Mad Max of the Future
I’m a big sci-fi fan. Everything from Star Trek to the Road Warrior movies, and anything else in between. If the story line is good, well, that’s a plus, but what I like to keep an eye on is the technical aspects of the movie and compare it to the technology we have today. You know, see if they’ve improved on the technology we already have. For example, the communicator in Star Trek can easily be transitioned into the modern cell phone and other technology like that. It’s just one of the ways to look at past and present technologies, but a lot of times these movie plots don’t follow the progression of technology. In fact sometimes they get it entirely wrong.

In the Mad Max movies we’re to assume the movie is set some time in the future after the fall of society. However, all the engines appear of the 70’s era. They’re all carbureted engines. I mean, how did they skip over decades of computerized vehicles and end up with carbureted cars with a shortage of gasoline? I’m pretty sure none of those four wheeled creations in the movie are running on a PCM or ECM. Where’s the check engine lights? Where’s all the scanners? Where’s all the DIY hackers? Did all the electronic and technical creations end up useless after a gigantic solar flare wiped them out?

It could be, as the movie goer, you’re just supposed to accept the fact as to which cars survived. In a realistic view, those engines would have been all but worn out by the time the apocalypse came around. But, it is just a movie. Then again, what would happen if we moved the time frame of the movie up a bit and relied on today’s advanced technologies.

Hmm, well it’s not likely anything has a working computer. Who’s going to flash the crazy thing? No internet and obviously no manufacturer’s website to get the info from. That puts the likely vehicle to be a pre-software controlled car, or maybe it would be a full electric car. Sure why not? There’s still solar and wind power around, and maybe one of those cyber geeks/mechanics was able to figure out how to rig up some sort of software bypass that could get these technically advanced cars back into running condition.

So, what kind of modern technically advanced car would Mad Max be zooming through the desert in then? I think I know. Let’s go to the opening scenes of “Mad Max of the Future” movie.

It’s years after the world as we know it has fallen apart. Chaos is rampant, there’s no internet, no infrastructure, and nothing but insanely radical and delusional characters running around. Now, for the movie buff, seeing Mad Max flying down the highway in his modified hot rod equipped with a huge blower and nitrous is part of that testosterone movie appeal, but that’s not around anymore. He would be more inclined to be driving something that he wouldn’t have to deal with the gas shortage. What if Mad Max’s car wasn’t a snarling gas guzzling combustion engine from the late 70’s, but a car of the here and now? I know the perfect car that fits the criteria. How about a Toyota Leaf.

Let me set the scene for you. We see Mad Max disconnecting the battery pack from his solar array as he crams himself and all his sawed off shot guns into his little Leaf. A wide shot pans across the car showing a huge stack of auxiliary batteries strapped to the roof that Max can use just in case he needs that extra jolt of energy.

The next shot shows him heading down this lonely stretch of desert road when the “Ayatollah of Rockin’ Rolla” and his henchmen comes into view over the top of the next ridge. They’re baring down on him so, Mad Max punches the pedal to the floor and heads straight for them. When he gets up to speed, he flips the safety cap off of the switch and hits the button. The camera zooms in on the internal cells of the batteries strapped to the roof. The camera scene moves with short quick motions as the viewer goes for ride with the current as it passes through the electrical veins to the drive motor. Max is jolted back into his harness as the electricity sends him zooming down the road at lightning speeds. Of course, there wouldn’t be the roar of the exhaust or the whirl of the blower belt.
More like a loud whine as the electric motor wizzes to its full potential.

Sure it could happen, but I suppose, even in the future downfall of society the roar of a powerful engine is still far more dramatic as a movie scene than the whiz of an electric motor. Which brings up the thought that even if the world collapsed into utter chaos, technology would still be a part of it. At least I think so, and somebody somewhere would have to know how fix it and who would that be? Who else but the modern mechanic, of course. If there was a great upheaval of the world as we know it, mechanics would still be in demand. Let’s just call it “future job security”. Even Star Trek had their engineer, Scottie. Which just goes to prove you can’t leave home without knowing where a good mechanic is.

To say the writers and producers of these sci-fi flicks got it wrong isn’t all that important, but it does make you wonder how the lack of gasoline became the theme in a lot of these movies. I don’t know about you, but for me, I’m a bit of the macho motor guy who loves to hear the roar of a big motor and I wouldn’t want any other way.

Someday there might actually be anti-gravity cars or teleportation. For now, I’m glad to see some of this old iron still belching exhaust in these wacky movies. Maybe not the most “environmentally friendly” type of cars, but they sure do make for a great chase scene. Then again, maybe they’ll make a “Mad Max of the Future” movie with hybrids, electric cars, and of course Max’s hopped up Toyota Leaf.

The Darndest Things...

The misunderstandings and second-hand information that get passed around by car owners when it comes to automobile repair are endless. Although, a trained technician or an understanding service writer can work through a lot of these issues. But, there are times the explanation of said problems just make ya wonder if there really is any common sense left in the world.
Here’s a few timeless stories from the service bays.

It’s Simple

Customer: “Four hours to replace my radiator is way too much. It’s a simple procedure that shouldn’t take more than a few minutes to do. It only has two hoses hooked to it!”

Mechanic: “The labor rate is what it is. We charge by the hour based on the labor time. Some radiators are easier and some are not. Yours is not.”

Customer: “There should be a cheaper way to do this. Something I can afford.”

Mechanic: “So, how are you with hand tools? You could do the job yourself ya know.”

Customer: “I’ve got the tools but, I just don’t know how.”

Mechanic: “Even if it’s as simple as you claim it is?”
Long pause....

Customer: “Can you have it done today?”

Repair Without Diagnosing

Mechanic: “I found your stalling problem. It’s an elbow shaped vacuum hose on the back of the engine hidden under the intake manifold. It’s going to take a bit of work to get to it and the dealership parts department is the only place that has this specially shaped hose. Your estimate is $xxx.xx. That’s the labor, parts and diagnostic fees all included.”

Customer: “OK, I’m fine with that except for the diagnostic part. You should give that to me for free. Because I’m not paying you to do diagnose it just to fix it. I don’t see why you guys have to charge just to find the problem.”

Mechanic: “Well, I guess we could do what you suggested and that’s to replace the entire engine. That would be $x,xxx.xx. Which is why we discussed diagnosing it rather than assuming it needed a complete engine. So, which would you prefer?”

Customer: “No, I think the diagnostic charge is just fine. Go ahead with the repair.”

Closing Time Repair

Caller: “I’m calling about a car I needed fixed on Friday and you guys were too busy to get to it.”
Service writer: “Have you been to our shop before, and did they tell you why they couldn’t get to it?”

Caller: “No, I’ve never been to your shop before, and yes they did tell me why they couldn’t get to it. It was 5 minutes before closing time and all the techs had already gone home for the weekend.”
Service writer: “That’s understandable it was a rather slow day for the techs. We would have got to the car on Monday.”

Caller: “I took the car to another shop that was open on the weekend and they messed it up. So, I’m calling you to take care of the bill.”

Service writer; “What bill? You didn’t have the work done here.”

Caller: “I’m talking about the bill from the other shop. You’re going to take care of it!”

Service writer: “I don’t think that’s going to happen sir, and I’m sorry your car didn’t get into our shop. As far as the bill and the work that was done you’ll have to take that up with the other shop.”

Caller: “I’m never do any work with your shop ever again!” CLICK

Coupon Discounted

Mechanic: “Good morning, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I have a coupon for an oil change.”

Mechanic: “Ma’am, we don’t and never have had, a coupon for an oil change.”

Caller: “Yea, it’s a coupon for one of those discount oil/lube places. But, I actually can’t find it. I made a copy of it with a program on my computer.”

Mechanic: “I can’t honor another shops coupon, and I don’t think they’ll honor a homemade copy of their coupon either.”

Caller: “I know, I tried to use it there. It’s a fake coupon and they knew it. So, can you take my fake coupon for an oil change anyway?”

Mechanic: “Your fake coupon is only good for a fake oil change. Neither of which we’ll do.”

Gas Mileage Gone

Customer: “I just bought this car and now it doesn’t go.”

Mechanic: “It’s out of gas ma’am.”

Customer: “That’s impossible! The guy that sold it to me said it would get better gas mileage than my old car!”

Mechanic: “The tank is empty ma’am.”

Customer: “My old car could go a month without gas. This one only went 3 weeks. How in the world is that possible? My old car holds 22 gallons and gets 10 mpg and I filled this one up and it holds 15 gallons and it gets 12 mpg! ”

Mechanic: “Ma’am, 22 gallons times 10 miles per gallon is 220 miles per tank. But, a car with a 15 gallon tank that gets 12 mpg can only go 180 miles per tank. You simply ran out of gas.”

Customer: “I just don’t get it. I think you’re making this all up and are siding with the guy who sold me the car!”

Brake Check

Customer: “Can you check brakes here?”

Service writer: “Yep, we sure can. What kind of car is it?”

Customer: “It’s a Mercedes.”

Service writer: “OK, where are the keys? I’ll have one of the guys pull it into the service bay.”

Customer: “I walked here.”

Service writer: “Well, as soon as you can get the car to us we’ll check it out.”

Customer: “You said you could check my brakes, so I need to know how bad they are and how much it will cost.”

Service writer: “I’ll need to see the car to give you an estimate.”

Customer: “How do you guys can stay in business saying you can check brakes at the same time not being able to tell me how bad the brakes are on my Mercedes?”

Service writer: “I could send a tow truck for the car.”

Customer: “What car?”

Service writer: “Your Mercedes.”

Customer: “I don’t have a Mercedes. I told you I walked here.”

Service writer: “I mean your Mercedes you want us to check the brakes on.”

Customer: “I don’t own a Mercedes. Whatever gave you that idea? I just want an estimate on fixing them.”

Service writer: “If they’re in awful shape, it will cost whatever the parts are plus whatever the labor would be. If they’re in perfect shape they won’t need a thing done and you wouldn’t have to spend a dime on the brakes.”

Customer: “Thanks, that’s all I needed to know. I’m going to go find one with good brakes then.”

Everybody has their own unique way of explaining things. Some on point while others are so far off that even if you could give a logical answer, the answer isn’t always exactly what they wanted to hear at all.
Just goes to show, that some people will say the darndest things to the person behind the counter. For the professional mechanic, it’s just another day in paradise.

Detective On Duty
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It’s pouring down, the tow driver is dropping off a car alongside the shop. Carrying the keys into the office completely drenched from head to toe.
​
“Here ya go, have fun with this one,” he said, as he headed back out into the rain.
​
No one ever called to tell me about this car, and the tow driver only had a last name and nothing more.
What to do now? I guess the only thing to do is to see if the tow company had a phone number
to go along with the name. I tried the phone number several times, but never got an answer. For now, I'll just let it sit outside in the rain maybe the owner will call.
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Several days went by, the rain had stopped and still no phone call. I tried the number again but this time the number was no longer in service. Now I’m at a total loss as to what to do. The shop was caught up that afternoon, so I thought I’d check out this little truck and see what was going on. Maybe there's a name in the glove box.
​
The truck was spotless, there wasn’t anything in the glovebox except for the owner’s manual. No name, no insurance card, not even a scrap of paper anywhere in it. Well, I tried at least, I might as well open the hood and check things out.
​
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Was I in for a surprise, no wonder the tow driver told me “Have fun with this one.” Under the hood was not a 1989 2.3 liter… more like a 95 2.3 Liter engine. Somebody dropped a new motor in and didn't realize the wiring is completely different.
​
No more foolin' around. Time to put my detective hat on and see how much information I can dig up about this little truck. I called the tow company that dropped it off to ask them where they picked it up and see if I could track the owner down that way. They knew exactly where it came from. It was from a salvage yard.
​
Ok, time for another phone call. “Oh that truck, yeah I remember that one," the fella at the salvage yard told me, "the guy who owns it dropped it off for us to put an engine in it that he bought from us. We told him we didn’t think it was going to work, even though the original engine was the same size." The guy at the salvage yard didn’t have much more information on the owner than what I already had. But, they said they would keep an eye out for the guy if he showed up.
​
A few more phone calls thru the DMV and I had the name of the last insurance agent who had a policy on this truck. He told me, the truck was sold at an auction. The original motor was blown after a long high speed chase by the police. The driver/owner was arrested on drug charges and the car was confiscated (as is their usual policy).
​
Another phone call led me to the auction house (with a lot of searching) they came up with the name of a used car lot who bought the truck. Which led to another phone call, and after talking to them I finally had a first name to put with the last name the tow driver originally provided, and of course, another phone number.
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I gave the number a try. It rang and rang, I was getting worried that all this phone work I’ve done is going to end up as another dead end. Then a voice came on the phone.
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“Hey, yea, ah, ... Hello?”
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“Hi ya doin’ is your name Jake? Do you own a Ford Ranger that had a motor put into it over at a salvage yard?”
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“Ah… yeah, Ah, wow, like dude… that’s my truck, who’s this?”
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I gave him all my information and explained to him how I tracked him down. He didn’t seem too impressed, (I thought I did an OUTSTANDING job of tracking this guy down).
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When “Jake” finally showed up at the shop, I told him what would have to be done to get the truck running. He was under the impression that you just hook up a couple of wires and it would take off and run like new. Not quite the case there Jake, it’s going to take a lot more work than what it took for me to find this guy.
​
I gave him the options on what could be done with what he had to work with. The big issue was now the cost… (Of course $$) and young Jake didn’t have a dime to spend on it. He was out of a job, and didn’t have any way of paying for repairs. Luckily, the tow bill was paid by the salvage yard (I think they just wanted it out of there)
​
Jake had to go home and think about it. Well, I know what “think about it” really means… it means “I can’t afford it, so I’ll have to think of some other way of taking care of it.”
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Monday morning the car was still sitting in the lot. By that afternoon a guy came by snooping around the little Ranger. He said he was going to buy the truck, and asked me what was wrong with it.
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Later that day Jake called and told me he was selling the truck. What could I say, “OK?” or “hey dude… I just played “Private Eye” to track you down. At least have the courtesy to ask the age old question, “Do I owe you anything?” So I can at least say; “Nay, no problem, that’s OK thanks for asking… hope you get on your feet soon.” But no, all he said was; “I think he’ll pick it up sometime this week.” Click…
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Another week went by and no one showed up to look at the truck. Then, the next Monday morning when I made my way into to the shop the truck was gone. Not that I was surprised, I called Jake to see if he knew his truck was on the move again, this time I got his answering machine,
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“Ah, like, ah… I ain’t here… leave a message.” BEEP
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“Hey, Jake your truck is gone. I guess your buddy picked it up. Come down
sometime, and I’ll give you the keys.”
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Funny. how All the effort I put into finding this guy, ALL the time I spent writing down phone
numbers, contacting people, gathering information and compiling the history on this
truck that ALL I have to show for it is this story and a set of keys.
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I guess I should stick to mechanic work. Seems detective work doesn't pay as well.
​
That was nearly a year ago and I still have the keys. I guess Jake’s buddy doesn’t need the keys either, and I'm not about to go through all that detective work to find the new owner. I'm over all that detective on duty stuff. Maybe I'll just put an ad in the paper under the lost and found section:
“Did you find a Ford Ranger that used to belong to Jake? If you so ... I’ve got the keys.”

One diagnostics, two diagnostics, three

The budget conscience customer at a repair shop asks, “Why do you charge so much for diagnosing a car? The machine does all the work. I’d rather just take my car to one of those places that offer free code checks.” The mechanics answered, “If those “machines” do all the work and those free places can tell you what’s wrong, why are you here?” It’s the typical song and dance of the one diagnostics, two diagnostics, three.

Apparently, I was misinformed as to how or what knowledge is necessary to diagnose the modern car. It seems, to some people, that all you have to do is hook up a scanner and the answer pops out like bread in a toaster. If so, why do most of these folks that head for these free code jockeys, still end up going to next read-code-change-part shops before a “real” mechanic finally figures out the problem?

Of course, you have to consider where this information about diagnostics is coming from. It’s a safe bet that neither captain code reader or his first mate cheap skate customer, have any high opinions that a trained professional mechanic is needed to find out what’s wrong with the land yacht. The opinions vary, but you can basically whittle them down to just three variations especially when it comes to diagnostics.

A – “All mechanics are alike”
B – “Always go with the cheapest mechanic you can find because they all have the same scanners and tools.”
C – Combine A and B.

It’s the term “diagnostics” that has several different meanings too. The charge for the diagnostics is always a question that someone will have, but I’ve never had anyone ask me, “What makes your diagnostics better than the next guys?” Just in case I ever had to answer that question, I’ve divided up this song and dance of diagnostics into three categories. So here goes, diagnostics, and a one, and a two and a three….

1. Be the code commander at one of those “free read” places, and grab your low-end-can’t-do-much-else-but-read-generic-codes and give your interpretation of what the display is telling you after your brief instructional lesson on the use of the tool to an even less informed consumer.

2. Be a code jockey at a more professional shop than your local parts store code commander ever could possibly imagine of being, and grab your high end scanner but only to use it like a code reader.

3. Actually testing the component or system that is coded and determining what the failure is with the aid of a scanner and other various tools of the trade.

The big problem that I see is that some people that have the same misconceptions that all mechanics are equally trained also have mistakenly determined that all scan tools are the same. Code reading is one thing, giving your opinion of the meaning of said code is another. Trying to diagnose by just reading a code is the real problem.

It still surprises me when someone questions the diagnostic fee, or asks, “Now you’re going to take that off the bill if I have the work done right?” Answer that question with a no and you’re liable to see a majority of those type of customers walk out the door. Say yes to the question and you’re into a situation that after you’ve spent time on finding the source of the problem that the estimated repair is going to run more than the customer wants to put into the car, and now they decide not to have the work done. All the time you just spent on the car is lost dollars that you’ll never recover.

I’ve tried it both ways over the years and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m better off getting paid for the use of my scanners, diagnostic charts, meters, scopes, and various other tools needed to perform the correct procedures and tests than I am of letting all my efforts slip out the lobby door.
What’s the solution? Everybody has their own opinion as to what works better. Quite frankly, I think the only way it will ever change is with time. When enough time has passed and less and less repairs can be made without solid and proper diagnostics maybe then it won’t be such a big hassle.

For the here and now, maybe I should offer diagnostics as a “One, and a two, and a three” types of diagnostics. But, I’m no jockey and I’d make a terrible captain so I might offer different code diagnostics but that doesn’t mean I’m going to like it.

As it is now, most everything such as turn signals, engine performance, theft systems and the like all go through more than one computer module. Coding is taking on a whole new era of diagnostics. One thing can lead to two and two can lead to three. That’s where more in-depth diagnostics plays a major part in solving an issue with the modern car more than just read a code.

I wouldn’t put it passed the engineers to monitor balljoint wear with a sensor, or even tie rod ends in the near future either. All those wearable items on a car could eventually be monitored in some form or fashion. Then, when a car comes in for a front end alignment it won’t be so much the technician putting it on the alignment machine right off the bat, they would have to start the diagnostics off with a scanner. There would be less of the customer coming in that tells the mechanic that the last shop said they needed a laundry list of suspension parts when nothing checks bad at the next shop.

For the most part, if you’re reading this and you’re a shop owner or tech you’re probably nodding your head right about now. You’re probably saying to yourself, “Been there, done that.” Yea, “we” know what it takes to diagnose some of these problems but what “we” need to let every consumer know that it takes more than a code jockey or captain code reader to diagnose their car. Diagnostics isn’t as simple as “A one, and a two, and a three”.

The Car with Nine Lives
There are cars and then there are cars. Some cars live out their useful lives going from home to work and back again. Some, start out as rentals and travel the country, while others become the last to leave the dealership sales lot. Still, others work in extreme conditions or in harsh environments, while a few lucky ones spend their off-driving time being polished and admired.

They’re the device man has invented to move him and material across the globe. Their time is limited to the availability of parts, the mechanic’s ability to keep them on the road, and of course, Mother Nature. But, there are cars, very few mind you, which just refuse to be sent to the scrap yard. They hang onto the edge of the pavement with every tire tread, and won’t simply succumb to the ravages of everyday use or turned into next week’s soup cans.

Here’s a story about one particular car that seemed to have more than one chance to be melted down.

The car was originally bought by an older couple who drove it around for several years. They performed the needed maintenance and kept a tidy little record in the glove box. It wasn’t exactly polished to a gleaming shine every weekend, but it was taken through the occasional car wash. The tires were rotated, brake linings checked, and it was vacuumed out once in a while. Still, nothing spectacular or out of the ordinary as far as maintenance.

The old couple were getting up in years and decided to give the car to their son. Their son drove it for a few more years, but didn’t take the same interest in the maintenance as dear old dad did. He neglected the oil changes and didn’t pay much mind to the wobble as he applied the brakes. Then, a few things started to go wrong. First the radiator developed a leak, then a power steering hose, and finally the wobble in the front rotors was so bad he had to get something done about it. Small repairs started adding up to bigger repair bills, but it was “dad’s car” and the sentimental value overshadowed the cost of the repairs.

The paint was beginning to fade, the clear coat was peeling off in spots, and his wife did a number on the mirror one day. She caught it on the garage as she was pulling out. Now a few wraps of duct tape hold it on.

Then, along came junior. Junior just got his license and wanted a car. Dad had the perfect solution. “Let’s give him my dad’s old car,” he says to the wife. Mom was a bit reluctant, she wanted the car checked out by a mechanic first. She didn’t want her baby in an unsafe car, ya know. The car was checked, and wouldn’t ya know it. From a safety standpoint it passed with flying colors. Now, from a teenager’s viewpoint, well… it was a heap of ancient metal with four tires and a lousy stereo. Nobody was concerned about the right rear electric window which hasn’t worked in years, but the stereo, that had to go.

One day the timing belt snapped, and it was assumed it would be the end of it for good. Fortunately, it was a non-interference engine, so no damage was done. The mechanic got a new timing belt installed and took care of few other minor details while it was in the shop.

Junior wasn’t all that thrilled, because it meant he’d have to drive this relic for a bit longer. His driving wasn’t exactly puttering around. He gunned the motor, risking a ticket with every trip in to town, and zoomed around every corner stressing the suspension and shocks. Well, that is he did, until the day he heard a bang that sounded like a cannon going off. (Once you’ve heard the horrendous crack of a ball joint coming apart while speeding around a corner, you’ll never forget it again.) For junior, it was more of a wakeup call to take better interest in his only transportation.

A few more years went by and a few more repairs were made. The car still hadn’t suffered any major wrecks or severe body damage, but it was showing its age. A bit of bailing wire and a little more duct tape on the mirror that mom broke off kept the little problems from being big ones. It always passed the state inspection, and never had too many issues with the check engine light thanks to their mechanic.

By now, Junior was off to college and so was the car. Age and the distance from their mechanic played havoc on the car. It seemed every spring break was a week in the repair shop. It would chug into the service bay and a week later purr like a kitten on the way out. Nothing seemed to keep this car down.

Junior finished college and the car went back to mom and dad’s place. It was then handed down to the next sibling and went through the same neglected care and a few more bruises just like Junior put it through. It was getting harder to find a spot that didn’t have some sort of ding or scrape mark, but as this car with so many lives seemed to do, it still kept trudging along.

These days, the old car has a spot next to the garage where it sits most of the time. Occasionally, dad will go out and start it up just to check on it. He still keeps a fresh battery under the hood just in case he needs the old car for an emergency. (I think he trusts the old car more than his new one.). For the most part it remains steadfast next to the garage, only leaving its spot for an occasional oil change or trip around the block.

At some point there might be another generation of drivers in the family needing a dependable car. I can’t imagine it ever going to the scrap yard, it just seems to have this uncanny ability to stay in one piece. Maybe it’s one of those cars that really does have nine lives, because no matter what it went through it always bounced back.

It still runs, it still gets from point A to B, and Junior’s stereo is still in working order. I think the real reason this old jalopy stayed between the ditches has more to do with the certified mechanics who serviced it over the years.

Somebody really ought to thank those mechanics for all they do. If it wasn’t for their efforts there might not be as many memories of driving that old jalopy by three generations in one family and maybe more. It’s what it takes to have a car with nine lives.

Ya Can’t Please Them All
When you start your own business, no matter what trade it is in, you’re initial goal is to make every customer happy with the results of your efforts. As the years start tacking on, you realize that some people, no matter what you do, aren’t going to be happy with whatever you’ve accomplished for them. That’s not to say you did a lousy job, or screwed something up, no, not hardly. It’s just some people’s nature to give every type of service person a hard time and to always try to find a way of getting a better deal or to make it known they’re right and you’re wrong. Even if that means ticking you off to the “nth” degree in the process.

I’ve run into a many of these people over the decades of servicing cars. It’s bad enough that a portion of the general population already has some misconstrued idea that all mechanics are out to rip them off. Then to add on top of that the deal breaker/makers and the price shoppers. We all know with a bit of effort, somewhere out there you can find a part cheaper, and if you can find the part cheaper there’s no doubt you’ll find someone to install that part cheaper too. Although, quality seems to have been forgotten about when it comes to those price shoppers. But, it goes deeper than that with some of these folks that ya just can’t seem to please. Some, are all about their own principals of doing business with someone else, and it’s their principals that they expect you to follow.

Case in point - - Diagnostic charges. Diagnostics is NOT repairing. Wherever this idea came from that a service person will spend an hour or so to figure out a problem is then going to give you that hour for free is absolutely absurd. I tend to tell people that ask me for free diagnostics to go to work every day and only get paid for half a day and see how they like it. As I’ve always said, “Stupid is free, knowledge will cost ya.”

Here’s a perfect example of a diagnostics unraveling into a “Get your car out of here and don’t ever come back” situation.

A car is dropped off for no headlights and no park lights. The problem is discussed, diagnostic charges are explained, and the tests were approved. The results, well, that’s where it gets a bit weird. This particular car required a new body control module (BCM) and at the time, the shop wasn’t setup with the proper scanner to perform the programming. It would be easier and cheaper just to send it to the dealer. Which means there are two ways to do that. You take your car to the dealership or the repair shop takes it there. If the shop does it there would be an additional charge for the techs time to run it back and forth. So, it would be cheaper if the customer took the car directly. We would set things up at the dealership so they knew what you wanted when you arrived. All of this was explained to the customer, who (on the phone) agreed that it would be the best way to handle it.

That all changed when it came time to pick the car up from the repair shop and deliver it to the dealership. Now it’s, “Hey can ya give me a break on the diagnostic charge since you can’t fix it?” No hello, how are ya, or how’s it going, just fling the lobby door open and start right in trying to get a better price on the bill. Then, the girl friend that came along as his back up, had to chime in said, “You shouldn’t even look at the car if you can’t fix it!” This started a chain reaction of insults and denial that any of the original diagnostic fees were discussed, let alone how if I took the car to the dealer and back to my shop it would cost more than if you just took the car to the dealer yourself. Then, trying to slip in my own rebuttal to the girlfriend’s question, “If I don’t diagnose the problem how would I know what part or what wire needs repaired. The entire problem could have turned out to be a couple busted wires instead of the BCM! Seriously, I don’t rebuild transmissions but I can diagnose a shifting problem. The way you’re stating things I shouldn’t even do that!”

The two of them were on a roll. One feeding off the others comments, which were all directed at my inability to “fix” their car’s problem. By, now I’ve reached that point where their goal and conquest of the almighty repair shop diagnostic fee has come to the boil over point. I’ve had enough, it’s not worth the effort, the argument, or the aggravation. Time to rip up the invoice, take the loss of time and move on. No sense in ruining the rest of my day. Ya can’t get blood from a turnip, and I’m sure as heck not going to be able to educate these folks on what it takes to diagnose the modern car. “Here’s your keys, take your car and get out of here. Don’t ever bring anything here again!”

The whole entire job seemed destined to end that way from the minute they walked into the lobby. I don’t blame them, I don’t even blame the car manufacturer for producing a problem that couldn’t be repaired without having to program a component. It’s the combination of all of it capped off with the unmistakable human nature of some people who always feel that the mechanic is only there to rip them off rather than someone whose primary function is to help them out. As it is, “Ya just can’t please them all”

There are those “experts” out there that will tell you to forget about these type of customers and only dwell on your good customers. But, when you’re in the business of working with the general public how do you know which is which? I still can’t tell. When I first started I had no idea there were people out there that had the gum-shun to consistently badger any professional about what they’re doing. I soon found out it didn’t matter if you were a fireman, a plumber, or a mechanic some people are going to argue with them no matter what.

They just can’t accept the fact that they don’t know as much as they think they know or that a professional service person might know a bit more than they do and that you have to pay for their knowledge and services. Somehow, someway, they add 2 and 2 together and come up with 99 reasons why their right and your wrong.

It’s a good thing you don’t run across people like this very often. But, it’s good to know the difference between the ones you can help and the ones you can’t. That’s when all you have to do is remind yourself, “Ya can’t please them all.”

A League of Their Own
There’s a mechanic in every town who every other mechanic knows. The go-to person when all else fails. That mechanic seems to have the knack of knowing just what needs to be done. Everyone in the business knows him or has heard of him, and if they get stuck they know who to call. In a lot of towns, there are more than just one these mechanics. Some, are excellent on the mechanical side, some are known for their electrical skills, while others are known for the diagnostic capabilities. They really are in a league of their own, there the mechanic’s mechanic.

High school shops classes, trade schools, technical colleges, and even the good old tried and true “On-the-job” training gives most mechanics their start in the business, but for a few, learning about their trade never ends. They take their training and skills to a whole new level. It could be because they take their job a bit more serious than the next guy, or it might be that “A” personality that does it. Then again, it could be they just want to do the best job they possibly can. You won’t recognize them just by walking down a street, and you can’t tell them apart by their resume in an interview. They’re hidden amongst us all and they’ll blend into the crowd. But, we know they’re around.

To the layman, mechanics are all alike. Badges and patches mean little to them. To most of them, there’s no difference between the guy changing your tire and the guy scanning your car. With a wrench in their hands they all look alike to the consumer. It’s the results that matter to the customer, not the claims they’ve heard about. All they want is their car fixed as cheap as possible and as quickly as possible. What difference does it make who fixes it, as long as it gets fixed? It’s not about the ability to diagnose, it’s about the ability to get it done that concerns them. But, with cars getting much more complicated than ever before, even the consumers are starting to realize there is a difference.

These special types of mechanic, the elite ones, deal with those “other” type of mechanics constantly by phone, in the shop, or by email. It doesn’t take long for these extra exceptional mechanics to figure out what’s the level of expertise of the mechanic they’re talking to. Especially when they come in and they’re asked, “What’s wrong with the car?” and they answer, “I changed this part, and that part, then I tried that other part again.” All the while not mentioning any of their tests results, just parts they’ve changed.

To the educated mechanic, it’s pretty obvious what the problem is with the car… you worked on it. (It’s funny how asking “what’s wrong with the car” turns into “what I did to the car” every time.) But, ask them something significant such as what the short fuel trim looks like, you’ll get the “other” mechanic stuttering around the answer, and eventually spewing out some sort of nonsense that amounts to gibberish. (I hope it’s not the same explanation they gave to their customer.)

Let’s face it, in this fast paced world getting a car in the repair shop and back out the door in the fastest way possible is the name of the game. Most average day to day mechanics can handle most everything that goes wrong. If they get stuck, a lot of them will resort to one of those companies that offer quick fix answers by polling more average mechanics from across the country. They’ll combine their responses and by the law of averages they’ll have it narrowed down to the “most likely” repair. But, when the expected results of throwing parts at the car doesn’t fix it, then they’ve got some back pedaling to do and start calling for help. And, of course who do they eventually call? Why of course, the mechanic’s mechanics.

Who are they? Where are they? Why doesn’t the consumer know? How can you find one of these mechanics who are in a league of their own? For the most part, you already do know, at least most average mechanics do. But, why would the average mechanic at the average garage who does every day, average repairs not want to tell the consumer about those above average mechanics? It’s pretty basic logic at this point. Day to day common repairs are the bread and butter of the average shop. Bring them something that is going to be hard to solve and they’ll stammer around the shop tossing a few parts, or checking for codes. Eventually, some easier gravy-train work comes in the door. They’ll drop your problem and jump on those jobs all the while referring the harder to diagnose job to one of those not-so-average mechanics. (Which is what they should have done in the first place.)

Getting to that above average level takes a great deal of studying and a lot of shop time. Their work speaks for itself. Even then, there’s more to it. Some mechanics have reached that level rather quickly, while others have taken a lifetime to get there. Even still, there are a lot of mechanics that have no ambition to ever try to be anything more than just a line mechanic. They’re quite content pulling water pumps and spark plugs and don’t want to get all wrapped up in all that diagnostic stuff.

One of these days it’s going to be an important thing for the consumer to know, if not right now. The best bet is to pay more attention to those emblems and patches. It’s an indication of who in the automotive repair business wants to let you, the consumer, know they’ve got what it takes to be a better mechanic. Ask around just to be sure. Ask one of those “average” mechanics they know, even if they’re not likely to tell you at first. If you do enough prying around it won’t be long before you’ll know which mechanics in your town are the average type and who are truly the outstanding problem solvers.

As far as mechanics, being the best mechanic there is takes more than a box of tools. Study and practice your trade. With luck, and a lot of effort you can be the go-to mechanic that ever other mechanic knows. You might even hear your name mentioned as one of those mechanics that in a league of their own.

Who can you trust?

With all the presidential debating and finger pointing, who can you trust? You listen, you observe, and you contemplate on which candidate is more likely to solve the issues. Then, after listening to the candidates you make your decision as to which way to go.

Although, when it comes to car repair most people want to rely on what they’ve been told by someone who claims to be a mechanic far more than the promises from someone who claims to be a politician. However, not everything you hear about car repair is presidential material either. You’ve got to keep in mind where and who that information is coming from.

People come to repair shops all the time with some sort of wild and zany claim from another mechanic. Sometimes their interpretation of what the last mechanic told them has been skewed by their vague recollection of the facts. Occasionally, it does take some sorting out, but even then it can still leave some doubt as to what the real issue is.

The mere mention of a code number brings on all kinds of interpretations, and a lot of trust is put into the first person who reads the service code. Now, if that’s the guy whose job it is to sell parts but offers free code checks I’m a bit skeptic. (Sounds more like the politician telling you that there will be a chicken in every pot.) Then, with attributes of a politician’s speech they’ll tell the consumer all about the repair procedures and make promises they can’t keep. All the while, the unwarily consumer puts full faith in the explanation.

When they finally get to a real repair shop the real problem begins when the mechanic tells them, “I’ll need to diagnose it in order see what’s going on.” It starts a chain reaction of doubt and disbelief. And, of course, the customer is wondering, “Who should I trust?” The guy at the parts store that told me all about the repair or this mechanic who doesn’t trust the first guy’s results?

How do you undo what has already been done by the guy reading the code and making promises they can’t keep. On the other hand, if the mechanic involved in the repair is perfectly capable of doing the repair and has all the needed equipment to properly diagnose and perform the repair, (those things the first guy may have lacked) then why is it so hard for the consumer to make the connection that the first guy may not have the complete answers after all?

Even if the code reader guy is dead right and it’s merely a problem of being properly equipped to make the repair, why is it so hard for the second mechanic to get past the paper work in the front office? It’s the politics of business I guess. I mean seriously, if doctor “A” sends you to doctor “B” chances are they are still going to re-diagnose the patient. It’s really no different for the second mechanic. They’ve got to re-check the first mechanic’s results to verify the problem.

Doubt has to be factored into all of this too. Some people will still hold onto their first choice for political office even after they’ve been proven wrong by other sources. Sometimes, it’s the same way the consumer feels about the first mechanic who looked at their car. They may feel that he knows what he’s doing, and there’s a chance this second mechanic may not know what he’s doing, but in order to go any further the consumer has to vote for either the first guy or the second guy. Either way, it’s going to cost them to find out, and just like in an election, you’re stuck with the results until you can change it again.

You would think things like certifications all over the walls, testimonials from previous customers, or online reviews would help. But, not all the time. It still comes down to how a particular person feels about the mechanic (or politician) their talking to. One off comment to the consumer and it becomes a deal breaker. Maybe it was nothing, maybe it was just their mannerism, but whatever the reason is, it still comes down to, “Who can you trust?”

Maybe, what good mechanics and service writers need is somebody who can see things from both sides of the counter. Someone who can relate to the customer, but at the same time someone who can talk mechanic talk. You know, a politically correct advisor. A lot of companies offer these types of services, and for the most part they do a great job of softening the edge between the consumer and mechanic. But, just to be politically correct, check them out before you vote for your choice.

Political speeches aside, it still comes down to the technician with the wrenches out in the service bay. Can they do the job, do they have the skills, and can they keep their promises. A good mechanic, male or female, may not always be the best speaker, or the most popular, or have the most politically correct demeanor. But, what they do have is those skills that make them a good technician, and quite frankly, the best for the job. They’ll get my vote every time. Then again, especially for the consumer, be informed, educate yourself about what is going on with your car and find a mechanic that you’re happy with. Because, it all comes down to “Who can you trust”.

Jewel of Denials

I think everyone should experience working with the general public at some point in their life. The variety of people you meet is absolutely fascinating. They come from all walks of life and from every part of the globe. If you’re a people person, working with the general public can be wonderful experience.

For the most part, that’s how it is, but every now and then you find that one, you know the one, the one we all know as our crazy relative or neighbor who seems to over exaggerate everything they say and nothing seems truthful.

Their stories are real gems, that’s for sure, and their stories are usually as long as the Nile River. At first you’ll listen intently but it doesn’t take long before you have to wonder at what level of sanity you’ve just left. I’m usually the guy behind the service counter that at some point leans back in the seat and waits for the story to end. Then, I can start asking questions or write down what seems to be important. Deep down I’m already thinking that I’ve got to write this one down because nobody is going to believe it. Denial and finger pointing seems to be the favorite thing when it comes to their car repair.

One of my all-time favorites is this guys. Let me tell you his story.

A rather tall gentlemen comes into the lobby and asks, “Can you guys replace a wiring harness?” To which I answered, “Yep, not a problem. What kind of car is it?” That question was soon overlooked and not answered. The seriousness of the problem was his major concern. Me, I’d like to know what kind of car it is and what brought you here in the first place. Although, this unknown car seems to have more than “car” issues to deal with, most of which he’s already self-diagnosed. However, even with the self-diagnosis the issues with this car seemed to be getting stranger and stranger as the story went on.

First off the front end was wrecked and repaired by a shoddy bodyshop. Although the “crappy” repair job (as he put it) wasn’t his concern. It was that the battery was dead, and it kept going dead, which he attributed to the headlight and turn signal wiring as the cause. According to his technical knowledge if I fixed the wiring under the front bumper the battery drain would disappear. The story just kept getting deeper than just the wiring harness or the dead battery. “The car hasn’t been started in three years,” he tells me. “That’s not a problem,” I said, “I can get it started and then check for what’s causing the battery drain.”

He was all for it until he mentioned one more thing, “OK, I’ll check with my neighbor.” Now, why in the world does this guy need to check with his neighbor? I had to ask. “Is there a problem with the car that you have to ask the neighbor about it?” Oh there was all right, the car IS his neighbor’s car. “Oh, so you’re just checking up on the repair costs for your neighbor then?” I asked. No, he wasn’t. He was doing this on his own. Why you ask? Well, that got a bit strange too. Turns out the car is in his garage, and it’s been there for the past three years! OK, I’ve got to ask, “Why has your neighbor’s car been in your garage with a messed up front end, a dead battery, and not been started in three years?” “Because that’s where I parked it after the wreck,” he tells me.

You mean to tell me this guy has had a borrowed neighbor’s car in his garage for the past three years? Apparently, yes. Now that’s some nice neighbor I’d say. I mean really, for three years his neighbor never questioned when he was going to return the car he borrowed to go down to the grocery store? I’m not sure if either one of these neighbors are playing with a full deck.

This guy even wanted his neighbor, whose car it was, to pay for the damaged front end that he caused! Of course, he denied having a wreck and getting it slapped back together by this so-called bodyshop, or that the car had some sort of battery problem to his ever-so-generous neighbor. How did I know that? Because he asked me not to tell his neighbor about it. I haven’t met that guy yet, and if he’s anything like this guy, oh man! Glad I’m not living next door to this guy. Borrow my hand saw, or couple of wrenches sure, but my car and then not tell me about it for three years? I’m shocked. I mean seriously, admit ya done wrong, and go on. Quit trying to deny it.

Then there are the typical denials that happen on a regular basis. Dad buys son a car, son tears it up and then tries to say “It just happened. That telephone poll just jumped right out in front of me.” Right, I’m sure it did. Especially when the right front tire is wedged under the car from sliding over the curb and the front bumper has the shape of a telephone pole left embedded in it.

Insurance frauds are another denial that I see too often. Where the owner is trying to get more out of their insurance company than what they should. Like the time this guy got into a wreck and even before it left the crash site it wouldn’t start. Upon further investigation the problem turned out to be a severely worn out timing belt that finally snapped. The timing belt was so worn out that it literally crumbled to pieces as you touched it. (I still have the timing belt on the wall.)

Somehow, someway, this guy got his insurance company to foot the bill for a new timing belt. Why? Because it wasn’t like that before the wreck. Ya mean it wasn’t worn out and about to fall off before the wreck? How long did ya expect the original belt to stay on there, dude? I’m sure the sudden stop from the wreck probably put the final nail in the coffin for the old tired and worn out timing belt but seriously, that is strictly a maintenance issue that you’ve neglected. Which of course, he denied that he ever missed any scheduled services on his car. The insurance company bought his story, and I changed the belt. Everybody was happy in the end. Although, I’d hate to see what this guy’s insurance premiums look like now.

Ah yes, there are a few gems out there that can make ya chuckle or leave you wondering what in the world just happened. But, at least ya can smile, write up the work order, and go on. If nothing else, you can at least look forward to the next jewel of denials.

Engineering Flashback

Let’s just assume you’re one of the engineers who designs part of the modern automobile. Your job is to follow the guide lines and concept ideas the other engineers have put together. All you have to do is make whatever component or section you’re assigned fit into the space provided. You also have to keep the cost down and keep in mind the design restraints. Then, make sure it can be manufactured in such a way it can easily be installed and sent down the assembly line at the quickest pace possible.

I’m sure it’s a nerve-racking job. So much pressure is put on you to come up with something that will work, easy to assemble, and cost effective. You’ve strained your brain to come up with something, worked long hours to design it, built the prototype, and checked the results. You’re positive it will work. Now, it’s all up to the guys and gals on the assembly line to get it put together and out the door.

This time around, let’s pretend you’re the consumer. You’ve checked out this latest model and it’s just what you were looking for. It’s got the right styling, the right size, and it’s in your price range. So, you buy it. Ya take it home and enjoy the comforts of owning your brand new car. Then, several years go by. You’ve almost got it paid off and hoping for a few years without car payments. But, all of a sudden you’ve got car problems. You’ve followed the maintenance schedule to the letter, but something has still gone wrong. It’s out of warranty, which means it’s not going to be free, but you’ve got to get it repaired. You can’t fix it; in fact you don’t have any idea what is wrong. But, your favorite mechanic will. So, it’s off to the repair shop to have it diagnosed.

Let’s change gears again. Now we’re the mechanic. You get the car into the shop, you run the needed diagnostic tests, and find out that a little bitty part buried behind the dash has failed. The only way to get to it is removing the entire dash. Before diving into the nuts and bolts side of it, you’ve got to call the customer. This is not going to be an easy call, because you know the labor cost alone is not going to make for a happy car owner, for sure. You give them the figures for the R&R and there is a moment of gasps and shock. Then, reality settles in, and the owner tells you to go ahead with it.

Now, we’re back to being the engineer. Reports start coming in about how this little bit part that you designed and stuck inside the dash is failing left and right. The amount of backlash from all these repairs from all over the country are flooding your desk. What can you do about it? Probably nothing. Other than not designing anything like that again. So, you keep your head to the grindstone and persevere. Onto your next project. But, the memory of that little bitty part behind the dash haunts you day and night. In fact, you might even have flashbacks of the numerous reported failures, and you certainly don’t want to relieve that again.

This time around you’re asked to design a similar system on the latest car from the concept team. Those flashbacks of that little bitty part you stuck behind the dash is still fresh on your mind. This time, you’ve changed the design a bit so that same issue doesn’t happen again. Or, at least you hope not.

We’re back to being the consumer again. This time you’ve done your homework and looked at the new models to replace your present car. You’ve also kept in mind that huge repair bill for some silly little bitty part that could have been easily repositioned somewhere else. You’d like to avoid anything like that on your next new car. You talked in great detail about it to your salesman and he assures you there isn’t any problem like that anymore. If anyone would know about the inner workings of the modern car it would be the guy selling it to you right? With the salesman’s stamp of approval you write that check for your new car, and off you go to enjoy your new ride.

It’s the mechanics turn to return to the mix. That new car is now a few years old and it’s having problems. This time it’s a different problem than before, but the cost of the repair is even higher. It seems our engineering friend forgot to think of how many things are overlapping and concealing the components he designed. Simple things like changing a headlamp bulb require an afternoon at the repair shop. The anti-lock brake system is incorporated with the cruise control. The air conditioning system is aware of the exhaust fumes from the car in front of you and automatically regulates the fresh air dampeners. Radar systems, GPS, and so on and so on. Nothing is even remotely simple anymore, and nearly everything costs more than it should. The mechanic has to spend even more time in training classes keeping up with what the engineers are designing, as well as dealing with the next shock and awe from the customer over the price of repair.

And you wonder why a mechanic rolls their eyes back in their head when you bring a car in with a certain type of problem. Yep, they’re having flashbacks of pulling the dash to get to that little bitty part.

The flashbacks of these engineering designs continue. I don’t know about you, but I think the only person who might really know what’s happening in the real world when it comes to your car is the mechanic. The consumer has to pay the bill, the engineers try their best to design it, and the salesman does what he does. It all adds up to job security for the mechanics, they’re the ones keeping those little bitty things behind the dash working. In all honesty, the consumer might want to ask a mechanic about that new car or even used car they’re planning to purchase rather than the salesman or the engineer. They’re the ones who deal with the aftermath of the salesman’s claims and the engineer’s designs.

The engineer, the consumer, the salesman, or the mechanic. Who’s going to have the most flashbacks of these design debacles? Well, for me, it’s the mechanic. They’ve got to deal with the problems created by the engineering, the customer, and the salesman. Now, if the engineers wanted to really find out something about their little bitty part behind the dash, just put a few mechanics in the same room with a few of those engineers. That might make for one colossal flashback they’ll never forget.

Where’s Waldo?

OK, I really do fix cars for a living. I take a car with a problem, locate the problem, and make the appropriate repair. Sometimes I haven’t a clue where to look when I start, but with a few proper tools,
a little ingenuity, and a whole lot of experience I’ll find the problem.
It’s like finding Waldo, yea that little nerdy guy in red and white. The one that hides in plain sight sometimes, and even as careful as you can be, you’ll usually have to look closely to find him. Except my “Waldo” doesn’t wear a red and white cap to give himself away. My Waldo is usually something to do with a component or part that has failed, or has decided to be difficult. I sometimes think that these weird repair jobs that end up at my shop are like an elaborate game of “who can find Waldo first”.

I’m not always the first guy to try and find Waldo. A lot of times a customer will take their car to a relative or next door neighbor, and when that doesn’t work they’ll find the cheap shop or the closest garage in their area. Even more often I’ll hear a customer tell me they always go to a certain shop for all their repairs, so they think nothing of going to a specialist for any repairs. But, when that doesn’t work it’s time to ask for a recommendation for a shop that can make the repairs. Now this isn’t true of everyone, a lot of people have a family mechanic they have used for years, while others believe the dealership is the only place to go for repairs. Whichever or whatever way works for each and everyone is just fine with me. One way or another somebody has to find Waldo.

When it comes to cars, Waldo can be pretty crafty. He can be hiding in thousands of places. He can be under the hood, behind the dash, in the trunk, or under the seat. He can be well concealed or under layers of components, carpet, plastic, or engine parts. With today’s cars he can even be inside a computer lurking about as a corrupted bit of information. I never know where he’ll show up, but I’ll do my best to find him. The other day I was on a Waldo hunt for a wacked out gas gauge. The fuel gauge was stuck on empty on this 03 Ford Van. It came from another shop after they had given up on it. The shop had already tried a new sending unit in the tank, but it only lasted a day or two before the gauge quit again.

So where is that little beanie cap wearing weirdo hiding this time? I think I’ll start with a little behind the steering wheel work first. After doing the self-test on the dash it was clear the gauge was not responding, so I decided to break out the gauge simulator and hook it up to the fuel gauge. Even with the tester adjusted to 160 ohms (full tank reading) it never budged off of empty. Gotcha Waldo! You’re in the instrument cluster… ah HA! Got ya this time for sure ya skinny little twerp!

I got the new cluster approved and installed it the next day. Hooked up to the scanner checked that all the programming needed was done, typical stuff… mileage, tire size, etc… not a big deal (with the right scanner, an IDS in this case or the dealer parts department can set most of it up for you when you order it… Actual programming needs varies from year to year, so be careful to follow all manufacturer’s directions). I was so convinced that I had this one I didn’t think I needed to recheck my work. I was in for a surprise when the gas gauge didn’t move right away. I’ve seen this before; it can take a minute or two or up to even 20 minutes if the key was on while filling up the tank. I didn’t recall turning the key on when I was installing the new cluster, but by the time I had the van off the lift and backed out of the shop the gauge was working. Done, problem solved… Waldo you’re out-a-here!

Boy was I wrong. Seems old Waldo had to come back just a few days later. The gauge is back on empty again just as it did with the first shop. Now what is he doing… that Waldo he’s a crafty kind of little nerd… is he messing with me? I’m about to go “mechanic” on his little butt.

Back to the gauge tester again, this time the gauge reacted with every movement and changed with every setting I could put it thru on the tester. I knew the empty reading on this tank is around 15 ohms and a full tank is 160, so I should have a reading somewhere in between those reading from the tank sender. It was 16 ohms… oh come on… is this tank empty?

I gave the tank a couple of knocks with my knuckle “rap, rap, rap” and muttered to myself very sheepishly, “You in there Waldo?”

I got an approval to drop the tank down to check it further. I could tell the other shop changed the tank sending unit. They had butt connected the lead together (gee, ya could have just disconnected it), but I did notice something rather strange about the sending unit. The float was bent around the fuel pump and an edge of the bail was trapped against the actual fuel pump bracket. Waldo is up to something here, and it’s not the sender.

I grabbed a flashlight and looked down in the tank. There inside the tank is the tray that the fuel pump rests in. It’s mainly there as a way to control the sloshing effect of the fuel and to help give the gauge a steady reading. The only thing was… the tray wasn’t staying in place. It had broken free from the bottom of the tank and was sliding back and forth as the van drove down the road.

“Waldo… you’ve been a very naughty little fellow,” I said to myself.
The only thing that made sense about the dash being bad was somebody must have tried to send voltage back up the sending wires to the dash, and it probably knocked the gauge out. It wouldn’t have been hard to do with the gauge and fuel pump leads all in the same connector. Somebody could have easily (accidently I hope) crossed the wrong leads, which created another “Waldo”. While the original Waldo remained in hiding inside the gas tank the whole time.

Now I just have to tell the customer where I found him at this time. Great, just great…. Two Waldo’s in two places in one car. I think I’ll let Waldo explain this to the owner, “Waldo … Waldo… where’s Waldo?” Typical… I’ve got to go find him again.

I Just Don’t Get It

Help me out here. There’s something I just don’t get. How in the world do people leave their pride and joy, the family trickster, the old jalopy, or whatever they want to call it at a repair shop for an extended amount of time? Every day while driving to work I’ll pass numerous little shops, and a few big shops that seem to have the same cars sitting in front of their bays. They move them around a bit, you know, kind of like shuffling chess pieces or something, but they never seem to leave. What’s going on?

Then, every once in a while I’ll get someone that comes into my shop with this same old story, “I had my car over at this other shop for the past month and they still haven’t found out what’s wrong with it. So, I got tired of waiting and had it dragged over to you.” Usually after they’ve finally decided that leaving their car at one of these phantom repair places wasn’t a good idea. Sound familiar? Well, if you’re a shop owner you’ve heard it before. What’s surprising is that it happens a lot more than most people realize, and what really surprises me is how somebody could be without their car for such a long time, then finally decide to pull it to another shop. I mean seriously, what did you buy the car for? Was your goal just to make the payments while it sat in front of this obscure repair shop rusting away? I just don’t get it.

How’s this possible? I mean, does this shop have some sort of charismatic charm that convinces someone to leave their car there for months on end without ever getting it repaired? Or is it one of those, “I’m in no hurry. Take your time with it.” stories? For me, it seems every time somebody tells me they’re not in a hurry is when they call back in an hour or show up the next day wanting to know what I’ve found wrong.

I’ve never dealt with anyone who has just left their car for me to casually work on it whenever I feel like working on it. Oh, they’ll tell me to take my time but, they really don’t mean it. I have the time. I’m in the business of repairing cars. I’ll make the time or I’ll hire more help, whichever or whatever way it takes to keep the customer happy. At my shop, the norm is that everyone is in a hurry and can’t wait even a few hours for me to get to their repairs, which seems to be the complete opposite at these main street rest stops that call themselves “repair shops”. Now, if all these shops are doing is providing a free space for an extended stay at the “Shady Rust Hotel”, well, that’s not what I’d call a really smart business decision. Maybe keeping the parking lot full is just their way of showing off how many cars they have to work on, or should I say… trying to work on?

I’ve often wondered about the true status of those cars at these repair shops. I’m pretty convinced that it’s not because these stationary cars all have some sort of exotic part that has to be shipped in by a row boat from some far off island country. I really think the reason these cars are spending their day taking up valuable space in front of these shops is because the mechanics at these shops don’t have a clue how to fix them. Let’s face it, if they’re in the business to repair problems on customer’s cars (just like I am) then by all rights fix it! Make room for the next one!

As one good ol’ boy mechanic from one of these “We’re always busy” shops stated to me the other day, “Well, I just keep trying different parts until I get’r runnin’. If’n I run out of idears I let er’ sit until I think of somethin’ else ta do. I’m only bringin’ ya this here car cause the owner was getting a bit riled up over it takin’ so long.” Seems like a poor way of diagnosing problems and even poorer way of taking care of their customers if you ask me.

But, we should also look at it from the other side of the coin, the customer side that is. They’re just as much to blame for all this waiting around for a repair that probably ain’t going to happen. Obviously it’s not time that worries them, so it must be the cost factor they’re concerned about. Talking with one customer who had their car at another shop for so long that cobwebs had spread across the motor told me, “Well, he’s good and cheap. That’s why I left it there for him to give it a try.” I can believe the cheap part, but good... I don’t think so.

When are they going to wise up about it all? That is, the shop that doesn’t have the skills to repair the car properly and uses whatever charm or magic they have over the customer to leave the car at their shop for so long. Along with the car owners who simply pinch pennies on their car repairs and aren’t concerned with quality. But, they’re willing to put their own kids in their family trickster that was repaired by somebody with questionable knowledge and skills. This car repair stuff isn’t some kind of kid’s game or something that should be left to chance. It’s a highly skilled trade with highly skilled individuals who dedicate their life to performing intricate diagnostics and repairs to their customer’s cars with sophisticated equipment and continual education on the latest systems being developed. Of course, I’m leaving out those parking lots that claim to be repair shops.

For something that has evolved into a computerized and mechanical machine that is rarely understood by the average owner, and something that nearly every person owns, has been left to the whims of an unregulated and unlicensed repair industry. It just completely boggles my mechanical mind. It’s a wonder anything ever gets accomplished, or that good mechanics stay in the business and further their education to do even higher quality work than before. I mean seriously, you’ve got to have a license to sling plumbing pipe or cut hair, but hardly any kind of quality check for the person doing the repairs on your family jalopy that zooms down the road at 75mph. I just don’t get it.

Just the Bartender

It’s early in the morning, the shop is still full from the previous day and I’m just getting around to my first cup of coffee when the phone rings. An anxious, exasperated lady was on the phone. “Oh, I’m so glad I caught you,” she excitedly said, “Your name kept coming up when I was asking around town for the best mechanic to fix my car.”
“Well, what can I help you with?” I asked while juggling the phone and the coffee pot.

The story goes her car was at the dealership and it had been there for over a week now. From the sound of things, there was more than one issue that needed solved. She told me they had replaced the timing belt, water pump and an ignition switch, but her original complaint was still there. They wanted to do some more testing to solve the problem and I could tell she was getting a bit frustrated with them. What she really wanted was not necessarily to bring the car to my shop, but at least have some assurance from somebody else that the dealership was able to tackle the problem.

After a few sips of my coffee and a bit more conversation, I assured her the dealership was more than capable of handling the problem. I told her if she still wasn’t comfortable with the amount of time they were taking to solve her car problems, she could certainly bring it to me. You could tell by the tone of her voice she was feeling much better about having the dealership handle the repair. She thanked me for easing her mind and said she would certainly take me up on my offer if she wasn’t satisfied with the dealerships results in a day or two.

I sipped down the rest of my coffee and finished up the morning paperwork when it occurred to me that the whole time I was on the phone I wasn’t just a mechanic answering a customer’s concerns; I had taken on the role of the corner tavern bartender. You know, the guy or gal behind the bar who listens to all the patrons’ problems. It was just like at the local watering hole where you’ll find a bartender listening to stories from across the bar. They’ll often play the part of a concerned friend who listens to their plight even though they probably can’t do a thing about it. Especially after a few shots have been tossed back to loosen them up.

That got me thinking, maybe it’s not so much what you do out in the shop, but more of what you do to help a customer when they’re not your customer. Maybe, what some folks need aren’t your skills as a mechanic, but more of your knowledge and assurance that it will all be fine in the long run. I felt kind of like a bartender with wrenches rather than shot glasses and high ball tumblers.

I finished my coffee and headed out to the shop to start my day where I found myself confronted with another issue. One of the cars in the shop had more wrong with it than originally thought. Now I’ve got to make the phone call and break the news to the owner. That got me wondering even more about the last phone call. Is the owner of this car going to call someone else and ask their opinion of what I was about to describe to them? I’d say there’s a good chance of that. That is, unless I can break down the repair procedures and explain it in a way that makes perfect sense to them. Even then, there’s still a possibility they’ll ask their “bartender” for their input on the whole thing anyway.
Being a mechanic, like in many other trades dealing with the general public, you’ve got to wear more than one hat during a day at work. Sometimes you’re the guy who diagnoses the problem, sometimes you’re the guy who makes the repair, sometimes you’re the guy who has to explain the whole thing to the customer… and, sometimes you’re just the bartender.

On the other hand, some mechanics are so wrapped up into the technical side of the automobile that they have a hard time relating to the average consumer. They tend to forget the customers brought their car in not only for expert repairs, but also some expert advice. They’re the ones paying you for your time and knowledge. At times the car can be a challenge to repair, but there’s an even bigger challenge in making the customer feel at ease with all of your efforts. No doubt, it’s a skill that can’t be taught in a repair manual. It’s something every mechanic has to develop with time. Just like being a good bartender, you’ve got to be able to mix the cocktails and serve them with a smile, but to be a really good bartender you have to learn to listen, too.

Not every phone call to the repair shop is going to turn into a paying job, but at least you can listen and do your best and be a good bartender. The dividends may not be immediate, but one thing for sure, that person on the other end of the phone won’t forget your words. Which may be all they need to remember the next time they have car problems. As a mechanic, knowing the ins and outs of the technical issues of today’s cars is extremely important to the customer. Although, sometimes all that knowledge and expertise doesn’t help when the customer is unsure of what’s going on. You might be an ace mechanic but, sometimes all you really have to be… is just the bartender.

Pay to Play

Playing the diagnostic game in the auto repair business isn’t for everyone. Some repair shops don’t want to deal with any of those heavy-hitter type of diagnostic problems. They would rather deal with the simple, basic, and easy-to-fix problems that make quick money and take little effort on their part. Anything that’s going to take time to figure out they’ll send down the road to a shop that will work on those type of problems. I’m one of those shops that everybody sends their headaches to. It has its draw backs for sure, but the reward for me is getting in there, finding the problem, and doing what seems impossible to others.

One of the major issues with being more of a specialty diagnostic shop is how the customer perceives what a mechanic can or cannot do. Most of the time they’ve already spent their limit at the guess-at-it-until-ya-get-it shops and aren’t keen on spending any amount of money on diagnostic time. Which, as in most of these heavy-hitter type diagnostic cases, is the majority of the work needed to be done. I hear it all the time from folks who still believe all mechanics are alike and price is their only concern. “I’ve already spent “X” amount of money and it’s still broke. Why should I spend more money just for YOU to look at the car?”

It must be a bit unnerving to some, forking over their cash just to have their car “looked” at. Although, they don’t seem to think twice about it when they pull the check book out at the reception desk after their doctor “looked” at them. Whether they feel any better at the time they’re writing the check or not because they’re confident that a quick stop at the pharmacy to pick up that prescription will fix them right up; good as new. However, paying a professional mechanic to do his or her “looking” is simply out of the question.

The way I see it, “Ya gotta pay to play” folks. Wherever this idea that a mechanic can walk out to the parking lot, wave his magical ratchet over the left rear tail light and all will be in working order is totally absurd. I mean seriously, the car has one service light, but hundreds and hundreds of reasons why it might be on. A battery drain can come from anywhere, a shorted fuse can be caused by all kinds of things, and as far as intermittent problems well, the possibilities are endless. Not to mention when some jackleg gets under the dash and starts adding their version of electrical wizardry to the problem.

Some people just can’t make the connection between a doctor’s office visit and a mechanic’s diagnostic time. They’re stuck on this “look” thing. For that small number of people out there who don’t see the similarities between a doctor visit and automotive diagnostics, it’s not likely you’re going to change their mind about it any time soon.

The last example of the “ain’t playin’ the diagnostic game” told me that he would only let me work on the car if I could guarantee it wouldn’t cost more than $400.00 bucks. I told him, “I’d like to say that it wouldn’t cost more than that, but what happens if I get in there and find the part alone costs $500.00 dollars, then what?” His answer, “Then I’d forget about fixing it, and I’d pay you for your time. How much do ya think that would be?” I smiled and answered as I pointed to the diagnostic fee on the wall, “The diagnostic fee, just what I’ve been explaining to you all along. Ya gotta pay to play the game, and that’s the diagnostic fee. Otherwise, I don’t play.”

He still didn’t get it. I then told him, “You want me to guess at how much it will cost when I haven’t a clue what’s wrong. At this point I don’t even know what color the car is let alone the extent of your problem. Furthermore, you’ve had somebody work on it before. They’ve wired around some sort of switch you mentioned to me earlier about, and obviously I’ll have to undo all of that to determine the exact problem. Does that make sense now?” As if to show how my lack of intelligence about his car was quite obvious to him, he answered sternly, “It’s dark blue.” Not another word was spoken. I’m completely flabbergasted. Looks like the two of us are not going to play, because he’s not willing to pay. Instead of going any further, I figured it was time to throw the towel in on this one and call it a stalemate. All this transpired about the same time he thanked me for talking with him and was heading out the door to find the next guy who would “look” at his car.

Seriously, what’s free these days? If ya wanna play, ya gotta pay. Simple as that. I doubt if you went into the doctor’s office and said you weren’t going to pay for his time, the doctor would tell you to get lost or at least want to know why you didn’t want to pay for his services. I’m sure if you told him, “I ain’t payin’ ya just to look at me. I’m only going to pay you to fix me.” The doctor might think you’re just a bit touched and in need of a different kind of doctor. But, as it is... mechanics diagnosing a tough problem have to deal with the “I ain’t payin’ ya to look at it” game nearly every day.

Maybe in the future, all this will change. It has to. Cars are getting even more complicated and have amassed huge networks of electronics and mechanical parts that shouldn’t be left to the untrained and stab-at-it-until-ya-get-it type of repairs. Like a doctor, a professional mechanic might have a pretty good idea of what is ailing a car, but testing and diagnosing it is the game we all have to play to sort out the real tough problems and not just make assumptions. You want professional service… Pay to play, then the game is on.

Growing Up With Wrenches

Unlike kids of today, my childhood was long before video games and color TV. Most of my free time was spent climbing trees, playing in the crick (creek, to you city folk), riding my bike, and tinkering with anything that had a motor. Wrenches, sockets, and screwdrivers were just part of growing up. I would tear apart an old mower just to see what was inside. Most of the time it would end up in a pile of parts. But, by the time my dad came to see what I was doing, he would stand there in disbelief and just shake his head. Then dive in and show me how to put it all back together. Good times for sure. There was no You Tube, no on-line help. Just dad and son, and I’m sure it’s the same way my dad learned his tinkering abilities too.

These days it’s all about the computer with their programs and the internet with its billions of websites. There aren’t as many kids that I know about who spend their summer vacations building tree houses or turning an old horizontal lawn mower engine into a homemade go-kart like I used to do. Times have changed, but the need for those wrenches are still as important as it was back in my youth. However, now a lot of those early learned skills have to be developed through a trade schools or at a high school shop class. That is if the economy hasn’t budgeted the shop class out of existence.
Growing up with wrenches was just something I did. Which is probably what led me to enter the automotive field as a career. It’s a good living, and you get to meet a whole lot of wonderful people every day.

But, as it has been for decades, there’s still a big shortage of mechanics out there. As I see it, the big problem isn’t so much a people shortage, but a shortage in “qualified” mechanics. I look at it this way. Back in the day of carburetors and vacuum modulated transmissions a lot of guys and gals didn’t go to any school to learn the trade. Most picked up bits and pieces of how things worked through on the job training. The older mechanics would teach the younger ones and so on and so on. But, all of a sudden the average age of the “qualified” and “experienced” mechanic is well over 50 years old. Somewhere along the line less and less of the younger generations wanted to pursue a career in the automotive field.

What happened? From my point of view, I see a few things that might have been the cause. First off, the computer age. Cars went from points and condensers to electronic ignition, then onto the full blown electrical nightmare we have today. The older generation of mechanics all had a similar background working with hand tools and could understand the basic principles of an automobile. But, as the industry changed to more and more electrical systems their knowledge base dwindled.

The smart guy who wanted to stay up with all of these changes did what was needed, and that’s study as much as possible. While the other guy who was still stuck with the learn as you go method would just slap part after part on until they got it right, and yes, there are a lot of “guessers” still in the business today. Now, the car wasn’t as simple as it was before, and the average dad wasn’t able to tinker on his family car as past generations could. But, the change to the computer age isn’t the only reason that caused this shortage of qualified mechanics. Ultimately it comes down to the amount of time and effort to learn these new systems, the amount of investment one has to put into it all and most importantly their overall income.

The average professional mechanic has well over $100,000.00 invested in personal hand tools, tool boxes, and testing equipment over the course of their career. But, the pay varies as much as the diagnostic fee does from shop to shop. So, maybe part of the problem for the new techs coming into the business is NOT making the decision to start a career in the automotive repair trade but, making the investment in the tools when the pay isn’t all that great.

So, where does all this low wage, high investment come from? The investment into tools is an easy one to figure out. But, the wage side of it is a bit more complicated. Let’s face it, all those shops that feel the best way to keep work in the shop is by having the lowest hourly rate is the real problem. Nearly all consumers make the general assumption that all mechanics are the same and that price is their only factor to be concerned with.

In my opinion, right there is the real problem. Instead of shouting about a shortage of mechanics, which by “body count” their certainly isn’t a shortage we should be talking about doing something for the consumer. By starting at the bottom with those low rate/low skill shops and pulling them up to a more qualified level of expertise.

Look at the attendees of any one of the trade schools or college based courses and you’ll see that there is a turnaround in the quality of the mechanic field just waiting to happen. But, nothing like growing up with wrenches. It’s the tech schools and the attrition of the parts swapper shops that’s going to make the changes. The tech schools allow an individual not only to learn those same skills I learned growing up with wrenches but an even more importantly the skill needed to be a qualified mechanic and whether or not this trade is right for you.

It not going to be easy to make sense of all the information and skills that the future mechanics will need to know. They’ve got to be a whole lot more aware of so many different systems than what a few hand tools can help with. But, there’s still a place for the right person with the right kind of natural mechanical ability especially if they have those growing up with wrenches skills. There still out there, but some of them don’t know they have those gifted skills because they didn’t have the opportunity to experience any of it in their youth. Then again, the trade schools have their hands full teaching the basic hand to eye coordination, as well as bringing the students up to speed with the latest greatest electronics, so someone with that natural talent will likely shine through.

Eventually, all those shops and mechanics that try to undercut their prices will fade off into the distance. Fewer parts changers and guess-until-ya-get-it shops, because the cars are getting smarter every year and the mechanic will have to do the same. Maybe, the days of growing up with wrenches is a thing of the past. Now we need more and more trade schools, conventions, seminars, and podcasts to keep upgrading our skill levels. Hopefully, in time, the trade will have the respect and salary to go along with the advanced diverse knowledge the modern mechanic needs to have. Even if they didn’t grow up with wrenches.

Rigged and Runnin’

People have been modifying their family car since the automotive industries began. No matter what the car, or its condition, somebody will modify something to suit their needs or their artistic interpretation of what their car should be. On occasions, these changes are brilliant and far better than what the designers could have ever thought. However, there are those rigged up and overly engineered home modifications that can leave the original designers and engineers in shock. Not to mention the mechanics that service them.

It’s amazing how the human mind has such an endless imagination to even dream up some of these wild and outlandish contraptions. They are more than just four wheels and transportation to the creators of the masterful works of art. Although at times, some of these wacky rides might appear a bit unorthodox to the onlooker. Art cars for example, don’t follow any technical bulletins or accepted engineering practices that any sane professional mechanic would understand. Safety and performance issues are put aside for the sake of artistry. Whatever looks good is good enough for them. Whether it’s modifying an old car to look like a cow or stretching a limo so far that it can’t possibly turn at an intersection are all in the name of creativity.

Then there are the backyard engineers who are not into the artistic side of the cars anatomy, but are merely after cheap functionality, no matter what it looks like. Sometimes it’s back to nature for spare parts. Logs for bumpers, wood slats for truck beds and fenders made from a sheet of plywood, just to name a few. Maybe it’s the cost of the repairs, or perhaps there are no parts to be found, so the only resource available is what they have on hand.

But, not all of these intrepid designers stick with natural products to modify their rides. Some use whatever is available at their local hardware store. Bathroom faucets for heater controls, PVC pipe made into shifter handles and things like door hinges to hold a gas pedal in place. Of course, there are the “traditional” DIY fixes that everyone has tried at one time or another. You know, duct tape, coat hangers, and bailing wire. But, we can’t leave out those fixes that seem to generate from the household kitchen either. I’ve even seen repairs made using a fork, knife or a spoon from their very own kitchen to supplement the loss of an inside door handle.

There are those more sophisticated modifiers who still leave me gasping. Like the large wheel rims and thin tires, or the lift kits on a family sedan that leave one wondering how much time these folks spend at their local chiropractor. Others, will spend a fortune on things like huge stereo systems or ultra-bright headlights, but never take in account the load they are putting on the electrical system of the car. Then they wonder what could be wrong with their car when they come into a professional repair shop and tell the mechanic, “I burned out four alternators in a row. So, there must be something wrong with the charging system.” Yes, you’re right. There is something wrong, but it’s not the charging system.

To go to even more extremes, there are the aftermarket modifications for the engine computer control systems. There are all kinds of computer programs out there that can modify the factory specifications. Some are for racing applications, some for better towing capabilities, and some are for street performance. With all of these updates and reprogramming for the car’s computer, you better know what you’re doing before downloading them into the vehicle’s data stream. It’s kind of late to find out your car won’t run correctly or not start at all after you’ve installed some back door program from parts unknown.

Maybe some people are thinking things are like they were in the early days of the car computer systems. Back then it was as simple as changing out the chip in the computer, but the chip has been done away with a long time ago. Now it’s a matter of installing a program with new data and information for the computer to interpret. Not as simple as changing a carburetor or putting in a different size cam. These days it’s all about the electronics.

Just the other day a guy called and told me he has this special computer flash program that he bought to modify his diesel engine. “All you’re supposed to do is download this software into the car’s computer, but every time I hook it up it says there is no communication with the car,” he told me, “But, I had it checked at another shop and they said their computer will talk to the car. They told me to call you and see if you can make my stuff work.” Now, I’m not the kind of mechanic who would pass up a challenge, but I think this guy has a problem with his aftermarket device, and it might be wise to go back to the company he bought it from and see if their little gizmo is having some issues. (Seen this before, been there, done that.)

Whether it’s a chain welded onto the car with a padlock attached because the door locks quit, or a computer modification that might end up as a malfunction it all leaves me just shaking my head sometimes. But my all-time favorite rigged up repair has to be the guy who used an old fashion horn button mounted on top of his brake pedal. This guy had two wires hooked to this horn button and taped them to the brake pedal support arm which traveled up to the factory brake light wires. So, when he put his foot on the button and mashed down on the pedal he could apply the brakes and the brake lights at the same time. Crude, but ingenious. That one made me giggle for sure.

I have to admire the people out there who have thought through a problem and found a way to rig up something that gets the job done without heading down to the local repair shop or parts store. However, as a professional mechanic, I can’t justify repairing anything that way. It’s just not the way it’s supposed to be done. Problems are repaired and diagnosed with a factory manual that explains not only how the system works, but the proper procedures to make the appropriate repairs. When it comes to these home grown modifications on the other hand, all bets are off.

Somehow, someway these home grown engineered cars with all their whatchamacallits and thingamajigs still managed to do the one thing the owner was really after, and that’s to keep their rigged up rigs runnin’ down the road. That is, until it messes up, then it’s off to a professional shop to solve the problem. Will there be some new doohickey added onto a car next week or next year that I haven’t seen before? Oh, you can bet there will be.

Keys, what are they good for?
I’m all for technology, especially any technology that makes life easier. Like keyless entry and push button starting systems, just to name a few. As we move further into the ever advancing technology, certain things of mechanical nature will be lost to electronics. Fewer cars are being manufactured that still have keys. Some only have a key fob and no metal or brass back up key at all, and soon you won’t even need those key fobs either. Everything will be programmed and controlled by your smart phone. Yep, one more thing the smart phone has taken over.

What about the poor old lonely key? I guess it’s gone the way of the bench seat and wing windows. Instead of a polished piece of brass, with its saw toothed notches, the key is being replaced by a bits of plastic and a few microchips.

Before the car key fades off into distant memory into the archives of a forgotten age, and ending up under glass cases as some museum attraction, I’d like to salute our faithful old friend, the key, for all the things it has done for us.

We’ve reached a stage in technology that the simple act of turning a mechanical lock can been replaced by RF signals and a few electrons. Though the versatile car key has done so much more for us than turning locks. Oh sure, you can say the same thing about your smart phone, but can a smart phone, or one of those funny looking key fobs, double as a bottle opener? Probably not. Then again, a key might poke ya in your pocket, but it can’t butt dial your ex-girlfriend.

Who hasn’t used their keys to dig in their ears, or used it to scratch an itch? I can’t imagine using a key fob to tighten a loose screw, but the good old key always came in handy for that. You could use a key to pry the lid off a paint can or scrape the ick out of the crevices of a console, and it came in handy for digging out that stuck change in the vending machines, too. Let’s not forget to mention the key’s sidekicks, you know, all those dangly items that people attach to their key rings that do nothing more than weigh them down. Where are all those things going to go now? No keys, no key ring, no more dangly whatchamacallits for the mechanic to sort through to find the ignition key. I don’t think you’re going to attach them to the side of your cell phone any time soon.

Of course, there is one thing that a lot of people would love to see disappear: those nasty scrape marks left when somebody keys your car. I seriously doubt anyone would try to drag a cell phone across a car in the hopes of creating the same degree of damage. Most likely the cell phone would end up with just as many scrape marks as the car would. I guess that’s justice in a way.
Now of course, a key will eventually wear out, but so does the phone. The key can be recopied, but the copy is only as good as what it’s copied from. When a phone wears out or is damage, there’s a possibility of never retrieving all the information stored in it. One of those bits of data might be your cars security coding. Awe, shucks, looks like a trip to the dealer for you. At least with a key ya might have been able to jiggle, wiggle and eventually get it to start the car. You can jiggle and wiggle that phone all you want, but I don’t think it’s going to help.

I don’t want to leave out the bulbous key fobs that a lot of the imports have gone to either. However, when it comes to these key fobs, I can’t think of any suitable second purpose they’ll ever have in their lifetime. Not like the humble key with its thousands and thousands of uses. Sure, the smart phone has thousands of uses, but when the key breaks off in the lock you’re just locked out. When your smart phone locks you out, you’re locked out of everything.

Thinking back to my high school days I can remember using a car key to carve my name in the gym’s pay phone booth, (Yep, a real wooden pay phone booth. Mine wasn’t the only name scratched into those old wooden panels, generations of names were in there). Who would have ever thought that in the future a phone booth and your keys would both fit into your shirt pocket. Hard to believe, ain’t it? I kind of miss the squeak of the door and how the light would flicker on and off just before it would finally give off its dim fluorescent glow. It wasn’t a whole lot of light, but you could read the names in the phone book with it easily enough. These days ya just reach for your smart phone and turn the flashlight feature on. Oh, phone books? It’s in the smart phone already. Not quite the same nostalgic atmosphere as the old phone booth though.

While being around for decades, the humble key was far more useful than just for starting the car. I’m sure it won’t entirely go away, but for the car, it might be on its last turn of the lock. No more bar fights with a car key as a weapon, no more of the traditional tossing of the keys when your teenager gets their first car, and no more making a spare copy of grandma’s car keys just in case she can’t remember where she put them. All that will soon be history, a last turn of the lock; now just push a button. Throw away the key, because it just won’t be needed anymore. I say, “Long Live the Key”. I know what it’s good for.

Ctrl-Alt-Del

How many times have you been working on the computer when it suddenly locked up? Not one single key or command works, and the more you click the less it responds. The only thing left to do is hold down those three magic keys, “Ctrl-Alt-Del” or shut the whole thing off and restart the computer. Chances are you’ve just lost whatever it was you’ve been working on. (Been there, done that.)

Computers, they are a fact of life anymore. They’re everywhere and into everything. They have their problems, but at least there are ways of getting some things back up and running.

As far as cars, well they’ve had computers in them for years, decades actually. These days, with the advent of multiple computer systems crammed under the dash and hood, it was just a matter of time before communication between the modules was going to be an issue. The inevitable lock up of the cars computer is not too far off from what you experience with your personal laptop… almost that is.

This communication breakdown is usually because of some corrupted information being passed from one module to the next. How that corrupted information got in there is still a mystery to me. I’ve run across a few common issues, like changing a battery, loose battery clamps, jump starting another car, or when somebody buys some gizmo that plugs into the ALDL. Seen it, dealt with it, and had to find a way to solve these problems.

Sometimes, it’s a matter of reflashing the latest greatest software into one of the modules. Sometimes, the component is too far gone and a replacement module has to be installed, reprogrammed, and reconfigured. Ya just never know, or at least I don’t until I’m in there checking things out. Often times, I find a solution to the issues, but I’m still left with more questions, and the questions are sometimes more bizarre than the solution.

For instance, this 2013 Ford that came in with no radio, no A/C and the air bag light on. Not a single button or knob on the touch screen did anything at all, although you could change the volume and select limited stations from the steering wheel controls. Oh, and the A/C was stuck on MAX hot air with the blower on high speed. (Real nice when its 95 in the shop already. But it is what it is.)

Doing a full scan on the car led to 3 codes. One for the air bag, one for the radio, and one for the HVAC. Might as well start somewhere, the air bag seemed to me to be a good place. I looked up the definition of the code. U0422 “invalid serial data”, but the code description left me even more puzzled it read, “This is not a failure. This is only to report that the RCM received a missing or invalid message from another module.” So, what you’re telling me (talking to myself, as if I’m talking to the engineers that wrote the code description), is that the air bag is fine, but it’s tattle-telling on somebody else (one of the other modules), but you’re not going to tell me who. What’s that all about? I guess I’ll have to play a game of hide and seek with the other modules. This guy (the air bag module) ain’t helping at all.

Both the radio and the A/C had “U” codes stored for loss of communication. Well, like if that wasn’t a surprise. Nobody is talking to nobody, but the air bag knows something and he ain’t tellin’! Good grief, I thought codes were supposed to be a direction to a repair not a gossip line! Seeing how I’ve never run across this problem before, my thoughts were to read every line, every link, and every note on the two other “U” codes in the diagnostic and description pages, and see where this hide and seek game leads. Maybe, they’ll cough up some answers, not like that stingy air bag that seems to know, but ain’t tellin’.

After reading page after page of diagnostic information, which seemed to all start with, “Remove and check connections for powers and grounds”. (I was trying to ignore this. I mean come on, we’re in the computer age. We’ve got communication lines, use ‘em! Talk to each other, ya bunch of electrons!) After reading the umpteenth page, I think I found something that might be just that tid bit of information I needed to know. The sentence in the diagnostic tree read: “If none of the buttons work, disconnect the battery for 5 minutes, then re-attach the battery connections and re-start the vehicle. Within 10 seconds, touch any button on the FCIM, (Front Controls Integrated Module. A rather fancy name for the touch screen don’t ya think? Yea like, I’m going to ask the wife while we’re driving down the road, “Could you adjust the FCIM, it’s a bit chilly in here.”), after releasing the button, the FCIM will go into a re-calibration and initialization procedure. This may take a few minutes. If the buttons fail to work after this procedure, replace the FCIM.”

All I can say is this better work. I left the battery disconnected for the recommended 5 minutes then followed the rest of the directions in the diagnostic chart. The screen went blank and a computer progress bar appeared that slowly went from left to right. Then the message “Calibration complete” displayed. Low and behold, everything works again! Yippee! Even that tattle-telling air bag light is off! The wonders of modern computer technology! I cleared all the codes while I sat in the comfort of the cool breeze from the air conditioner pondering what just occurred. Unbelievable, who could have imagined such a complicated scenario of events in a car just a few decades ago. But a result is a result that ends with a happy customer (and me too) for doing nothing more than, “Ctrl-Alt-Del” automotive style.

Yep, I pretty much did the same thing I do with the laptop, just reboot and all the previous mishaps have vanished and forgotten about. The only thing is, I wish the info about “Ctrl-Alt-Del” would have been put on the first page of the diagnostics, and not buried amongst pages and pages of “rip this out, scan this, and check that”. Somebody needs to talk to that air bag module though! Nobody likes a tattle-taler, so quit that and just spill the beans, fella!

For an old timer like myself who’s been at this car repair thing for a long time, I often wonder what the next generation of mechanics are going to be up against when it comes to solving problems on future cars. They’ll still need those wrenches and screwdrivers that’s for sure, but they’ll also need even more knowledge on computers when wrenchin’ ain’t going to solve the problem.

Oh, how cars have changed. But, those weird problems still exist even in the modern automotive world. “Different, but the same”, is the way I like to say it. No wrenches needed, just a bit of computer geekdom, and an entirely different approach to solving problems.

Temper – Temper

The front office door swings wide and a mom holds it open for her son who is carrying in a steering column. The column is out of her sons little S-10. From the general appearance of the column it looked like somebody was trying awfully hard to steal the little truck. Everything was distorted and bent out of shape. The steering wheel was even bent, and the horn pad looked like someone had taken an ax to the center of it. There was hardly a part of the steering column that wasn't damaged in some way or form.

“My husband tried to change the turn signal switch but couldn't figure out how to get it off,” the mom tells me.

“Yea, I brought another column with us if you could use the parts off of it to fix this one,” the son said while sitting the bent column on its steering wheel in front of me.

“So what actually happened here? I see the turn signal switch is still in place but the whole column looks like it went through a war zone. Is this a theft recovery?” I asked.

No it wasn't stolen, it was dad. Seems dad had the idea he could fix it, and wasn't going to let some little steering column kick his butt. He had seen it done a number of times and even watched a video on how to do it. But it looked like the column was way beyond repair; at this point I’m thinking that good old dad didn't know what a non-mangled steering column looked like... if he would have known, he probably would have just replaced it instead of trying to bring this bent up piece of junk back to life.

The key was still hanging out of the ignition as the column sat on the counter; even though the column was bent and contorted completely out of shape it did somewhat remind of the leaning tower of Pisa with a lot of pieces missing. While the ticket was being filled out I reached for a pocket screwdriver and removed the key and tumbler so that I could install it into the other column. The look on the sons face was pure shock as to how easy it was to remove the key and tumbler.

“Dad worked on getting that key and tumbler out for hours, look mom he took it out with a pocket screwdriver,” the surprised young man said to his mom.

The son brought in the replacement column. It had all the correct parts in place and was in fairly good shape except for a problem with the hazard switch. (Pretty much what was wrong with the other turn signal switch) It too had the ignition key hanging out of it so I showed the young lad how to push in the retaining button and remove the key and tumbler.

Mom was pretty impressed and had a big smile on her face as she watched her son maneuver the key and tumbler into the replacement column.

“The tow truck was right behind us with my sons little truck. How soon can you have all of this back together?” she asked.

“Oh, a couple of hours should do it if I don't run into any problems. I'll change out the turn signal switch with the new one you brought since the replacement column has the hazard switch broken off of it too,” I told her, “But how in the world did the original column get in such bad shape if it wasn't from a theft?”

It was dad, good old dad had been working on the little trucks steering column all weekend and had finally given up on repairing it. Mom went on to tell me the whole story.

“He came inside the house, grabbed a beer and mumbled something about a sledge hammer. He headed back out to the garage and came back out with a hatchet. He was determined to get it apart no matter what. We all watched as he proceeded to go ballistic on the little truck. The next thing I know he was a cussin' and a smackin' that steering column. Parts we're a flying everywhere and that steering column still wouldn't budge for him. He kept at it until he was too tired to swing the hatchet one more time and then he just gave up, sat down next to the truck and drank his beer,” she told me while trying to hold back the laughter.

The son had that look of agreement on his face as if this was nothing new with good old dad when it came to something he didn't understand.

“Dad always tries to fix things around the house and after he gets done breaking things up pretty good mom will take over and save the day,” the young lad told me.

When I finally got to see the little truck you could tell somebody was really having a go at destroying that steering column. With a few marks in the headliner and some obvious missed blows whacking the dash panel there was no doubt he had made up his mind that the steering wheel and the column was going to come off one way or another.

The install was no big deal, luckily it was an old enough truck that there was no security system to worry about or any air bag system installed on it. Just bolt it back up, line up the shaft and put all the trim back together. (The trim needed a little TLC though)

With the replacement column (which was untouched by good old dad) and the original key and tumbler installed the repair was done in no time at all. I gave the mom a call and a few hours later the boy had his truck back on the road again.

“I told my husband his temper was going to get him, and it sure did this time. He's really a sweet guy, but you should see what he does with plumbing... we keep that number handy at all times.” (Chuckling as if this was nothing new with the family.) “I guess it's a male ego thing or something. He's really sorry about it all, just can't seem to get it through his thick head that he doesn't know everything.” she told me.

The son then tells me, “Yea, I don't think he's going to try that again.”

“Ma'am you know it would have been a lot cheaper if you would have brought it to me before it was torn apart,” I told her.

She knew that already, but like I said, it seems to be the norm at their house. Let dad have a whack at it first until his temper gets the best of him and then call the pros. Well what can ya say, he tried, he failed, and he took more than a few whacks at it… chalk it up to a lesson learned I guess.

The mom backed up sons comment that “dad” has sworn off car repair forever, and wasn't about to try anything remotely like auto mechanics ever again. Well, time will tell about that... temper, temper mister... why don't you take up basket weaving, model ship building, or perhaps some yoga. Maybe it’s time for a mountain retreat to work out your aggression's. One thing is for sure fella; your mechanical expertise is just one big hatchet job. Do me a favor there … “dad”… have another beer…………… but don't mess with the cars anymore OK?

This next story is dedicated to my two lovely daughters. Amanda Sue and Katrina Lee ... They reminded me about this lady sometime ago and told me I should write this story for them... enjoy...

The Bird Lady

This lady was weird. Hmm, not a great way to start a story now is it.

But, it’s true. This lady was a weird as it gets. The name “bird lady” was actually from my daughters. They nicknamed this gal after a couple of trips to the shop to see what old dad was up too.

On many occasions that the girls would come to visit good old dad during working hours, this car would be at the shop. There were always bird cages in the back seat, feathers everywhere, and bird droppings all over the place. Turns out, that the lady owned an exotic pet store somewhere in town. She never carried a purse it was always a “Wal-Mart” plastic shopping bag. She dressed like a bag lady, most of the time in a funky 80’s style coat with a frumpy crochet hat with kaleidoscope colors. To talk to this lady made you wonder if she wasn’t coo-coo herself, always off in her own little world, all by her lonesome.

She would come in on a regular basis to have general maintenance done. Oil change one day; check the tire pressure on another trip, so on and so on. One particular time in the shop she was there to have a leaking valve cover gasket replaced. She waited up front in the lobby while we finished the job in the shop. Most of the time she was too nervous to just sit and wait for the work to be done. She would wander around the lobby looking at things or pop in and out of the door checking on her car... this time she just sat there.

As I walked through the front office for something I noticed her sitting there in the lobby reading a book while crunching down on pieces of raw spaghetti noodles. You could hear the crunch from a block away. Crunch, crunch, crunch, went the noodles, as if it was an automatic reflex with her. She would start off with a full length piece and then would quickly munch it down to nothing. Over and over again she would do this.

I just shook my head and went back to the business at hand. Soon we had the work completed and I went up front to finish out the invoice.

You know, it’s impolite to ask people what they are doing munching on noodles like that. I’m no doctor or chef… but this can’t be good for you.

I just had to ask, “What’s with the noodles, you seem to like them.”

“Oh, I’m on a diet,” she said, “It keeps my mind off of eating and I feel full all the time then. Works great, I haven’t put on a pound since I started this.”

Had to ask, “So when did you start this diet?”

“Today.” She answered.

OK then, ....I’ll just finish this invoice and send this lady back to her little nest. I really don’t want to ask her anymore questions. Oh, I’ve got plenty, but, I ain’t asking.

“Would you like to try it?” She asked me.

“No,… no, that’s OK,” I told her, “I’m fine, wife and I are having spaghetti tonight. Thanks for asking though.”

I told this story to my wife when I got home. She couldn’t place the lady’s face until I mentioned that this is the lady the girls called the bird lady.

I think the nickname fits. If you could have seen this spaghetti eating champ at work… you would have thought she had gone to the birds too.

Old is New

What’s the main reason for trading in that old piece of iron with four wheels? Hands down, its repair costs. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone come into the repair shop and tell me, “Oh, I think I’m going to sell my car this week. I’m not happy with the color.” Excluding the obvious reasons for getting rid of your iron steed, such as it was in an accident and is beyond repair, company cars, and leased vehicles or over worked rentals. That stills leaves a large number of cars simply traded in for untold reasons. Chances are it’s because something needed repaired and the previous owner didn’t want to deal with it.

So, how did most of these cars end up needing such costly repairs? Number one, lack of maintenance. Number two, lack of expertise in repairing and maintaining them, or a combination of both. Then again, you could have just forgotten to have the car checked out on a regular basis. You might be one of those people who have never read the section in the owner’s manual under “scheduled maintenance”, or assume that maintenance consists of filling the fuel tank up when it’s on empty, and you shouldn’t have to worry about your car until that little light comes on.

But, like a lot of procrastinators, when you finally get around to an oil change and the mechanic comes back with a list of repairs you need to have done, you’re taken aback and can’t imagine how the car you drove into the shop is now in need of such major surgery. Depending on the situation you could be rather calm about it and realize he’s just there to help you, or you could be like the crazed lane swapper who flew by you on the turnpike and consider it a bogus up sell scam and blow the guy off.

Let’s just suppose we’re one of those crazed lane changers who just zooms from here to there with no care as to the condition of the car and see how this scenario plays out at the repair shop. Time passes, maybe a month or two, and sure enough those motor mounts and lower control arm bushing you were warned about have now turned your car into a swimming fish on the highway. However, you’ve let it go and considered the whole thing as “it’s just an old car”. Suddenly one morning while pulling out of the garage, you hear a loud bang as you put it into reverse. Then, a cloud of vapor spews from under the hood. You shrug it off, and head on to work, already running late.

On the way to work you notice the air conditioning isn’t coming on. Now that ranks up there in importance as much as the radio. Better get it into the repair shop, because we all know the air conditioning is way more important than all that stuff the mechanic told you about.

You make an appointment at a different repair shop, (of course) because the first one was rude and tried to up sell you a bunch of things you didn’t need. This ‘new’ shop is unaware of the other issues. All you said to them was, “The air conditioning isn’t working, and I saw smoke coming from under the hood.”

The repair shop checks under the hood. “Well, there’s your problem,” one technicians says to another. The front motor mount has completely sheared off, the rear mount is hanging on by a thread, and the upper wishbone mount is completely useless. As the motor rocked back and forth it eventually snapped the aluminum lines to the air conditioning.

The shop calls the customer and asked if they kept any records from previous repairs, which of course, they do. That would be the jumbled and crumbled pile of papers stuffed into the glove box. Nice…. Eventually, the mechanic finds the invoice showing the declined work and even more news about the lower control arm bushings being bad.

Now, avoiding any regular maintenance and advice from the previous shop has just raised a dilemma. Make these costly repairs…or sell it? At this point, when I’m behind the counter, I hear things like, “If I fix this you know something else is going to wrong.” or “What’s the car going to be worth after I put all this money into it?”, or “Do only part of the repair, ‘cause I’m not going to keep the car very much longer.” And the granddaddy of them all, “I can get it done cheaper down the street.”

Think of it this way, your personal safety and the wellbeing of the people who ride in your car is at the fate of the cheapest made products that in some resemblance bears the likeness of a good quality component. Then, you’re going to have a second rate repair shop perform the repair. Instead of putting your trust into a qualified and certified repair person, who more than likely has a higher labor rate than the rocket scientist you’re planning on taking your car to, you’re willing to risk the safety of others based on your pocket book. What you should be doing is asking, “So what’s the game plan here? What do I need to do right now, and what can wait on and I save up for? I’m trusting you (the shop and the mechanic) to take care of my car.”

The question is: Is this car destined to be an old new car, or is it going to be a used car with problems? Most anything can be maintained and/or repaired back to a new driving condition. There are limitations of course. I’ve seen so many cars being tossed away by their owners due to the costs of repairs. Such as an engine swap or for as little as HID headlights that need replaced. Things do wear out and do need servicing. But, if the maintenance is done on time and every time, and any issues as serious as a new engine that do arise it’s still cheaper than a new car off the show room floor.

Aside from poor workmanship, which is usually associated with cheaper repair shops and cheap parts, a car can be kept in working condition long after the last payment is made. The problem I’ve seen over the years is not too many people are willing to keep up with the maintenance, or worse yet, waste their hard earned repair dollars at those cheaper shops with poor results.

When our friend, the crazed lane changer deems his car beyond repair, its destiny is to the used car lot or auction. Then, it picks up a few new parts and a bit of polish, and is given the new title of program car, pre-owned vehicle or like one used car lot calls them, “Experienced autos”. But, even then you can’t expect it to work like new without doing the maintenance.

All cars are used once they leave the show room. See your local professional mechanic; they can make it right. Old is new when it’s repaired correctly.

Back in the Future

Who remembers carburetors? Or, the first years of fuel injection systems? How about the first cars with computers in them? They all seem old news these days. In fact, the modern car has far surpassed those early attempts of bringing the family car into the future of modern electronics. Back then, it was futuristic, stupendous, and more than a little intimidating to the old school mechanics of the time. That’s where advanced training brought everyone up to speed.

I’ve been around long enough to see all these changes, and have had to adapt my personal “expertise” to those ever changing systems just to stay up with what the customers are bringing in for repairs. As one customer told me, “It’s like going back in the future of old car technology when you work on those older models.” I’d have to agree. Working on those early systems takes an entirely different diagnostic approach than the modern car.

Today’s cars require a lot more diagnostic time and varied equipment to perform some of the basic and essential tasks that a few tweaks of wrench used to do. For example: “Cam to Crank correlation” or “Passenger presence reset” never existed years ago. But, now it’s as common place to program or calibrate engine and/or body components as it was to adjust the idle on a carburetor. These calibrations or programming issues can either be in regards to getting the car to run correctly, or to get a system such as the air bags to operate without having that silly service light glowing back at ya.

Even with all these modern tools, techniques, and scanners there are still things that happen because of some previous work improperly done. The difference is how the computers in the modern car interpret those incorrect parts or faulty workmanship. In the past, without computers getting in the way, things either worked or they didn’t, but now the communication between the different control modules can lead to entirely different circumstances than I think the engineers could have ever anticipated. Sometimes a signal blocks the entire data stream and the car won’t start or multiple systems won’t work. Other times it’s a battery drain brought on by plugging the wrong connector into the wrong socket.

In years past I’ve had cars come in from body shops, or off the street right after a customer bought it, and a different rear hatch or door was installed. Now something related to that hatch or door isn’t working. Could be the brake lights, or a power window, or anything else connected to the replacement piece. 9 chances out of 10 the door or hatch fits perfectly, painted perfectly, and closes or opens just like it’s supposed to. But, the wiring harness in the door is different. It’s usually a part off a different year or a vehicle equipped with a different option package.

The last one was a ‘06 Chevy 3500 with the wrong door on the d. side. The customer didn’t bring it in because the door was wrong, he brought it in because the battery kept going dead overnight. The problem was the door wiring. It had an earlier model door on it, but whoever installed and painted the door made the assumption since the door connected to the service box all was good. Not a chance. The power window would work, but the wiring and terminal positions for the door ajar and door speaker were completely different. Thus, the BCM never saw a signal that the door was ever opened. This left the radio on, and worse yet, there was a crossed up signal through the speaker wiring, causing the BCM to never allow the system to go into its sleep mode.

Now, that same kind of problem wouldn’t have happened on a truck 10 or 20 years older. They didn’t use a computer to determine the door position, just a jam switch. But, ya can’t dwell on the way it was done in the past; ya gotta get back in the future with the scanner to check these systems. These older models are nothing like today’s models. Needless to say, today’s mechanic (and bodyshop techs) have to be more aware of the complexities of the various systems, and not assume it’s correct, “Cause it fits”.

The modern vehicle is more computer than ever before. Now with the hybrids and full electric vehicles getting more and more popular, I’m sure there will be many issues for modern technicians to deal with. And, let’s not forget about the autonomous car. Just wait until they’re in the mainstream of the repair shop and body shops.

The days of the stereotypical high school dropout who starts pumping gas and eventually starts turning wrenches is all but a memory. The job and the qualification for the modern mechanic is more of a college graduate with a PHD than the stereotypical grease monkey. Times are changing, and so are the challenges in the automotive repair industry. It takes a lot more than wrenches and hanging parts to fix these modern cars.

Whenever I’m asked by someone whether or not their son or daughter should take up the trade of auto repair I tell them, “Absolutely, if they like cars that’s even better, but liking cars and working on them are two different subjects entirely.” What I find is most start up mechanics are basing their skill levels on cars from years past. Most of the paying customers who come into today’s repair shops have long given up, and have purchased those cars with newer technologies in them. I commend anybody who likes working on cars and has had experience on the older models, but if you really want to be a modern mechanic... ya need to get back in the future.

7 Years of Bad Luck

Black cats, a rabbits foot, a 4 leaf clover, the number 13, avoiding stepping on cracks, and always take the driver’s front tire off first. Ok, I’ve heard most of these superstitions, but the tire thing? What’s that all about? Well, there are some of us mechanics who have a few superstitions just like baseball players, sailors and the like. A lot of mechanics won’t admit it, or don’t think they are superstitious, but we all know you are.

Whether it’s a lucky screwdriver, a special place you always lay the air ratchet, or maybe how you organize your tool box there’s bound to be something in the way of a superstition somewhere among that pile of tools. Shy of calling out the witchdoctors to dance clockwise around a car while carrying a dead chicken and chanting some sort of low baritone incantation before every diagnostic procedure, I think it’s safe to say there are more than a few superstitions in the of auto repair biz.

I’m not one to think I’m even the least bit superstitious (knock on wood). I just don’t believe in that stuff, because I’m not superstitious. OK, OK, my wife says I am, and points out my flaws all the time, even if I won’t admit it. For instance, I won’t start a car after I’ve done a bunch of work on the engine, unless I’ve left at least one tool under the hood. After it’s started and checked out, then and only then will I pick up all my tools. Superstitious, you say? Maybe, or it could be because even after I’ve put everything back together something may or may not be as perfect as it should be. At least then, when I have to redo something, all the tools are still right where they need to be. But, you can bet even if I finished a job and I know everything is right, I’m still going to leave at least one tool under there … just in case.

I’ve watched techs nervously cross their fingers or keep their eyes shut while turning the key for the first time on a new motor they just rebuilt. (Usually followed by a sigh of relief and a couple of Yahoo’s! or the other, and we all know what that would be.) Or the guy who would never put a car in his service bay when the car color had the same first letter of that day of the week. (Totally weird. He eventually quit, and now works on forklifts instead. Yellow is a good color for him.) I once worked with a tech who wouldn’t start a repair unless he had a pocket screwdriver, for fear it would jinx him without it. It didn’t matter if he was just changing a battery or scanning for codes, that pocket screwdriver had to be in his pocket. As a joke, a couple of us hid all this guy’s pocket screwdrivers, and then watched him beg and plead to borrow one. Cruel, but it was still pretty funny anyway.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a full moon, a rainy day, a black cat that just walked across your service bay, or perhaps the color of the car there’s bound to be one guy or gal who has some premonition that something isn’t going to go right for them. Why, I’ve even heard of some mechanics (and shops) that won’t answer the shop phone if it rings the very second they unlock the doors. They’ll let somebody else get it or wait for them to call back. I guess they don’t want to start their day off with a complaint, or they just think it’s bad luck to do so. Nevertheless, it’s still sounds like a superstition to me. From the gardener to the baker everybody and every trade has their own superstitions.

We’ve probably all heard of the baseball players who won’t change their socks, or wear the same jersey during a play off, or football players who always have to tap the sign over the door as they go onto the field. It’s just one more of those wacky superstitions that keep showing up. Even the golfing great Jack Nicklaus had his own superstitions. He wouldn’t play unless he had three pennies in his left pocket during a round of golf. Sailors used to watch the sky, and if it was red in the morning, sailor take warning. Then there is the old “knock on wood” that to this day I still see people do. Superstitious? Sure, or perhaps a quirky habit? Who’s to say? Then again, it might just be to what degree we carry our personal superstitions in public that separates us from the completely insane or just being a little wacky. Except for breaking a mirror. That might really be 7 years of bad luck. I broke one about 5 years ago and the wife still hasn’t left me off the hook for it.

So how superstitious are you? I’ve consulted my horoscope and it says today is a good day for you to tell all. So alrighty then, all you mechanics and technicians out there or anyone else for that matter, let’s hear your superstitions. If you don’t have one then let’s hear about the guy in the next service bay. (That way we won’t know … it’s actually you.)

Reverse Opposites

Lots of cars come into a repair shop for one specific problem, but before the car is even in the service bay the customer will say, “Since you (or the short version, “Sinchya”) have the car here, could you do “XXX” repair too?” Sometimes it might be a related problem, but most of the time it’s something far removed from the original issue. Now, unexcitingly, the mechanic has to reverse gears and setup to look at this “By the way” issue. It is almost always completely opposite from the original problem, requiring totally different tools and testing methods.

For instance, the car may come in for a routine brake job, but they’ll ask, “Sinchya got it here, could you take a look at the rear speakers that are making a load crackling sound when the radio is turned up full blast.” Or, when a customer asks if they could swing by so you can fix their power outlet while they run a few errands. You’re busy, but you slide it in between jobs. Just about the time you’re putting away the tools . . . the phone rings. It’s the car owner, “By the way, could you look at the emergency brake while you got it there?”

The mechanic answers, “No problem sir.” Although the car that’s on the lift either has to be finished or moved off, so he can get his up in the air, and of course… he’s in a hurry. Ya just never know what that “Sinchya” or “By the way” might turn out to be. I can’t imagine somebody asking their doctor to add some other procedure, while they’re in the surgery room and he’s just about to close up a delicate operation, but cars are different and most mechanics are used to the added work. That is, as long as the customer realizes adding more “Sinchya’s” also means additional costs.

These “Sinchya’s” work two ways, though. Every now and then a car comes in for one repair, and it’s the mechanic who finds something else wrong. Now the mechanic has to ask, “By the way, sinchya got it here we should take care of “XXX” problem too.”

Granted, bringing your car by for a quick wiper blade change only to find out there’s a hole in the radiator may not fit into your schedule, but what do you do? Deal with it and get it fixed, but it’s probably the opposite of what you had planned to do with your afternoon.

These reverse opposites can come in all kinds of forms too. Sometimes it’s the car that throws the curve ball into the game. Say, the car is in for a scheduled repair and the technician lowers the driver’s window, but the window track or cable is faulty. Or, let’s say you need the charging system checked, and as the mechanic makes the turn into the service bay the CV snaps. You might be saying, “Oh, that would never happen. You’re making that up.” You’d be wrong, because I’ve seen both. Now…to tell the customer all about this new... unrelated... and sometimes costly repair so they can drive the car home again. You know, “Sinchya you’re here and all…”

On the flip side of those situations there’s the ever present scenario when a customer picks up their car, and immediately calls back saying something that wasn’t a problem has now become a problem. It could be a major issue, or it could be as little as to why did somebody move the floor mat. Ya just never know. Let’s face it, mistakes happen on both sides of the service counter, and cars, new or old, can have some sort of failure lurking in the background just waiting for their chance to pop up.

Take the time a guy brought a car in and wanted to find out why his park lights kept blowing a fuse. He had already tore apart most everything inside of the car, as well as the trunk. The owner couldn’t find it, so it’s up to the repair shops now. The problem was found in no time, and just to be courteous the mechanic took it upon himself to reinstall all the trim as well as the center console at no additional charge to the customer. The customer picked up their car, paid the bill, and was off with a smile. Two weeks later, the same customer is back at the service counter. But, with a completely opposite attitude about his car and the service provided.

The headlights aren’t working now, and of course… it’s the mechanic’s fault. Then, just to make sure that everyone knew that it was all due to the mechanic’s inability to do his job, he added that when the mechanic reinstalled the console he trapped the driver’s seat belt under it. Talk about a complete opposite and reversal of attitudes! Sure mistakes happen, and it could be a result of the last work that was done, but seriously, there’s better ways of handling things, ya know.

My only question is, when the guy originally picked up the car did he not put his seat belt on, let alone avoided driving after dark for two weeks? If it was a problem at the time he picked the car up, why didn’t he just walk back up to the service counter and mention something about the seat belt then?

Or let’s take the scenario of a drivability test for example. The technician grabs the keys and heads out for a long stretch of open highway for a test drive. Within a mile or so those red lights start flashing in his rearview mirror. It looks like the state trooper wants to talk to the mechanic.

The officer walks up to the driver’s window and says, “Did you know your tag has expired? In fact it’s been expired for over two years.” Now seriously, mechanics have to test drive cars all the time and seldom does he/she ever think about whether the tag is up to date.

Considering the fact the customer just drove it up to the shop why would you even assume it wasn’t legal for the road? Mind you, if it’s some sort of car that’s been in moth balls for years, there’s a good chance you might take a gander at the license plate. But, do ya think anything was ever a mentioned to the service writer that the car didn’t have a current tag? Probably not. This is one of those times when the mechanic wishes the reverse would have happened. You know, let the customer get pulled over instead. But, luckily opposites do attract as they say. The customer called the next day and said they just got pulled over too. He thought it was funny, I thought the opposite.

Complaints and problems can come from any direction and from anyone that’s involved. The lack of information and the lack of understanding of how problems crop up are all part of this job. Now, if somebody could ever figure out a way to reverse the opposites before the opposites become the reverse of progress... let me know.

Cars with Baggage

What kind of driver comes to mind when someone mentions a car by name? Say, a little sporty run about, a 4WD monster truck, or maybe a fuel saving hybrid? Most people will have their own subconscious picture of what the driver may look or act like. Of course, the mechanics who service these fuel sucking pavement pounders have their own opinions of the various styles and configurations of cars, as well as their drivers. In some cases, a completely different view than the average guy on the street, and not necessarily for styling or mechanical reasons, either.

Ask an owner of a Jaguar what they think of their car, and they’ll likely tell you how smooth it handles, or how it rides down the road, or the purr of the motor. One customer told me what he loved the most about his XJ6 was the sound the door latch made. But, ask any mechanic with an RO handed to him that says, “Replace both rear in-board rotors”, and I’m pretty sure you’ll see an Elvis lip snarl start to curl, and probably a few indignant words for the engineers who designed it. Whether or not the impressions of the styling or the mechanicals is your bag, somebody else may have a different opinion than you.

Of course, there are the ever present egotistical impressions the mechanic and the consumer will have for certain breeds of cars and their owners. For example, “What is your first impression of the vehicle and its driver when someone mentions an air cooled VW bus from the 60’s or 70’s?” Did you think bank president or perhaps a police officer? Probably not. More than likely you had visions of tie dyed t-shirts, Woodstock, and some odd smelling smoke billowing out of the driver’s window. Now, ask the same question to a mechanic. Most mechanics will probably think of all the typical types of repairs needed. Some may think of how the engine comes out, others may recall how ridiculously underpowered these rolling billboards were, and how most of them needed a good downhill run (without any cross winds) to get up to speed. (Disclaimer: I used to own a ’74 VW camper van, affectionately named “Pumpkin”. Yeah, it was orange).

No doubt there are a lot of cars out there that have their own quirks and guffaws, but have truly become a part of our cultural history. The Yugo for one (and a few others) has such a line of baggage associated with it that it’s hard for anyone to think there might still be something good to say about them. Of course opinions vary, but the Yugo jokes seem to last longer than the car did. One of my favorites: A Yugo owner walks up to the parts counter and asked, “I’d like to get a new starter for my Yugo.” The parts guy says, “Sounds like a fair trade to me.”

Sometimes that extra baggage or quirky impression associated with a certain model or car can have a lasting effect on your childhood as well. The old “punch bug” game for example, made a lot of our family trips rather entertaining. Well, maybe not so much for my little brother. Ah yes, out on the open highway in the family car bashing your little brother in the arm. I’m sure that left an impression.

Advertising and public opinion have just as much to do with all of this, as well as the actual manufacturing and longevity of some of these cars. If you drive a hybrid or electric car you’re more than likely labeled as a “tree hugger” or, if you drive an SUV you must be one of those “soccer moms”. It’s all a matter of how or what is associated with the various models. However, some of these associated baggage guffaws started before the first car ever rolled off the assembly line. You have to wonder sometimes what those executives were thinking to even consider putting some of these cars together. And, for some cars, it earmarked them for eternity. Think “Edsel”, and what comes to mind?

Several years ago I had a regular customer who dreamed of someday owning a new Cadillac. Well, he did it. He bought a brand new… Cimarron. From a mechanic’s stand point they were about the worst excuse for a luxury car ever made. Talk about a car that carried baggage! This was one car that reeked of bad manufacturing decisions. His dream car had so many problems it wasn’t long before he traded it in on a “real” Cadillac.

The impressions and baggage some of these models carry is well deserved, while others just got a bad reputation from bad publicity or rumor control central. The Corvair had its issues, but was it all that bad for the technology of the day? It’s surprising to think a car that was supposed to be so bad and so poorly designed, was still on the assembly line for over 10 years of production. Some people hated them, some scorn their very existence, while others collected them, drove them everywhere, and still do. In fact one aircraft engineer took the concept to the extreme. He designed a full size motor home with a Corvair powerplant. Not my idea of camping. Who would want to sleep on top of the gas and oil fumes coming from an overworked 6 cyl. air cooled engine. Baggage? I’m sure there are more than a few stories to tell about family vacations in that all aluminum house on wheels. Google it, you’ll be surprised.

For some people their car is an extension of their personality. Porsche and Corvette owners are typically associated with some sort of egotistical baggage when they get behind the wheel. I find that not always true, but at times even the most prudent owner of any car can show up at the repair shop with a chip on their shoulder. But, let’s turn this around a bit. Let’s say you drive a Rolls Royce and you pull alongside a rat rod lowered to the pavement with an overly aggressive exhaust blaring out the “pop-it-a-pop” cadence of a finely tuned small block. Would you roll down the window when the driver of the rat rod asks if you’ve got any Grey Poupon? The driver of the rat rod might be your new next door neighbor…ya just never know.

We all have some sort of baggage we carry around, and it seems some of the cars we drive have their own fair share of baggage, too. Right or wrong, everybody will have their opinion, and as we head deeper into the electronically controlled vehicle age, I’m sure they’ll be even more associated baggage attached to a car, or two. Good or bad, somebody will always have an opinion.