of the Plumber” will be the next information highway I’ll be on. But, we all know, there are some things you can explain, read about, or watch on YouTube that even though it seems fairly easy, it turns out to be a whole lot harder when you try it yourself.

Whether it’s through training classes, videos, books, schools, or another mechanic, knowing something new starts with learning something new. I learn something new practically every day, and I feel it’s all part of doing a job to help the other guy. There’s always more to learn, more to share, and more than enough to do. It’s no secret that it takes more than a box of tools to fix today’s cars. It takes friends in the right places. Make some new friends and spread the knowledge around. Automotive knowledge was never meant to be … “mechanically confidential”.

Lifetime Warranties

There are warranties, and then there are lifetime warranties. Some people won’t buy anything, unless it has a substantial warranty attached to it. My dad was one of those guys. It didn’t matter what it was as long as he could get a warranty with it. He would be as proud as a peacock when he got the chance to use one of those warranties. But, for me, it could be rather embarrassing. Especially for a ten year old kid carrying a broken toilet seat into the hardware store where dad had bought it with a lifetime warranty years earlier. I can still picture it today, dad with his big grin on his mug, marching up to the return counter with his ancient receipt showing the date, the store manager’s name and of course, the warranty. While I’m cowering behind him carrying the broken toilet seat in shame. I did my best to hide my face the whole time, in fear one of my classmates might spot me with the family throne in tow.

Warranties have their place, that’s for sure. However, a decade or so ago when all these large franchised discount auto parts stores started to monopolize the market by offering lifetime warranties on their parts that I’ve noticed a problem. Now, it seems every consumer wants every part for every car to come with a lifetime warranty. It’s not that I think any of the major players in the automotive parts business couldn’t offer a lifetime warranty, but why should they? From my past experiences the failure rate of a quality part is far less than those discount parts with lifetime warranties. But, the average DIY’r doesn’t see it that way. They are still going to go with the cheaper-discount part when cost is an issue, and since it comes with a lifetime warranty that’s all the better. In my opinion these lifetime warranties should come with a disclaimer, “You’ll be changing it for the rest of your life. Because the replacement for the replacement part is just as cheaply made as the first one.”

When I hear someone tell me they changed an alternator five times in a row, because the one they put in stopped working again, I have to wonder is the problem the part or is it the diagnosis? Sometimes, it’s both. Other times, it’s a lack of knowing how the systems operates. Of course, after changing it so many times they’ve got the physical side of removing the bolts or a belt down pretty good. And, I’ll bet they can probably change it out a lot faster than I can. Since their labor is free, it’s a no brainer… go ahead and change it again…and again…and again.

A perfect example of this was the guy who did just as I described; he changed his alternator five times in a row, and every time it would last a week or so. By the time he had enough with the cheap parts he finally asked for a better quality part one. But, a week later it was back to not charging again. This time the counter person had to tell him, “This one doesn’t carry the lifetime warranty.” And now… it’s my turn.

The whole problem turned out to be a melted connection at the voltage regulator plug. Every time he would reconnect it to the alternator it would last a week or so, before the connector worked loose again. When I told him what it was he was not only shocked, but made the same comment they all make when they’re paying their bill. “I should have just brought it here in the first place.” Hmm, imagine that. The real question is whether or not any of the replaced alternators were ever bad at all. I can’t answer that with any honesty, because all I had in front of me was a name brand part that was working just fine with the connector repaired.

HID headlights are another common repair these days. Sometimes they can be rather expensive and time consuming to repair. The failures seem to run in groups, you know, several at a time with the same sort of problems. They all have the same odd aftermarket bulb or ballast installed. (I think the part goes on sale on the internet and then they all jump at a chance to buy them.) They’re definitely not factory parts, but some cheaply made offshore find. The car will come in with the usual complaints that one headlamp or one beam isn’t working, and they already replaced all this stuff. (Ballast, bulbs, etc…) So, I’m supposed to find some sort of electrical gremlin that’s knocking them out. When the entire time, and every time (so far) it’s faulty parts that have caused the issue.

Well, of course it can’t be the part. Why, it has a lifetime warranty on it. Don’t ya know I’ve heard that a few times? Somehow the cost difference between factory original parts, and the aftermarket sideshow parts doesn’t ring a bell as to which ones might be a bit better. Oh, I got it. The difference between the two was that “lifetime” warranty. One has it and the other doesn’t. So, which one do you think carries the lifetime warranty? You guessed it. SOLD! Sold ya right down the river more like it. Needless to say, most of the time the customer doesn’t want to go with the factory parts; they’d rather take their chances with another lifetime warranty from parts unknown.

I’ll bet you can probably guess by now, I’m not all that impressed with a lifetime warranty as a selling point. Or, for that matter changing out one lifetime warranty part with another lifetime warranty part unless it’s properly stated on the invoice and known by the customer that I take absolutely no responsibility for their components. I only guarantee the installation and diagnostic work. How long that part lasts is up to your driving habits and your lifetime warranty.

Maybe I’m just a little one sided in all of this. Maybe I should give these lifetime warranty parts a better recommendation. That’s hard to do, considering the failure rates I’ve seen from them over the years. Mind you, they’re not built like a 60’s toilet seat that finally broke after decades of use with a house full of kids. Back then a lifetime warranty was generally only offered with the better made parts. The manufacturers did it to say, “We’re proud of our product!” It wasn’t just to make a quick sale and a fast buck.

Hazards of the Road

Pot holes, rough railroad crossings, and uneven pavement are just a few of the hazards of the road that can send you to the repair shop. They can tear up the undercarriage, bend suspension parts, and ruin components. Not to mention the damage to the rims and tires or the front end alignment. We all know how it happens, those things just seem to dart out in front of you with no warning. There you are zooming down the road sipping your morning coffee when all of a sudden you hit one of those car-swallowing pot holes. The coffee flies everywhere, and then your steering wheel starts shaking back and forth. It’s time to make a call to the repair shop.

Undercarriage and suspension damage from pot holes is fairly common. But, there are those occasions when an unwanted passenger hitches a ride underneath the car, too. Ah yes, those bits and pieces of a darting squirrel or road debris that get lodged in the under carriage from time to time. Sometimes you swerve or slam on the brakes, or you might try honking the horn or flash your brights at it. But, due to road conditions, visibility, speed, the weather, or that extra sip of coffee while changing the radio station makes hitting it unavoidable, and now you’ve acquired a new passenger under your car. And, who gets to remove what’s left? Your local mechanic, that’s who.

The diversity in these sudden hitchhikers are endless. I’ve seen everything from an aluminum ladder to road kill. Plastic bags and construction debris are probably the most common stuff I run across. In fact, a few years ago a Jeep rolled in with a differential leak that turned out to be a large garbage bag wedged into the rear seal. It was so impacted in there it actually popped the seal out of the housing. It must have made one heck of a noise as it wrapped tighter and tighter around the drive shaft.

I’m sure a lot of mechanics have seen worse than I have, especially the body shop techs. But I don’t recall any mechanics or body shop tech classes ever going over road debris or squirrel removal. Even if it was a class I missed, I don’t think you could explain the diagnostics to a customer as to how a spare tire flying out of a pickup had just the right angle, and just the right momentum to crack the crank sensor in two pieces, but didn’t do any other damage under the their truck. (Trying to involve their insurance company on that one.) Yeah, it really did happen to an old Ford truck that came in my shop.

I’m not immune to road debris either. I’ve collected my fair share of screws, glass, cardboard boxes, and hitchhiking varmints. The most memorable one was back when my wife and I first got married. We made the long trip to her home town in Nebraska in the middle of one of the worst winters in memory. One morning we decided to drive around town and see what had changed since the last time we were up there. It’s a really small town set amidst miles of corn fields, no grocery store, one gas station, two churches, and three bars. (Priorities ya know) The big excitement in town this winter was the stock pile of corn that was at the Co-op at the train depot. For one reason or another they couldn’t load the grain into the silos. Maybe the conveyor was frozen or the silos were full. I never asked why, besides it was 35 below zero out there, and I wasn’t about to get out of the warm car and ask.

Since there wasn’t anywhere else to put all this corn, they just piled it up right there in the middle of the street. It stretched from side walk to side walk and was higher than the telephone poles. We couldn’t turn around, or back up because there were even more gawkers checking out this huge pile of corn behind us. Instead, we followed the tracks on the edge of the pile from the previous car. As we carefully negotiated over part of the curb and part of the mound of corn (as gingerly as possible) the icy crust of snow on this massive pile of corn gave way and shifted the whole thing just as we went through.

A day or so later, we both caught a whiff a foul odor emanating from the bottom our car. It had the unmistakable smell of burnt corn bread. It seems we didn’t clear that pile of corn all that well, because the catalytic converter shield scooped up a bunch of the corn and some of the snow and turned the converter shield into a mini skillet. It took me hours of lying under the car (in the freezing cold) with what tools I had to clean most of it off. Then I took our family corn machine to the nearest town that still had a car wash open, trying to wash out the kernels faster than the water spray could froze. The smell of the burnt corn lingered for weeks afterwards despite several car washes.

Cooked corn, yea that was a mess but, it doesn’t compare to some of the other things I’ve removed. Such as mangled deer, mice, rabbits, or worse yet… a skunk. I’m not real squeamish when it comes to the blood and guts part of it but, the stench… oh the smell. Years ago after one of my “de-skunking” episodes my uniform guy told me he would rather I just throw those shop rags away instead of turning them back in.

Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to a customer’s car which has just hit a pot hole or ran over something and their car needs my attention. Anymore, I don’t get all that excited when I find something like a sneaker jammed inside the right front tire rim and it has somehow ripped the ABS sensor wires completely off. I just smile, change out the sensor, and remove the shoe. I’ll add it to the pile of stuff I show the customer after the repair is completed. Needless to say, ya do get a few quirky looks at the counter from time to time. Often times they can’t remember running over something.

But, it is what it is… just another day at the shop dealing with hazards of the road.

What’s on Second Gonzo 2010

My office manager is also my oldest daughter Katie, a bright, pretty gal with a quick wit and long beautiful red hair. Naturally, Katie gets all the phone calls and front office issues. She does a great job, and makes everything feel like a day at the ball park. Sometimes I wonder if she shouldn’t be a comedian, or even have her own vaudeville act.

She cracks me up with some of her responses to those wacky phone calls we all tend to receive at the repair shop.

On one occasion I happened to be in the office, and listened in on a conversation she was having with a prospective customer. The way she handled it was remarkable. With the phone on speaker I couldn’t help but hear the entire conversation. By the end of the phone call I was laughing so hard that I nearly forgot I was only supposed to be listening and to keep quiet. I did, but managed to have a big smile on my face for the rest of the day. The phone call went something like this;

“Good morning, this is Katie, may I help you?”

“Yes, I had my car over at the transmission shop, and they recommended you guys,” the caller said.

“Ok, great, is it a shifting problem?” she asked.

“No, it’s an electrical problem.”

“We certainly do that kind of work. When would you like to bring it in and have it diagnosed?”

“No, I already had it diagnosed at the other shop.”

“They did, did they? Did they tell you what the problem was?”

“No, they didn’t know what was wrong with it. That’s why they sent me to you.”

About now Katie is getting the raised eyebrow look going, and her pen is scribbling some sort of gibberish on the note pad. Something is up. I can tell you know… I’ve answered phone calls like this myself. Let’s see how Katie handles this … I’ll listen in a little more.

“So did they give you any clues to what the problem was?” she asked curiously.

“They said they didn’t know.”

“Well that doesn’t help either one of us… let’s start this all over again. It sounds to me like the other shop checked it out, and determined that it was something they couldn’t handle and recommended us. Their best guess was that it was something electrical. Then they gave you our phone number, and told you we could take care of it. Am I pretty close to what’s going on sir?” Katie asked.

“Quite right”

“Ok, let’s see if we can knock one out of the old ball park. First off… the transmission shop sent you to … … … who?”

“To you…”

“Great we’ve made it to first base. Now then, let’s head to 2^nd base… that’s where we figure out the “what’s wrong with it” part.”

He quickly interrupted her… “Nope, already did that.”

“Well, what’s wrong with it then?” Katie asked.

“I don’t know, and they couldn’t tell me either,” the caller said.

“Sir, somehow we have made it all the way to third base, and haven’t touched second at all,” she answers.

“I don’t understand what you’re getting at,” the bewildered caller said.

“Let’s try this again,” Katie goes on with, “We have established that the “who” part of this is to bring the car here. As of now we have a good foot hold on first base… the second thing is the “what” part, and that’s where we are having a problem… the “I don’t know” part can be answered once we have it diagnosed.

“I already had it diagnosed.”

“Ok, then “what’s” wrong with it?”

“I don’t know.” (Here we go again, passed 2^nd and slid into 3rd)

“Naturally,” Katie answers him with that -I’m not going thru this again- look on her face, “They didn’t know… that’s why you’re talking to me.”

“I don’t think you understand,” he answers her.

“Oh, I understand perfectly well, sir. I don’t think you understand that I can’t repair it, unless I know what is wrong with it,” she answers back, “This is why I wanted to start you off with “who’s” on first… which is me.”

“But, I just told you… they diagnosed it already.”

“Who did?”

“Not you…………, they did.”

“What did they tell you was wrong with it?”

“I don’t know……………,” our caller answered while making another beeline for 3^rd base.

“Sir, we will need to diagnose it all over again in order to find out “what” is wrong with it… and hopefully avoid that 3^rd base.”

“What 3^rd base?”

“What is the 2^nd base, I don’t know is 3^rd,” Katie answered him.

“So, we need to stay on what?” asks the caller.

“Yes, second base.”

“Who’s on 1^st?”

“Naturally, I’m on first base. I thought we already got past that point. We need to move onto 2^nd base.”

“Second base, will that fix my car?”

“I don’t know”, said Katie.

“So are we on 2^nd or 3^rd now?” the caller asked.

“Sir, I’m still on 1^st base where we started. Now let’s try 2^nd again. I still need to get it diagnosed… that’s second base,” Katie answered.

“I already had it diagnosed,” stated the caller.

“And what did they find out?”

“I don’t know… … … 3^rd base,” they both answered in unison without missing a beat.

The phone call went on for some time. I’m about to fall off the barstool laughing so hard. We all know what the problem is. It’s not the what, who, or I don’t know… it’s because he has already paid someone to check his car out, and they failed to find the problem. So “naturally”, the customer assumes that there is no need in paying for the same thing a second time, if nothing came about it the first time around. (Try that when you go to a second doctor for another opinion)

I understand their plight. I just wish when he got up to bat at the first shop they would have done a better job of explaining to him about the necessary procedures to make these repairs. Then again the charges the customer was given might have been for other work, and not for any diagnostics at all…..but that never made it into the conversation.

The call ended with, “I can’t bring it today, but I can bring it in tomorrow.”

What a relief, “Because”- (he’s in the outfield)… today is the day to catch wacky phone calls, and I’ve caught all the foul balls I can stand for one day. I just hope “Tomorrow” doesn’t end up throwing me any wild pitches.

So no matter how you handle things in the office or in the shop… sometimes you just want to make it around the bases without getting tagged. And there’s one more thing I’m sure of -- I don’t want to end up with the customer only making a “short stop” in my shop, because we haven’t seen eye to eye on how the problem needs to be resolved…

Cause, we all know that short stop’s name……

There goes Santa, running for his sleigh;

He’s gotta run fast, to get away.

You see, the economy has struck the North Pole as well;

The elves are on strike, and his wife is givin' em' hell.

These days when Santa appears at the local department store;

It’s not just for fun or photos, but for gifts he needs to score.

He'll check the store layout and make a quick dash;

Why even Santa max'd out his credit card and is low on cash.

So off he goes, into the night;

To find those gifts, and get out of sight.

Now, he’s not going to make a whole lot of stops;

‘Cause look out Santa… here comes the cops.

Santa leaps to his sleigh and flys far into the night;

Carrying all those gifts, on his yearly flight.

Way into the morning, the police search high and low;

Only to find a few tracks left in the snow.

You'll hear all the alarms blaring, late into the night;

But old Saint Nick will be long gone, and clean out of sight.

Santa has to be quick, to have it done by Christmas Eve;

So many gifts, and so many places to be…

The presents will be wrapped, and the tags will be off;

Cause old Santa is very careful, not to get caught.

So check your presents, early on Christmas day;

(Keep it hush-hush if they're from Santa, OK...?)

Now, I don’t know if Old Saint Nick, stopped at your house or not;

But If he did … … … … …

.....THOSE GIFTS ARE . . . HOT ! !

Twas the Night before Christmas

(Mechanic style)

Twas the night before Christmas,

and all through the service bay,

Not an engine was stirring,

just old Santa’s sleigh.

All the air hoses were hung,

by the compressor with care,

The mechanics had the day off,

I’m the only one there.

I was just an apprentice, but wanted to show St. Nick just what I knew,

My boss was all for it, said it was OK if I turned a few screws.

With visions of being a full time mechanic, dancing in my head

I was going to give it my best shot; I’ll fix this old sled.

I gave the key a twist,and listened in dismay,

That little red hot rod needed service, in such a bad way

Then from under the hood there arose such a clatter,

That even St. Nick had to ask, “So, what’s the matter?”

I flew from the driver’s seat and raised the hood in a flash,

Nearly stumbling off my feet, from my quick little dash.

The under hood light, glimmered onto the engine below,

The fan belt had broken, and a spark plug blew out a hole.

It’s something I can handle; I learned this stuff in school,

I’ll have this fixed up in no time; it only takes a few tools,

I started it up and all eight cylinders were firing away

Just a few minor adjustments and he could be on his way

That’s when I noticed, his sled was packed full of all sorts of toys…

He hadn’t finished his deliveries, to all the girls… and boys.

He was dressed all in red, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot

Anxious he was, to finish his trip as soon as he could,

With my wrenches a flyin’, he knew that he would.

It was up to me, to get it fixed this very night,

He still had a long way to go, before it was daylight.

His eyes, how they twinkled, his dimples, how merry

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.

And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.

I knew it was Christmas Eve, so I couldn’t say no,

He had a broad face and a round little belly

That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.

His sled was like new, after the job was all done,

Now that it’s fixed, he could get back to his run.

He reached into his huge bag, and pulled a box out with a jerk,

Said he knew just how to thank me, for all of my hard work,

I ripped open the present, and Oh, what a sight!

Snap On wrenches and sockets! Boy was he right!

As he pulled from the parking lot, he held the throttle to the floor,

Just to show off, he passed by the shop, once more,

This guy Santa, he’s a little strange, at any rate,

He had a name for every cylinder, in his little V8.

I could hear him shout, so loud and clear,

Naming off each cylinder, as if they could hear.

"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!

I heard the tires screech, as he caught second gear,

Off to deliver those presents, some far, some near.

Then, I heard him exclaim, just before he drove out of sight,

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

12 Days of Christmas

at an Automotive Repair Shop

You know the song, so just sing along with me in the holiday spirit.

On the 1st day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

A cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 2nd day Christmas a customer sent to me:

2 Latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 3rd day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

3 Wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 4th day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

4 Wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 5th day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

5 Piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 6th day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

6 Brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 7th day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

7 Dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 8th day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

8 Engines leaking, 7 dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 9th day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

9 Coils a-sparking, 8 engines leaking, 7 dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 10th day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

10 Headlights blinking, 9 coils a-sparking, 8 engines leaking, 7 dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 11th day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

11 Gears a-grinding, 10 headlights blinking, 9 coils a-sparking, 8 engines leaking, 7 dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

On the 12th day of Christmas a customer sent to me:

12 Trannys slipping, 11 gears a-grinding, 10 headlights blinking, 9 coils a-sparking, 8 engines leaking, 7 dash lights flashing, 6 brand new sockets, 5 piston rings, 4 wire straps, 3 wrench ends, 2 latex gloves, and a cartridge for my grease gun.

Speaking on behalf of the entire automotive repair industry,

Thank you to all our customers for their patronage. We appreciate it.

Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Lost and Found

How many times have you finished a job, watched the car drive off, and then started cleaning up your tools only to realize you’ve misplaced something? You’re pretty sure, but not completely sure the missing tool is under the hood or in the interior of the car that just drove off. If you’re lucky, you can call the customer and ask if they’ve found your missing tool. But, there are those occasions when a phone call or a complete search of the shop doesn’t yield any sign of the wandering tool. For the most part you can put that tool down as gone for good, lost to that place where wayward nuts, bolts, tools, and my arrant golf ball shots always end up. Yea, we all know that place, the “Lost and never to be found again!” place.

It’s not the only way I’ve lost tools in cars. There’s been many times some tool has gotten lodged in a hopeless retrieval area of the car. Like down between the fender and body line, or in some obscure area that would take hours just to get close enough to even see it again, let alone get it back. Once, while I was working under an old car the socket I was using popped off of the extension, and I watched it rattle around while banging off of one thing after another. It was spinning like a top by the time it made it to the flat surface of the center cross member where it then stood straight up, spun some more, and then like some cartoon character it vanished into a hole. The hole was not more than a thousandth of an inch bigger than the socket, but somehow it managed to fall so perfectly that it dropped straight in. And, of course, there was absolutely no way to get a magnet back down the hole because the oil pan was in the way, and no way to use an air nozzle to blow it to either end of the cross member, because both ends were welded shut. I never did get that socket back. So much for using a good socket on a cheap extension.

I’ve lost track of how much time I’ve wasted chasing down these elusive tools that like to play hide and seek. Not to mention the spattering of profanity that I’m sure to mutter while I’m trying to get an eyeball on some of these tools I’ve dropped down into unknown cavities of irretrievability. But, if you do get a glimpse of the stupid little gadget you dropped then it’s like playing the old “Operation” game to get the thing back out. I’ll use just about anything, including the extendable magnet wand or my long mechanic’s finger tool to slowly draw that &*$!* runaway tool back through the maze of hoses, wires, and other assorted engine parts.

Sometimes, it’s just a sound the nut, bolt, or tool makes while it’s playing pinball and falls through the engine bay or behind the dash that gets you rolling your eyeballs in dismay. Now, everything else about the job has to come to a complete halt, while you go on the old tool safari to find it. Tools are too expensive to leave them to fend for themselves behind the dash or tucked in a corner of the engine bay. At the end of the day, they need to be with their other brothers and sisters in the tool box. Besides, the tool truck won’t be back until next week and that particular socket might have been the only one that would fit into the area of the car you were working on.

On the other hand, how many times have you found a tool that some other poor soul couldn’t find after dropping it down in the engine? I’ve found wrenches stuck between the exhaust manifold and the engine block and assorted sockets laying in the intake valley. Sometimes I wonder how some of these misplaced tools end up in such bizarre places. I mean seriously, what did ya need with a 4 foot pry bar behind the dash? And, how did you get it there? I’ve found everything from cheap sockets to expensive micrometers buried in the depths of a car before. The thing is, if it wasn’t for doing some service work in that area of the car you’d probably never know there was a brand new socket hiding.

Flashlights are a commonly misplaced tool. Many years ago, when my dad helped out at the shop, he would use a flashlight for practically everything. This particular afternoon he was installing a new window motor. Being Dad, he was very meticulous as always. Every snap, clip, and screw had to be put back in its exact spot. Every tool was carefully laid out on a towel on his work table and accounted for after the job was done. He was also one who took great pride in keeping track of every tool; he never lost a tool. Well, at least that’s what he used to tell me. But, that day the one thing he forgot to account for was his flashlight. The car was long gone and all his hand tools were back in place in his tool box before he realized he couldn’t find his flashlight. Since he had this reputation for surviving the loss of any type of tool, he wasn’t about to mention a thing to me about it.

A year later the same customer came back for some other repair work, and while he was there he asked my dad, “Oh, and if ya got a minute could ya look at that driver’s door for me? Every now and then I hear a rattle in there.” Of course, good old Dad was more than happy to oblige his friend and customer. And, of course, after all this time he had totally forgotten about his missing flashlight... which he still hadn’t mentioned to me. After removing the door panel, he found the rattle alright. It was his flashlight and the switch was still on. Needless to say, his reputation for not losing a tool was still intact. Lucky guy.

I seldom get that lucky; usually when I lose a tool it’s gone for good. Sometimes I will occasionally find a tool that somebody else will lose under the hood. It kinda-sorta evens things out a bit. Ya never know where a lost tool will show up. For instance, every once in a while I’ll be on a road call to rescue a stranded customer, and as I walk up to their car I’ll keep my eye out on the side of the road for anything shiny, such as a wrench or screwdriver. Occasionally I’ll find one. Hey, I know how they got there. It didn’t fall off of a tool truck, nope... it’s a lost tool from someone else’s repair. I’ll accept that in exchange for the last tool that I lost. Maybe one of these days I’ll get ahead of the curve and collect more than I lose. Just wish more people would lose the good stuff rather than those cheap overseas tools I seem to find most often.

Lose one-find one, it happens.

Going on a Diet

“I’ll have two Fords, a Dodge, and one Toyota please. Oh, and I could go for a Cadillac later on.” The more trucks I repair, the more I’m apt to want to do more. One of these days I might have to seriously think about going on a diet. Too much to know, too much to do, and I’m not getting any younger. I’m not sure what they say about old dogs and new tricks is true, but they forgot to mention about adding on pounds slows ya down. However, with cars and trucks, the size changes, the horse power level changes, fuel economy, and luxury items all go through improvements each year. Nothing slows down the advancement of technology, not even a few extra pounds.

In the automotive world, technical and mechanical changes are a constant thing. For me keeping up with those changes is like going to the gym. It’s a constant physical, as well as mental effort that can wear a guy down with all the new stuff he needs to know, the systems variations, and the amount of work needed to get to certain components.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve put on a few pounds over the past 3 decades. I started out as a skinny kid and now, well… ain’t no kid anymore, and I sure ain’t skinny either. But have ya noticed the shape and size of the cars over the years seems to gain weight too? Then, a few years later they’re back on some sort of diet? Model T’s were small compared to the modern car. But, by the time the 40’s and 50’s came along the size of the car had increased. The model T was squarer and boxy looking compared to the more rounded body lines of the cars from the 40’s and 50’s. Well… except for those tail fins, but that’s a whole different story.

The look of the car changed again in the 60’s too! The styles seemed to reflect both rounded and straight designs, and the weight of the average car was a lot less than the older models. Then, by the late 70’s and 80’s car styling was back to the sharp edged crisp body lines, and the cars seemed to be on a different type of diet; this one was more of a fuel economy and emission diet. Of course, I don’t know for sure but, whatever the reason you could certainly tell the difference. Do you remember the Mustang Ghia II? Was that even fair to call it a Mustang? That was one car that wasn’t so much on a diet but more of an anemic excuse for a car.

Seems every decade or so designers and engineers go on some sort of diet and scale back cars to smaller and smaller models, but later on the size and shapes grow again. Along with the size changes, seems nobody can settle on what is a standard, economy, or compact size. What was once a compact size turns into the standard size and the economy car becomes more of a compact. I’ll never figure it all out myself. But, somewhere along the way they give up on the diet and all the designs fatten up again. Just look at the standard pickup over the last few decades.

I used to be able to see over the hoods of most of the standard pickups, heck some of the compacts I could even see over the roof lines too! But now, even what used to be just a small import truck has reached enormous mammoth proportions. Look at the Toyota pickup, it’s twice the size it was just 10 years earlier.

As far as working on trucks, the 60’s through the 80’s models for the most part, I could lean over the fenders and change the plugs or even a belt without having to resort to standing on the upside down milk carton. After putting on a few pounds I find it a bit harder to lean over those fenders, and standing on that shaking milk carton is making me think of going back on my diet again. With some of these bigger and better models, I should think about installing a scaffold and safety harnesses just to get to the air filters.

Some of the truck models have gone from what I would regard as a regular size to a XXXL in size. Then add the big fat tires, jacked up bodies, and you’ve got yourself a street legal monster truck. But jump up there and look under the hood. There’s no room for anything else, it’s jammed packed! If you’ve got anything substantial to do under the hood, such as a headgasket you’re better off just taking the entire cab off and hang it from the lift. Now you’re talking some real “under the hood work”!

So what’s next? Are the engineers going to go back on that diet and start coming up with skinnier, sleeker designs? Or, are they going to keep adding more and more to them until they’re all so huge that the salesman has to bring out a step ladder just so you can go on a test drive? Where’s it all end?

All this getting bigger and better has led to some changes at the repair shop, too. Some shops aren’t equipped to remove the cab of a truck to do some of the service work. It’s kind of a forced diet in a way. But, there are several other reasons shops today have gone to this regimented diet, and it’s not all because of the size either.

One reason for this self-imposed diet is the cost of the various scanning equipment to properly repair these over inflated computers on wheels. Not only are the prices varied, but the monthly/yearly fees to keep that tool up to date is another issue, and as technology advances so does your scanner inventory. Even though the scanner you have now is in perfect working order, the cars that it was designed to service have started to dwindle from the highways.

Technology doesn’t just bring changes for the consumer, but for the mechanic as well. New systems, new ways of doing old things, and new equipment are just a small part of the changes that occur. There seems to always be a newer design that mimics an older system although more stream lined efficiency. Very seldom do things remain the same. The way I’ve got it figured, there’s a mild change every five years and a more dramatic change in technology about every ten years.

The engineers and designers may do what I plan on doing, and that’s go on a diet. But, we all know… most diets don’t last long, and I’ll eventually put all the weight back on that I lost… and then some. If the history of the automotive world is any example of what may come in the future with the next generation of truck designs… the results may end up just like my diet. Go figure…

Stayed at the Inn

I’m sure we’ve all watched the commercial where some guy manages to do something, or fix something that the rest of the crowd couldn’t figure out, and when asked, “How did ya know how to do that?” His answer, “I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night.” Apparently I’ve been doing it the hard way all these years. I guess instead of going to all the classes and taking all the certification tests, all I had to do was go down to a motel for the night. I could have mastered this trade in a week!

Not that I think I’m some sort of expert in my field, because there are much smarter guys and gals in the biz than myself, but I kinda-sorta know what I’m doing, even though I didn’t stay at the hotel last night. Although, on occasion, I get a few wanna-be pros from Motel 6 stopping by the shop for a car repair that might not have left the light on long enough. Most of the time their car is already in the middle of some major surgery. Like they removed the instrument cluster and it’s laying on the passenger seat completely torn apart, hoses under the hood left unhooked, radiator cap is missing, miscellaneous parts are left in the trunk for me to find, or just about any other conceivable way of dismembering a car you can imagine. But, as always… they know more about the repair process than I do presumably.

I could ask the usual rhetorical question, “If ya know so much, why not fix it yourself?” But, I’d probably get an answer that would be even more baffling than the original question. Anyway, I know I shouldn’t climb on my own soap box (but I will) and proudly display all my certificates and achievements in the lobby and front office (but I do) but I believe that’s important for the consumer to know; to know they are dealing with a professional and not some lug-nut-spinning-parts jockey. It took me years of training classes, conventions, and after hours studying to reach the level of expertise that I have now and to maintain my ASE Masters level. And, yes, a good night’s sleep does help to clear the mind and get you ready for the next day, but I don’t think I’ve learned a thing about today’s cars while I was counting sheep.

However, not all these overnight geniuses mentioned they stayed in a hotel. They’ve got other ways of conjuring up wisdom and experience from other sources. Rather than disclaim their source of knowledge I wrote them down as a way of keeping track of where all this knowledge comes from. I’m always curious where this wisdom is obtained, just in case I need to gather up some new knowledge and can’t make it to the hotel in time. Here’s my list of the top ten knowledge acquiring ventures I’ve been told. And yes, these really did happen at the service counter. I’m not clever enough or spent enough time at the hotel to make this stuff up. Some, I hear all the time, some just once in a while, but some of these absurd higher learning escapades are so far out that you might only hear them once in a life time. Here goes:

10- My Uncle/brother/father was a mechanic. (Keep in mind… the “was” part.)

9- I watched it on TV last week (I’m sure you did, and I’m sure it was entertaining. There’s a test later… are ya ready?)

8- The Internet (Of course, the Internet… if it’s on the Internet it’s gotta be true.)

7- I used to own the same model car about 10 years ago and I could fix anything on it. These newer ones are exactly the same. That’s why they can keep the same name on the trunk. (Yes that’s right your 66 Chevy pickup is no different than your 2008 Chevy pickup… the manufacturers haven’t changed a thing.)

6- I worked my way up from the wash bay to the lube and tire rack. I know all there is to know about mechanic stuff. (Let’s see, tools on hand, hmmm, lug wrench, yep, oil filter wrench, got it… oil plug socket, yep got that too… and a funnel, mighty important. Ok that makes it official… you’re a mechanic.)

5- I left all my tools out in the rain and they’re all rusty now. Otherwise I’d fix it myself. So, it’s not like I need your help at all. (Understandably, every good mechanic has left a tool or two out in the weather. But I don’t think that’s stopping him from fixing a car!)

4- I can fix anything on a car. I just need you to tell me what’s wrong with it. (So, you can aye? What happens if you already know what’s wrong with it? Is that when you ask me to fix it? Reverse psychology there.)

3- I’m not paying you to tell me what’s wrong with it, and I don’t care how long it took! I know how much it should cost! I’ve done that repair myself before! So, what was wrong with it again? (Self-explanatory, you don’t know… nuff said.)

2- My brother is a doctor and we have a lot of cars. (Now how does that make you an expert in car repair?)

1- I grew up next to a dealership, so I know everything about cars from watching the mechanics through the cracks in the fence. (I know cows, yea cows… ‘cause I grew up next to the barn… does that count too?)

Auto repair, in my opinion, has more than its fair share of screw ups that turn wrenches on a daily basis, and there’s no doubt a lot of the mistrust over car repair is brought on after someone has had some dealings with one of them. It’s true in any professional service trade oriented to the general public that there are a few bad apples in the business. Maybe that’s why some of these home grown DIY’rs feel it’s necessary to overshadow a professional mechanic’s abilities by belittling them, insulting them, or outright telling them they don’t know what they’re doing.

Then again, the true DIY’r who can handle those odd repairs aren’t the type that end up at a repair shop. If and when those type do end up in need of a pro, they know their limitations and respect the services provided by the professional mechanic. It’s the ones who seem to always have more than one excuse as to why they know more than the professional that gets me. Maybe they are only trying to save face in front their friends after screwing up their buddy’s personal ride.

One of these days cars will become so sophisticated that a lot of these home DIY nut busters won’t be able to do anything to their personal rides at all. By then, a lot of those halfwit repair shops that shouldn’t be fixing cars today will more than likely be a thing of the past, too. But, I doubt that will keep that certain group of know-it-alls from coming up with a new excuse as to why they know more than the trained/seasoned mechanic does. Maybe what they should do is swing by the Inn and spend a calm evening in a nice comfy bed. Maybe in the morning they’ll have a better idea of what to tell their mechanic. At least then they could say, “I stayed at the Holiday Inn last night.” It probably won’t help the mechanic out in the service bay, but it sure wouldn’t hurt.

Thinking Outside the Box

An 04‘ Ford pickup came into the shop with a non-functioning cruise control system that had already spent some time at a couple of other shops. None seemed to give the customer any kind of answer as to why the cruise control wasn’t working. And, like many of these types of jobs I get in from those “other” shops, they all eventually come to the same conclusion as to what’s wrong with the vehicle. You know, the typical bail out answer for a problem they couldn’t solve. They’ll tell the customer, “It must be electrical”, and of course, they don’t do electrical. Seriously, what isn’t electrical these days?

A lot of times I find the term “It must be electrical” is just an excuse from these other shops to throw their hands up and send the customer down the street. They either don’t understand the diagnostic procedures or have already spent way too much time swapping parts and components hoping they’ll eventually run across a solution rather than actually diagnosing the symptoms.

I’m not one to shy away from some “electrical” problem. I’m more than a bit bull headed and stubborn enough to stick it out to the very end. Even if that means going to the extreme to diagnose a given problem. This one was no different. But, first things first, as always, verify the customer’s complaint. So, off on a test drive I go. Sure enough the cruise wouldn’t engage. There was no green indicator on the dash and no signs of any action taken by the PCM to engage the cruise. Now, it’s back to the shop and grab the scanner.

Codes were absolutely no help. No codes were stored and no history to see. Which, is probably where these other shops stop testing things and came up with their conclusion, “It must be electrical”. For me, codes are only step one of many to solve an electrically related problem. Let’s face it, codes are not the defining answer. Today’s cars have so many different methods of watching the various components involved with each system that it just makes sense to use the scanner as a tool to aide in diagnosing, and not just simply for reading codes. For this problem using the scanner to look at the PID’s (Parameter Identifications) was going to be more than a bit helpful.

As I’m sitting in the service bay watching every function involved with the cruise (according to the operation description), I did not see anything out of place or giving me incorrect readings. Everything from the emergency brake signal to the BOO (Brake On-Off) signal were correct. There didn’t seem to be anything standing out as the culprit, but there had to be something, something that everyone else has overlooked. Sitting in the service bay is not where the cruise control does its job. The vehicle has to be brought up to speed, before you can rule out if all the various components are actually working according to the manufacturer’s specifications. So, it’s back out on the road, but this time with the scanner installed. The safest method is to have a co-pilot watching the laptop screen. With the truck moving down the road there was only one item that didn’t act the same way it did when the car was stationary, and that’s the BOO signal. As we drove around the BOO stayed ON all the time. It never switched from ON to OFF when the brakes were applied.

It’s back to the shop to try this whole thing again. This time I left the engine running and watched the BOO signal. As I pushed the brake pedal down, the signal switched back and forth from OFF to ON just as it should. Now what in the world is going on? I know I saw a constant ON signal while we were driving, but it shows ON/OFF as we are sitting still. That’s when I reached over and dropped it into drive and allowed the truck to roll forward just a bit. Well what do ya know, the signal never switched anymore. But, in park it worked just fine. I tried the same thing over and over again, and every time I had the same results. It can’t be the brake switch, I’m not changing anything there. The only thing that’s changed is the gear selector. So it’s got to be something with that. Could it be the TR switch? (Transmission Range) Nope, it’s working perfectly. So, what else can it be?

I went back to the description and operation page of the service manual, but even after reading it a second time nothing seem to make sense as far as what I was seeing on the scanner. But, there was one thing I thought might be involved that the general description page didn’t mention anything about, and that’s the shift interlock switch. According to the wiring diagram there is a signal for BOO at the shift interlock, but only briefly mentioned as a possible cause of loss of BOO signal in one of the sub headings regarding the diagnostic procedures for testing the brake switch. Still confused, but willing to go with the “It must be electrical” as the primary cause of the problem, I decided to check further into the shift interlock switch. This time instead of driving it or spinning the roulette wheel of possible components, I’m going to pull the shift interlock and check it myself.

From the outside of the little box everything looked great, all the connection are solid and there were no signs of something that might have been spilled into the console. The circuit box was not glued together and could easily be taken apart, and I had a pretty good idea it had to have something to do with the BOO signal going awry, it seemed like the logical thing to do. After I opened up the box, all I could say was, “Holy cruise controls there’s the problem!” A transistor had a burnt terminal. Now I’m more than confident this is the problem, time to order one.

After installing the new shift interlock I took it down the road for a quick test drive. The green cruise indicator light came on, it accelerated, resumed and functioned just as it should. The shift interlock was definitely the problem. Of course, just to prove my hypothesis that it was the cause of the entire problem, I had to perform the same test I did earlier by placing it in and out of park and letting the truck roll forward while watching the laptop. The BOO signal was doing its thing. ON then OFF just as you’d expect it to do.

It’s not the first time I’ve run across a diagnostic situation where all the PID’s or information given wasn’t in plain English. Sometimes what you have to do is go that extra step and follow your instincts as to what you believe is the problem. I’m sure another sharp tech would have a completely different way of coming up with the same answer, but in this case, this is how I came up with it, and it worked. That’s what counts in the end. The customer is happy, I’m elated and you can be sure I’ll be watching out for the same kind of problems in the future, too.

Even though my diagnostics information didn’t have all the answers laid out with pinpoint accurate details the answers were still there. Ya just had to dig them out from between the pages of the diagnostic manual. As with a lot of today’s electronic mazes, you might find yourself having to solve a problem that wasn’t a problem just a few years earlier. I mean seriously, who would have thought a shift interlock would have something to do with the cruise control 20 years ago? Or for that matter that you could look at so many different sensors or components all at the same time on one tool.

At times it does seem like an uphill battle to keep up with all the changes in the modern mechanics field, but at the same time very gratifying when you overcome a problem that seemed impossible to solve. Sometimes, ya just gotta think outside the box or in this case… open it up and look inside.

Third Time’s the Charm

There’s one situation every professional automotive mechanic/technician has had to deal with from time to time, and that’s the all-knowing-can-do-it himself kind of customer. Yep, the home grown garage guys who just so happen to own a couple of ratchets, a repair manual and broken down car. They’re the type who got lucky tinkering on their own car a few times, and may have picked up a few tips after spending their weekends watching a couple of those automotive reality shows. Now they’ve ventured into doing the neighbors’, relatives’, and friends’ cars. However, TV shows and manuals both have their limitations. They only tell you what to do, and only if you read their directions carefully. For some people, a quick glance at a page or a few seconds on the TV screen is not enough. They need to be reminded again and again before it sinks in.

Some of these connoisseurs of the all-knowing repair manual don’t really read enough. They’ll skip over certain information, or just skim through sections without comprehending any of it. Many just assume they already know how a certain system works based on a previous system they’ve had some luck on. It’s as if they are stuck in a time zone of out dated automotive technology, but after they’ve turned a few screws, glanced at a few more pages, and turned a few more screws they find their problem isn’t solved. Then and only then do these experts head to a real repair shop. Of course, their repair manual is always laying on the passenger seat with the important pages carefully marked for the shop mechanic to examine. As if to say, “Here’s what you need to know”, when in fact it’s the other way around.

By the time they have made it to a repair shop they’ve already rehearsed their explanation of the problem over and over again, and know just what they’re going to say to the service writer/mechanic. Sometimes it’s a pretty farfetched story and sometimes it’s right on, ya just never know. Now that manual of course, it can’t say much, but it does show the wear and tear it’s been through. All the corners are dog eared and riddled with greasy finger marks from the constant thumbing through. Sometimes the pages are even highlighted or notes have been added. (I’m still waiting for somebody to leave nothing more than a note with some website address on it instead of a paper back manual.) With a battle weary repair manual on the passenger seat and at least one more comment from the owner, the car eventually gets pushed into the service bay.

The last job I had at the shop that fits this description was no different than any of the previous ones. The car in question wouldn’t start, and this neighborhood mechanic did his best to read and understand what was on the diagnostic pages of the manual, but he still didn’t have an answer. He just couldn’t make any sense out of the wiring diagram for the fuel pump circuit. His final verdict, “It’s not getting any voltage to the fuel pump.”

This was one of those cars where the fuel pump doesn’t turn on until after the first spin of the crankshaft. In a lot of systems, especially older ones, turning the key on would at least let the fuel pump relay run for a few seconds, but not on this car. I checked the signal according to the manufacturer specifications, and sure enough the voltage (and ground signal) was at the fuel pump. All it needed was a new pump.

Now, the other half of dealing with the weekend pro mechanic comes to a head, and that’s the diagnostic results I have to explain at the service counter. You can bet he won’t believe any of it. As usual, there’s a bit of distrust and an attitude accompanied with their response, “I checked the fuel pump fuse and there wasn’t any power there. So how can you say the fuel pump is bad? All I wanted you to do was find out why there was no power at the fuse, not tell me it had a bad pump! I can check that myself!” I personally find it rather insulting to go to any professional in any type of business and rudely say something like that. Surely you could think of another way to tell me that you’re not sure of the diagnostics results. The short version of what it sounded like to me was, “You’re wrong... and I know it!”

I always figured, you get what you give. So, while still trying to be the professional, and at this point somewhat of a teacher too, I answered his remarks with my own sarcastic response, “This vehicle doesn’t turn on the fuel pump relay until it knows you’re going to start it. Meaning, until the engine spins and sends a cam/crank impulse to the PCM the fuel pump relay isn’t energized. The fuel pump fuse is after the relay and since the relay isn’t on there won’t be any voltage at the fuel pump fuse. But, I’m sure you knew all of that, because you had the page marked for me in your repair manual. In fact, you had it highlighted, too.” The expression on his face was classic. That stunned look of confusion and a loss of words to back up his previous statements was enough to make me want to go in the other room, close the door, and wait for the giggle snorts to fade away.

He ended up dragging the car back to his little hole in the wall, and I’m sure, cursing the repair shop for showing him up. No doubt when all his buddies get together it’ll be another round of “slam the repair shop mechanic” again. (They travel in packs ya know.) Me, I’ll just put my tools away and wait for him to return. I know he’ll be back in about a year or so. How do I know this is going to happen? Because this very same guy did the very same thing with the very same car last year. Oh yes, and with the very same problem. Not only was it exactly the same problem, the same guy, and the same problem, but the same attitude and explanation at the counter. Of course, just like last time, he’ll run down to the same cheap-o parts store and buy the same bargain basement fuel pump that might last another year or so.

Even after explaining how the system worked a year ago, he still doesn’t get it. I might be able to do all the show and tell regarding this diagnosis, but I don’t think I can do too much if he doesn’t remember it next year. He might just spend a little more time reading his manual. But, if need be, I can go over the whole thing again and again. Well, that’s twice so far, maybe the third time’s the charm.

Paper or Plastic

A customer comes to the checkout counter with their loaded down shopping cart, the clerk asks, “Paper or Plastic ma’am?” We don’t even think about it, it’s just the way things are. Paper or plastic. It’s where we are in the world these days. However, the last time I went shopping with the wife I started thinking about that very subject. You know, paper or plastic, and how far we’ve come in the last couple of decades. Stop and think about it; how many different things were paper based products, but is now plastic? The list runs the gambit from the phones we all carry to the way things are packaged. Just about every item in a household is affected by plastic these days.

The modern world as we know it today is so much different than just a few generations ago. It’s a constantly evolving and ever changing system of checks and balances to our existence. Each new technical advancement, whether it’s in plastics or electronics, brings on its own set of problems as well as making us aware of our previous technical failures. Along with these ever improving, ever changing advancements in technology, we’ve also been made aware of how crucial it is to be the custodians of our environment, and how fragile the eco system really is.

I can remember back in my early years as a mechanic when oil cans were made with cardboard sides and metal ends. There was a funnel/spout that you had to shove into the top of the can so that you could pour it into the car. Once in a while you’d stab a can, and instead of the spout going through the lid it would crush the side of the cardboard can. Makes an awful mess when that happens, and when it did I’d get the typical lecture about being a greenhorn kid who didn’t even know how to open a can of oil.

There was a time when most things manufactured used more natural products than plastics. A natural product such as cotton or paper may have been the only thing available at the time. However, being a natural product it tended to degrade and deteriorate with time and weather. Those old oil cans pretty much disappeared after a while. The lids would rust away, and the cardboard just seemed to vanish. Then, when plastics came along it made a world of difference how everyday items were produced. Now, with the all plastic oil cans there’s not much in the way of deteriorating or degrading.

Gone was the lonely oil can spout too! The first plastic oil cans looked very similar to the old cardboard cans, so there for a time you still needed the old spout. It took a while before they finally made them with the shape we know today. I kept one of those old style oil can spout/funnels in my tool box for a long time. Don’t know why I did, and I’m not too sure where it is, but I’ll bet it’s still there… somewhere.

The change from paper to plastics not only brought on changes to the cars, but also how the mechanics repaired them. Who else remembers setting a set of points with a paper match book cover? (For you younger techs you might have to go ask one of the old salty dogs in the shop what a set of points are, and while you’re at it ask him what a match book cover is, too.) All that timing and dwell issues we used to have to deal with is handled by a small sensor mounted in a piece of plastic these days.

Shop work orders are another thing that plastics have taken over. They used to be made up of several sheets of paper with a carbon paper between the copies. Ya had to press hard to get through all the layers, and it wasn’t uncommon to have someone come back with their receipt that you couldn’t even read. That evolved into the carbonless copies, then to a rough paper copy that the mechanic could scratch out what was being done and then it would be sent to the front office where the entire invoice would be typed into a computer. It took banks of filing cabinets to store all the invoices too. Today, the whole process is almost entirely paperless with laptops the mechanic uses to fill out work orders, and all the data can be stored on a small plastic thumb drive.

A lot of car components have changed from a paper based product to plastic as well. The old “rope” type rear seal changed over to the new and improved one piece plastic/rubber seal. Nearly all of the gaskets on an engine used to be made from paper or cork. There might still be a few hold outs using paper for their gaskets, but for the most part all the gaskets today are a composite material made with some form of plastic or paper coated with plastic resin.

Along with these changes from paper to plastic we also had to take a good look at our environment as well. Not just the smog but the recycling aspects. Right now, the automobile is the most widely recycled consumer product, even with all the various plastics they contain. That alone is pretty impressive. But, the stringent US emission standards don’t hold true all over the globe. Pollution levels in China, Mexico, and Africa are at staggering levels.

But, if you’re curious whether or not there’s even more changes in store for us, well, look no further than your local grocery store. Back when groceries stores bagged everything only with paper sacks, you’d take your groceries home and save the bags for a rainy day. Everybody had a stack of paper sacks tucked away somewhere. I think my grandmother had the market cornered on paper grocery bags though, she had a room full of them.

Then, along came the plastic bag. It took up less space at the end of the checkout counter and were cheaper to make. Just like the paper sack, the plastic bag did have a secondary use when it was home. Most of time as a trash bag, which ended up right where you didn’t want to put them… in the landfill. Nowadays, that’s changing as well. A lot of major grocery stores offer discounts if you bring your own reusable shopping bags with you. In our household we’ve made the change to reusable insulated grocery bags quite some time ago, and I really don’t miss having those paper or plastic bags stuffed somewhere in the house.

I could see this catching on in other stores as well. I think it would be a safe prediction to say that sometime in the future everyone will be carrying their own bags into department stores, shoe stores, appliance stores, 7-11’s, liquor stores, and perhaps even parts stores too!

We’ve come a long way in taking on the responsibility for the eco system that we are leaving for the next generation, and I’m sure even better and better technical advancements will improve on what we already have.

So, I think I’m going to start something new at the shop. When I’m at the service counter with somebody ready to check out, I’m going to ask them, “Will that be paper or plastic?” Just to see their reaction. Hey, money is made from paper, credit cards are plastic, why not? I just wonder how long it will be before the dollar is more plastic than cotton fibers and paper? I guess that’s the kind of change that will change our change.

Pikes Peak and the Rental

Anytime we are planning a long trip out of town we generally will rent a car. Not that I don’t have full confidence in our personal vehicles is just that if something would go wrong I know exactly who’s the lucky guy that’s got to fix it. Instead, I’d rather make a phone call to the rental agency and tell them to bring me another car. It always seemed a little strange to me that someone would purposely lend you a brand new car with nothing more than a driver license. But, they do it every day, and I doubt they really know what goes on with those rentals once they’re out of sight. I’ve heard of people renting a car and taking them to the track, or removing the engine and replacing it with something else. Me, well I didn’t go to that extreme, I just took my rental up to the summit of Pikes Peak.

The whole purpose of this trip was to take our son and all his belongings to college. It took a full size van this time, and it was loaded down with everything from clothes to his bike, as well as all the stuff we would need for the trip too. The University Of Denver was our destination, so with a full tank of gas, a couple of road snacks, the dogs at the kennel, and the GPS fired up we were on our way.

Being in the repair business of course I’ve got to check the car out myself. Even though it’s practically new I still had to poke around under the hood and chassis. The van wasn’t one of the high end models, just a basic van, but it would serve the purpose that we needed it for. But, with every trip like this, my wife will always ask if I have one of my pocket screwdrivers with me, and it’s not because she thinking about any emergency repairs or something else that might go wrong that requires the use of the most versatile tool there ever was, no… that’s not the reason at all. She knows if I get bored I’ll start taking the car apart while she’s taking her turn driving down the highway. So, to keep the sanity in the family I’m not allowed to bring one.

The trip took about 11 hours from our house, mostly uneventful, other than I didn’t care too much for the cruise control. It seemed to vary way too much from the set speed before it would kick in. Not a big deal, but one of those things I’m sure at some point I’ll run across a customer who will have a complaint about one of these models doing just that. Most people probably wouldn’t notice it, but if they did, I don’t think there’s much I could do about it.

We arrived at the hotel with plenty of spare time on our hands, which was our plan in the first place. We have a daughter who lives in Boulder which is not that far away from the college and we definitely wanted to spend some time with her too. In the meantime the plan was to get up the next morning and check out some of the local sights. One in particular was Pikes Peak.

It wasn’t that far from the hotel so it seemed like a pretty good way to spend the afternoon. So, we headed to Pikes Peak with typical tourist interest and our fully loaded rental van. As we got closer to the mountain range the roads began to twist and turn even more than before. A few of them had some really blind turns and steep drop offs on the edges. The only comment from the wife was, “Boy, that’s a long way down.” Soon, we were at the large wood framed entrance to Pikes Peak. The signs said that there wasn’t any snow fall problems or issues that should concern anyone that wanted to drive to the top, so … we did just that.

The park ranger gave us some information about the two to three hour drive we were about to undertake, and about the many switch back roads and very tight turns there are. It all sounded like a casual drive into the mountains to me. Thus, are journey began. At first it was just a winding roadway with a gradual slope, but that was all about to change. The ranger did remind me to keep it in 2^nd or 1^st gear most of the way, and before long I found out why. The road became even more twisty and steeper than I thought was even possible to get an asphalt paver to negotiate. Most of the switch backs changed grade right in the center of the curve and there are hardly any guard rails on any of the steep drop offs. The edge of the road just disappears down steep canyon walls. I’m not too sure the engineers of this rental ever thought of using Pikes Peak as part of their testing, but onward and upward we went.

As we neared the tree line I could see up to the next set of switch backs that there was one car that didn’t make it to the top. A roll back wrecker was coming down from the summit with a VW Vanagon strapped down to the bed. As the driver negotiated the next set of switch backs the entire wrecker would lean out over the 10,000 foot drop off that was just off the edge of the pavement. I did my best to give him as much room as possible as the wife leaned towards the center of the van terrified that the next inch of ground that I used to get closer to the edge was going to be her last. I firmly believe this guy has to be the bravest tow driver I’ve ever run across, because there’s no way I would have ever tried that.

The rental van was getting a bit warm, not bad yet, but holding it down a gear or so and keeping the revs up wasn’t helping. But, we didn’t have much farther to go. With one last turn and one more switch back we made it to the summit. The overloaded rental could take a break while we did the tourist thing. You know, look over the edge, by a few souvenirs, and stand in front of the large stone sign while having our picture taken.

Going down was going to take a whole lot more care than going up ever did. As we made the turn to the first switch back from the parking lot there was a small pickup trying to tow another small pickup up to the summit with nothing more than a web strap. Now you have to image, you’re at better than 14 thousand feet, you’re on a road with no guard rails and a drop off well past 10 thousand feet and you’re using nothing more than a tow strap. If it broke, you’re going straight down to oblivion. And, I thought I was crazy taking a rental to the top. This has got that beat.

At about half way down there is a mandatory check point. The park rangers pull out a temp. gun and check your brake rotor temperature. Sure enough, our brakes were at about 450 degrees, and they won’t allow you to continue down until they’re below 300. So we stopped at the check point for about an hour to allow the brakes to cool down. Not that I was surprised at all, a fully loaded van, going down an 11 mile 7 percent grade what did ya expect? Oh, and yes… the rotors all had this nice shade of blue.

Needless to say, we made it to the bottom without any incidences, other than the wife leaving a death grip embedded in the passenger side grab handle. I did have a chance to ask one of the park rangers if anyone every fails to negotiate one of those curves up there on the mountain, he said, “Yes, usually about 5 a year. Sometimes we might have to rescue one of the racers that go up when we hold the rally too.” The entire trip takes well over 2 hours of slow and steady driving, although the racers… they make it to the top in about 10 minutes.

The trip home had even more surprises for us. As we came through Kansas we ran smack into a huge hail storm. Huge chunks of hail were pelting the car like a sledge hammer. It got so bad we stopped at a restaurant to wait out the storm. Things were blowing all around us and even the restaurant lost power for a moment. After the storm passed I checked the rental out and not a dent could be found. Lucky to say the least, but we still had a long way to go.

We turned the rental back in when we made it home, and of course, I didn’t mention a thing about Pikes Peak or the hail storm, or about the cruise control. I just happy to have made it home in one piece. Needless to say, if this car could talk, what a story it could tell.

So, if you’re ever wondering whether or not buying a used rental car is a good idea, well for the most part, they probably are but, you might want have it checked out first, cause… ya never know where one of them might have been.

It’s not what they say, it’s what they said.

“Take your time, I’m in no hurry, I’ll be back tomorrow, I just want it to last until graduation, or, Let me get your number and I’ll call you back” are just a few of the common phrases you’ll hear at the repair shop. At first, you might be inclined to believe they’re expecting no less than what they actually said, but I’ve learned over the decades of being behind the service counter a lot of times the real meaning is far from what actually comes out of their mouths.

One of the most popular phrases I seem to run across is, “Take your time, I’m in no hurry at all.” Pretty straight forward request right? I distinctly heard them tell me that I don’t need to be in a hurry… at all, and that I can take my time getting it done. But, after the third of fourth phone call since they dropped off the car, or the second trip back to the shop to wander around their car while it’s in the service bay, you soon realize they didn’t mean for me to take my time … at all. I used to think it was me, and that I wasn’t hearing them clearly, but after a few years I figured it out. It’s all in the “phrase” and not the actual words. What they really meant to say is, “I don’t need it back right away, but I don’t want you to do some sort of sloppy repair either. So, I’ll be checking on ya with random spot checks just to keep you on your toes and to observe the progress.”

Then, there are the callers who ask numerous questions about their problem, and by the time we get down to the cost of the repair (based on the information provided) they can’t commit to an appointment. Instead, they give me this phrase, “It’s going to be a couple of weeks before I can get it to you.” Even though in the beginning of this whole conversation, they made it very clear they were in dire need of getting the car back on the road as fast as possible. I know, they were just trying to be polite and courteous, and they said it would be a couple of weeks before they could bring it in. But, in real time terms they rarely show up a few weeks later. What they really meant to say was, “I got all the info I needed from ya, so I can tell my “mechanic” what needs done, (or I can now fix it myself) … thanks.”

On the other hand you’ve got the guy who comes in and asks for a specific test, such as a pressure check on his radiator. “I just need a couple of things done first. Shouldn’t take you long, so I’m sure it won’t cost much.” The clincher was the phrase he used. “Just a few things done first.” By now the warning lights are flashing in my head, the sound of the “whoop-whoop” sirens are in full on mode, because more than likely there’s something he’s not telling me. Sure enough, there was.

Seems he’s been overheating for the past week or so, and he already had it checked at another shop. They diagnosed it as a bad headgasket that had also caused the radiator to rupture. A pressure check wasn’t going to do much good in this case, but… that “phrase”, that little bit of information made me suspicious something worse was lurking under the hood. So, what was he really looking for? He was looking for a second opinion to either confirm or denounce the first opinion. Now, why in the world didn’t he just tell me all that in the first place instead of asking for a specific test?

Maybe what I should do is have a psychologist on staff. You know, one who can evaluate the responses, maybe even offer a little sidebar counseling. I already have a hard time keeping up this trade, learning the new technologies, the tools, and the techniques, now I’ve got to decipher phrases too?! The hard part is dealing with the unknown factor of the repair process, and these catch phrases that have some sort of double meaning make it even more of a challenge. Believe me, I’ve looked long and hard through every repair manual and it never once found an answer for these double meaning phrases. Ya just have to learn how to decipher them as you go.

Another thing to consider is the completely naïve type of car owner who knows nothing except where the key goes and where “D” is. They’re usually the same type who assumes all mechanics are just alike. Some of them believe the guy who put air in their tire last week can also figure out a complex multitasking electrical system, too.

Say for instance, this type of person went back to the guy who put the air in the tires and asked him why their transmission seems to be acting up, and the guy starts talking about space aliens and sun spots as the cause. He might even insists you leave it with him so he can hook up his particle beam separator and realign the trunion springs to the galvanic isolator. Even though you might not know anything about today’s cars, you’re pretty sure the time vortex has nothing to do with your transmission. You might be inclined to use one of these phrases. “Can I get back to you on that? I can’t leave it with you right now.” Or, “Are you open tomorrow? I’ll bring it back tomorrow.” I know, you’re just being polite, but what you really were thinking is, “This guy sounds like a complete idiot. I need to find somebody else to work on my car.”

Sometimes, these phrases are used from the other direction too. Like the mechanic trying to be somewhat courteous and diplomatic. Such as when the mechanic says, “Why, yes I’ve seen this before.” If not handled correctly, this can open up a whole new set of phrases and problems, such as, “It sounds similar, but I’ll still need to check it out properly before giving any kind of estimate.” Or “I’ve seen lots of cars with this same kind of problem, but I’d rather check it out than take a wild guess at it.” What is the mechanic really saying? Probably something like this, “I know exactly what is wrong, or at least I have a pretty good idea, but if I say anything more about it you’ll then ask me the next preverbal question, “How much?”. Then, I’ve got to dig up the prices, find the cost of the parts, and tell you all the above… but, if I’m wrong and it’s something completely different than what you’ve described, you’re going to keep bringing up what I originally thought it was or find another mechanic. I’d rather be sure than to guess at it.

So, my hearing isn’t the problem; it was my understanding of these “phrases” that have double meanings. I’m sure, somewhere there is this highfalutin psychologist who probably has an answer for all these quirky phrases, and there’s probably some scientific name for the condition or situation. I’m no psychologist, in fact I’m more likely to be a patient of an Ivy League graduate with one of those fancy lettered pieces of sheep skin hanging on the wall. I’m just a mechanic, nothing more. All I’m trying to do is comprehend what my customers are telling me without having to go through years of psychoanalysis. Because the one thing I’ve learned, it’s not what they say, it’s what they said.

Bring Back Shop Class

There was a time in American history when most skills were taught by a mentor or someone who had achieved a masters level of experience in their given trade. A young lad or lass would follow them throughout the day, watching and learning the skills needed to be proficient in whatever trade or occupation it might have been. But, as time went on the lengthy process from apprentice to master was overshadowed by mechanization and the industrial age.

Family farms were still abundant, but factories needed skilled workers as well. Things were about to change in those early years of this country. During the war years when everyone that was available to drive a rivet or wield a cutting torch worked in factories to build planes, tanks, and anything else the country needed. Less effort was placed on apprenticeships and learning a craft, instead it was more of “just do one aspect of an assembly line job and leave the next step to someone else”.

Cars prior to this time were mostly hand built by a team of men and women. They learned their trade through years of hands on experience, but the assembly line won out over the time consuming hand built era of the automotive world. As time went on, things started to change again. This time, it wasn’t about production or apprenticing in a trade; it was more about academics. There was a time when introducing a student to the various trades was just as important as learning your ABC’s. But now, the task of learning a trade fell onto the schools and not the tradesmen out in the field.

The policy at a lot of public schools for the past few decades has been to prepare graduates for college and not for blue collar trades. However, in a lot of states a student can still decide to go to a vocational or an academic school, usually around 9th grade. Even with that there’s a growing problem of a vast shortage in the various hand skilled trades.

Everything from brick layers to mechanics have a very low number of up and coming apprentices. A lot of trades don’t even have apprenticeship programs anymore. Why is that? Maybe, after getting into vocational school a student found out they didn’t like that field, but are stuck with it until graduation, or in reverse, a student in the academic schools figures out they’ve got a natural ability in all things mechanical but, again... they’re in a school pushing for academia rather than vocational.

A lot of public school systems lean more to sports and academics as a way to promote themselves or their students. I suppose it’s a lot easier to sell tickets to a football game to support their curriculum, or find getting notoriety from a tri-state academic quiz can gain more dollars into their till than teaching a student how to repair a lawn mower.

I’m from the generation that still had shop and home economics classes as part of the regular schedule. Although looking back on it now, the shop class had a very narrow span of the different blue collar trades as part of the curriculum. I would imagine that had a lot more to do with time and expenses rather than anything else. But, the examples of the trades that were offered reflected the job market in the area that I lived in, such as welding, wood working, plumbing, mechanics, etc... It was a good introductory class in all the various phases of job opportunities, and you could pick which one you would like to spend more time on for your end of the year school project.

I’m all for college, and I’m all for a format based on college prep. Some people (myself included) find certain school subjects a real pain, or taking a long arduous test a nerve racking event. But, that same person might find themselves better at taking a test by physically accomplishing a task rather than with a paper and pencil. Such as, if you were to take a test on how to lay brick and your assignment was to build a wall so high and so wide. It might be your calling. But, the way most public school systems are set up these days you may not know that until you’re out of school and have decided to go to a trade school or college. Now, you have to ask yourself, “Have I chosen the right trade for myself, or not?”

I have a son in college, and I’m so proud that he is getting an education in a field he enjoys. And, I personally know he has made the right decision. He’s not very mechanically inclined, and has very little interest in anything mechanical or any ambition in following in his father’s footsteps. There’s nothing wrong with that, in fact I’m all for it. Because it’s not the “follow in your father’s footsteps” thing that I’m concerned about; it’s what career path is right for him. His interests went on a different path than mine. He is more interested in the intricate and difficult field of computer sciences. But, what about the kid who’s parent doesn’t have any college background, skilled trade, or a reasonable DIY’r aptitude? How would they know what field is their best choice? My vote is on getting involved with a shop class at school.

I learned a lot from my father as far as blue collar skills, but I learned just as much, if not more, from my instructors in shop class. I admired their skills and tried to emulate exactly what they were teaching me. I knew right then and there that working with my hands was what I wanted to do for the rest of my working life. There’s no doubt my background in those various skills taught in shop class had a lot to do with where I’m at today. But, is the blue collar trades for everybody? No, they’re not. Is college something everyone should attend? Well, if you’re defining college as a place you go for 2 to 4 years... No.

How many people do you personally know who attended college and don’t work in their field of choice? I know quite a few, and I probably know just as many who worked in various blue collar trades, but then gained skills or education needed for a completely different field. Not everyone is cut out to take on a job such as a professional mechanic, or for that matter… a brain surgeon. Obviously, there are different skills needed and different training. However, neither of them are an easy job by any means, and I’ll have to add, in both fields, not all the knowledge needed to be good at either trade is learned entirely from a book. It still takes years to develop the skills to master either trade.

My whole point of this story is to find an answer to the shortage of technicians/mechanics out there. In my opinion, the answer goes back to the high school shop class. Teachers and mentors are the people who inspire the next generation to get involved with the various trades. That inspiration might just be the missing part. Let’s get back to teaching the hands on trades, as well as thinking about an academic degree. It might make a difference in a young person’s life, as well as giving them a direction to succeed in their future.

North vs. South

There’s a battle that’s been raging in the auto repair business for as long as I can remember. There’s a definite line that separates the north and south, and it’s not the Mason/Dixon line. It’s known as the “Rust Belt”.

If you’re not familiar with it, well then, you must be from the far south. Any mechanic on the northern side of the rust belt knows it all too well. Rust seems to get into every area of the car, but it’s more evident underneath the car where it seldom gets washed off. Especially in an area that uses a lot of sand and salt, or a mixture containing salts and a chemical agent. Years ago in a lot of areas, they’ve outlawed studded tires because of the damage they could do to the roads, so a lot of those municipalities opted for these chemical concoctions instead. There’s less road damage from tire studs, but pot holes and car exteriors haven’t fared as well.

Rusty undercarriage parts carry their own rules for repair. Such as a rusted away tie rod nut that needs removed. Rather than even trying to put a socket on one of those half deteriorated nuts, the best thing to do is holler, “Get the gas axe!” (Cutting torch), and the more winters a car survived or the further north you go, the more the ol’ gas axe is as essential as a good set of sockets.

Even though trained mechanics are the same no matter where you go, there are still differences between what a mechanic north of the rust belt has to deal with vs. someone on the south side of it. The biggest difference is definitely having to deal with the rust. Rust and more rust.

Once in a while I’ll get one of those northern cars that has crossed the line and is now transplanted into my neck of the woods. They are easy to spot; just put it up on the lift and you’ll know. Even though the engine compartment isn’t immune from the effects of salt degradation, it’s a lot more noticeable under the car. The amount of rusted, flaking metal, and deteriorating nuts and bolts under some of these cars is unbelievable, and some of these rusty rides aren’t that old. (At least I haven’t run across a pickup truck where the frame has rotted off between the bed and the cab to the point it separates in half when you put them on the lift! I’ve seen a few photos of these rusted through trucks. Yikes!)

Since I grew up north, but moved below the rust belt line years ago, I’ve seen a lot of inventive ways people have come up with to subdue the ever encroaching rust Mother Nature has so graciously handed us. Undercoating, zinc plates, and some crazy electrical unit that is supposed to prevent rust from degrading the metal (Good luck with that one.), just to name a few. As a matter of fact some manufacturers actually offer lifetime warranties against rust on their vehicles that are equipped with their own patented rust prevention systems. Undercoating is probably the most popular. Works great, to a point. That is, until you need to replace a brake line or pull a fuel tank and that stuff is coating all the straps and bolts. (Been there-done that.)

There are also many other components affected by the long cold winters and road conditions. From suspension parts to the engine, nothing is immune to Mother Nature. Back in the days when most cars were still using a single grade motor oil (I know… age check here) and you had a really cold night the engine oil would turn as thick as molasses. Needless to say, a good strong battery and a sluggish turning engine… something had to give. Most of the time the weak point was the starter bendix driver, other times the bendix was fine but the starter housing would snap. But, even in the south I’ve seen the same thing, and I have even had a few ABS reluctors get iced over and split off of a CV shaft.

The further south of the rust belt you go the less snow, but more freezing rain and ice. It can coat everything with a thin layer of unyielding and impregnable ice. You can’t open a door or the hood, and whatever you do, don’t turn on the wipers. It seems like every year somebody will drop their car off with one wiper arm flopping around, while the other one scrapes across the windshield.

I can’t say for sure, but I’d bet there are certain diagnostic differences when it comes to certain situations between the north and south. These changes to certain diagnostic procedures may have something to do with all the rust or the extreme cold temps. But, in the south there are just as many different diagnostic adventures as well. The biggest issue is the heat. The never ending, over 100 degree days that just destroy rubber, glass, interiors, electrical systems, radiators, etc…. Some days even in the shade it stays well over a 100. No need in worrying about freeze plugs popping out, but you might need to worry about the dash pad warping so bad it looks like ocean waves. Just try keeping an aging car’s A/C system working in 105 degree weather while in traffic, without the engine overheating. And, did I mention… it’s hot! It’s really hot! It’s not uncommon to get into a car that’s been waiting in front of the shop to reach 145 degrees or more inside it.

Up north the winter season is several months long, and seems to linger on longer and longer the more you anticipate its end. In the south the winters aren’t nearly as long, but can be just as severe. Sure, they’ll still throw the sand and salt out below the rust belt, and yes they’ll plow the main roads. However, not all roads are plowed and not every municipality in the south has the same kind of inventory of equipment of a equivalent sized town would have up north. So, in most cases if there is even a warning of a potential accumulation of any amount of snow (large or small) all the schools close, businesses shut down, and all the groceries stores shelves will be cleared. You’d think it was an invasion or something if you didn’t know any better.

Between the snow, ice, hot temps, pot holes, rain, lightning, floods, and everything else you can think of that Mother Nature can throw at ya, repair shops have their hands full. Battling Mother Nature on either side of the rust belt has always been a never ending job. Mechanics just have to do certain things a bit differently depending on which side of the rust belt you’re on. It’s a long battle, and I don’t think Mother Nature is going to let up any time soon.

Of Mice and Men

It’s another morning at the repair shop, with more cars and more problems. As always, everyone is in a rush. “How soon can you get mine in?” “How long will this take?” “I can run and get the parts for you, if it will make the repair go faster.” Yep, pretty much an average day. The plan for the day is to do exactly as my wife tells me all the time, “You can only fix one at a time, so take it one car at a time.”

The basic plan every morning is to delegate the work in the shop, get parts ordered, and try to maintain some sense of dignity for the rest of the day. But, the best laid plans always seem to have some issues, and hardly a day goes by that something doesn’t try to upset the apple cart. The quote From Robert Burns' poem, “To a Mouse”, written in 1786 says it best. “The best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft a-gley, [often go awry]”. What was so true back then, is no different today.

Ya never know, it might be the special ordered parts you’ve been waiting on has arrived and they’re the wrong ones, or the part that was supposed to have arrived today (as promised) isn’t going to show up until next week. If it’s not the parts, it’s the car you’re working on that has more than one issue to deal with, or it’s something to do with what the customer wants done that twists and turns the afternoon in the shop.

It can be an uphill battle with no end in sight sometimes. Of course the plan is to get the job done whatever the case may be, no matter what’s involved. You know, get the RO, get the keys, read the complaint, make your initial mental judgment of the problem, and then proceed to the parking lot to drive it into the service bay.

But, not every time do things go according to plan. Say, you’ve grabbed the RO and the keys and are heading to the parking lot. The work order (RO) states, “Brake lights inop.” Shouldn’t be a biggie, I’ll just pull the car into the first bay and take a look at it. I reach for the driver’s door handle and give it a couple of tugs… it’s not opening. Is it locked? OK, I’ll try the key fob …nope it’s useless… alright how about the door key? Nope, still won’t open. By now that internal time clock in my head starts ticking and the blood pressure is reaching the point where a few choice words aren’t going to help the situation. Time to march back to the front office and find out what this is all about.

“Hey, that car I’m supposed to be looking at for the brake lights, did they mention to you anything about the driver’s door not opening?”

“No, they didn’t say a word.”

I’ve always wondered about stuff like this. How is it they can tell you in detail what they think is wrong with the car, or when the problem started, or what they were doing at the time of the failure. More than likely they’ll mention the weather conditions or the diagnostic opinion from their crazy uncle who tinkers on cars, but informing me about the driver’s door not opening? Not a chance. I guess it just slipped your mind. Perhaps I was supposed to notice it when I got out to the car. Yep, I did… great way to start a project by the way. You know you could have at least left the window down, that way I could do a “Dukes of Hazard” slide through the window.

“Well, give them a call would ya? In the meantime I’m going to grab another RO.” (Another plan derailed.)

Now I’m back where I started. Got another RO, get another set of keys, read another description of a problem and head out to the parking to find the car. Maybe I can get this one in the shop.

Just for the record, later that day the front office found out the door on the other car is stuck, been stuck, and they crawl in from the passenger side. Now the brake lights are going to have to wait until the door is fixed so I can get under the dash on that side of the car. I guess the customer’s plans will have to be changed too; at least now I know, I’m not alone in this “mice and men” thing.

Sometimes, even the best laid plans of a few adventurous DIY’rs goes awry. All I was supposed to do was figure out what was wrong with it so the owner and his buds could tackle the actual repair. The car sat at the shop for several weeks while the owner was working up the courage to even attempt the repair. (It was quite an extensive repair) Finally, the day came that the decision was made. He was going to take it home and give it a go, although between himself and his buddies, I don’t think any one of them had a clue what they were doing, and they proved that when they came to get the car.

Instead of calling for a tow truck they were going to use a tow strap and a rented tow bar. After an hour or so of trying all sorts of different attachment points they thought they had it hooked up well enough to make the tow. I looked up from under the hood of the car I was working on just as they pulled out of the parking lot. Mind you, not at any gingerly speed, the guy took off with no regard for what was behind him...like...the vehicle he was towing. Within seconds I heard a huge THUD-CRASH-CRUNCH. I ran out of the shop to see their tow vehicle had turned left onto the main road while the towed vehicle went straight across the street and up over a very high curb. Oil was pouring out of the engine now, and these two guys were standing in the middle of the street wondering what to do next.

Just then a large semi came down the street and was already on his horn as he slammed on his brakes. Between the two guys, myself and the semi driver we managed to push the vehicle off of the curb and back into the shop parking lot.

Later, they got a real tow truck to cart off what was left of their car. The owner looked at the structural damage, the oil pan, and the original repair that needed done and decided it was too far gone now, so it was going straight to the bone yard. (So much for fixing it at home.)

Having a plan is great, accomplishing the plan is far better. Although, sometimes even the best laid plans don’t work out. Ya just have to be able to go with the flow sometimes, even if it is an uphill battle or just up over the curb. I just wonder, if the mouse ever has these problems?

Joe Friday Diagnostics

"How would Sgt. Friday explain auto repair and diagnostics…

Que the music: "

The story you’re about to read is true; the names have been

changed to protect the innocent.

Monday morning, it was cold that day. I was working day shift out

of the repair division. There’s a suspicious vehicle at the front of the shop.

A customer walks in the door. I’ll take it from here. I’m a mechanic, the name’s Friday.

It was a 2003 Ford, 5.4 liter, fully loaded and sounded like it was running rough. The lady came to the counter.

“Good Morning ma’am, what can I do for you,” I said to the complaintant.

“Yes, I’m here about my car,” she answered.

“There’s a problem with the car, I see. What can you tell me about it?” I asked, in my usual non-threatening, but confident monotone voice.

“I was on my way to deliver my recyclables to the east side collection area, because I’m a concerned citizen you know, when my car started to make a coughing and clattering sound. I thought I would bring it in to have it checked out,” the owner answered.

“Coughing and clattering, hmm, not a problem. I’ll get it investigated, I can interrogate the pursuant this morning, especially for a concerned citizen such as yourself,” I answered while maintaining my professionalism.

“Well, do you need any other information from me?” she asked.

“Just the facts ma’am, just the facts,” I said.

“The check engine light came on,” she reported.

“This could be of some help. Sounds like a possible 0300 (engine misfire). But I’ll check it out first, I’ll need to finish my investigation in order to give you any proper results,” I said to her, while my pen was busy jotting down the facts onto the always present handy notepad.

She left the car with me for further interrogations. Using the scanner made the results easy to locate. It wasn’t long before I got an answer. It was a P0302 in progress… misfire on no#2 cylinder… normally an open and shut case.

09:30 Am, working on the assumption that the perpetrator was somewhere near the 2nd cylinder; I went in for further investigations. I checked the usual suspects. Pulling the plug didn’t yield any new clues. The plug was good and answered all the standard questions. The coil was a more likely suspect; a simple test could answer the problem.

I’ll set up a little sting operation by using a decoy. Taking the nearest coil and replacing it with the suspected faulty coil, and put the known good coil on the other plug. I was hoping to see the miss move to the other cylinder. It didn’t. In fact it was gone.

10:05 Am, Now the challenge was on. I’ll have to go back over my facts and check the crime scene again. There’s something I must have overlooked that might be the key to this investigation. Two things come up as good possibles; the connection or terminals at the coil, or the spark plug boot attached to the coil. The plug boot had a good alibi… it had just been changed, in fact so was the spark plug. That left the coil connection.

A more in-depth interrogation of the connector is needed. My years of technical diagnostics work told me to look closer at the wire and the connector. The guilty party in this case appears to be one of the wires at the connector. It was barely hanging onto the housing. Only the plastic sheath was still connected, and the wire itself was not answering to any of the standard questioning or interrogative tactics.

Under the intense glow of the high powered shop light the investigation continued. Resorting to some strong arm tactics I pulled on the wire while using a few choice investigative words, the plastic sheathing kept getting longer and longer. Soon, it snapped under the pressure to expose the desperado for the perpetrator it really was.

11:45 Am, The repair was completed, and tested to verify the repairs were effective. The car in question was back with its rightful owner by the end of the day. I now can close the file on this one, another job well done.

In conclusion: With the P0302 in question deleted from the computer history, the coil connector was then convicted of failure to cooperate. With her car back on the road she could once again be a productive concerned citizen of this great metropolis.

Case closed and now, back to the front desk waiting for that next problem to come through the door. This city is full of broken, non-maintained, and poorly running cars. As a concerned citizen I’ll be on the lookout for these suspicious misfires and other infractions of the auto world.

There are thousands of men and women in this city, who know that being an auto tech is an thankless, grease covered job that's done everyday without any fan fare. Then again, I'm part of that glamour-less, grease covered world... my names Friday, I'm a mechanic.

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

Ever since the first automobiles came into existence, racing has been a part of the evolution of the ever improving car, and that’s no different even today. Whether it’s on an oval track, a street course, or down the quarter mile, men and their machines have rocketed down the track at high speeds to prove who was fastest or had the better car.

Long before there were really any roads to speak of, manufacturers were out to prove their car could out last their competitors’ products by taking on the arduous task of a cross country trip. Some made it, and some didn’t. Car manufacturers even went as far as taking their production models and racing them on the oval tracks, which led to the old saying, “Race on Sunday, sell on Monday”. This is still somewhat true even today, the part about racing that is. Racing their creations did a lot more than just show who was faster or better, it also showed engineers ways to improve on their designs. So, we owe a lot of what we see in today’s cars to the racing world.

Not long ago, NASCAR finally removed the carburetors and restrictor plates and adopted the fuel injection systems. (They held onto carburetors a lot longer than I thought they would.) Now most all racing forms have gone with injection systems, although be it slightly different in configuration than the modern production car injection systems. Even with the injection systems NASCAR, as well as many other forms of racing, each car has to conform to some very strict rules. Every car in the race is basically the same in every aspect, and are constantly checked and rechecked to make sure everyone is following the same rules, which puts almost all the burden of winning or losing to the skill of the driver and their pit crew. The better the driver and crew, the better their chances are of finding that winner’s circle. Believe me, it ain’t easy controlling all that power. It takes the skill of a highly trained driver with the nerves of steel, and a dedicated team of mechanics to accomplish it. I’ve been around a track at 150mph+ myself (that was plenty fast enough for me), and even though I didn’t scream in fear, I was definitely scared half to death as the driver came within inches of the wall going into turn three. WOW, what a ride!

There’s no doubt driving in a dense pack of cars traveling at those speeds requires the utmost in precision driving. Probably a good reason we have speed limits. Not everybody has those types of skills out on the public roads, although... some “think” they do. I suppose it might be one of the reasons we are seeing an influx of the latest technology, the self-driving car. It really is incredible; a car that can not only steer itself, but can maintain a safe distance from other traffic, as well as the capability of avoiding obstacles. This new technology has come a long way in a very short time, and I believe it will be part of our driving future. Fewer accidents and traffic snarls, better fuel economy, and ... I hate say, even fewer operator skills needed. A good thing? Maybe, maybe not...time will tell.

That gets me back to thinking about the racing circuit again. How exciting would it be to watch a couple of dozen self-driving cars making left turns on an oval banked track? Why even put a driver in the seat? The car doesn’t need you in there; it can do the whole thing by itself, you know, round and round… and round and round. I wouldn’t put it past some promoter to put on some sort of race like that. So where’s the skill in driving at high speeds now? Can you imagine a race with no more accidents, no more yellow caution flags, and no more drivers? Who’s going to get into the fist fight on the apron?

It doesn’t sound very entertaining to me. And, can you imagine a demolition derby with GPS controlled cars that have the latest crash avoidance systems installed? Why, the cars would literally creep around the track, backing up carefully giving out their warning beeps, gingerly cruising around obstacles or just come to a complete stop while another car causally drives by in front of them. It would be like watching a parking lot attendant trying to shuffle cars. Nobody crashing into each other, no crumpled fenders, and hardly a chance of any fires or billowing smoke from under the hood. I don’t know about you, but for me, it just seems like a waste of time to even watch something like that.

I suppose in the future all this technology will separate the racers from the general driver. The skill of driving will come down to just a handful of old school car collectors and those willing to strap themselves in a 1000 horsepowered four wheel rocket and head down the quarter mile. Even though in today’s time we can’t imagine every car on the road to be some sort of autonomous vehicle, I’d be foolish to say it would never happen. Probably not in my lifetime...but some day. I still don’t think the self-driving-crash-avoiding-self stopping car has any place at 200 mph on the race track… at least any time soon.

It wouldn’t surprise me to see a 500 mile race with nothing but electric vehicles zipping around the oval. The sad part would be the smell and noise of those past powerful engines roaring by the grandstands will be replaced with the whiz and whine of the electric power plant under the hood. And, can you imagine what a pit stop would be like? The driver silently glides down pit lane as the crew jumps over the retaining wall with an extension cord in hand. One guy plugs the car into the wall socket, while everybody else stands around for several hours waiting for the battery to recharge. Kinda takes the fun out of being there doesn’t it?

Ah, times... they are a changing; however there are just a few things about the car and racing I’d rather not see changed. Leave the driving to the skill of the driver, and the performance with the mechanics. As a car guy, I’m still hooked on the rumble of a big block engine, loud obnoxious exhaust, and the smell of nitro in the air. You can have all the self-driving autonomous cars you want, just leave the race track to us humans so we can smash, bash, and run door handle to door handle.

At least for now, the race track is the one place that a lot of this technology will probably have a hard time to be incorporated. Whether it’s an electronically controlled autonomous race car or a full on electric car, racing them doesn’t have the same appeal. Even though Formula One has gone hybrid on a lot of their cars, there’s still a turbo engine that’s making a whole lot of horsepower and plenty of noise. Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but seriously, I’d hate to go to the track some day and hear the announcer say, “Gentlemen, start your engines!” …. and, the only sound you hear … is nothing at all.