Passing the Torch

In walk two young lads. They were told by a shop just around the corner to come see me about their 2001 Honda Accord. It had a very typical problem I run across all the time.

"I've got no park lights, nor dash lights," the young lad says.

His buddy quietly stood next to him without much to say. I knew exactly what these two had done.

"So, when did you put in the radio?" I asked.

Now, the tag along buddy comes up to the counter with a smug grin on his face, folding his arms across his chest, stares dead at his buddy and says, "He knows."

The young driver did a double take, as if he had just been caught cheating in a high school exam. He couldn't imagine how I knew he had recently installed a radio in the car just by telling me there were no park lights.

Then his giggling buddy said, "Yeah, he put it in over the weekend."

"No, no… The dash lights worked after I put the radio in, honest," said the driver, trying to sound as confident as possible.

"I'll bet you put the radio in during the day." I said.

"Yeah, so?"

"Your lights are not on during the day. How could you have known if they were working?" I said.

"Ok boys, I'll give you an option," I said with my "Father Knows Best" voice, "If you'll go pull the radio out, and then change the fuse, I'll bet your park lights will come back on. Otherwise, I'll have to charge you for my time to do it. Which is it going to be?"

"We didn't try taking the radio back out," the buddy tells the young driver.

"It's not the radio, I know it's not," the driver says.

"Ok, then its settled," I said, "I'll need the keys. You boys can wait in the lobby. I'll be right back."

The two young lads sat down in the waiting room, while I made my way to the parking lot to pull the car into the service bay. When I opened the driver's door I was in for the surprise of a lifetime.

The instrument cluster was lying on the back of the steering wheel. All the side panels, kick panels, door threshold trim, and windshield trims were either removed or dangling by a few wires or clips. The carpet was pulled back and tucked under the seats exposing the floor. The trim around the steering wheel was gone, and all the wire harness tape and conduit was strewn throughout the car. They even managed to take out the glove box, ash tray, and part of the center console. How they managed to drive it over to the shop is a miracle. That's probably why the buddy had to come along… somebody had to hold the headliner up. Hard to imagine the lights were the ONLY thing not working in this car now…. Unbelievable.

Once I managed to get the stuff moved from behind the driver's seat, I could then move it back far enough for me to get in. When I started the car up the radio was at full blast on a head banger rock station. With the array of aftermarket radios available, trying to find the volume button on these things can be a project of its own.

At least they didn't have it screwed in place yet. All I had to do was lift it out of the slot and disconnect it. With a new fuse installed I flipped on the light switch. TA DA! Parklights!

This took all of 5 minutes. Here I am sitting in this torn apart car with all these switches and components dangling in front of me wondering if I should go into the lobby now, or wait so they think it really, really was hard for me to find. I didn't have the heart to do that to the poor kid. He's about the same age as my teenage son, and I thought I should help him out.

Since I had the factory prints in front of me I located the two leads for the factory radio illumination. (Red/black – voltage lead from switch and Red – ground lead controlled from the dash dimmer) I went ahead and clipped those two wires off of his make shift radio connector.

I pulled it back up front. The two boys rushed out of the waiting room as soon as they saw the car come around the corner.

The giggling buddy said, "It was the radio wasn't it?"

"Yep, I'm afraid so… you'll have to go home and find the schematic to your radio, and follow it a little more carefully this time. I've disconnected the radio so you won't have any of your tunes until you get home."

The young driver was pretty put out over the whole thing. He had to call his dad and explain everything, and like always… … … I end up explaining the whole thing again to the dad on the boy's cell phone.

Dad insisted that his son pay for my time. (Even though it only took me a few minutes) Then the dad told me something that I thought was quite appropriate for the situation. It seems that when old dad put a radio in his first car he did exactly the same thing. As any father would do, he tried to warn his son but as boys will be boys, they'll do just the opposite of what dad says to do. The boy's father went on to tell me how his father made him take his first car to the shop and have it repaired, AND pay for the repair himself! This whole episode felt like I was witnessing the quintessential passing of the torch from one generation to the next.

After settling up the bill I watched the two boys back out of the parking lot. As he drove off the young driver seemed to have a better understanding of the world around him, and I think he just found out that old dad was right all along. His giggling buddy was in the passenger seat (holding up the headliner), and still had that grin on his face. I still get a chuckle every time I think of his buddy standing there with that grin on his face, giggling… while he turns to look at him and says, "He knows."

What an afternoon, something you don't see every day. An automotive lesson passed down from one generation to the next and this time… I got to be a part of it.

Thanks for reading, and I enjoy reading your comments. The more comments the more I push those stories towards my editors (at least I try to)

thanx again ... Gonzo

Take it to the Dealer

Everyone has a reason why they use a dealer repair shop vs. an independent shop… These are a few of those reasons I've run into over my decades of independent service work:

Customers come in a wide range of styles. There are my regular customers, occasional customers, price shoppers, referrals, and friends of the family. Some don't bother to tell the me how they happened to be at the shop; maybe they've read an advertisement, saw a billboard somewhere, or they've checked out one of those websites that evaluate businesses by way of customer responses. Perhaps they've heard of the shop through the grapevine, or they might have just driven by to check it out. But I've never heard of anyone refer to themselves as a "dealer customer".

It could be there are some differences between what people think of the various different types of repair shops, or what they are used to dealing with. Whatever the case may be, once they are at your front counter you want to try and make them a customer of your own.

Then again, do you really want to take on every job that comes in the door? I certainly don't. There's times someone will bring in something that I'm not qualified to work on, or it's something that is so far gone it can't be taken care of without an exorbitant amount of cash to repair it. Then there are those proverbial "basket cases", oh yea... actual "basket cases" dragged in to the service bays. (And "YES" they do come in baskets, crates, and/or boxes. All the nuts, bolts, electrical parts, and components scattered in hap-hazard piles of the owner's greatest intentions gone wrong.)

Of course, there are the strange or unusual customer responses that keep you on your toes. I sometimes stand behind the counter wondering what in the world these people are thinking... how am I going to get through the usual monologue in the front office and still have enough sanity left to repair the car? Some of these requests and explanations are just too bizarre to be real.

"Hi, I'm here because of my brother-in-law sent me," (I'm thinking to myself... alright! this is a good start), he said you could fix my car," the new arrival to the shop tells me.

"What seems to be the problem?" I'll ask.

"He changed the "autovalve" and he said you would know what to do about it."

"I'm afraid I don't know what an "autovalve" is. (So much for a good start...) Could you describe what's wrong with the car, and then maybe I can sort out what part you're actually talking about."

"Apparently you're not as good as my brother-in-law said you were. You should know what one is. Obviously you don't know how to fix my car then... I'm taking it to the dealer," the now aggravated customer tells me, "Oh, and don't worry I'll tell my brother-in-law about this."

You know, there are times I don't want to even ask another question, or want to take the time to get to the bottom of some of these wacky explanations. I'd rather see this kind of problem just vanish with the goofy owner and their explanations. If they think they need something done to their autovalve I'm more than happy to let the dealer take care of it. Off you go to the dealer little lady... they'll love to talk to you, and I'm sure they have plenty of autovalves over there.

At times, I pity the poor service writers at the dealerships. Because as it seems to be in these cases, the dealership is primarily the last stop in this long line of relatives with wrenches, repair facilities, and parts store geniuses trying to help out the customer. The service writer really doesn't have much choice but to deal with them. Let's face it...... they are the "deal-ership"

The phone rings again, the caller tells me, "Well, I don't know if you can do this kind of work or not. I probably ought to just take it to the dealership."

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"It's my electric window, I think it's the switch because my window is stuck halfway down. Probably bent a bracket you know." (Self-inflicted-diagnostics … I can tell...)

"Sir, any decent independent shop can handle anything the dealerships can do. A window problem is no big deal. I take it you were referred here?"

"Yes, a couple of my friends told me about you."

(Apparently, his friends neglected to tell him that we actually make the repairs too. I suppose he thinks his neighbors just come by the shop and chat about car repair.)

I find it rather confusing when a customer calls and tells me their car is at the dealership. They'll tell me that the problem has already been diagnosed, and then tell me that all their friends recommended that they take their car to my shop for repair... but, instead they are sitting in a service bay at the dealership. After the usual phone introductions they'll soon get to the real reason for their phone call:

"They want $947.53 cents to fix my car... do you think that's too high?"

I guess at this point, I'm supposed to justify the cost or give them some outrageously lower price. I really don't know how I can do that, when I haven't even seen the car yet, or even what problems they're having with it!

"You're there already ma'am. If they have done their job correctly, and diagnosed the car properly then the price is their price."

"They want a diagnostic charge if I take it out of their shop right now."

"Ma'am, you'll pay another diagnostic charge at the next shop, so I would advise you … since you're there... let them take care of the problem as they see fit. Unless you feel uncomfortable with their results or diagnosis, I would suggest you let them take care of it."

"I didn't know where else to take it... but when I talked to my neighbors they told me about your shop," the caller said.

How about asking around first? You might even learn a little something about your neighbors; hey they're probably quite friendly; maybe you'll actually learn all of their kid's names, too.

So what's the problem between the independent and dealer repair shops? It could be from previous dealings in the past, and the customer didn't like the results. It could be size of the shop or the location... the real reasons are hard to pin down. I'm not knocking the quality of work performed at a dealer repair shop, no... quite the opposite. I would say I've also seen an increase in the quality of the independent shops in my area as well. There's fewer wrench slinging grease monkeys out there than in years past. It really takes a different type of "mechanic" than it did even ten or twenty years ago, and that's not just for the independent shops... that goes for the dealer technicians as well.

Locate a shop you like, find a technician who you feel comfortable with. If your search ends up with that individual at an independent shop… that's fantastic! If you can't find the service you're happy with anywhere except at the dealership… well then, there's only one thing to do… take it to the dealer.

People have a lot of reasons for making the choices they do. Sometimes it doesn't matter what you tell them... they've already made up their mind. We all learn from our own mistakes... customers are no different. thanks for reading my articles... keep those comments coming. Gonzo

“Snake Oil”

When the phone rings, or you check your email, or perhaps you run out and check the mail, sooner or later you’ll run across somebody trying to sell you the next best thing since sliced bread.

A recent email sales pitch went like this:

“If you’re like Donald Trump and myself, and you’re fed up with these ridiculous gas prices, do I have something for you!

I’m sure you would agree that if there was an opportunity to help people save money on gas, it would be a goldmine! There is a patented and proven technology saving people money on gas that huge companies have been using for years. Just recently, it was released to the general public, and there is a HUGE opportunity for the right individuals.

What if the company paid you a HUGE 25% UNCAPPED COMMISSION on all your commercial sales INCLUDING ON RE-ORDERS?

Our company grew by 487% in 2011. Our customer retention rates are the highest in the industry at 85%, because people realize if they stop using our product... They stop saving money!

We are searching for serious entrepreneurs, visionaries, business professionals, and motivated individuals who recognize a legitimate ground floor opportunity when it is presented and are ready to take immediate action. For these individuals the compensation can be huge! You could be the next millionaire!

Seriously, in today’s economy your company grew that much? Please… don’t make me laugh. As a matter of fact, the guy never even mentioned what their product was, and if it’s “that” great why hasn’t it been done already? I just don’t get it. How about you tell me what the product is and how it will save my customers money, before you start spouting off how much I’m going to make. Sorry not interested.

As a shop owner I get calls and emails like this all the time. On those slow days at the shop is when I love them the best. I have the time to have some fun with these fly-by-night outfits, and I just can’t leave them alone, I have to mess with their heads. A typical phone call is ironically about the phone. They’ll tell me they can save me a ton of cash if I switch to their services.

“Well, how much are your line charges,” I’ll ask.

“How much are you paying now?” they’ll ask.

“Now why is it so important for you to know what I’m paying now? If you can save me money then why can’t you just tell me what you charge per line, and then I’ll tell you whether or not you’re really going to save me money?”

“We’ve got the cheapest rates around.”

“How cheap then?” I ask again.

The phone calls end up the same way every time. Me, laughing my butt off and the caller frustrated that he can’t convince me he has the best deal.

Credit card processing service companies, shop equipment, rental uniforms, cleaning services, on line advertisers… the list goes on and on of the different sales calls I get. You know, some of them might be legit, but honestly… they need to work on their sales approach. I’m not the type to buy the idea that everything is cheaper just because “you” said it is.

Several years ago (long before we had real scanners to diagnose cars) I had one guy who just wouldn’t take no for an answer. He kept telling me he had the best diagnostic tool ever made for a shop like mine. I finally allowed him to give me a demonstration of his so called “wonder tool”. I had a car in the shop that I already diagnosed as a faulty ignition module, and thought I would give this salesman a chance to prove if his magical diagnostic machine could find the actual problem faster than I could.

He showed up with his gadget, and I showed him his test subject. He had it hooked up in no time and gave the key a turn. The salesman pushed a few buttons, adjusted a few of his connections and then tried it again. All this time he’s telling me all about the wonders of his great tool and the advantages of his machine.

“Ah, dude… let’s see some results,” I said rather sternly.

He then made a few phone calls, (apparently to the home office), made a few corrections to his machine, and then tried the key again. This time his little machine started to print something out. The little print out looked pretty impressive. It had my company name on the top of the page, address, phone number and even my name as the technician. A few lines stated the year and make of the car, the motor size and type of transmission. Then, the answer to all of this diagnostic mumbo-jumbo… “You have an electrical problem.” Yep, that was it, the answer this super deluxe never seen before and better than anything else in the marketplace diagnostic wonder tool could only tell me… “This vehicle is experiencing an electrical problem.” I just stood there with my arms folded over my chest and shook my head.

“Fella, that is without a doubt the biggest piece of garbage I’ve ever seen,” I told him.

“You wanted to know a quick answer to what was wrong with it, and it did just that… ain’t it great!”

“I already had this car diagnosed before you got here, and I know what the actual “electrical” problem is… your little machine didn’t do a anything but waste my time.”

With that he packed his things up and headed down the road. Looks like another snake oil salesman has left the building. I can’t blame them for trying, and I would say, if you’re not on your toes I’m sure anyone could be taken by some of these quacks. You know some of these guys have the gift of gab and could sell just about anything to any gullible person out there. Just watch some of those late night infomercials and you’ll see what I mean. I guess it takes all kinds. Me, I’m more of a skeptic, and I prefer to see facts and figures, not hype and hearsay.

After being in the repair business for so many years … action speaks louder than words. Do what you say you are going to do… and don’t try to impress me (or your customer) with some grand dream of utopia. You know, if it sounds too good to be true… well, chances are it is. Everybody has a special niche in life, something they are good at and something that they’ll make a living doing… I just hope it’s not selling snake oil… we already have enough of those around.

Just another day at the shop... If it's not the customers, the suppliers, the parts, or the help... there's always the salesman to make your day go haywire. Leave a comment, I take great pleasure in reading your comments. Always appreciated. Gonz

REDNECK REPAIRS

There's some good ol' boys out there who love to tinker on their cars every chance they get. They're not necessarily Harvard scholars, nor are they from back in the hills or down some dusty dirt road. They're from every neck of the woods, and from every city street. They will tackle any problem out there, and usually have some really interesting ways of solving them. Give these guys, or gals a few tools, a cutting torch, and a welder, and you might find a redneck in the making. A little grinding with sparks a flying along with a few 2X4's, and they'll soon have a new creation coming out of the garage.

When it comes to every day repairs, they have their own unique way of taking care of them, to say the least. I'm not talking about the duct taped window with the split open garbage bag over it, or a pair of lock grip pliers for the blower switch. .. no, no, no... those kind of quick fixes are too common and don't even rate to be called a true redneck repair. I'm talking about the ingenious methods of taking care of their car without the aid of a manual, common sense, or good judgment. These are the true rednecks that blanket the country with the most hilarious methods of keeping their cars on the road that anyone could even imagine. I've got a few examples… let's see if you agree.

The other day I was making my way home when I spotted an old pickup a few cars ahead of me. It appeared to be hauling a load of scrap metal, but as I got closer it was clear this scrap metal was lashed onto the truck itself. This guy had an old aluminum screen door laid across the back of the cab horizontally, and had it silicone sealed in place as well as wire straps in several places. He was using it in place of the rear glass of the cab. Not only did he have the glass window pushed up, he was also using the screen window to allow the breeze to enter his cab. (It wasn't hard to tell with the bits of paper getting blown up from the truck bed, and then sticking momentarily to the screen.) Yep, I'd say there's no doubt, this guy is officially ... a redneck.

A few years ago I had an old car come in for some front end work... boy, was it a pile of junk. There wasn't a straight piece of metal on the car anywhere. Talk about clearing the barn out of bailing wire, this guy had it everywhere. The oddest thing was this piece of rope tied to each of the wiper blades which he had running through the open front windows. I had to stop what I was doing, and ask him what the rope was for... he was eager to show me. While sitting in the driver's seat he would pull the rope back and forth and his wipers would move accordingly. Cleaver ain't he? … I guess so, his reasoning behind it seemed pretty sound…… the wiper motor froze up some time ago, and to avoid repairing it he came up with this little rig. Can't deny it… that's a redneck repair if I ever saw one.

Oh there's more...there's always more redneck repairs out there. Just hard to keep from looking at some of them sometimes; just makes ya shake your head at what they have created. Of course, there are these guys that fall in the category of real redneck engineers out there. These suspender wearing-beer chuggin' tool connoisseurs like to think of themselves as automotive structural re-engineers. I've seen everything from a Pinto four feet off the ground with a complete 4WD set up under the chassis, to SUV's with the tops cut off like a convertible. In fact one guy was using his revamped SUV as a way to haul his livestock around his farm. The only time he would get it out on the highway was to fill it up with gas at the local station. Once in a while he'd bring his pigs, goats, or whatever else he was hauling along for the ride. You guessed it, definitely... a redneck.

So what constitutes a redneck? I suppose the best answer to that would be someone who dares to be different. Someone who has enough "moxie" to attempt the impossible without any concern or care what anyone else thinks about their remake of their horseless carriage. They're out to take care of a problem, or a need they have, with the tools and scrap metal they have at hand, and by golly, they'll get it done for sure. I know I've done my share of redneck repairs in the past, and there's no doubt I've got a bit of that redneck in me too. I'm sure most of us do, just some of these good ol' boys just take it to the extreme.

We've all probably seen the beer can strapped to the exhaust to keep it from leaking, the flashlights duct taped to the fenders, the chain and lock in place of the door locks, and of course the odd battery clamp. That's just amateur stuff compared to some of the professional rednecks out there. These folks take care of business in their own special way. There's no end to their creativity, nor the ability to come up with something so weird or unique that you'll say, "Yep, that there is a redneck thru and thru." (I would just stand clear if one of them says… "Hey now, watch this.")

Now, on occasion you'll spot some of the creations from these backwoods garages that will totally surprise you. At a VW car show many years ago I saw an old type III Volkswagen where this creative genius took a V6 Pontiac Fiero motor, suspension and drive train, and somehow shoehorned it into place where the original motor and backseat were. You could practically change the plugs from the driver's seat…… it was that close to his head. Did it work? You darn tootin' it worked. Work so well he could stand the front end up as it shifted into second gear.

Ya gotta love these redneck creations. They make me smile; brings a chuckle out once in a while, too. As a mechanic I'm generally skeptical of these lofty ideas they have, but as a spectator at a mud bog...I just love this stuff. Give me some good old American ingenuity any day of the week.

The one thing you can say for all those good old boys out there... these guys sure know how to have fun. Just keep trickin' out them there vehicles and show em' off, ya hear.

I've heard of other countries claiming they have some good ol' boys of their own, but they can't hold a socket wrench up against a couple of good old home grown U.S. of A. Rednecks, that's for sure. The heart and soul of us all... … … …Rednecks - a true American original, and dang proud to be one myself.

Nothing like a good old redneck at the repair shop... gotta love em' I've seen so many home grown repairs that I've lost count of them all. Feel free to tell me about your "redneck" repair that you've recently seen.

Temper – Temper

The front office door swings wide and a mom holds it open for her son who is carrying in a steering column. The column is out of her sons little S-10. From the general appearance of the column it looked like somebody was trying awfully hard to steal the little truck. Everything was distorted and bent out of shape. The steering wheel was even bent, and the horn pad looked like someone had taken an ax to the center of it. There was hardly a part of the steering column that wasn't damaged in some way or form.

"My husband tried to change the turn signal switch but couldn't figure out how to get it off," the mom tells me.

"Yea, I brought another column with us if you could use the parts off of it to fix this one," the son said while sitting the bent column on its steering wheel in front of me.

"So what actually happened here? I see the turn signal switch is still in place but the whole column looks like it went through a war zone. Is this a theft recovery?" I asked.

No it wasn't stolen, it was dad. Seems dad had the idea he could fix it, and wasn't going to let some little steering column kick his butt. He had seen it done a number of times and even watched a video on how to do it. But it looked like the column was way beyond repair; at this point I'm thinking that good old dad didn't know what a non-mangled steering column looked like... if he would have known, he probably would have just replaced it instead of trying to bring this bent up piece of junk back to life.

The key was still hanging out of the ignition as the column sat on the counter; even though the column was bent and contorted completely out of shape it did somewhat remind of the leaning tower of Pisa with a lot of pieces missing. While the ticket was being filled out I reached for a pocket screwdriver and removed the key and tumbler so that I could install it into the other column. The look on the sons face was pure shock as to how easy it was to remove the key and tumbler.

"Dad worked on getting that key and tumbler out for hours, look mom he took it out with a pocket screwdriver," the surprised young man said to his mom.

The son brought in the replacement column. It had all the correct parts in place and was in fairly good shape except for a problem with the hazard switch. (Pretty much what was wrong with the other turn signal switch) It too had the ignition key hanging out of it so I showed the young lad how to push in the retaining button and remove the key and tumbler.

Mom was pretty impressed and had a big smile on her face as she watched her son maneuver the key and tumbler into the replacement column.

"The tow truck was right behind us with my sons little truck. How soon can you have all of this back together?" she asked.

"Oh, a couple of hours should do it if I don't run into any problems. I'll change out the turn signal switch with the new one you brought since the replacement column has the hazard switch broken off of it too," I told her, "But how in the world did the original column get in such bad shape if it wasn't from a theft?"

It was dad, good old dad had been working on the little trucks steering column all weekend and had finally given up on repairing it. Mom went on to tell me the whole story.

"He came inside the house, grabbed a beer and mumbled something about a sledge hammer. He headed back out to the garage and came back out with a hatchet. He was determined to get it apart no matter what. We all watched as he proceeded to go ballistic on the little truck. The next thing I know he was a cussin' and a smackin' that steering column. Parts we're a flying everywhere and that steering column still wouldn't budge for him. He kept at it until he was too tired to swing the hatchet one more time and then he just gave up, sat down next to the truck and drank his beer," she told me while trying to hold back the laughter.

The son had that look of agreement on his face as if this was nothing new with good old dad when it came to something he didn't understand.

"Dad always tries to fix things around the house and after he gets done breaking things up pretty good mom will take over and save the day," the young lad told me.

When I finally got to see the little truck you could tell somebody was really having a go at destroying that steering column. With a few marks in the headliner and some obvious missed blows whacking the dash panel there was no doubt he had made up his mind that the steering wheel and the column was going to come off one way or another.

The install was no big deal, luckily it was an old enough truck that there was no security system to worry about or any air bag system installed on it. Just bolt it back up, line up the shaft and put all the trim back together. (The trim needed a little TLC though)

With the replacement column (which was untouched by good old dad) and the original key and tumbler installed the repair was done in no time at all. I gave the mom a call and a few hours later the boy had his truck back on the road again.

"I told my husband his temper was going to get him, and it sure did this time. He's really a sweet guy, but you should see what he does with plumbing... we keep that number handy at all times." (Chuckling as if this was nothing new with the family.) "I guess it's a male ego thing or something. He's really sorry about it all, just can't seem to get it through his thick head that he doesn't know everything." she told me.

The son then tells me, "Yea, I don't think he's going to try that again."

"Ma'am you know it would have been a lot cheaper if you would have brought it to me before it was torn apart," I told her.

She knew that already, but like I said, it seems to be the norm at their house. Let dad have a whack at it first until his temper gets the best of him and then call the pros. Well what can ya say, he tried, he failed, and he took more than a few whacks at it… chalk it up to a lesson learned I guess.

The mom backed up sons comment that "dad" has sworn off car repair forever, and wasn't about to try anything remotely like auto mechanics ever again. Well, time will tell about that... temper, temper mister... why don't you take up basket weaving, model ship building, or perhaps some yoga. Maybe it's time for a mountain retreat to work out your aggressions. One thing is for sure fella; your mechanical expertise is just one big hatchet job. Do me a favor there … "dad"… have another beer…………… but don't mess with the cars anymore OK?

I've been known to have a temper at times, yea, I've thrown a golf club or two... but this guy... he takes the Grand Prize! Leave a comment, leave a thought... I really enjoy your comments. You keep reading them, and I'll keep writing them.

Why DIY

DIY repairs are nothing new; they are a part of the American culture. For some, it's about saving money, for others it's the pride of actually accomplishing a job without any professional help. Cost is the big factor of course, ask any DIY'r about a project and the first thing they'll tell you is how much money they saved by doing it themselves.

These days car repair is slowly going away as one of those DIY repairs. The cost of the specialty tools is the leading factor, however, it's not just the cost it's the constant change, updates, and proper procedures that differ from one vehicle to the next. Years ago, if you had a couple of screw drivers and a box of wrenches you could pretty much take any carburetor apart from any manufacturer. All you needed was a diagram, a rebuild kit and a place to lay it all out. Not so today, each manufacturer has their own software, their own procedures, and their own individual "unique" way of "diagraming" all that info.

A manufacturer level scanner is the ideal scanner for most repairs. These scanners are almost all internet based these days and are constantly updated to insure the latest information is available. The same is true with a lot of aftermarket scanners, keep in mind; the cheaper off-the-shelf scanners can leave you with only partial information. Not all scanners are the same. I haven't seen one aftermarket scanner be able to handle all the functions that a manufacturer scanner can. Cost vs. quality, or in this case "content" is always an issue. That's where the problem can start, especially for the consumer trying to do things themselves.

Keep in mind what the original purpose was for those aftermarket tools. Most were designed to answer a certain market need and not be an overall tool to perform every function. For example; I have a lot of scanners that will read air bag codes on just about every manufactured vehicle out there, however I only have certain scanners that will perform the passenger seat presence reset (and that's only on certain makes and models). Without the reset the air bag light will stay on until that procedure is performed.

Not to mention the way the scanner shows the information. Some scanners may show a certain sensor as a voltage reading, others might show it as a percentage. The DIY'r has to also consider the different ways the information is listed in the repair manuals even that can be a challenge.

Here's a guy at home, in his garage, with a Toyota (for example) and is about to change a certain part he has found a problem with. He's done his research through the internet or a shop manual, and is confident in his abilities of making the proper repair. But there is one little thing holding him back, he needs to flash or reprogram some part of it in order for the vehicle to recognize the new part, or even perhaps to allow the car to start. But, our illustrious DIY'r doesn't want to spend the money or the time to purchase the manufacturer's software, data base, and yearly subscription needed. Hmmm, what to do now?

The answer, take it to the dealer. WRONG! An independent shop has the appropriate aftermarket scanner or manufacturer scanner. A lot of DIY'rs look at independent shops as parts changers, similar to what they can do in their own home garage, and the dealer is some greater than thou place of ultra-sophistication that cannot be obtained by the mere auto technician at the corner repair shop. WRONG AGAIN! This is where the time, the talent, and the training all come together.

At every manufacturer website I've been to there is a section for training and or helpful hints on how to perform diagnostic test, scanner usage, and reprogramming. There are even more on line training, video training, and night classes available for the modern technician. All of which is a must do, and even more important than ever before. It's all a matter of time and money of course, but it's all doable.

Auto mechanics have always had to adapt to new technologies and lately it's the computer software and reprogramming. It doesn't matter if it's the dealer tech or the independent tech… they both have to do exactly the same procedure to accomplish the same goal. Laptops, manufacturer software, cables, and subscriptions are just another tool for that matter, but definitely an expensive one.

If you noticed I never once called the manufacturer scanner the "dealer scanner". That's because it's not a dealer scanner, it's the manufacturer's scanner for their product. Believe me, not every dealer has a scanner for every car that comes into the service bays either. I've seen it myself at a Ford dealership while I was picking up some OEM parts. There's a Dodge parked in the service bay with a tech performing some repair under the hood. What a minute, did I say a Dodge at a Ford place… sure did, happens all the time. Mind you, some of the dealership's loyal customers are just like the loyal independent customer… they'll bring all their cars to one specific place because of the trust they have built up with them. But, what about the software issues for a car at a competitor's dealership you ask? Won't the dealership have the same problem with software flashing and reprogramming on vehicles that aren't theirs? Yes, just like an independent shop will have. Ironic ain't it…

Let's see, advanced training and classes, constant upkeep with software, meet the challenges of the new specifications and procedures, and repeat this for every manufacturers vehicle out there. Hmmm, that doesn't sound much like a DIY'r, it sounds more like what I do every day as a professional technician. It's what separates the DIY'r from the pro. So if you want to do the job at home, sure… the information and skills are out there for you, but even with all those skills, tools, and scanners… you're still not a professional at it. A profession by any other name is something you do to earn a living. Repairing one car in your driveway doesn't make you any more of a mechanic than a paint brush makes you Picasso.

I always have this "Norman Rockwell" picture in my head of a father passing his tool box down to his son. Great memorable moment, but these days dad should include a laptop in the picture with a year's subscription to the manufacturer for the family grocery getter. The tools are great pop, but they only take you so far these days.

With the cost of operating a vehicle going up at the pump, saving money on car repair is always an option. DIY'rs if you must, have at it. I know why you DIY… but I would keep the repair shop's number handy.

It's been a long time since somebody has repaired their own refrigerator or wash machine. Either they give up on them and buy a new one or they call a service man out to repair it. This is where I think... the automotive field is heading. It might take a long time to actually happen but I do believe it is the trend that will eventually happen. Even with all this talk of "right to repair" I don't think the motoring public is ready to deal with the complexities of actual electronic repairs. "Beware of what you wish for" should be the slogan...

The shade tree and the DIY'r are antiques in the world of auto repair... let's not make things worse by having a DIY'r try to reprogram their FIAT. LOL

Apples to Apples

Alternators, Starters, Voltage Regulators, Window motor assemblies, Light Bulbs, Serpentine belts, the list goes on and on of the various cheaply made replacement parts out there. Being able to distinguish what parts are good or bad is part of being a professional in this crazy world of automotive repair.

A customer calls in wanting prices on a certain job, and more than likely this isn't the first phone call they've made today. The way I can tell this is by the way they answer certain questions I ask. This is in order to narrow down the options on that particular part or job. "What's the motor size, is it 2 or 4 door, automatic or manual?" If these questions aren't a hit and miss answer chances are they've been through this before, and have a pretty good idea what the cost is… or at least what they've found out from the auto parts cheapo depot.

"Yes, I need a price on an alternator for my car," the caller asks.

I give them a price for the brands I sell, and before I'm even finished they'll tell me how much the last guy would sell the part for. That's fine, I know everyone is looking for a bargain, and shopping around for prices is all part of it. However, let's compare apples to apples… not just prices to prices.

A perfect example of this is the common external regulator for a Ford product. The prices will range from just a few bucks to as much as 30 dollars. The difference is the quality, of course. You can tell the difference for yourself by just picking them up. The cheap regulator feels like a feather compared to the more expensive one. The question is... do they both work? Yes they do, but there's no doubt the cheaper one will not take any abuse, or a fluctuating signal, or load variations as well as the better made part. No doubt the cheaper one is going to need replaced sooner than you think.

From the professional side, it takes just as long to diagnose a problem and make the repair with a well manufactured part as it does to put on one of those bottom of the barrel parts. The big difference is you only have to do the job once, rather than over and over again. That eats up diagnostic time, shop time, and doesn't make for a very happy customer.

Over the years the number of times I've had someone bring a car in and tell me they have put five or six alternators on the car, and it still doesn't work is beyond comprehension. The unsuspecting customer will almost certainly have the same reaction on the phone or at the service counter.

"There has to be something electrically wrong with the car," they'll say.

Even though I haven't checked the car out yet, I'll still ask them, "Where are you buying your parts?"

Nine chances out of ten they are buying the cheap knock off brands because of the cost, and under certain applications these knock off brands fail constantly.

By the time I get the car in the shop and run the needed tests, I'm already stretching their pocket book just to give them the answer I already assumed it would be.

"It's a cheap part that's causing the problem," I'll tell them, and when I give them the price of the "quality" part I know I'm in for an argument.

"It shouldn't cost that much. I'll just go get another one myself," the now ticked off customer will tell me. It could be they really wanted me to find something else wrong with it, because they know it can't be the part. Then again, it could be because they don't want to change it again. Whichever the case may be... I'm the lucky guy taking the brunt of the customer's melt down at the front counter.

Why is it that the second largest purchase most people make in their life time is left to using cheap discount parts as a way to keep their family truckster on the road? You know, if the original manufacturer used some of these discount parts most of those cars wouldn't make it from the manufacturer to the show room floor without breaking down.

One morning when I arrived at the shop a customer was waiting for me with a rear main seal for me to see. I had just replaced the seal in his car a few weeks earlier. There wasn't a problem with the car, his problem was that he believed that I over charged him for the seal. While he was at one of those discount parts stores he purchased a rear seal himself, and after having some time to think about it he figured I should know just how ticked off he was. Needless to say, now he's thinking every bit of the labor cost must have been exaggerated as well.

There was only one way that I could think of to solve this problem. I called my supplier and had them send down another seal just like the original one I had purchased. With the customer standing in front of me, we took both of the seals out of their boxes and laid them on the counter.

"You see, they are actually the same," the aggravated customer tells me, "They're the same color, same design and obviously are identical, you over charged me!"

I'll admit they looked the same, and I was getting a little worried that I wouldn't find a difference between the two of them. I wanted to prove my point that not all parts are created equal, but how? As this anger management class dropout started to get even more steamed up, he started to make his point known how he felt about mechanics in general, parts stores, and the world at large. I picked the two seals up while he was standing on his soap box proudly putting down anyone who had anything to do with the car business. When I gently snapped the actual seal area that touches the crank shaft back and forth ... I had the answer... the difference was obvious.

"Sir, if you'll calm down a minute I'll show you the difference. The one you brought from the discount part store has fewer coils on the retaining spring. This spring is what keeps the rubber seal up against the crankshaft to prevent any leaks. Look at the one I just purchased, and you'll see it has twice as many coils on the spring," I calmly explained to him. (OK, I "tried" to say it calmly)

After a bit of scrutiny on his part he did see the difference between the two so called "exact" parts. He apologized for all his belligerent ranting, and said he would make good on his promise not to buy any more parts based on the dollar amount. I hope so... sure would make my day go a lot smoother.

These days with even more parts coming in from different parts of the world, and at different quality levels, the tech has to be on his toes to make sure what they are installing on a customer's car is actually a decent component. Even today, I'll do my best to sway the customer into buying quality parts rather than going the cheap route. If they insist on using a cheaper part, I'll be the first to tell them what the results will be.

Comparing apples to apples is still a good method of explaining things to someone who might have a difference of opinion. One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch, even good parts fail sometimes. But I'd put my money on a quality part any day of the week. Service is the name of the game in the automotive repair business; knowing which "apple" is the right one for your car is just another part of the service good shops provide. There are plenty of apples out there in the orchard, and sorting out the bad ones aren't about who has the best TV commercial or newspaper ad. Ask a mechanic, he'll know the difference between good parts and bad ones. As the old saying goes; "Ya get what ya paid for."

Cheap parts are so common these days, with the economy on the low ... seems everyone is going low with the parts and labor prices. It's to bad more people won't listen to the mechanic vs listening to the guy behind the parts counter. Some do... some don't.

Keep those comments coming!

Jack of all Trades

It pays to be a jack of all trades when you're a homeowner, and it doesn't hurt to have a little knowledge about the family transportation either. I'm pretty handy around the house myself, so in a way I guess I'm sort of a jack of all trades too, but I definitely wouldn't call myself an expert. I know my limitations, and when it's time to call in the pros, I will.

When I'm on the other side of the wrench I'm the professional, and I see a lot of those home brewed repairs come into the shop every day. But it's not just the DIY'rs that can be a problem. The same thing holds true when it comes to the sub-standard repair shops and their so called "mechanics". The ones who don't keep up with the technology, but are working on today's cars without any scanners, scopes, or proper information. Drive by and you'll see the same cars in the same spots in front of their shops for weeks at a time. Of course, I don't really know the circumstances of why so many cars are left at the front door, but to me, that frontage real-estate is too valuable to be used as a parking lot for cars that aren't making me a living. Ask around to the locals in the area, and you'll find most of them won't take their cars there.

I call these shops the true "jack of no trades", they're your typical kind of repair shop that's pretty handy at banging something apart and figuring out how it works, without any training or reading a tech manual. I'll bet if you took them your toaster and the Buick, chances are they'll eventually have them both repaired… eventually… if you can wait that long. For the most part, these guys can get by for quite some time, but sooner or later they'll have to give up on the car and find somebody who knows something about that particular type of problem.

When the phone rings and it's a shop I've never heard of with a technical question for me, it doesn't take long to determine what kind of repair shop they really are. Listening to how they explain the problem or how they tested for the problem gives me enough clues to their abilities.

"I've got one I'm sending your way. I think it needs a new starter, but it's one of those "Northstar" engines, and I don't have the tools to get to the starter," one of those bright tool jockeys tells me.

In some ways, I guess there has to be these types of shops out there. Where else would that type of car owner go who is only looking for cheap parts, cheap labor, and cheap results? (The car in question did make it to my shop… the motor was locked up… needed more than a starter.)

Risking today's modern car issues to a shop like this is just asking for trouble. With the amount of advanced electronics and tight engine tolerances even changing the oil can lead to major problems. Not to mention swapping parts without prior knowledge of what it may involve as far as reprogramming or security issues.

I find it hard to comprehend how the general public believes all technicians are created equal. In some quirky way I really believe they think that. It's the only way I can make any sense as to why saving a buck or two on repairs for the trusted family vehicle is left to some low-life repair shop.

The other day a lady called the shop with exactly this type of situation. Seems her Cadillac won't shut off once it's started. One shop put in a new computer, one shop tried a new starter, and another put in a new battery. But, the engine still won't shut off. The last guy tells her he can't find it, and shows her a fuse she can pull that would shut off the engine. She goes on to tell me, "I had my car at several shops, and they tried everything they can think of, but it still hasn't fixed my car. I'm out of money, so I need to know what you'll charge me to fix it, before I bring it in."

I might as well try to guess what's inside an unlabeled can from the supermarket.

"How about we run some tests on it first to find the cause of the problem," I told her.

No dice... testing is not what she wanted to pay for. (To many people still think you fix cars by the amount of dollars and that any problem can be estimated over the phone. It's all that matters to them and they see no reason to pay for your diagnostic time.)

Then you have the so called family "jack of all trades". He's the most dangerous one of them all. He'll take 6 months or more to change a head gasket or something. Then when the owner does get their car back… it still isn't right. Now the owner doesn't want to upset the family, so they usually won't say anything, they'll just bring it in and have me diagnose it. When I finally get a chance to examine it, I find they failed to replace the original head bolts with the ones that came in the gasket set.

"I didn't change them because the original ones looked good enough to reuse," the family mechanic will tell me.

Once I straighten out (teach) the so called "family jack of all trades" on what stretch bolts are all about the car ends up going back with the same guy for another six months just because "he's family... and he'll take care of it".

After years of seeing the same thing happen over and over again, I really think there should be a way to separate the good from the bad "jacks". I know a lot of great techs out there, but I know a lot more I wouldn't let near my screwdriver drawer. Certification is a step in the right direction. It's a way to give the customer, techs, and other businesses an idea of what kind of person is behind the wrench.

I look at it this way: this arm patch I have that says Automotive Master Technician isn't for me… it's for that lady with the locked up Northstar; it's for that shade tree guy who fixes all the relatives cars and the shop down the street that needed some help. That blue seal outside my door doesn't change my abilities at all, but it does let the customer know they are dealing with a professional.

Some techs may say that certification isn't the answer; some will say it's not necessary. That's an opinion this jack of all trades can answer with… "Well, at least I can prove I'm the master of one."

This story was brought about after some long discussion with other techs and shops. Some like the idea of a certified repair shop others thought it was not important. I've wrote about this subject many times in the past, but this is the first time I've tried to make one article totally regarding certifications.

The Man Behind the Curtain

Here in my fantasy land, my daughter Katie is the gate keeper to the Emerald City. One of her main tasks is sorting out the cars for repair by type, length of time needed, or condition. My job is to play the part of the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-understanding wizard. I try to keep the flying monkey wrenches from pulling the stuffing out of everything, while still maintaining an even temperament throughout my busy day. But then there are those travelers on that yellow brick road that leave me puzzled, sometimes shocked at what they are telling me. These are the ones I let her handle; especially on those days when I’m already in a bad mood because my crystal ball isn’t working.

“Yes, I’m having a problem with my car,” The customer tells Katie at the front desk, “the last mechanic said my air filter caused my radio and door locks to short out.”

Sitting at my desk just out of sight, I’m listening to this fable. By now Katie can hear my pen rhythmically start clicking; which she already knows is a sign we have another traveler from the yellow brick road. As the story unfolds I’ll start to grumble or throw in a few timely grunts or coughs all while maintaining my position behind the curtain. My daughters (and my wife) have been around my wizardry far too long. If I’m having one of those days, and somebody comes in with a fable like this one… the best thing to do is take care of it in the front office without getting me involved. They’ll all agree, “Just leave him be, he’ll be fine back there behind the curtain fixing the cars, pulling those levers and stuff. Just leave him be, he’ll make some fire, flame, and smoke belch out from around the corner, but he’s actually harmless.”

Katie answers the customers concerns, “Honestly, I may not be the technician here… but, I think I can answer this one for you… I seriously doubt that could happen. However, if you can give me some more details on what the actual problem is, I can relay that message to him.”

“Can I just talk to him myself?” the customer will ask.

“Let me do you a big favor,” Katie pleads with them, “I don’t think you want to bother him with that kind of question. He’s already in a grouchy mood today, and I think you better leave the asking part to me. He’ll fix it, but believe me when I tell you… pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. He can be a little on the grouchy side sometimes, and if you ask him a question like that you may not like his answer.”

Yea, that’s right, I might just be in a grouchy mood, or… it could be that stupid sounding question that set me off… whatever it is, I would take Katie’s advice and let her handle it.

I know I’m not the only shop owner/technician who deals with this kind of thing. Whether your mood starts off from a bad cup of morning coffee or the hundreds other things on your mind, or the half dozen car problems you need to sort out with only a certain amount of time to do them all in. Sooner or later your patience can start to wear thin.

Even on those days I try to accommodate as many people as I can, as quickly as I can, but it never fails someone is going to come in and ask some question that you don’t need to be a wizard of the automotive world to answer.

“I need all my spark plugs removed. I read somewhere that spark plugs burn gasoline, so leaving them out will get me better gas mileage,” this genius from the land of OZ tells me.

Cars must really be some sort of fantasy for some people. That or they’re a few bricks shy a full load. On days like this, seriously, just let me deal with the cars, and let the front office deal with these fantasy land questions. It just boggles my mind how many people are out there flying around on their brooms without a clue how they actually work.

My wife calls running the front office; “Damage control”, she’s pretty sure if it was left up to me the only work I would have is the ones that were dropped off at the gates to the city or the front door with a note and a spare key.

If they manage to get past the gate keeper, they now have to be ready to deal with the smoke and flames spewing from that big head I seem to have (according to my wife). They’ll try to reword the same questions they just tried in the front office (that didn’t get anywhere) in different ways, just in case I might change the answer. By the time I’ve heard these fables in their third or fourth variation, I’ve had about all I can stand. (More flames and more smoke start emanating from that big fat head again.)

Needless to say, I’m probably my own worst enemy when it comes to things like this. Although, my wife and my daughters will tell you, “He might strike you at first, like a mean old grizzly bear, especially if you ask him something stupid. But deep down he’s just a big old teddy bear. He’s got a heart of gold, the courage of a lion, and pretty darn smart to top it off. Ya just don’t want to rile him up when he is in one of those moods.”

I got to admit, there’s no lollypop tree in my backyard. There’s no sugar coating my answers around here, and clicking your heels three times isn’t going to fix the car at all. Magic only works in fairy tales, good diagnostics starts with the proper information.

So for all those shop owners, technician, bodyman, etc… out there who have a tendency to roll your eyes when somebody asks that ultra-dumb question… you’re not alone.

Fantasy or not, there’s a whole lot of us wizards out there who probably should stay behind the curtain a little more often and let the front office sort out those horses of a different color ……………………………… including me.

I know I'm not the only shop owner or tech out there that runs into these type of customers. Luckily, my gals in the front office help soften the wackiness by the time I get the work order. But... there are those days... oh man... I really just want to get in my big hot air balloon and leaves these idiots deal with their own strange problems. (just kiddin' of course)

Nothing like sharing our good and bad days with each other... we all have them.

Trust

It’s an important word; it’s one I hear a lot behind the counter at the repair shop. “I know you’ll treat me right, because I trust what you do.” Seems to be a common “comfort” word tossed around when people talk about different types of service work. I’ve always wondered how deep that level of comfort goes when it comes to solving unusual automotive problems, or when there is a communication breakdown. There’s also a level of trust the service provider has to gain too, keep in mind that trust goes both ways.

A new customer comes in the shop for some repair. They’ve been sent to the repair shop by someone they trust, such as a friend or another repair shop. This friend or repair shop has enough “trust” in my abilities, so they have no problem referring this new customer to me. But, there is still the trust that has to be built up with the new customer, and can the two of us communicate to a degree that we can get to the bottom of the trouble without any miss-communication?

This time it’s a 1985 Nissan 300z with more problems than you can shake a stick shift at. Not in the greatest condition, but for the most part it was all there. Some are cosmetic and not that serious, while some things need attention right now.

“I replaced a fuseable link with a piece of regular wire, and it will only run for about 5 minutes, and then the engine quits. Also, my wife moved the seat forward, and now it doesn’t move at all. So I need you to find out what’s wrong,” the 300z owner tells me.

I had a few questions to ask them of course, did the seat quit after, or before the fuse link blew? How do you start it once it dies? Do you have to jump it? Does it start right back up? Are there any other signs that the engine is about to die, like gauges, lights, or any rough running? All of which was described in enough detail that I “trusted” I was getting the right answers to form a hypothesis of what was going on.

The owner informed me the fuse link blew after the seat was moved, and the engine started acting up after he changed the fuse link. It sounded like a poorly fitting fuse link at this point. The next thing to do was to verify all of the information with a thorough examination of the car and the wiring diagrams. It all seemed to match the story.

By the next morning I had an estimate on the needed repairs and I got the job approved. First off… replace the non-fuse link wire with a proper one. The seat, well that was another issue. All the wires under the seat were green and rotted apart. The main positive lead was completely mangled and showed signs that it had arced across the bracket that originally held the wiring harness. One look over head explained all of the green gunk on the wires. It’s a T-top car, being an 85 model there’s no doubt that at one time or another the tops could have been off during a rain storm.

I replaced the fuseable link, and then removed the seat (not so easy since the seat doesn’t move and access to the bolts can be difficult). While I’m repairing the seat I might as well tackle the “run for 5 minutes and then stall” problem. The car ran perfectly for over two hours, while I repaired the leads to the seat and checked out the rest of the car. The only thing I saw that was a problem was the radiator cap had a cracked gasket, and as soon as the car warmed up the coolant started to leak out of the cap. Easy fix, just replace the cap.

All said and done… the car ran beautifully. I took it around the block a couple of times and didn’t find anything else serious enough to be concerned with. Oh, there’s more to do… but, it all can wait for a later date. I called the customer and told them I was done with it, and they could pick it up anytime they’d like.

Now, it’s no surprise to me that a 25+ year old car is going to have more problems. It’s not a new car, and with the experiences that I’ve had on these Z cars in the past I made sure the customer understood it as well.

The owner picked the car up the next day, and told me he had just bought the car for his wife. He also told me how much he appreciated the work I’ve done, but was concerned there was probably some major short (electrically) in the car that caused everything from the radiator cap to crack, to the seat stop working. About now, my “trust” of this guy’s original explanations of the problem is getting pretty thin. The more I tried to explain the two problems were not related the less “trust” he had in me… he “knew” it was a short. (Trust me… this guy didn’t have all four wheels on the ground.)

Usually when a customer starts to self-diagnose things a certain lack of trust starts to develop between the mechanic and the owner. This was no different. The next day I get a call from the wife. After driving a few miles the car died, then restarted, died, and restarted again. The original problem, the money they already spent, and the now “revised” problem was the topic of discussion.

“I don’t know who to trust… I think I need to find another mechanic who can find out what’s wrong with my car, or maybe I’m just going to sell it. Which do you think I should do?” You know, there’s a part of me that wants to tell him where to put this car, but then the sensible part of me says, “Bring it in, and I’ll look at “that” problem, and trust me… I can solve it now that I know the real issue.”

Several weeks later, they brought the car back, and a new fuel pump and filter took care of the problem.

Saying the wrong thing or being descriptive in the wrong way only leads to more confusion when it comes to car repair. (From both sides of the counter) There are so many factors in a car that can cause a problem and not being up front with the explanation only makes things worse.

I’ve changed my approach at the counter now. I don’t ask them, “So, what’s wrong with the car?” Instead, I ask them, “How did you arrive at the conclusion there’s something wrong? Was it after you drove the car? Was it after something was done to the car? Is it because something doesn’t work? What’s not functioning like it’s supposed to?”

You’ll have to trust me on this one; it works a lot better than just asking, “What’s wrong?”

There are times in this crazy world of automotive repair that you neither win or lose. Trust has a lot to do with it. When the customer doesn't trust you... you're done. When you don't trust the customer, well, the mechanic may have a tougher time solving the problem and getting paid for the work.

Keep those comments coming, always love to hear from everyone. Gonzo

Dog Gone It!

We had a little mishap at our house the other day. Our 7 year old Corgi named Gizmo got into a tussle with one of the other dogs, and broke his leg in the process. So much for my evening of relaxing; we’ve got to make a trip to the vet… ASAP! The only place close that was open was a large (as in barn yard) animal 24 hour emergency clinic. We’ve never been to this one, and didn’t know quite what to expect. But, we didn’t have much of a choice at the time.

The vet took Gizmo in for some x-rays. The vet was back with the pup in just a few minutes, and showed us the x-ray. From the looks of the film you couldn’t see a break. The vet said it might be, but couldn’t tell for sure. She suggested cage rest for a week or two, and see how he feels then. So we paid the bill, packed up our pup along with a few pain meds for his discomfort and headed back home. The next day I was still pretty worried about the little guy… something told me that vet didn’t look hard enough. I texted the wife on the way home and told her, “If he isn’t looking any better… I say we get a second opinion.” She agreed with me, and made a phone call to the breeder we got him from and asked them what we should do. By the time I pulled into the garage, she had the pup ready for a road trip to another vet, this time to one that was recommended.

When we got there I explained the whole thing to the new vet. This time the vet felt around the leg and said, “I think you’re right… I think it’s broken too.” The vet picked the little pooch up, and went back to take the x rays. It seemed to take forever compared to the first vet, but eventually she came out with the x rays and gave us the results. Sure enough… it’s broken. Now it’s time for some splints and a visit with the surgeon to see if it will need pinned back together, or whether or not splints will do the job.

As of now, poor little Gizmo is on meds, and complete cage convalescence. No running, walking, jumping and limited standing. He’s supposed to be on complete non-mobility status for 8 weeks. Then the cast comes off and re-evaluated.

Generally, I don’t write about personal family issues, but this time I saw something in this story that reminded me so much of the activity at the repair shop, so I had to make the comparison. First off, the original vet made a hasty decision without a complete diagnostics, (In my opinion) which led to seeking out another doctor. Now the second vet was not only more through with the evaluation, but was also a highly recommended referral.

Gee, that sounds just like what goes on at the shop.

There’s one thing I’d like to point out about this whole endeavor with little Gizmo and the first vet. I didn’t try to cross examine the doctor who said it wasn’t broken. I never asked for my money back, nor raised my voice in contempt. I paid the bill and got out of there. The only thing I lost was a little time and money; the vet on the other hand lost a future customer.

Each of these vets did what they thought needed to be done. Each of them arrived at a conclusion based on what they saw in their diagnosis. However, as the “owner” it’s still my judgment call. Because ultimately… I am the one who makes the decision on what repairs are going to be done.

Here’s something to think about: Did you ever notice when you’re in the doctor’s office there are all these plaques with diplomas, certificates of achievement, board certifications, and all kinds of awards? It’s a way for the doctor to introduce themselves before they even come into the room. As technicians we should be doing the same thing.

I used to tell this little riddle: what do you call a guy who barely passed his medical exams, and came in last during his internships, but squeezed by with a passing grade? A “Doctor”. But, at least he had to be graded by his peers, evaluated by a board of experts, and was tested over and over again to make sure he knew what he was doing. Not so in the automotive world. There is no board of experts that evaluate you or grade your performance. With the industry changing so rapidly and the technician’s skills changing as well, it won’t be long before more training won’t be optional, it will be mandatory in order to stay up with the technology.

Taking a page from the vet’s office I’ve started hanging all of my certificates up in the front office for all my customers to see. I think a lot of customers would like to see the achievements of their mechanic proudly displayed on the wall too. It might ease some tension that’s sometimes there when it comes to car repairs.

Just like a doctor, all the schooling in the world won’t make you a good doctor… experience and talent will. There is no better job training than experience, however it takes a lot of hard knocks and days under the hood to gain that experience. With the number of technical colleges, training facilities, and training conventions, there are numerous ways of bringing the new and old technicians up to speed much faster than the old “learn as you go” method of old. I, for one would like to see even more training and classes made available in the future.

I may not be a vet… I don’t set broken bones on little Corgis named Gizmo. I’m like a lot of guys and gals out there in the automotive world… I fix broken cars… I’m a certified, trained, and experienced mechanic/technician and … Dog Gone It! … a pretty darn good one.

After a day at the repair shop I spend my evening hours working on my columns while still trying to maintain all the household chores that need done. I never know which story or what topic the editors want to use to fill their pages. That's why I try to come up with a different subject line each week.

Your input helps decide which ones I try to push for publication. So... the more you tell me about it, the more likely it will go into my column. You get to see them first even before the editors do.

So keep those comments coming, always enjoy them. Gonzo

Full Moon

Technically, a full moon is when the earth, moon, and sun are in approximate alignment, unlike the new moon when it is on the opposite side of the earth. The full moon has the entire sunlit part facing us, while the shadowed portion is entirely hidden from view. (A new moon has the entire shadowed side towards us.) When the moon is full the tides can be higher, also some say that animals can act differently, and there's talk that some people will act a little weird too. Is this weirdness caused by this alignment of the planets or is there something else to this moon phase thing? I'm no scientist or astrophysics major, I'm just a mechanic… and from what I've seen even the repair shop isn't immune to its' affects either.

It's not just the type of problems that show up, it's the way they are explained at the front counter. If ever there was a reason to second guess what someone was trying to tell me, it would certainly be during a full moon. I don't want to sound superstitious, but somebody is going to have to explain to me what else it could be if it's not due to a full moon. I know it's sometimes hard to separate the facts from fiction when I'm dealing with a problem in a car, or when I'm trying to decipher the customer's explanation. It just seems worse the closer it gets to that time of the month. The number of strange customers, bad parts, or weird unexplainable problems always goes up right about then.

Now, I don't sit around and calculate the time and date of the next full moon, but I can't help thinking about it after spending a day at the office with a bunch of wacky repairs and even odder customer complaints. Its kind a funny too; most of these odd problems seem to clear up within a few days, just about the same time the moon passes into its next phase.

Take this weird situation that arrived at the door one day. A lady I've never met before, or even talked to comes into the shop. She walks up to the counter, and says in a quiet voice while looking around as if someone was following her and says,

"I can't leave my car right now. I'm waiting for the aliens to arrive. I'll be back as soon as it's safe for me to drop the car off."

She turned and walked out the door never to be seen or heard from again. I guess the aliens got her, or it could be the aliens fixed her car. I'll never know…

Here's some of the myths the full moon has been linked to: increased homicide rate, traffic accidents, crisis calls to police or fire stations, domestic violence, births of babies, suicides, major disasters, casino payout rates, aggression by professional hockey players, violence in prisons, psychiatric admissions, agitated behavior by nursing home residents, assaults, emergency room admissions, behavioral outbursts of psychologically challenged rural adults, delusional beliefs that one has turned into an animal, sleep walking, and several other ailments.

But in all these studies no one ever mentioned the effects of this lunar phenomenon on the lonely mechanic. Maybe it's time we make it known to these psychiatrists and other professional people who study things like this that they need to add automotive repair shops as another full moon dilemma. I should have had a psychiatrist at the shop the day this guy brought his cat with him to the front office. The guy tells me the cat knew where the electrical short was in his truck. The guy was very insistent so I played along with this cat diagnostics just for the laugh. We walked out to the truck with cat in hand, he gives the cat a little nudge towards the truck and says, "Find the short kitty" The little feline sniffed and purred around the truck for several minutes then rubbed up against the tires, jumped on the hood and then into the bed of the truck. This little diagnostic wonder ended its diagnostic journey curled up next to the rear bumper.

Was the problem there? Ah, no… it was under the dash… I think the cat was just tired of walking around the truck. The owner told me I must have confused the cat's ability to locate the cause because I wasn't putting out the right "vibes" while the cat was searching for the problem. As the owner stated, "The cat has never been wrong before." Ok, sure… whatever ya say there fella. There's a chance there is a lunatic somewhere close… I know it ain't me and I don't think it's the cat.

It's not often that big ball of cheese up there gets me to thinking the entire world has just gone nuts, but on those occasions that someone comes into the shop and tells me their car is possessed, or claims some mail order device is going to save them hundreds of bucks in fuel costs. I start to wonder about this moon thing. I, for one, don't believe in any of this stuff. I'd like to believe that I'm not affected by some mystic force when the moon is full, but since it seems to give everyone an excuse to go a little crazy once a month, I guess I'll just play along with the rest of the nutty world.

There's something magical about heading out for a scenic drive late at night with that glowing orb hanging low in the sky. Get out into the open country away from the city lights and you can really appreciate the magical glow of the moon. Will it affect the car, I don't think so. Will it affect the person behind the wheel, well… maybe… just do the neighborhood a favor while you're looking at the glowing space ball… try to keep the howling down to a minimum.

Just another day at the shop, just another situation to deal with. If you've read some of my previous stories you might have noticed I reused the alien lady part again... to funny to only mention one time in one story. LOL

Hope you enjoy the stories, leave a comment if you can. Thanx again Gonzo

Me Robot

A customer walks up to the service desk, "Can you put my car on one of those machines that tells you what's wrong with my car?"

This is nothing new. So many customers have this idea that there is some magical machine of the auto world that can give them the answer to their car's problem without much effort from the technician. As far as I know, and I've been around the toolbox a few times, there isn't any such machine out there known to man. Maybe it's a slip of the tongue kind of like how the use of a manufacturer's term for a product such as "Freon" when they actually mean R12. Maybe they meant to say, "Please check my car out and see what's wrong with it," rather than expecting some space age nuclear powered, all knowing, all seeing gadget from the planet Zeptar that sends out waves of diagnostic energy and makes any problem disappear.

Not all novice drivers think it's a machine, but there are enough out there that really want some gadget from outer space to check their car. The car has become a space age invention, a device that most generally novices don't understand which leads to the idea that it must be only understood by beings of a higher intelligence.

So, I thought I would ask some customers just what they are after when they ask for that space age "machine" that I seem not to know about. Then try to figure out what they really are expecting once their car is in the repair shop, and what they really think goes on back there when the hood is up. I was quite surprised at their answers.

For the most part, a majority of them do believe there is a machine from the planet Zeptar. They really believe that most techs just wave this machine over the engine, and everything there is to know about the car comes out on a little print out. Some believe it's like the old TV show robots from years past that had the answers before there was a problem even came close. Kind of like when the robot on the TV show "Lost in Space" would start waving its arms around and yell out, "Danger, Danger Will Robinson". Seriously folks, it's a TV show. I think a lot of it starts off from our childhood. TV, radio, and movies tend to make the unbelievable… believable.

Now, I'm not aware of any of these intergalactic solutions that the customer seems to know about, or any of these pieces of hardware they think I have at my disposal. I'm not a robot I'm a technician. I read up on as much of the latest information I can gather, and I spend my free time (what little I have) on researching new techniques or on different methods of solving vehicle problems that I haven't tried before.

I've come to the conclusion what these customers are really wanting is a robotic equivalent to those TV robots and Hollywood movie special effects departments' idea of the all-knowing computer that moves, talks, and interacts with the other players in the drama. That equivalent robot is a highly trained, self-motivated individual who dedicates their working hours to a craft that requires a high caliber of intelligence an even more in-depth ability to comprehend, while being capable of deciphering the intricate details of the modern vehicle with the proper tools available. A robot, no… they need a technician.

What the consumer is really trying to say is; "Put my car in the hands of a qualified tech who can find out what's wrong." They want him/her to be a robotic equivalent of what was capable on those old TV shows. They want something that will foresee their problems and establish a repair without delay.

I often thought it would be hilarious if the next time I'm confronted with someone who asks for one of those "machines" I would immediately go into a trance move like a dime store toy robot, and answer in a monotone voice, "Yes, I will proceed with your request without delay." Then grab their keys and glide through the shop door towards their car. Just to see what their reaction would be.

You never know they might actually stand there and look at you as if you have just burnt out a logic circuits or something. For all I know, they might want to ship me back to the planet Zeptar before I pull out my anti-gravitational-interrupter.

Cars and customers have been, and will always be, a tough part of the business. As the cars become more and more complex, the customer will always be the one common denominator in the equation. As we move further and further into the future the average novice driver will have even less and less knowledge of how their vehicle operates while the technician will steadily advance with the changing technology. I don't think there will be a robotic version of a technician any time in the near future, but you can bet the customer will be expecting an even quicker response and more detailed information about their vehicles condition.

With the cost of repairs increasing, and the sophistication of the vehicles continually rising, there is no doubt the technicians of tomorrow will be in even greater demand than today. Maybe the next time a customer asks me about that "machine" I might just say, "Me Robot??"… maybe then they'll make the connection that scanners, computers, and wrenches all have a place in the tool box… because they're all only tools of the trade, but it's still the technician that makes it work. Even Star Trek had an on-board mechanic and I'm pretty sure "Scotty" wasn't a robot and I don't think he was from the planet Zeptar… he was a technician.

As always, leave a comment if you'd like. Can always use a few good ideas for stories too. If you have an idea let me know...

Thanx for reading my column, and thanx again for your comments. Gonzo

Drain the Swamp and Count the Alligators

Occasionally the customer has more confidence in you than you do yourself.

The old farmer tells his hired hand, "Get down there and drain that swamp today."

The hired hand says, "Looks like there's a heap of alligators in there."

"Don't ya never mind about them gators, you just get that swamp drained!" the old farmer explains.

Some days I feel like the hired hand. I'll get a job in, and I already have the feeling there is going to be a whole heap of alligators between me and draining that swamp. This time around it's a 2004 Nissan 350z with a non-functioning convertible top. The top was up, but wouldn't move, other than unlatching the rear (5^th bow) window section of the top.

Jim is an old customer who loves his little Z car, and was well aware of a few of the alligators lurking under that deck lid. How did he know? Easy, he already tried to get it repaired at a convertible top shop, but they weren't up to the task of taking on this alligator infested swamp.

Jim's only comment to me was, "I don't care how many problems you find, just get it working for me."

After gathering all the TSB's, wiring diagrams, procedures, and any other bits of info I ventured out into untested waters to see what I could find out. All the test procedures started out by checking pin-out voltages and resistances at the convertible top ECM, and guess where that is?… under the very same deck lid that isn't moving… hmm, imagine that. The trunk is the only option. You've got to crawl in there and find the cables to release the deck lid manually.

You could tell somebody else had already been working on it; the emergency cables were nowhere to be found. I looked like some sort of contortionist trying to get down into the small little opening at the bottom of the trunk with my bore scope. I had to wiggle it around in there, until I found the very thin wire cables that would release the latches. (They were pushed back under the lining of the storage area, which is not accessible from the trunk area) Ugh, I haven't even moved the top yet and I'm already swimming with the gators… what could be next?

Once I got the deck lid up I could then remove the interior trim and test the ECM to see what needed to be done. The output voltage for the 5^th bow actuator motor was coming out of the ECM, so unless the wires are broken or disconnected the motor must have failed. Ok, now crawl out of the storage area and wrestle my way into the passenger compartment, then pull the trim piece on the back window up to expose the 5^th bow motor. The motor brushes were shot. Lucky for Jim, I just happened to have some brushes that were a perfect fit. Might as well replace the brushes and see if it will work.

I gave it a try. With a flip of the control button the 5^th bow swung up into perfect upright position, but the top wouldn't move. What now!?!? Back to the ECM and check the stop switches and motor voltages to the top. This time the alligator is in the ECM. Inside the ECM I found the circuit board lead to the top motors was burnt in two. Ok, fix the circuit board and try again. The top moved smoothly through its folding process. As the top closes the 5^th bow actuator has to rotate in the opposite direction, so it will sit flush inside the convertible top storage compartment. As the bow moved to its next position the whole thing quit again. Oh come on… enough already… more alligators?!?! Yes, more alligators. Another trip back to the ECM, this time I found the stop switch for this position wasn't working. Somebody had bent the micro switches so far out of whack there was no way most of them were ever going to work. By now I've called Jim at least a dozen times to keep him informed of what I was up against… his only answer, "Keep draining the swamp" Ok, Ok, I got it… I'll put my waders on and crawl upside down and sideways to get this thing working… but…man these alligators… they're everywhere.

If you counted the different movements from completely up to fully down there are 12 separate electrical/mechanical operations the top has to go through, AND they all have to work in the correct sequence. One micro switch out of position and something else begins to move at the wrong time.

I thought I was done with my alligator counting by the time I had the last micro switch in place, but the first time I got the top to fold up and drop into the storage area, it would stop about an inch or so from completely going down. Seriously? More gators on the prowl? What did I miss this time? I went thru all the electrical and mechanical diagrams again… Nothing, every step was correct, but there had to be something missing. Then I found the answer on one page. One short reference to some elastic straps that connect the 2nd bow to the 3rd bow. These straps spring the 2^nd bow towards the rear of the car to allow for clearance, so the canvas and all the linkage arms can drop that last inch or so into the storage compartment.

I did some more searching and found the part number 97150-CE01B "strap, elastic, convertible top". I called the dealer and gave them the number…

"Yea, it's a good number, but we've never sold any."

I'm shocked. From what I found out lots of these convertible tops had the same problem. I figured they would have changed hundreds of these. It looks like it's a common alligator in this part of the swamp; seems to me every top should probably have these replaced with the new part number, (know somebody with one?… give them that part number).

"Well, get me a set of them."

Once the parts came to the shop, installing them was a piece of cake compared to everything else I had to do. At least now I could see the bottom of this swamp. No more alligators, no more swamp to drain… I'm done. I found 20 different problems in the top mechanisms and electrical components. That's a total of 20 alligators that were lurking in this swamp. What a job!

It took a lot of effort to solve all the problems that I found. It didn't matter much to Jim how many things needed taken care of, the smile on his face as the 350z top worked like new made all that gator wrestling worthwhile. I almost gave up on it several times, but Jim insisted that I keep at it… I'm glad I did.

So the next time I take on one of these gator infested jobs, I know exactly what I'm going to do. Ignore the difficulties, and do just like the old farmer told his hired hand to do.

"Drain the swamp, and don't pay no mind to all those alligators".

Writing my column is the fun part of my week, repairing cars is what I do for a living. On occasions the repairs can be very overwhelming. Difficult, time consuming or just plain seem impossible. Thanks to customers like Jim who have total faith in your abilites those impossible tasks turn into possible.

By The Way --- While it's here…

I'm almost done filling out the new work order for Gus. All I have to do is log the job into the computer. He's in for a routine front brake pad replacement, nothing all that complicated. Gus is in a rather happy mood. I always wonder about people who come to a repair shop… "Happy"… there's something up. Most people are glad to see me… but, not "Happy" unless they are trying to butter me up for something else.

Then he asks, "So while it's in the shop could you look at my radio for me, also could ya check the right headlight, it's a little dimmer than the other side. Oh, and by the way, could you look at the wipers, they sometimes don't come on… and could you take a look at the power seat… can't seem to get it to move any more., and since you have it on the lift could you check the driveshaft... been getting a lot of vibration lately. I'm also having a problem with gas mileage too; wouldn't hurt to pull a plug or put it on one of those fancy machines you've got. Shouldn't take long, you know… since it's here and all."

As it seems to be the norm, these requests are for something that isn't even remotely associated with the original work order. It just so happens to be something he thought about while he was standing there. Not that he's overly concerned about having any these other issues repaired. More than likely he's trying to save a buck on repair cost by bundling things together. I tend to look at it as; "if" these other somewhat minor problems were a real issue old Gus would have made arrangements to bring it in a long time ago.

The problem I have with these "by-the-ways" is each of these systems can be extremely involved and not just a "look-at". These days there are so many interconnected computer devices incorporated with just about everything under the hood or dash that a "by-the-way" can eat up a lot of labor time. Time is money, and being in private business as long as I have there's one thing that gets tighter than time itself... and that's money. I might be able to run a quick scan for a trouble code or take a quick glance at the operation of a power seat or wipers and even in some cases be able to check the overall operational controls with a scanner but the actual diagnostics for a lot of systems may take some time or even more in-depth testing than a mere "look" could even begin to cover.

I looked up at Gus and said, "Not a problem, I can look at all this stuff but just to let you know there might be some extra costs involved to get it diagnosed." As usual that gets the "by-the-ways" scribbled off the work order pretty quickly. I don't want to be mean or non-caring… but, I provide a service… this is a service oriented business. Charging a fee is how I pay for all these tools and equipment and how I keep the shop doors open. Oh sure, I sell the parts too, but Gus didn't come here to buy parts. He came to the service counter. Now I might be going out on a limb with this explanation… but I think… he came for service. Now were talking! … That's what I do… I sell service. So when Gus asks me to "look" at something what he's really asking me for… is service. Oh, and "by-the-way" that's my job.

It's not the cars that worry me so much when it comes to performing the repairs. I can attend classes, watch instructional videos, take tests and basically get educated on how to perform those services needed. But, who's educating the consumer on what the cost, time, and expertise needed to do repairs on today's conglomerations of rubber, glass, plastic, wire, metal, and computers that roll down the highway. The days of having good old Uncle Hank pop the hood in the driveway and take care of something are all but a distant memory. Sure they still try… and in some cases it might even be possible. Then again, I've seen enough bailing wire strapped engine parts, spray can painted body panels, duct taped and garbage bag covered windows that I don't need any more help from the peanut gallery… honestly… take it to a professional.

Let's face it, most people shop for a car based on its MPG, performance, comfort or the bells and whistles the manufacturer provides for that particular model. They'll make their payments, keep it gassed up, change the oil and do what needs to be done when it needs done. Then the car gets a few miles on it, a couple of parking lot scraps, a few rock chips, a little oil leak, then a warning light or two… and by the time it really needs some serious work done those "by-the-ways" start adding up.

I suppose with all the sci-fi TV shows and computer savvy people out there they believe there is some magical machine that I can attach to their car and everything will be answered in one swift click of computer key. As a friend of mine puts it, "On the first page of most diagnostic charts it shows "Required tools or tools needed to perform this repair". I don't recall ever seeing a gadget listed that says it will tell you how to solve this problem, and that problem there, and that problem over there, and that little bitty problem over there. Oh, and by the way… that problem right there. It still takes a tech to physically tackle the problems.

This is one of those things about the automotive repair business that is just a myth that I'm sure Gus thinks is reality. In most cases the myths, wives tales, hearsay, or whatever you want to call them, are the norm for the novice consumer. So educating the customer on what it takes to repair things right, do the job correctly is just as important as the continued training in the field of automotive repair. I guess the way some people see it, adding additional work to a job can't be that big of a deal.

By the way, from my side of the counter… it can be.

Just another day in the life of the auto repair biz. Nothing surprises me anymore... but, people think they are the first to ever try stuff like this. Sorry, it might be the first time for them... but it sure ain't the first time for me.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think of the story. Not all make it to print... but most do. Look for my column in the automotive trade magazines you get at your shop. Don't forget to leave a comment on their websites too. Every bit helps. Thanx... Gonzo

Diagnosing a Cancer

One of my good friends, who is also a really super diagnostic tech is in the midst of dealing with a diagnostic problem of his very own. He was recently diagnosed with cancer. Not a problem anyone one of us would like to deal with. It started out as a small discomfort and then a nagging pain, which eventually became too much to bear without medical intervention. I'm not going to go into what kind of cancer it is; I probably couldn't pronounce it, or even know how to spell it correctly anyway. It's at least a type that is curable with some degree of recovery.

Bo is his name, a really thoughtful, caring, and quite intelligent guy, who for the most part has seen his share of life's ups and downs. Throughout it all, automotive repair, and his family have always been a part of the mix. It just seems unfair for such a good hearted guy to have to deal with all these medical issues. But, being the good hearted guy he is, he takes it in stride. He's actually doing extremely well, and recently completed the last round of the chemotherapy and medications. There's a 99.9% chance that they caught it in time, which I'm happy to say… shows on his face every time I see him.

Bo's really sharp on O-scope diagnostics and understands the patterns as if he was born to read them. I lean on his expertise occasionally, and hope some of his knowledge will rub off on me once in a while. A few weeks ago he stopped by my shop for a visit and I mentioned a problem I was having with a Ford Focus. I already had it diagnosed and was waiting for an approval from the customer for the repairs. Bo thought it would be a pretty cool idea to test it on his scope, which he just so happened to have with him. Sure, why not, like the old saying; "Two heads are better than one." Sounds like a perfect time to get a second opinion on the problem.

His results matched my results exactly. No#5 cylinder had a low voltage (ground side signal) response from the PCM. It was easy to spot using two channels on the scope and comparing readings from a known good cylinder and the suspected bad one. Bo and I enjoy comparing notes on stuff like this. Hey, it gives us two scope junkies something to do on an afternoon when the shop is slow.

Bo is no stranger to the auto repair business. He used to own a repair shop years ago, and has experienced the different aspects of dealing with the automotive industry. We can sit around for hours trading war stories about car problems, customers, and what it's like to run a small business. Quite frankly, it's a great stress relief to smile and kick back a bit and chat with a fellow tech who has experienced the same things as yourself.

On this afternoon the conversation soon went from cars to cancer. He jokingly laughs at the bills coming in from every different direction. They come in from different doctors, different hospital departments, anesthesiologist, the nursing staff, the desk clerk, janitor, waiting room attendant, on and on and on. Like I said, Bo is not the kind of guy that lets anything get him down. He jokes about it... even as serious as it is....

"I think the parking lot attendant at the hospital is even sending me a bill," Bo laughingly remarks, "You know, sometimes I think they're just inventing people and jobs that I'll have to send a check to. There are so many different people, places, and equipment involved in the diagnosis of this crazy cancer, and everybody wants a piece of the pie."

Bo went on to say, "You know, I don't think a customer in an automotive repair shop would even consider paying for all the different people involved in their car repair. Can you imagine… I'll bet the cost would triple if not more."

I can't argue with that. Here we are, two professional techs examining our "patient" and it's highly unlikely the customer is even aware of the effort that is being put into diagnosing their car. As with a lot of trades, the automotive field is no different, not one person knows it all. There are so many times that a second opinion can make all the difference in the world. I'm sure a lot of techs (including myself) field calls from other techs looking for some clues or information that might help them solve a problem.

It's probably asking too much for a customer to undertake the responsibility to pay for all the services rendered in regards to their car repair. Most of the time they are unaware of the phone calls, research, and thinking that go on between techs to solve a problem. It would only lead to a higher cost and with a lot of folks out there … these days …. It's just not going to work with the economy we're in.

As Bo and I sat there, solving world problems, we both knew that in some cases a few people would sooner look for someone who will do it cheaper vs. a more expensive repair shop. It's always something to think about… the "someone else will do it cheaper" attitude that seems to always be present with a lot of price conscious drivers out there.

Since there are still those repair shops out there that use the "Replace parts until it is fixed" attitude, diagnostics and its cost is still a hot topic with some customers. It seems some people would rather gamble on a few cheap parts than a thorough examination. The likelihood of the general public understanding the complexities of proper diagnostics on today's cars will continue to be over shadowed by the incompetence of some people out there who pretend to be technicians. As Bo puts it, "This is truly the cancer in the automotive repair industry."

Bo mentioned how he had several different diagnoses and how each doctor had their own version of how to make the "repairs". It took several attempts to finally get his cancer problem properly diagnosed and solved. It reminds me of how often someone will go to a shop and have a few parts swapped out, and then to the next shop to have even more parts changed only to finally end up at a shop with the proper tools and equipment that can diagnose and solve the problem correctly. Bo might be right about this one… it isn't the car, it isn't the parts… it's the so called "repair" shops that don't make the effort to diagnose it correctly before twisting nuts and bolts on the car. Our collective diagnosis is… that's one of the cancers that needs cured in the auto industry.

As two old techs will do, Bo and I have discussed these problems and a few other worldly fiascos more than a few times. We're not doctors trying to find a cure for cancer, or working on controlling its effects on the population…we're automotive technicians… working on solving problems, raising the standards of our profession… and yes… trying to find a solution to the cancer in our own industry.

Take the time to work with other techs in your area. There's a lot of knowledge out there and with a little effort on our part we can make a difference in the future of our chosing profession. Bringing up the publics impression of today's automotive tech or bodyshop repairman is one of my goals. We're all part of the solution, because we're all part of the problem.

WON'T HOLD YA TO IT!

Being a specialty shop I'm usually not the first place most people will stop at for repairs. More than likely they'll have gone to their "regular" mechanic to try and solve a problem, or checked around with people they know as to where to try and get their car repaired. Sooner or later somebody will mention my name and they'll make it over to my shop.

The only problem I run into now is the fact they have already spent so much money on repairs, and their budget is so tight they want me to go as easy as possible on the cost of the repair. But, before they came to my shop a budget wasn't a problem, but now with all their money spent… they want me to hold to a certain price. This next price shopper was no different.

A guy comes into the office with a dash gauge problem on his Ford pickup. He starts out with the same old introduction line I've heard a zillion times before: "I've been here, I've been there and nobody can find out what's wrong… everyone I've talked to says you're the man to see who can find it."

The story goes that it will blow the 10 amp gauge fuse as soon as you install one, but he's found that if he puts a 25 amp fuse in it will last a day or two. (Good Grief… this is already sounding bad.) A lot of parts have been changed and a lot of things have been tried. It's been to several other shops but nothing has ever solved the problem. All of them eventually recommended that he stop by my shop. (I'm thinking to myself, "Gee dude? After you went to the first shop and they told you to come here, then you went to the next shop and they told you the same thing, then a third, and… seriously dude…how many shops did ya actually go to before you showed up here?")

Needless to say, he was out of cash, out of patience, and still without working gauges in his truck. Now it's my turn to tackle the problem, or … is it……

"I need and estimate on how much it will cost to repair it," he asked me.

"Well, sir, without knowing where the problem is, or what is causing the problem, I'll have to check a few things to be able to pinpoint what the cause is."

"You've obviously done these before, so how much did those cost?"

"Your results may not be the same as the last one I did, because I'm pretty sure the last couple of them that I've done didn't try a 25 amp fuse in place of a 10 amp. So, you might be in for a little more work than the usual repair."

"How can that make the problem worse, it's just a fuse?"

I explained, (as best as I could) why an oversize fuse was not a good idea… but it wasn't getting thru to him. He didn't or wouldn't except an explanation that didn't include a dollar amount in the answer.

"Just give me a range of what it could cost," he insistently asked.

"Ok, well, how about 1 dollar to a thousand," I said, getting a little chapped at his badgering questions.

"Oh, you can give me a closer guess than that. I won't hold ya to it of course."

(The classic "won't hold ya to it" line… sure, you won't.)

"Ok then, it usually runs between 200 to 500 but, it could run a lot less, or it could run a lot more depending on the actual damage I find."

"So you think it will cost around 500.00 bucks then?"

Apparently I have lost my ability to explain things in English, and apparently when I give a variable of two numbers the "won't hold ya to it" number is the higher one, and not a penny more. I guess I didn't make myself clear… oh, I forgot… he's not going to hold me to it so it's safe to say 500.00 bucks is a good number. Awesome, now I won't have to worry about the inevitable argument I'll have once (if ever) I finish the job. Because you know… the actual price may vary.

"Ok, what would be the worst case scenario?" he asks.

By this time I've pretty much figured out that this guy isn't about to leave the truck with me. Either because of the cost or the fact he's not getting the answers he wants. To me, when someone starts asking all these questions it's a sign that they don't trust you… they are really only trying to find a number that they can use to compare at the next shop they'll be stopping at. All the references in the world don't help a bit when the old wallet is doing the talking. Because it still comes down to who's the cheapest. References, quality of repair, and answering all their questions, still doesn't add up to a job in the shop, plain and simply… it's cost. At this point, I know I've lost the job, his trust and my trust of him isn't there. I might as well end this with a little flare of my own.

"Well, let's see… how much did ya pay for the truck?" I asked.

"I paid over 10 grand for it, but what does that have to do with it?

"Let's think about this for a second… If you have ruined the wiring to the point that the overall cost of repairs will exceed the value of the truck then I would say the worst case scenario would be… replace the truck. It's just a harmless joke sir, not that it would happen to your truck, however, I've had a few that it was actually possible with the amount of damage I've found."

Well that pretty much sealed the deal. That little answer snapped his last fuse. This guy is heading out the door. There's no doubt about it. Even with all the referrals, the detailed diagnostics procedures that I explained to him, the fact that I knew that more damage could be done by changing to a higher amperage fuse, still didn't bring the job into the shop. I guess trying to hold my feet over the fire with a "I won't hold ya to it price" was still out of his budget.

There's no doubt I didn't hit it off with this guy, and quite frankly sometimes that's a good thing, I'm not trying to win them all. Man, it would have been a good paying job too if I could have only found a price that this guy could afford. Next time I run across another situation like this I'm going to ask them this question,"Ok, what can you afford? I realize you have spent a ton of money with all these other shops and nothing has been done. So why don't you give me a number that will work… … … … Oh and don't worry… … … … I won't hold ya to it."

People never cease to amaze me. After a while you need to just learn to take it all in stride... you're not going to win every battle or make every customer a long life friend. At least after reading a few of my stories you'll get a smile and figure out you're not the only one that has seen somebody like this. Have a Great day!

Service Writer Blues

Sing that blues song one more time.... yea you know the tune, the one you hear at the front counter.

The front door opens, a guy steps up to the service counter and says, "Man, I'm so glad I found you guys. Everyone I talked to recommend this place. I got to get this solved today; I need my car checked for a battery drain. Is there somebody here that can do that right now?"

Mandy (my service writer and my youngest daughter) greets him and says, "Hi, we sure do. I think he is waiting on parts on some of the other jobs in the shop, he could look at it right away."

"Does it cost anything?" he asked.

"Yes, there is a diagnostic fee," she answered with her usual big smile.

"Great, and I can get it figured out today, that would be fantastic," he said.

Mandy grabs a blank invoice and starts to fill out the invoice. Her pen was a flurry of activity with the man's name, telephone number, and type of car. After the preliminary information was on paper all that was needed was the keys.

"Ok, I just need the keys and I'll get it in the shop so it can be diagnosed," Mandy answered.

The keys didn't come sliding across the counter as expected. He stood there with them, tossing them from one hand to the other.

"I just want to find out what's wrong with it. I thought he could just look at it, instead of charging for a diagnosis… I don't need it diagnosed I already know it's battery drain," the now agitated customer barked back at her.

"Sir, I explained all that to you earlier, the diagnostic time is for the time it generally takes to solve and locate the problem… It's like going into the emergency room with a suspected broken arm, they take an x-ray to confirm it, and even if you don't have a broken arm you're still going to get a bill from the x-ray department, it's the same thing here. I've already filled out the invoice… so… do you still want to get it looked at today, or do you want to cancel the invoice."

"Well, I'm not sure he is going to be able to find the problem, when I couldn't find it. So I don't see why I should have to pay somebody else to try and figure out something I couldn't figure out,"

It's an age old problem. Some people feel they are capable of finding whatever is wrong with their personal car since they are the ones that drive it daily. Some of these people feel no one else is even capable of doing better than them. But as always, this usually starts soon after they find out they have to pay for it.

"Sir, if he can't figure it out, there is no charge, and he will recommend the appropriate repair facility for that type of work. But I would say more than likely his years of experience will out weigh any doubts you have of him finding your problem, besides, all those referrals you mentioned wouldn't have sent you here if they didn't think he was capable of finding the problem," Mandy said with a stern tone.

"So, you think he can find the problem, but, in order for me to find out what's wrong with my car… he's going to charge me for it?"

"That's pretty much sums it up sir. He's very good at this kind of thing, and it won't take him long to do it."

Now the back pedaling starts. First it was "get it done today" and now it's "get it done tomorrow".

"Well, I've got some errands to run; I'll bring the car back later… so just hold onto that invoice… I'll be back," He answered.

Mandy has seen these speed bump jumpers before, she lets the pen fall to the counter, then leans back in her chair, folds her arms across her chest and looks straight at this guy.

"You'll be here later, (with a little "flip" attitude in her voice) like when, later… what day, what time?"

"Oh, probably about the same time as today."

"Ok, so you don't want it done today now, when you first came in you wanted it done right now and "now" you want me to save this invoice until you come back in," Mandy said, still with her arms folded.

"Yea, that'll work," he said, as he put his keys back into his pocket.

He turns and walks towards the exit; before he is even out the front door she has the invoice already lined up with the paper shredders slot. As the lobby door closes the shredder is already busy doing its job.

Of course, tomorrow never comes.

You really want to believe them, but you know there isn't an ounce of truth in their "coming back tomorrow" story. Whatever the reason is, it just doesn't matter. With all the referrals he mentioned that still wasn't good enough to satisfy this guy. Then again, this hurry up life style that some people lead can get in the way of logical thinking.

You know some days I'd like to have a fast food drive-up window set up. Before somebody even gets a chance to get their car in the shop they have to place their order and prepay for the parts and labor. I can see it now… "Yes, sir that was a diagnostics, ah, 2 tie rod ends, front end alignment, and an oil change… next window please…"

Ah yes, the service writer's blues... a familiar song and a familiar situation at the service counter. Learning when enough effort has been taken with an individual who is only there to gain free information rather than pay for the services is something every counter person has to learn. It's a fine line, and in some cases I would consider it the toughest job of all.

Wouldn't be right if I didn't mention the efforts of the service writers. I'll bet we've all seen something like this before. Leave a comment if you can. Gonzo

Code Talkers

During World War II the US used a secret type of language to send and receive messages, so the enemy couldn't find out what they were talking about. They enlisted the help of Navajo and Comanche Native Americans as radio operators. These guys used a combination of their language and relative terms as a way to disguise the real message over unsecured radio waves during World War II.

Most of the coding was done by using a native word for each letter of the message. Such as, if you were going to say the word "ARMY" they would pick one of the native words that represented a word in English with the first letter "A" and the same for each letter after that. In other words the letter "B" would be sent over the radio waves as, "Toish-Jeh" which means, "barrel" in English.

So the word "ARMY" would have been transmitted something like this:

"Wol-la-chee" (Ant) – "Gah" (rabbit) – "Tsin-tliti" (Match) – "Tsah-as-zih" (Yucca) thus the word Army would have been spelled out and easily translated at the other end. A lot of times an entire phrase could be stated with one word, or a word that was often used had a selected native word that was used as a substitute. Then on other occasions an English word was thrown in just to confuse the whole thing even more. It was quite ingenious… and believe or not… the code was never --- ever --- broken. To quote General Howard Connor (while at Iwo Jima), "Were it not for the Navajos, the Marines would have never taken Iwo Jima."

Trying to sound out those four Native American words (correctly) and translate it into the actual word was easy for these guys. They understood it, it's their language and they could send/translate and relay an answer faster than any machine available back in the day. They truly were code talkers.

So you might ask where am I going with all of this? Well, think about it… doesn't this sound something like the codes we have with today's cars? It does to me.

I read a code, translate it into working data, and solve a problem, all with a language that isn't understood by everyone out there. I guess you could call me a modern day code talker.

The big difference is you've got people with hand held scanners they bought at a local store or from the internet, and have the ability to "read" a code. Or some of them have been to a repair shop that has bought a scanner and read the codes for them. But, they can't break the code. They can't determine what to do with the information they have in front of them.

Think about it… it's World War II, and you've just copied down a message from your secret hiding spot on the side of the hill. You are about to relay the message to your superior officers. But, you still haven't a clue what that gibberish means. It's like reading a code on a car these days, and not having a clue what all that information means. That's where a qualified automotive technician … (aka code talker) is needed.

I have lost count of how many times a car has come into my shop with a customer standing at the counter. They have already been somewhere else, and the other shop has given them an invoice with the codes and the definition written down on it, and… more than likely a big "goose egg" in the charge column of the invoice. And,… they still haven't had their problem resolved.

"Oh I see they didn't charge you to read the codes… how nice of them (a little sarcastically I might add). So, you need me to find out what it all means right?" I'll ask.

"Yes, but I won't need it diagnosed; that's already done," the customer will tell me.

Of course it's already diagnosed… and you know what is going to happen next. I'm going to tell them there is a charge to trace out the actual problem and determine the reason for the fault code. Any tests that are needed or extra equipment needed to diagnose the problem is all incorporated into the diagnostic fee, which of course ends up with a customer just about to grab all their paper work and head out the door. Because … oh you know what's coming next… "It shouldn't cost anything to find out what's wrong with my car, because I already had that done."

This is when I break into my "code talker" story and inform the customer of what the process takes to actually find out what that particular code means.

"There's everything from a compression check to TSB's that need to be considered when it comes to diagnosing a problem," I'll tell them.

Let's face it, an oscilloscope ain't cheap, and as far as I know they aren't giving away these scanners, not to mention the hand tools, meters, and specialty equipment you'll need to perform some of these tests.

I realize that the code information to them sounds more like "Comanche" or "Navajo" lingo than it does plain English… but then… I'm a modern day code talker… I can read it, I can interpret it, and I can translate it into English. That's what I'm here for.

The next thing to do is make the customer aware of the level of sophistication that is needed to decipher these coded messages from the car. (It still amazes me that there are still a lot of people out there who assume replacing a part will always solve the problem, and that intensive research isn't necessary.)

I don't know about you, but there are times when I have a car in the shop that looks like it is on life support with the amount of gadgets I've got hanging out of the hood or from under the dash, and it all started off with a simple code. (This is one of those times a cell phone or a camera comes in handy and sending a shot of the owner's car to them so they can see what you've had to do to locate the cause of that simple code number.)

I'm a modern day mechanic… I'm no grease monkey, nor am I the guy with a scanner who'll read your codes and give you the definition. I'm the guy who will read the code, define it, and translate it into a solution. The cars of today are not the car of yesterday… nor are they the cars of the future. I've got to take care of what is here now, and that requires some understanding of the fundamentals of todays' cars. But in order to find out what that little service light means on your dash…keep in mind… you don't need a code reader… you need a code talker.

Working on new stories all the time. Adding a little survey to this story... Which magazines do you see my articles in? Leave a comment ... love to hear from ya. Gonzo

GI Think I'm a Mechanic ---- A job, a life, a career

After high school I made the choice to join the Marine Corps. It was a big step for a young guy who really didn't have a direction, nor thought about the future. So, off I went to boot camp. I'll admit it was tough, it was physically demanding and very mentally challenging. But, I did very well, got a lot of good marks and even a couple of special awards. One of the biggest surprises was when my platoon was on the

"mess and maintenance" week. I was assigned to the commandant's headquarters building. I was to shine all the brass, wax the floors, and general building maintenance. One day the Sargent in charge said it was time to mow the grass. He sent me and two other recruits out with scissors to clip the lawn in front of the headquarters building. Really, I'm not kidding…scissors, and I'm not talking about a large pair of scissors, no… more like your typical size for any home office or school desk. Well, being the bright, eager young lad I was I had to ask.

"Sargent, ever hear of a lawnmower before?"

Not that I was being smart and all… it just struck me dumb they wouldn't have a lawnmower to do this job. But, then again, why not get a couple of young recruits to clip the lawn with scissors… we'll work cheap.

"Come here soldier, see what ya think of this," he said.

In a hall closet just inside the building there were four mowers stacked up on top of each other. They all seemed to be the same brand of mower, but all of them seemed to have been taken apart and there were lots of parts missing.

"Well, can we use them Sarge?" I asked.

"Those things haven't ran since I've been here, but if you think you can get one of them going, it would make us all look good," the Sargent answered.

Luckily, the Sargent had a small box of tools stashed away, which just so happened to have all the missing parts stored in it from the various mowers. After some careful maneuvering I managed to get the mowers separated, and within an hour I had three of them running. Talk about a proud bunch of Marines mowing the commandant's lawn. OohRah! The Sargent got a promotion out of it, and I got a special award for my efforts. Not a bad day in boot camp after all.

I really didn't touch a car for a long time after that. I spent a long time overseas and cars weren't on the top of the list of things to be concerned about. It wasn't until I was stationed stateside, and I was leaving my barracks one day when I noticed these two guys sitting on the sidewalk with an entire four barrel carburetor laid out in pieces in front of them. These two jarheads had no clue what they were doing. They were taking apart anything that had a screw on it. Clearly, these guys needed some help. Now, I spent enough time back home working on my grandparent's farms keeping the machinery running and reading a lot of old service manuals my dad had collected that I had a pretty good idea what I was doing.

"Need some help?" I asked.

"Sure could use a hand," one of them said to me.

The big challenge was to put all the parts back together on the carburetor without a new gasket kit, and make it work again. I'm telling you, this was one big mess for sure… these guys went as far as taking the small screws out of the butterfly flaps. (Never had much luck getting those things out when they are peened into place myself.)

After I had the carburetor back together and installed on the car the last thing was to put the plugs back in and sort out the firing order. Only one problem, they broke one of the spark plugs off while taking them out. "Looks like we'll have to run it on 7 cylinders for now," I told them.

It took a minute or so for the fuel to get up into the carburetor, but it did run. The exhaust was falling off, it was running pretty rich, but it was running. The guys were ecstatic! They bought the car for 50 bucks from another Marine who was getting shipped out, and the car had been sitting for about a year right there in the parking lot. Just hearing it run was an improvement. We all hopped into the car and drove around the barracks a few times belching smoke, backfiring, and making enough noise to bring the MP's to the scene. (They thought it was pretty funny too… let us go with a warning.)

After this little escapade I ended up being the barracks' mechanic for everyone's car problems. Most everything was "parking lot" type repairs, no engine rebuilds or tranny exchanges, just basic problems that could be handled with basic tools that a couple of young Marines could afford.

It wasn't til after I was out of the service that I realized repairing cars seemed to always fall into my lap. So I guess it's safe to say I was destined to be a mechanic no matter what. A few tech classes, a little tutelage under an old watchful senior mechanic, and I was in business for myself.

Well, here it is a few decades later and I'm still turning wrenches, I'm still scrapping a knuckle, and still making a living at it. I guess you could say it's my career.

Looking back on it now I guess I could have done something else with my working years, but like a lot of us in this automotive repair business, this was my calling. I am one of many mechanics and technicians of any small town or big city who might have done something else with their life, but cars and tool boxes became our vocation. I may have chosen to be in this business but quite honestly, it might have actually chosen me. Can't say it's been that bad of a deal.

I'm sure everyone in the business has a story to tell of how they got started, and when I get the chance to hear someone else's story I'll take the time to listen. It's really fascinating to me how we all ended up here… bending over the hood of a car or truck.

I'm very proud of the auto industry, and I'm proud to be a part of it. Whatever some people may think about the job of a "mechanic" or how they might try to degrade it, there's one thing to keep in mind…. it's a necessary part of the world we live in. This country is built on moving goods, products, and people from one place to another, and without mechanics everything would come to a complete stop.

As a tribute to all of the mechanics, technicians out there… a tip of the hat to one and all… your dedication and hard work should be commended. If no one else will say it… I will… Thank you for your continued efforts. You keep fixing them and I'll keep telling your stories.

Here's a hand salute from an old Marine to everyone in the automotive trenches.

I appreciate every one of you… 100 percent. OohRah!

I'd love to hear your story so tell me about it. We've all got a begining...and it makes for great conversation. So don't be shy... let's hear your story!

Thanx again... thanx for reading my articles. Do me a favor, if you see one of my stories in a magazine... send an email to them and let them know what you think of the story.

Where's Waldo?

OK, I really do fix cars for a living. I take a car with a problem, locate the problem, and make the appropriate repair. Sometimes I haven't a clue where to look when I start, but with a few proper tools, a little ingenuity, and a whole lot of experience I'll find the problem.

It's like finding Waldo, yea that little nerdy guy in red and white. The one that hides in plain sight sometimes, and even as careful as you can be, you'll usually have to look closely to find him. Except my "Waldo" doesn't wear a red and white cap to give himself away. My Waldo is usually something to do with a component or part that has failed, or has decided to be difficult. I sometimes think that these weird repair jobs that end up at my shop are like an elaborate game of "who can find Waldo first".

I'm not always the first guy to try and find Waldo. A lot of times a customer will take their car to a relative or next door neighbor, and when that doesn't work they'll find the cheap shop or the closest garage in their area. Even more often I'll hear a customer tell me they always go to a certain shop for all their repairs, so they think nothing of going to a specialist for any repairs. But, when that doesn't work it's time to ask for a recommendation for a shop that can make the repairs. Now this isn't true of everyone, a lot of people have a family mechanic they have used for years, while others believe the dealership is the only place to go for repairs. Whichever or whatever way works for each and everyone is just fine with me. One way or another somebody has to find Waldo.

When it comes to cars, Waldo can be pretty crafty. He can be hiding in thousands of places. He can be under the hood, behind the dash, in the trunk, or under the seat. He can be well concealed or under layers of components, carpet, plastic, or engine parts. With today's cars he can even be inside a computer lurking about as a corrupted bit of information. I never know where he'll show up, but I'll do my best to find him. The other day I was on a Waldo hunt for a wacked out gas gauge. The fuel gauge was stuck on empty on this 03 Ford Van. It came from another shop after they had given up on it. The shop had already tried a new sending unit in the tank, but it only lasted a day or two before the gauge quit again.

So where is that little beanie cap wearing weirdo hiding this time? I think I'll start with a little behind the steering wheel work first. After doing the self-test on the dash it was clear the gauge was not responding, so I decided to break out the gauge simulator and hook it up to the fuel gauge. Even with the tester adjusted to 160 ohms (full tank reading) it never budged off of empty. Gotcha Waldo! You're in the instrument cluster… ah HA! Got ya this time for sure ya skinny little twerp!

I got the new cluster approved and installed it the next day. Hooked up to the scanner checked that all the programming needed was done, typical stuff… mileage, tire size, etc… not a big deal (with the right scanner, an IDS in this case or the dealer parts department can set most of it up for you when you order it… Actual programming needs varies from year to year, so be careful to follow all manufacturer's directions). I was so convinced that I had this one I didn't think I needed to recheck my work. I was in for a surprise when the gas gauge didn't move right away. I've seen this before; it can take a minute or two or up to even 20 minutes if the key was on while filling up the tank. I didn't recall turning the key on when I was installing the new cluster, but by the time I had the van off the lift and backed out of the shop the gauge was working. Done, problem solved… Waldo you're out-a-here!

Boy was I wrong. Seems old Waldo had to come back just a few days later. The gauge is back on empty again just as it did with the first shop. Now what is he doing… that Waldo he's a crafty kind of little nerd… is he messing with me? I'm about to go "mechanic" on his little butt.

Back to the gauge tester again, this time the gauge reacted with every movement and changed with every setting I could put it thru on the tester. I knew the empty reading on this tank is around 15 ohms and a full tank is 160, so I should have a reading somewhere in between those reading from the tank sender. It was 16 ohms… oh come on… is this tank empty?

I gave the tank a couple of knocks with my knuckle "rap, rap, rap" and muttered to myself very sheepishly, "You in there Waldo?"

I got an approval to drop the tank down to check it further. I could tell the other shop changed the tank sending unit. They had butt connected the lead together (gee, ya could have just disconnected it), but I did notice something rather strange about the sending unit. The float was bent around the fuel pump and an edge of the bail was trapped against the actual fuel pump bracket. Waldo is up to something here, and it's not the sender.

I grabbed a flashlight and looked down in the tank. There inside the tank is the tray that the fuel pump rests in. It's mainly there as a way to control the sloshing effect of the fuel and to help give the gauge a steady reading. The only thing was… the tray wasn't staying in place. It had broken free from the bottom of the tank and was sliding back and forth as the van drove down the road.

"Waldo… you've been a very naughty little fellow," I said to myself.

The only thing that made sense about the dash being bad was somebody must have tried to send voltage back up the sending wires to the dash, and it probably knocked the gauge out. It wouldn't have been hard to do with the gauge and fuel pump leads all in the same connector. Somebody could have easily (accidently I hope) crossed the wrong leads, which created another "Waldo". While the original Waldo remained in hiding inside the gas tank the whole time.

Now I just have to tell the customer where I found him at this time. Great, just great…. Two Waldo's in two places in one car. I think I'll let Waldo explain this to the owner, "Waldo … Waldo… where's Waldo?" Typical… I've got to go find him again.

Keep those comments coming, makes my day....that's for sure! Got an idea for a story, email me www.gonzosae@aol.com Always looking for your input.

Don't forget... the more you go on line and read my articles the more the advertisers are watching too. Stop by any babcox magazine website, leave a comment if you can. www.brakeandfrontend.com, www.importcar.com, www.underhoodservice.com, www.counterman.com, www.enginebuilder.com, www.diagnosticnews.com.... and several others. If you don't see my column at your favorite magazine... SEND THEM AN EMAIL... and TELL THEM. I'd definetly appreciate it.

Hot Rod Hot Head

Had a customer come in the shop a few years ago with a 52' Ford pickup he was restoring. Most of the truck was in primer or bondo and most of the engine work was done. The real goal was to turn it into a show truck. It needed to be a class "A" job. Not a problem, I was up for the challenge. This was way back before the advent of the aftermarket wiring harness systems we have today, so everything had to be handmade and carefully laid out so it could be tucked out of view.

It took me a week or so to get the project done, but it was worth the effort, everything was perfect and all the wiring was out of sight. You couldn't have asked for a better looking job on any old truck.

After I was done it was off for paint and new wheels. It was several months before I saw the truck again. Now it's a shade of light blue with just a touch of silver metallic in it, beautiful paint and finish. He wanted me to add a cruise control to it before the interior was finished. Once the interior was done he was heading off to his first show.

The aftermarket cruise control (he provided) worked great right out of the box, and the wiring was also as neat as the rest of the job. The next day the owner picked up the truck and was heading to the upholstery shop to have the carpet and interior finished. I figured the next time I would see this truck would be after he came by to show off the trophy he won, but was it was more than a year later before I heard from him again.

Apparently something came up and the truck was put on hold shortly after leaving my place. When the truck did show up, the outside looked as good as I remembered it. All new carpeting, seats, door panels… the works, and a working stereo system was installed that wasn't there before.

I wasn't too pleased to see all the worked I had done was now just a cobbled mess. When I asked the owner about it his only comment was that the carpet guy was the last one to work on it and his buddy at the carpet place swears up and down that it was my fault and that I didn't know what I was doing. Now that was a strange answer, I certainly wasn't expecting something like that coming from him.

I went ahead with the touch up work on the wiring that needed to be done. Wires from the stereo and wires from the cruise control were all bundled together like spaghetti. Later that afternoon I got a call from the upholstery guy, what a jerk… he called me every name in the book and made it perfectly clear he didn't like mechanics.

"All you thugs that call yourself mechanics are nothing but a bunch of high school drop outs that couldn't get a job flippin' hamburgers," the big mouth tack slinger screamed thru the phone.

As far as he was concerned the only expert in the whole entire world that knew anything about building a show quality truck was him. His continuous badgering of the automotive repair field went on and on. I finally had enough of it; I lashed back with a vengeance. I gave him both barrels of verbal abuse that I had and I didn't give him a chance to open his big fat mouth before I slammed the phone down on the receiver.

Another couple of months go by and like a lot of those "hot head" jobs you tend to forget about them and just go on with the daily work. But there it was again… that same 52' Ford in front of my shop.

"Hi ya doing buddy," the owner says, "Got some more work for ya to do." (Don't ya know I was surprised.)

Are we like serious? Not like I've totally forgotten about dealing with his jackass carpet buddy. This time around he added even more stuff to the truck than before. Now the stock hood hinges had been removed and an aftermarket system was installed.

The new hinges allow the hood to be opened backwards. The "normal" front of the hood is now the hinge area and the end next to the windshield is the latching side. On the fenders there are a couple of looping chromed metal bars. These bars are what a pair of rollers ride between and guide the hood into place and hold the hood securely closed.

I've seen these before, they're pretty trick. My job was to rewire the front headlights and turn signals that were cut out when the body shop installed the hinges.

I had the work finished in no time, the owner picked up the truck with a smile. (As if there was never a problem.) As he was leaving he mentioned to me he was going back to the upholstery shop to have some details taking care of.

When he said that I kind of smiled, you know the type, the kind of fake smile you see on a store manikin. I knew there is trouble to follow; I just don't know what kind. But, I'm sure of one thing… I'll be blamed again.

A week later the truck showed back up. I could see from across the shop that the hood wasn't closed correctly.

"Hi, what's up? Looks like the hood isn't shutting right, what happened to it?" I said with that now familiar manikin smile I had a week earlier.

"You should know what's wrong with it!" he said angrily.

The next thing I know he was accusing me of the whole mess. Remembering how the "carpet tacker" rattled my cage before, I wasn't going to stand for it a second time.

"First off, did it look correct when you left here a week ago?" I said.

"Yea, it did." He answered.

"And then you went to your buddy the carpet dude again. This is sounding just like the cruise control problem all over again."

"Call up there and find out if anybody looked at the engine." I blared out at him.

Later he had his answer, it was what I had thought all along, somebody had the hood open and didn't close it correctly. I ended up repairing the bent parts so the hood would close correctly and got the truck back to show condition.

The old 52 Ford and its owner only shows up once in awhile these days to show off a new "bling" he's added, and as far as I know the upholstery hot head has packed his carpet bag and headed out of town.

Sure makes it tough to help out a customer when somebody has influenced them into believing your doing something wrong when all you've done is something right. Especially when they're friends of the customer… and you're just one of those… "mechanics".

Your comments are what make the difference. ASO is the first to see the new articles even before the editors do. You like it, let me know. As always... thanx to everyone for reading them.

Check Engine Charlie

Charlie comes in every now and then. I guess you could say he's a regular but I think I would call him more of an opportunist when it comes to his car repairs. He'll go to an oil change place for oil changes, a tire shop for tires, a transmission shop for transmission, so on and so on. If there is an opportunity to get his car into a shop he'll make an appointment and get it in. But, the one thing he seems to always use me for is the check engine light.

Normally, most people don't pay that much attention to the check engine light unless it's staying on. Not Charlie, he's absolutely paranoid it will come on and stay on.

Somehow, some way somebody has told him that the check engine light is not a warning of a problem with the exhaust emissions or related engine/transmission problems but the precursor to a ticking bomb that will bring an end to his ride of rides. It's as if the check engine light is the trigger to the doom and gloom of his car. At times, Charlie thinks the check engine light has stayed on a longer than it should when he starts it up in the morning. This prompts an immediate phone call and a trip to the repair shop. With all these trips he's seen me use several different code readers, scanners, O-scopes, and laptops that I have at my disposal to check codes and related engine systems. There's times I think he just wants to see what new gadget I've got that I can hook up to his car. The more bells and whistles I throw out there the more he seems to show up with another reason for me to recheck his car. He can probably name a bunch of the scanners that I've used… seriously… he's been to the shop that many times.

Sometimes I wish he would take up antique car collecting. Go buy something old enough that it doesn't have a check engine light in it and see if he gets the idea that the entire universe doesn't revolve around a service light. It's not like he doesn't remember cars without check engine lights he just doesn't seem to understand that a car can operate without one anymore. Why he's even told me about an old car he drove while he was in college that leaked oil so bad that he had to keep a can or two with him at all times. Talk about something that sounds like it was on the verge of doom and gloom… also sounds like the typical college kids car. So you would think he would have some understanding of the inner workings of the automobile, but apparently once the service light came into the everyday vocabulary his understanding has wasted away just like the oil in that old car from college.

I've tried to explain to him about the meaning of the service light and about the various reasons for it to come on but it just doesn't seem to sink in. I'm hoping the day never comes that his old car actually does turn on the check engine light… because if it did… he'd probably worry himself all the way to a coronary and he would have to have the car towed in while I'd have to make a call to 911 and have him towed to the emergency room. Of course I hope that never happens, but with him I could see something along those lines.

I generally let him watch the scanners do their work or have him watch a graph while I check things under the hood. The other day he was concerned about his O2 sensors and wanted to know if they were working correctly because he thought he saw the check engine light pop on and then go right back off. There were no codes stored and I asked him if it happened when he first started it or after driving several miles. It was while he was driving for a bit and not when it first started.

"What difference does that make?" he asked.

I then explained to him about how the heater circuit operated to warm up the sensor and what the sensor actually did in relation to the fuel mixture. This only made him even more curious to what they did.

"Watch this Charlie. I'll graph the O2 sensors here on this scope and I'll show you the front sensor and its corresponding rear sensor. You'll see the voltage changes on the screen as well as the differences between the front and rear sensors at the same time on the screen," I told him.

"Fascinating, simply fascinating," he said, "But I don't see how that translates to fuel?"

The more I explained the more he seemed to be lost. He still seemed to be more concerned about what was going to happen with that check engine light.

I kept up with the explanation until I got to the point where he was just staring off into space and lost interest in me, the check engine light and the little graph moving up and down on the screen.

I don't know if he ever understood a thing I said, or for that matter has reconsidered the importance of the check engine light. All I know is that at some point in time somebody is going to tell him something stupid regarding the check engine light and he'll make another trip to the shop and watch the fascinating little lines bounce around on my scope screen.

No matter what I say, no matter what I do, old "Check Engine Charlie" will still listen to some B.S. from somebody out there and then head over to my shop for another diagnostics that will amount to nothing. Maybe I need to come up with my own B.S. to counteract what everyone else keeps telling him.

I guess it comes down to the old saying:

If ya can't dazzle them with brilliance… buffalo them with a little bull.

There's a Charlie everywhere.... harmless and at the same time a little annoying. Gotta love em though. I'm glad you like the stories, I also enjoy reading your comments.

I hope my stories brings you a little sanity into your busy days as much as it does for me. At least after reading one of them you realize you're not the only one that has odd customers or weird situations at your shop. thanx again Gonzo

Stepping Back into the Future

I had a 1984 Buick come into the shop that wouldn't start. I haven't seen one of these in years. It was a clean old car; not even a dent in it. The owner had a repair manual he purchased at a parts store, and being the kind of guy who was careful to do the correct thing to his vehicle he conveniently left it on the front seat for me to find.

I turned the key to start, and let things happen as they may. The car would purr like a kitten for about a second or so, and then two very distinctive flames would shoot out of the throttle body. After the flames came flying out the engine would cough, spit, backfire, and for the most part never sound like that purring kitten that it did when it first turned the key. It did this without fail almost every time I tried to start it.

Needless to say, understanding the fundamentals would have to come into play on this one. Why this engine was barking out a flame higher than the hood was an interesting problem and probably a problem I'll never see again. Being involved with the auto repair business for several decades I've seen a lot of the evolutions of the electronic brain boxes on cars. Repairing a misfire is one of those diagnostic challenges that has developed an entirely different approach than in years past. Prior to the advent of the computer a misfire could be easily identified by means of understanding the valve train or the spark control systems.

Codes were no help at all, and quite frankly I wasn't expecting a whole lot of help out of service codes on that old of a car. Service codes of that era were limited and didn't cover the variety of problems associated with the emission output. The customer informed me that he had changed a lot of the basic parts: ignition module, cap, rotor, wires, plugs, coolant sensor, throttle position sensor, and the computer.

Wait-wait… "You changed the computer?" I asked.

"The guy at the salvage yard promised me it was a good one," the owner told me.

"Let me check something, and I'll call you back," I told him.

I nearly forgot to hang up the phone as I rushed out to the shop and dived into the car. There were no marks from a socket or wrench on the two bolts that hold the little cover onto the computer where the prom (EPROM) was located. Now the real question was… is this the correct one for this car? This was going to take a call to the dealer parts department and hope they still had a cross reference on the prom numbers.

Marty answered the phone. I was super grateful I got Marty; he's been in the parts business as long as I've been in the business. I was sure he would remember these old proms. I gave him the numbers and waited for his response. I could hear the keyboard clicking away as he processed the information. Every time I thought he was close to answer he would say, "No, wait a second… it changed again… hang on… OK, here it is… hold on… another change." This went on for quite some time but eventually he came back with an answer.

"That prom fits a 1984 Buick with a V6 engine," Marty proudly told me.

"That should explain the two huge backfires… I've got a 4 cylinder engine in this car. OK, now we better check and see if the ECM is correct."

"It is, as a matter of fact the ECM was the same for both engines back then," Marty exclaims.

"I'll bet you don't have the prom anymore do you," I asked.

"Nope…. Discontinued."

After hanging up the phone I called the customer. He didn't throw out the old computer and it was in the trunk. (Lucky). After pulling the old prom out of the original computer, and installing it in the computer from the salvage yard the car started up and purred like a new again. Pretty weird diagnostics, but pretty cool at the same time. Obviously, the first four cylinders fired in a somewhat correct arrangement but the fifth and sixth cylinder wasn't and that's what caused the blazing fire to shoot out of the throttle body.

I would have to say these types of problems are for the history books these days. Be it a short era in the history of automotive repair based on how long things like the distributor were used in a car. It reminds me of growing up in the 60's and 70's. Working on cars was a weekend past time for guys and gals. Tweaking an engine to get some more horsepower out of it was a great "Do-it-Yourself" or a dad and son event in almost every driveway. Those weekends under the hood were the start of my long career in the auto business, but these days there's not a lot a weekend mechanic can do under the hood, and going to the salvage yard to pick up a computer for the car is just not possible for most makes and models.

It's amazing to me how the systems have changed so drastically in such a short amount of time. Having this 25+ year old car in the shop made me realize how much they have actually changed. But there are still some people who think you can still go to the salvage yard and pick up an electronic component for today's cars. That isn't so for most makes and models anymore. Most components are programmed for one car and one car only and without certain types of scanning equipment you can't use them ever again… and some components are not reprogrammable at all.

After all these years of automotive repair to be able to experience the methods of the old computer based electronic ignition systems after working on today's vehicles made me realize how far we have come in such a short span of time. Ok, I've had my fun, I've got more work to do… time to step back to the future.

As always, I love to hear your comments and suggestions. I'm open to anything. I'll keep writing you keep reading... thanx

The good and bad of 2011 --- the year in review

With the end of the year upon us, I thought it would be a perfect time to list some of the things I've run across that have just tripped my trigger… more than usually do. With cars lasting longer, internet sources, and good old fashion stupidity things are even crazier than in years past. Ok, there are more, but these are the ones that I thought most of us in the business have run into. But I don't want to end the year on such a sour note, how about we compare the good with the bad at the same time. I'm sure you have your own, and probably a few better ones.

#12 the bad --- A customer just made the deal of the century off of E-Bay, which actually turns out to be the worst car still on four wheels, and now it's in the shop.

#12 the good --- My customers still think I'm worth the effort to fix their newest find.

#11 the bad --- That new pocket screwdriver has a really powerful magnetic tip on it… and it seems to find everything it can to stick to every time you lean over a hood, rather than staying clipped to your pocket.

#11 the good --- I still haven't poked myself with the screwdriver when it's standing straight out from the core support.

#10 the bad --- Wanna-be mechanics who come into the shop and tell me, "I've already changed the coolant fan, the fuse, the relay, and the sensors that the last guy told me to change. So it's got to be the wires that are bad. Which ones do I have to change? (Their thinking, "Let's not even consider testing anything, let's just change parts until it works.")

#10 the good --- I know which wires they're referring too.

#9 the bad --- Dropping sockets, wrenches and any other tools into the drain pan when it's full of oil or coolant. (Timeless, not just 2011)

#9 the good --- I can still find them.

#8 the bad --- A customer tells me, "My car shouldn't be broken, I just paid it off."

#8 the good --- Customers value my advice as to how to maintain their cars.

#7 the bad --- An extremely insistent customer tells you, "I need it done today! So drop everything you've got going on, and get this done for me. Call me right away!" I call them as soon as I get it done and they tell me … (see #6)

#7 the good --- I'm glad I've got customers, any customers.

#6 the bad --- "I'll pick it up in the morning." (Which actually turns out to be later that afternoon.)

#6 the good --- The job's done, and there's more work in the shop.

#5 the bad --- Changing oil on a customer's car, and you reach up for the oil filter… and it's on so tight you can't even budge it.

#5 the good --- I've got the tool to get the thing off.

#4 the bad --- A customer's car with the seat all the way up under the steering wheel with huge amounts of crap jammed behind the driver's seat and now the seat won't budge. (I can't squeeze behind the wheel with only 5 inches of clearance.) (Toss the basketball, extra purse, laundry…etc… on the other side of the car… now, move the seat back and get in.)

#4 the good --- I realize I need to go on a diet.

#3 the bad --- That special ordered part you've been waiting on… it's the wrong one.

#3 the good --- I can return the part.

#2 the bad --- the correct one… it's twice as much as the one you quoted the customer, and it's been in stock the whole time.

#2 the good --- With great customers it's not hard to explain things and get the problem solved.

#1 the bad --- Since cars are lasting longer and longer, parts are an issue. This is the no#1 problem I've had this year.

You call the parts department at the dealership, and ask about a part. They have the corrected part number; they also have the current price. You ask them when they can get it, and they answer, "It's been discontinued."

#1 the good --- After being in the business for so long, I can just about tell a customer what the outcome is going to be before I even order a part. That's where years of experience pay off, and makes me even more thankful to be in business for another year.

The challenges of running a small business can be one of the hardest things that you'll ever face in your life time. But at the same time it can be as rewarding as anything else you'll deal with. I'm ready for those obstacles and ready to take on the challenge.

Bring it on! I'm here for another year!

Happy New Year to all! I hope 2012 brings a profitable and enjoyable year to you and your family.