Where Ever You Go...

I was asked some time ago why I write these crazy articles about the car repair business. Why? Well, the only way I can explain it is to put yourself in the position I'm in on a daily basis. I spend a better part of my day trying to understand what a customer is explaining to me,while using my training, background, and basic common sense to come up with a logical answer to their problem. This is where these true to life stories all start.

Then again, a lot of us "in the trenches guys" (mechanics for short) never have the time, nor realize that no matter where we are in this crazy world... people have the same kind of answers to car repair. During an average day a mechanic might work on vehicles spanning more than 20 different production years. Nothing is ever the same, and nothing ever remains the same, from year to year, model to model, or from manufacturer to manufacturer. These differences can be as varied as the people we meet. Knowing these changes in the car systems can be overcome with years of experience. Knowing how to deal with the attitudes and personalities of the consumer can take a lifetime.

The different ways people will explain their car problems to the mechanic can be baffling or even misleading as well. I try never to approach a situation with blinders on and get lead down the wrong repair path. Sometimes, their explanations leave a lot of doubts as to what they really are trying to say. For some people, explaining things isn't easy, so their way of getting their point across is to use an extremely long version of the story or a complete biographical saga from their childhood to the present, just so I don't miss any details. (I would say I've heard it all,but that wouldn't be fair to all those untold stories I haven't heard.)

It's hard to remind myself that I'm not going to make a customer out of every phone call, nor patron who comes in the door, but I'm still stubborn enough to try anyway. As one long time shop owner once told me years ago, "Don't do business with people you can't get along with or ones you feel uncomfortable around." I tend to believe that's true after seeing the variety of people I've run across over the years. But, those odd and different personalities and explanations about care problems are the best material for the next new story. Ya never know...the next one through the door might be a real winner. Like I said, some people can't just tell you what's wrong. They have to involve everything from the family pet to their last vacation photos. Believe me, I've sat through plenty of vacation photos, and have heard thousands of dog stories over my years behind the counter.

When it comes to explaining things back to the customer about their car there's only so far I can go. I usually try several different angles to bring the technical answer down to a level that is acceptable to the patron,but sometimes their comprehension requires everything from charts, graphs, to hand puppets. Sometimes even explaining things to the customer is a show in itself. Oh yea, it can be just as comical watching me try to explain something as it is listening to their stories.

After many years of standing behind the counter, I tend to have a "sixth sense" about the upcoming repair, either from the reactions of the customer, or from the condition of the car. I tend to go back through my memory files and find a situation that is comparable to the latest one. After all these years there's no doubt there are some comparisons to a story I've already put to ink and paper. Writing these stories down also makes it easier to relive those situations, and think of either a better way to handle it, or be aware of the proverbial outcome. In some small way I hope people who read my stories not only see the humor in these situations, but also take away from it a bit of knowledge and respect for these crazy situations. I like to think of it as a life lesson that can't be taught out of the automotive repair manual. But, it's something everyone has or will experience.

You could call it a reality check for the automotive world. I write about the everyday events in the auto shop, not some made up management improvement idea that's going to improve your bottom line. I don't try to be something I'm not; I'm only a mechanic and nothing more. I write about the stuff you and I as technicians have to deal with in our daily jobs. Mechanics from all over the world email me, and have no trouble relating to their stories, and you can tell they're smiling while they write that email. It helps everyone realize they are not alone in this wacky world of automotive repair. And that's what these stories are really all about. But, these stories are not just for automotive mechanics, it's something anyone who deals with the general public will enjoy reading. I even have doctors,lawyers, bank executives, roofers, and a whole lot of other professions who read and relate to the stories.

When you take the time to really think about it, somewhere in our family tree we all have that crazy relative who has done something weird, or a co-worker whose elevator has skipped a few floors. It might even be something you've noticed on the news or on the drive home… you just never know where the next interesting story will come from. No matter where we are there's always something out of the ordinary going to happen sooner or later. And, as long as that keeps happening, I'll keep writing. I guess there's really only one way to explain people and the crazy situations we all get into.... wherever you go, no matter where you are... something wacky,insane, or downright crazy just might happen.

Expectations

Perceived or not, no matter what the situation, there are some expectations that are the norm. You may think of an expectation as a happy ending to a problem, but it can, and often does turn out the other way. It can even be a bit frustrating when things don't go according to plan. It's to be expected.

In the automotive repair business there's a lot of expectations associated with the job. Be it from the customer who wants their car repaired, or from myself to do the job correctly and as efficiently as possible. Although there are always those constant "curve balls" thrown around when dealing with every facet of life or running a business, but somehow, some way we all find a way to handle all of life's ups and downs.

Just the other day I was in the middle of printing out an invoice when the printer decided it was time to end its usefulness. No warning, no previous glitches…just a buzz from inside the printer and a bunch of blinking lights on the control panel. The customer was in a hurry, and expected a copy of the invoice that second. Wouldn't ya know it… it had to breakdown with a "Hurry up, get it done" type of person at the counter. (Should've expected that.)

"I'll have to hand write you an invoice because it looks like the printer just fried," I told him.

He wasn't all that happy about waiting for me to hand write the entire ticket out, but… what could I do? I expected the printer to do its job; I wasn't expecting a break down in the middle of a transaction. But, here we are, hey… things break, things fail… believe me, there was no expectation that it would last forever, no expectations that the customer would see the predicament I was in, or be understanding about the whole thing… nope ya just gotta do what ya gotta do … deal with it. I expected nothing less.

These expectations can even be heightened by a false sense of insurance brought on by a cheap sub-market component that is supposed to function just as well as the top shelf part. Many times I'll have a customer bring in the latest super-duper-double-chrome-plated-extra-deluxe-can't-live-without-it car accessory they saw on TV or in the back of some obscure magazine. It's something they just have to have even though the validity of the product's claims never match up to the actual results. It could be as simple as replacing the stock gas cap with a locking one. Sure,I'll install it, what harm can I get into? I should know better… there's always a few surprises. Should've expected something when the customer said…

"This shouldn't take you long to install. I'll wait on it," as he handed over this box of gaskets, screws, a few oddly shaped parts and some sort of instruction sheet wrote in hieroglyphics that even the Egyptian scholars haven't deciphered yet.

It's those famous last words from the customer that does it in. My expectations most certainly involve "Murphy's Law" sneaking around the next corner any second now. It's like the death wish of car repair. Tell me it shouldn't take long, and bring me some cheap knock off part, and I'll guarantee the expectations of a complete failure are mere moments away. Oh, don't worry, I'll install it, and sure,I'll warn them about how their results may vary from their perceived expectations … but do you think that does any good? Nope… never does.

All of which is supposed to fit perfectly… but never does quite fit like the drawings described (You know, those drawings and instructions in hieroglyphics? The ones you can't read? I can expect one thing for sure… a long drawn out repair slowed down by poor instructions and badly designed components… been there-done that…). Again, should've expected it from the beginning.

Whenever I get a call that starts out with, "Hi, I'm an attorney in town, and I have a client with car problems that I'd like to discuss with you." My expectations are somewhat jaded already. For the most part an education in law doesn't make you an expert in car repair, but arrogance has no boundaries when a shifty lawyer who sees dollar signs and an easy mark. The last lawyer call like this that I had, the guy not only told me he knew more than I did, but made it perfectly clear that he was more than capable of deciding (before the facts) the proper course of action and who he was going to go after.

As the story unfolded it turned out that the car was at a shop for an unrelated problem when something went wrong with the electrical system. His exact phrase to me was, "It went haywire and caused erratic expulsions from the air conditioner." (I really have no expectations of getting through this encounter without another migraine, or a few choice comments of my own.) Then, the car was taken to another shop where it was diagnosed and repaired. However,the repairs only lead to even more problems which the client wasn't willing to pay for and expected the first shop to cough up the bucks and admit it was their fault. (I kind of expected that.)

So here I am in my office, just a few minutes before closing time, listening to this local attorney explain to me in detail about the repairs that were made. The only thing I can think of is how I would rather not be his "puppet" expert witness or the next victim at the hands of this ambulance chaser. I very carefully, methodically, and in as many single syllable words as I could think of (Because I'm only a mechanic, you know.) informed him how to best handle this problem and not to get a third party involved at this time. I suggested they go back to the last shop and have them explain things in detail. As I told him, "You've paid to have this problem repaired. It appears to still be a problem, which means to me, either there's more to the story (always is) or someone's expectations of the results aren't in line with what has actually taken place." I haven't heard back from him … yet, but my expectations are high that he'll call again.

We all have our hopes and dreams, and we all have expectations each and every day. It's a good thing to have expectations, just don't let those expectations cloud your judgment. Keep an open mind, and keep looking forward. "Hope for the best and expect the worst" is one policy that will keep you looking over your shoulder. But, … I'll bet… … you expected me to tell you that.

What's in the Tool Box?

Spend enough time in any trade and you'll collect a fair amount of the tools. The automotive trade is no different. I started out like most everyone else I know, with just a small box and a few hand tools. As the young tech in the shop, you find yourself always having to borrow a tool. Some guys won't let you borrow a thing, thus… you'll have to get one for yourself. After a few years of gathering tools, you'll soon need a bigger box to put them in. If you're lucky enough to have had a Grandfather or other relative retired from the business you probably have a lot of their tools as a great starting point. Go into most any shop and you'll find it easy to spot the senior mechanic… count their tools and tool boxes.

I know I can't keep all my stuff in one box anymore. I've got several boxes and shelves full of tools of all shapes and sizes. There are drawers full of screw drivers, pliers, wrenches, sockets, extensions, meters, pullers, and all kinds of special application tools. It's an endless list of tools that goes way beyond the average home tool box. But, I have noticed a new trend. New techs coming into the business are starting off with a lot more tools, and a lot bigger toolboxes than when I first got into the business.

The investment in tools for the modern mechanic is substantial. There seems to be no end in sight as to when enough is enough. Each different length or style of socket has a certain purpose. So, the number of sockets keeps adding up. (The good ones are NOT cheap.) They all get lined up on their little racks like soldiers waiting for battle, row after row; drawer after drawer of tools awaiting their chance to do what they were designed to do. My wife looks in my screwdriver drawer and will always comment, "Why do you have all of these? You'll never use all of them." Honestly, dear, I do use every one of them…just not all at same time.

Even with the odd angled ratchet or the "S" shaped drive handle, I still don't have everything I need. Every week the tool trucks come by and I'll take my usual stroll down the racks of tools and supplies to see if there is something I need. Once in a while I find something that I know will make my job a lot easier, and I just can't leave it on the shelf. It has to go into one of my tool drawers for future use. Then again, I seem to have a lot of those"specialty" tools that I used for one or two jobs, but never again. A lot of times it's because that style of engine or transmission is no longer in production.

Distributor alignment tools are in one expensive drawer that doesn't get opened very often these days. Back in the 80's and 90's they got a lot of time under the hood, but not now… not these days. Distributors have all but gone the way of the points and condensers. But I've got them. As the priority and use of some of these tools dwindles with time, they are slowly moved lower and lower in the tool box. They'll eventually end up in that forgotten spot in the depths of the toolbox I call … the black hole. It's the final resting place for old forgotten specialty tools that serve no purpose anymore, but are too valuable just to throw away.

There's one very special drawer that I keep a lot of those "homemade" tools in. These little gizmos are those sockets,wrenches, and what nots that I've modified to perform some certain job. These "adjusted" tools are just as important as those rolling tool store bought ones. I've got a slew of homemade gadgets and fiddly little things I have made over the years. Sometimes after using my homemade tool, I'll run across the"real" tool on a tool truck. You know,sometimes… my tool still works better than the store bought one. Kinda makes a guy proud… yea, I even grin a bit. Knowing my little homemade thing-a-ma-jig works as well, if not better than the engineered factory tool.

From the Stone Age to modern times someone had to be innovative and resourceful enough to make use of their hands to forge tools, and after making a few tools they had to have some place to keep them. I doubt the cave man had one of those huge "monolith tool boxes" you see today, but I'm sure he had a place he kept all of his equipment. Yep, the tool box has been around as long as there have been tools.

So what's really in a mechanic'stool box? Sure there are tools, but what is not so obvious is what those stacks of neatly arranged sockets represent.It's their livelihood; the blood, sweat, and years of toil that rests between the tools in all those drawers. The years of wear on the tools is evidence enough of how that person made a living.

When I go through my junk drawer of odds and ends, I'll pick up something and think back on how this tool ended up in this drawer, or what in the world I ever needed this thing-a-ma-bob for in the first place. Someday, I'll clean out those unused items but I'm not likely to throw them out. They'll probably end up in another tool box and add to my ever growing collection.

Those tools can tell a tale if they could only talk. But that's part of the reason why all those drawers of tools are there. Yes, they are there to allow me to work my trade, but they are also my legacy and my mark in history. Someday, as the tools get passed down, or subdivided between all the relatives, my name might be mentioned the next time they pick the tool up. I know I think of my dad and grandfather every time I pick up one of their handed down tools.Maybe even give my next generation a chance to go into the trade with a few more tools than I started with and create their own memories.

Squirrels, Squirrels, Squirrels

My son Mitchell just turned 16 and I promised him I'd get him a small economical car to drive if his grades were good. Good??? I never did that great in school compared to this kid. Straight A's for this kid. I'm really proud of the little guy. He's on the debating team, the Quiz bowl team and several others. He even played tournament chess for a couple of summers and did really well. In fact made it to 3^rd in the state for his division until he… well, as he put it… retired. Now he's into some sort of tournament card game that I have no idea what it's all about. (Smart kid to say the least.)

One thing he's never taken an interest in is cars or anything mechanical. I've been tinkering on engines and anything that rolled, slid, or moved for as long as I remember. But, not this kid. He's more into computer programming and science stuff. I'd like him to learn a little bit about what his father does for a living, however, when the subject comes up he's more than likely to avoid anything to do with anything mechanical. But, I might find a way he can't avoid. I'll just have to wait until it's absolutely necessary for him to take a look under the hood.

His little car is a 06 Ford Focus, with 5 speed manual transmission with no power locks or windows. A perfect first time car and an added bonus… he'll have to learn how to drive a stick shift. The first step in learning to drive was of course how to work the clutch. I found along flat stretch of a road that was perfect for teaching the basic fundamentals of operating a stick shift car. He picked up on it in no time. Even his mom was impressed with his driving. (Makes a dad proud when mom is impressed.)

A few months went by and with all the other activities going on the car was left to sit in the driveway for about a month. As the time grew closer to taking his actual driving test he was eager to get back to practicing his driving skills. I got a text from mom that the car wouldn't start. She assumed it was just a dead battery from leaving it sit so long. Mom sent me a text that the car wouldn't start. She assumed it was just a dead battery from leaving it sit so long. I came home from the shop in time to see them both sitting patiently waiting on the front steps for me to show up. I hopped into the driver's seat of the boy's car and turned the key. (Oh yea, it was dead alright… dead to the point that I couldn't even get the slightest of response from the electrical system.) When I popped the hood I was in for a big surprise. Sitting on top of the engine was a huge mound of insulation, various nuts from the trees around the house, and pieces of the wiring harness. It's a (&X!$) squirrel… this long tailed rat has made a nest out of the boys engine compartment.

I just got home from a long day of diagnosing cars, wiring up damaged vehicles and changing parts only to come home and stare at the very same thing I do everyday. You can imagine my response. It wasn't shock, it wasn't surprise… it was more of the ticked off dad that knew exactly who's going to be working late…ME!

As I started to gather the necessary tools and drag out an airline to the car both the wife and the boy had already grabbed their cell phones and were busy snapping pictures. The two of them had big smiles on their faces as if the whole thing was some comical natural sculpture under the hood. Comical??? I'm a little jacked up over the whole thing. The first repeatable sentence I said that didn't have some sort of derogatory remark about a squirrel or the occasional triple X word in it was, "Son, you're going to be helping on this, so put down that cell phone and go get those tools I laid out on the work bench." After removing all the debris from the engine bay (Boy's job) I could see I had quite a few wires to repair. Some were chewed clean down to the connectors as well as completely missing. This was a perfect time to show the boy just what his dad does every day at the shop. I'll have to admit he did seem somewhat interested, but I don't think it was the actual methods of separating the terminals from the connector, or howto properly splice the wires back together. It was more of that typical teenager mentality. He asked me several times, "Dad, are you going to be able to fix this, or will we have to find a repair shop to do it?" Honestly, for such a smart kid he still doesn't understand what his dad does every day.

I had to remember how it was when I got my first car and how anxious I was to get out on the road by myself. So I kept my thoughts to finishing the job, because I knew the most important thing to him wasn't the father son bonding… but, how quickly can I have my car back.

A few hours later and a little help from my internet subscription to the wiring diagrams I had the whole thing finished.

"Mitch hop in there and start it up," I told him.

The car came to life and ran just as it did. I told him to check the dash for any service lights or warnings that were on. He didn't see anything on the dash so we let it sit there to warm up. After the engine got up to temperature we took it around the block a few times to check the rest of the car out. Everything was back to normal.

I think he learned a few things about cars during the conversations we had while repairing all the wiring. Maybe not enough to think about going into the business, but enough to know that old dad does know his stuff about what makes these mechanical beasts run down the road.

He's still driving the same car, and still holding those straight A's in school. I guess I have to change my opinion about that squirrel though. He may have caused me a bunch of extra work, but he also gave me a great opportunity to spend some quality time with my son.

"Hey, squirrel... thank you... but that doesn't mean you're welcomed under the hood of the car again. But thanks for the father/son bonding ... that was well worth the time. Time...it's that one thing you can't get back."

(More photos on my website.)

Second Hand Lyin'

Second hand information can be misleading, even totally wrong. There's always a chance it might be correct, but I wouldn't count on it. It depends on where that information came from to start with. In the automotive repair business if a car was checked out with any degree of accuracy, the information is probably good… But if the person giving that info to the next person can't explain it in a way they both understand, then the results are not going to be as truthful as they could be.

Do you remember when we were kids in school we would form a line, and you said something to the first person, who then passes it on to the next person, so on and so on? Only to have the original information be completely different by the time it gets to the other end? The same thing can happen with a car problem when more than one person is involved in getting the information to the person at the end of the line… and who's usually on the end of the line?… the mechanic.

Just the other day a driver tell his company dispatcher his truck wasn't getting any heat out of the driver's side vents. By the time it got to the shop the entire story was reversed to, "There's no cold air coming out of the passenger side". Really had me wondering what was actually wrong, until I talked to the driver myself.

Take the information given when buying a used car. Occasionally there's a little white lie about the condition of the car,maybe not on purpose, but rather from the grape vine of information being passed along. Of course, selling the car is the goal and informing the prospective buyer of any faults is important, but the car may have problems,and the explanation of those problems might have been twisted around to the point it's not even close to the truth anymore.

By the time the buyer has their chance to take the car to their mechanic, nine chances out of ten there will be some discrepancies between the two explanations. Now the issue becomes "who's right". The owner of the vehicle will almost always side with their mechanic,while the buyer will lean towards their own. All this information gets passed back and forth from mechanic to owner,buyer to mechanic, mechanic back to buyer, and buyer back to owner. This only leads to even more misunderstandings. To avoid any further confusion, the best bet is to have the last guy tell the first guy and everyone else in between.

A few weeks ago I had a problem come up regarding the condition of a car that was up for sale. It was a '97 Buick with low mileage, and had been sitting for nearly 8 years without much attention in a garage. The owner's father-in-law bought the car new before he passed away, and as far as the son-in-law was told by the rest of the family, everything was in tiptop shape. It definitely was clean, dent free,great paint and not a blemish to the interior. As with any of these "moth balled" cars, the first thing that was an issue was the battery. Leaving a battery sit for that long it's natural to have the battery sulfated by now. (Sulfating happens when the lead active material reacts with the sulfate from the electrolyte forming a hard leadsulfate surface on the plates. When there is no active lead material left, and no sulfate in the electrolyte the battery becomes completely discharged. Keeping a battery charged will reduce the amount of hardened material on the plates.)

The owner had it towed to a garage to have the battery replaced. After the new battery was installed, it took a few cranks for the engine to start. After a few coughs and shudders the engine purred like new, however the service light was on. (Which seemed to be the major concern for both seller and the buyer). But, by the time the car arrived at my shop the engine codes had been cleared from the PCM by the mechanic who installed the battery. All I had to go on was the second hand information that the owner over heard from the mechanic who worked on the car.

"The mechanic told me it might need a tune-up, or something," the owner proudly tells me.

It's that "something" that bothered me. A tune-up, maybe… I'm thinking old gas myself, but what's a "something"? It really doesn't matter at this point as the buyer jumps into the conversation and says, "Do a complete checkup for me,and let me know if it's worth what they want for it."

There were numerous small problems to deal with, and a few major issues as well. Everything from an ABS light staying on (which neither party mentioned)to a very poorly repaired alternator main positive lead. With the car in the service bay you could hear the alternator whine grow louder and louder the longer the car ran, but at the battery terminals there was hardly anything in the way of a noticeable alternator output. Between the alternator and the battery was a large homemade connection that was hot enough to fry an egg on. This was causing a rather large voltage drop between the alternator and the battery. In fact the electrical tape surrounding it was almost completely melted off.

After explaining the ABS problem, air conditioning, wiring issues, and all the other problems I found while checking it out, it was clear to me they were not going to purchase the car. (Just too many problems to deal with for them.) The owner, on the other hand, once he finds out what I found wrong with his "tiptop" shape car he's going to blow a gasket, and I'm sure I'll be on the receiving end of his frustration at the service counter.

Needless to say, before I could show the owner any of the results I had a very upset individual at the service counter.

"I was told everything was in perfect working order," the buyer shouts at me.

"Do you want to see what I found out? It would be a lot easier to show you," I told him.

As I showed him the actual conditions, his doubts about what he was told regarding the condition of the car came into question. It was only then that he knew he should have had a mechanic check it out, rather than relying on the second hand information he was told by the family.

Digging through the maze of hearsay information is what a professional technician does every day. Explaining firsthand can reduce the chances of the information being skewed by someone else's explanations. But you know, people are still going to interpret what anyone says into what they thought they heard.

So, the next time someone tells you something, and it just doesn't sound right, find out for yourself first hand, just to be on the safe side. That secondhand information may not be as truthful as you think.

Last Stop Before the Asylum

On a foggy afternoon, with no breeze in sight, and a slight chill in the air, an old man came to the repair shop. He didn’t come through the front door like most everyone would, no he pulled his car right into the center bay of the shop.

But, it gets stranger…. He didn’t get out of the car. He didn’t even roll down the window. He just sat there ... with both hands on the wheel, the engine still running, and staring out the windshield like a zombie from an old horror flick. He appeared to be calmly sitting at an intersection, waiting for the light to change. There was no expression on his face, he never blinked; he just sat there….with this cold stone stare. I didn’t want to walk in front of the car in fear he may take me as the green light, so I walked around the back of the car keeping one eye on this strange guy, and then crept up to the drivers’ window. I tapped on the glass….no response from inside. I tried the door handle… it opened.

“Afternoon sir,” I said in a cheerful manner, trying to keep my curiosity at bay, “Is there anything I can do for you today?”

The old man, ever so slowly, turned his head towards me while maintaining a straight forward posture and both hands still on the wheel, never really looking up, he just turned his head and answered. “Why yes, young man, my turn signals are acting up, and my window won’t roll down.” (The man’s voice reminded me of an old horror movie vampire.)

Very creepy to say the least. He even looked like a 50’s horror movie villain with sunken cheeks, large bushy eye brows, slow methodical speech, and that expressionless cold stare. (Where’s his cape, ....does he keep the bats in the trunk,.... the coffin, where’s the coffin?)

“No problem, sir,” I answered, still holding my fear in check, “Just head up front and they can write you an invoice for the repair, and then I can get started.”

“I’d rather stay here, (slowly turning his head towards me again, lifting his eyebrows, and raising his eyes up towards me so his glare was straight into my eyes) right here in the drivers’ seat,” he said in that creepy horror flick manner.

(Insert your choice of spooky movie music here)

Ok, where’s the holy water?…..where’s my garlic?….who’s got the silver bullets?…….where’s the wooden stakes? …….a little help here from the guys in the shop …..ahh guys…guys?....where is everyone???

Why is it when you look around the shop for help…..everybody disappears? Oh they’ll show up, oh sure they will, you know they will…after they let me be the first victim……not funny guys! ! !

I could ask this creepy guy again to step out of the car, or I could tell him about our policy on customers in the shop area. At this point, I probably look like one of those B movie extras who is too scared to say their lines. (If I had any.) I figured I better tell him he can’t stay in the car while I was working on it, and see where that leads.

There he sat, still staring straight ahead out the windshield, not blinking, and not even moving a muscle.

“Sir, because of insurance reason you can’t stay in the shop. You will have to wait outside or in the customer waiting area,” I said, trying to be as professional as possible. (They can smell fear, you know.)

Looking straight forward, not at me, he said in that baritone voice, “You do whatever you feel is necessary, son,” then he turned his head and looked right through me, “I’ll be sitting right here,” he said it all in that same eerie voice. He turned back towards the windshield without another word. Then, he just sat there... as still as a tombstone.

Now I’m not scared…I’m getting riled up. I don’t know what graveyard this movie mogul came from, but…this is my shop. I have to take the responsibility here. If he isn’t going to get out of the car I really can’t do too much. Well, maybe I can do some quick diagnostics without having him get out of the car. This way, I won’t feel like such a jerk if I have to get a little serious with this Boris Karloff.

“Sir, why don’t you try those turn signals for me,” I said. He did, and they seemed to be working just fine.

“Could you try rolling down the window for me,” I asked. It worked fine as well. Without a problem that I was aware of, I thought the next best thing was to get him out of the car, and take a look under the dash.

“Sir, can you step out of the car, so I can look under the dash,” I asked.

“No,” was his goolish response.

“Well sir, then I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” I answered, “Or, you can wait outside the shop while I take a look at the car.”

“No,” came his answer.

“Ok, then, can you do something for me? Could you put it in neutral and leave your foot off of the brake,” I calmly asked.

He did just that, then he put his hands back on the wheel but never changed his dead pan expression. I motioned to one of the guys who just happened to show up from his hiding place to come over and help me. We both grabbed the front of the car and pushed the car outside with the old man still in it. As we pushed him out, you could see the old fella through the windshield, never changing his expression and with that straight ahead stare…..he just sat there.

I walked up to the driver's door, (the window was still down), “Sir, when you are ready to get out of the car I’ll be more than happy to help you. But, until then you will have to remain out here. If there is a medical reason why you can’t get out of the car I’ll make arrangements to assist you into a different chair or something that will be more comfortable for you,” I said with a stern voice.

The old man did that same slow head turn without taking his hands off of the steering wheel again. He stared right into my eyes….raised those bushy eyebrows, and with that same slow deliberate baritone voice he said,

“It’s not medical, it’s not a problem, I like my car the way it is…(and with his eyes extending out as if to make them larger)……with me in it.”

(There’s that spooky music again)

I walked back to shop to finish the other work that was there. On and off throughout the afternoon you could look outside and there was that creepy old guy sitting in his car. Staring right into the shop through the windshield of his car…. never moving, never blinking, still with both hands on the wheel. (There should have been some eerie fog flowing around his car….now that would have been even more creepy)

At closing time, the old guy was still there. As soon as I starting to pull the doors down… he drove off. As the door came to their usual “thump” at the bottom…the shop radio went dead. You could hear a pin drop in the shop; the only noticeable noise was the old man’s car leaving the parking lot. When the car noise was all but gone…the radio started back up. It was like some page out of a horror movie…..Ok, Ok, it had to be just one of those moments when the station was changing a disc or something……but why right then???

So, the next time you are at a traffic light and you see an old guy with big bushy eyebrows…staring through the windshield, and who appears to have been in the latest horror flick at the theater, perhaps on his way to the asylum.

Forget the red light, don’t make eye contact, don’t look back……….drive, drive far away!

Clips and Fasteners

Almost every procedure you run across on a car is going to include some sort of clip or fastener that needs to be disconnected. I sometimes wonder why the engineers design some of these unbelievable multi-clipping-overly-complicated fasteners. They'll take a simple project and turn it into a test of my patience and reasoning abilities. Sometimes I think they're only trying to find some way to make my tasks even more difficult than it needs to be. Maybe it's job security, and without making a few subtle changes to an already existing fastener they'd be out on the street with the rest of us. I'll bet in those "Towers of Powers" there's a group of engineers whose sole purpose for collecting a paycheck is to design some sort of new "Rube Goldberg" contraption to hold two pieces of wire, hose,or some body part together. Now, it's my job to figure out how to remove them.

You can actually date cars by the type of fasteners used during its production. The straight or slotted screw head came first, then around 1908 the Robertson screw (square headed fastener) was invented and was used widely on Ford's model T's. By 1930 the Phillips (named after its creator Henry Phillips) came into use on production cars. Let's not forget about the Allen head type fastener either, date unknown. (Oh, those are a whole lot of fun to deal with. Anyone who has ever taken the bolts out of an old VW CV shaft will know what I'm talking about.) The Allen head inventor is presumably an American named Gilbert Heublein, but no one knows for sure. Just as well, if I knew who it was, I'd probably want a few words with him; maybe even show him where he can put his inventive idea to better use.

Somebody had to invent the first wooden screws and pegs, and as with most inventions somebody always tries to improve on it. Soon, the industrial age brought the metal screws and various other fasteners as the standard. For a longtime, many years mind you, bolts, clamps, and other fasteners remained pretty much the same. Oh, there were the occasional engineering attempts of reverse threads and odd sizes, but for the most part connectors and fasteners were basically the same for many years. Then around 1967 the Camcar Textron Corporation introduced the "Torx" bit type fasteners. It wasn't long before they started showing up under the hood of a car. Now every mechanic had to rush out and purchase a whole new set of tools to remove them. Similar to the Allen head, but with more surface area (more or less like a star shape) they could be difficult to work with at times. I know I'm not the first one to see one of those Torx bits round off while trying to remove it, and I'm definitely not the first one who had more than a few "profound"comments about them. Especially after the head would rust shut or the size of the Torx bit was one size too small for the bolt but, you only found that out after it stripped the remaining head off the fastener.

These days clips and fasteners have even more variations than ever before. We've gone to using plastic. Plastic, plastic, plastic... big, small, colored, smooth, rough, tight fitting and loose fitting plastic fasteners. Old Rube Goldberg would be proud of these fiddly connections mechanics have to deal with these days. Some you push, some you pull, and some you do both at the same time. There are fasteners you push the center section in, and others you pull the center section out. Some you flip up a section and then push down another section… The variations are endless. I just don't get it, all this effort to make something stay in place. I understand the little CPA connector("connection position assurance"), I think of these little plastic holders like the safety pin on a grenade. The CPA holds the main connection in place, so the main connection can't be accidentally removed ...but...really... do ya have to make some of them so friggin' complicated?!?!? Some are easy,you just pop it up and off comes the main connector, others, well... not so easy. You might have to scratch your head a few times, and figure out how the darn thing comes off.

Read most R&R procedures for a fender trim, a fuel pump, a radio or for that matter just about any component,and you'll find it starts out with the basic instructions, "Remove connector"or "Remove CPA". Hey, wait a minute...how the heck do you that? I hardly ever see any of the instructions detail the exact method of undoing some of these wacky fasteners. If they do, the directions aren't always clear. I know I'll have to read it over and over again just so I understand what in the world they meant. I swear Rube Goldberg has influenced those engineers to design some of these diabolical connections.

Then there are those clips that you release with your thumb, and it slides almost completely off, and then hangs on for dear life. You tug and you pull, you push it back on all the way, and try it again, only to get it stuck in the exact same spot as the last time. After a bit of coarse vocabulary and another tug or two, it finally comes off. But, when you put it back on it falls off with the slightest twitch. Oh come on...enough already!! Try as you may, these new plastic connections can get the best of you. I'll never understand why they keep coming up with new and different fasteners when some of the older ones worked perfectly well.

Maybe I should send a box of Chinese finger traps to these engineers. Yea,see how they like it when they get stuck. They might be so busy trying to remove their fingers from these little torture devices that they'll take a break from creating new torture clips for me to deal with.

I guess it's all in a day's work for a mechanic, though. Every detail has to be figured out right down to the lonely plastic connector to get the job done. Frustrating at times and aggravating at others, it's just part of the job. The engineers design this stuff, the factories build it, and the mechanics fix it. Simple would be better, but that's not the Rube Goldberg School of Engineering way of doing things.

Idon't design em', I don't build em' … I just fix em'.

"So, you're a Mechanic"

As the title "mechanic" implies, we work on, maintain, and service cars, trucks, boats, or just about anything with a motor. But, sometimes the title or the term "mechanic" can have different connotations attributed to it. Like having a conversation with someone and they mention, "Oh yea, my cousin is a mechanic". They actually meant to say, "While I was at his house, I saw him under the hood of his car with a bunch of tools." Or to the other extreme, "Oh, so you're a mechanic". As if to say, "You're one of those guys who take advantage of the unsuspecting public". (A box of wrenches doesn't make you anymore a mechanic than a stethoscope makes you a doctor.)

As far as professional trades go, being a mechanic isn't always on the top of the list of aspiring career choices. It might be because there's still that stigma in some circles that the word "mechanic" denotes a derogatory response or a mental image of an overalls wearing redneck, covered in grease with a wrench hanging out of his back pocket. If that's your stereotypical mechanic, you've been catering to the wrong kind of repair shops. Today, a mechanic has to have a background in electronics, hydraulics, fluid dynamics, computer systems,as well as the mechanical systems. Sure, the grease is still there, but a mechanic these days is a highly educated field.

Maintaining a car has nothing to do with being a mechanic, although knowing a good mechanic certainly can add to the life of your car. Understandably, the longevity of any car depends on how well you maintain it. I personally have an old rusted ride that I take back and forth on my daily commute. I affectionately call the old beast,"Gerdie". It's a 1984 Toyota 4x4 pickup. No lift kit, no huge woofer behind the seat, no big giant growling tires... nope... just a plain old pickup with the 22R engine. It's not going to win any beauty prizes, but it purrs like new, shifts like new, and still has cold air. If you were traveling down the road and saw this hunk of scrap iron, you'd swear this relic should run and drive the way it looks... well... "Don't judge a book by its cover", it's owned by a mechanic.

Once in a while a prospective customer may have some concerns about putting a lot of time and money into their rust bucket. I'll point to the parking lot and mention old Gerdie. The usual response, "Oh, but you're a mechanic; you don't have to pay for the labor. That's why it's still running." Ok, ya got me there, but it just goes show that an old, out of date car can still be kept on the road if you want it to.

Of course,the statement that gets me riled up the most is, "You're a mechanic, and you guys know how to make it last just long enough for the warranty to run out." Really? I'd like to know how you've figured that out. Is this based on some sort of mythical knowledge that I'm supposed to have? You know, if I could make a car breakdown at a specific point in time I would be standing at your front door with tools in hand just waiting for my chance to fix it.

There's even the flip side of this whole"mechanic" conundrum. A customer will bring in some sort of weird project, say an ancient motor of eons ago, or some off the wall mechanical device and expect me to know all about it. How's that possible? I don't know everything about every mechanical thing ever made… Oh, wait… that's right, "I'm a mechanic".

Just like everything else these days, car repair costs are on the rise. Although, I have to admit the types of repairs I'm doing these days is nothing like the repairs from years past. In some respects the manufacturers are creating cars that give the average consumer a false sense of comfort that their vehicle will be trouble free for as long as they own it. Which is exactly the opposite of what the average consumer should be thinking. General maintenance on wearable items still has to be addressed, and that means an occasional trip to repair shop to seethe mechanic.

We're not quite so sophisticated that a vehicle can spot trouble before it is trouble. Not yet anyway. There are a few new technologies that are leading in that direction. Things like "Telematics". (A GPS system that can inform the manufacturers of your location and the condition of your car automatically and possibly, without your knowledge.) This sort of technology is going to bring on a whole new meaning to the word "mechanic". Every mechanic has probably experienced a customer who comes in and tells them all about what the last mechanic has told them. The mechanic has to diagnose the problem all over again, but instead of another "mechanic" it's now the car itself that will be telling the customer what's wrong. Leave it to the new technology to make it better and worse at the same time. Now,as the mechanic, do I accept the self-diagnosis as the final answer, or should I diagnose it and compare the results?

I can just imagine these future complications. The consumer will say, "Oh but the car already told me what's wrong; you're "just"the mechanic, so fix it." And, if the car is wrong... what then? That's a whole new problem to deal with. In the meantime, service work and the upkeep of the family jalopy is still something the consumer and the mechanic have to deal with.

In the field of automotive repair you'll find the younger techs are up to the challenges of this ever changing electronic wizardry in today's cars. Sure, they're kind of green, but they also possess the same enthusiasm we older techs had when we first started in the trade. The thing is, they have grown up with computers and the internet. The older crowd of mechanics thought in cams, carburetors, and coils. There was a lot of testosterone driven brute strength put into getting a muscle car screaming down the road. That's still true today, but today's modern tech accomplishes a lot of the same things with a laptop and a bit of electronics. And there's no doubt the next generation of up and coming mechanics will follow along the same route with even better technology.

In the meantime, I guess I'll keep at this car repair thing for a few more years. I still have a few tricks to teach those youngsters. These new mechanics are our future, and what a future it's going to be! With those changes so does the impression of the local mechanic. Maybe, with a little luck the next time someone says to that next generation,"So, you're a mechanic?" Then they'll offer a hand shake and say with admiration... "Thank you... thank you for being a mechanic".

Nobody's Perfect

Who - Who - Who's perfect? Not me...

We're all human. We all make mistakes or poor judgments. I know I'm not perfect. I'm probably my worst critic, and the best example of not being perfect. As a mechanic, perfection is something every customer wants me to obtain when I'm working on their car. Sometimes it's easy, and sometimes things just don't go as planned.

A few days ago I was talking with a mechanic from another shop about this very subject. His shop has a steep parking lot in front of it. It's great for getting a dead car into a service bay, but sometimes can be a challenge getting one out. He told me about a customer who came in a few weeks ago with an emergency brake problem. The service writer wrote the work order up and asked the customer where the car was parked.

"I parked it on the top of the incline in front of your shop," the customer tells him.

Just as the service writer looked up from his paper work a red driver-less car was slowly moving down the steep drive towards the service bays. The service writer asked the customer, "What color did you say your car is?" The shocked customer ran out of the lobby only to watch the car smash into the yellow barriers between two of the shop doors. The hood, the bumper, the grill, and the windshield all need mending.

"I guess I should have left it in gear," the bewildered owner tells the service writer.

Nobody's perfect, things happen. A moment of lost concentration or poor judgment is all it takes. Even with the best of intentions, there's no guarantee things won't come crashing down. Just a few weeks ago another shop owner and I were discussing some of the antics we've seen over the years of car repair. He mentioned to me about a guy he had working for him who liked to move his entire tool box to a job site. The mechanic was finishing up replacing tie rods on a car when he started to let the car down off the lift. While lowering the car another tech asked him a question. Totally forgetting that he had left his roll-around tool box under the lift, it came down on top of it with a loud "Crash" and "Smash" as the tool drawers popped open spewing their contents across the floor. The car was undamaged but the tool box, well, it didn't fare as well.

When someone brings parts or components into the shop for me to install I often wonder if they are fully aware of the pitfalls of self-diagnostics, or that what they are attempting to do may not be what they anticipated. Sometimes they find out the results they were told by the person selling the part isn't "exactly" what they expected. One time I had a customer come with an aftermarket horn he purchased at a discount parts store that he wanted me to install. It was styled like an old model T "ah-ooga" horn. The guy asks me, "Can you install this for me, and set it up so I can use my factory horn button with it?"

"Sure, no problem," I said. "Should we see how it sounds first?"

"No, that's OK. I heard one very similar to it in the store, it was shaped a little different than this one, but he said it sounds exactly the same."

Alrightly then, suit yourself... I guess I'll find a place to fit it in. There's not a lot of spare room under the hood of newer cars, and this thing was huge. The only place I could find to put it was just below and behind the headlight assembly on the passenger side. It barely fit in the space, but with a lot of maneuvering I gave it its new home.

Of course, I've gotta hear this new tooter toot for myself. Uh, oh... I don't think this is what he expected. It wasn't exactly a perfect "AH- OOGAH" … more like a sick cow mooing. There weren't any adjustments or anything else that could be done to it... what ya got...is what ya got.

"I don't think this is what you were after, sir," I told the new horn recipient, "What now? You want me to take it back off?"

"It's perfect!" he tells me, "I like this sound better." (Eww?!? - sounded awful to me. Well, then... one sick cow horn it is...). There again, just because I don't think it's perfect doesn't matter... the customer liked it, and that's all that really matters.

It's not a perfect world out there and things can and will go awry. If it was a perfect world out there, who would need a plumber, a doctor, or a mechanic? Nothing would break, nothing would wear out, and nothing would go wrong. There wouldn't be cars gliding down steep hills with bad emergency brakes or horns that sounded like a sick cows.

Of course, in the repair business, there's always the problems generated by missed diagnosis or a faulty new part that adds to the frustration. I've had numerous occasions where several parts in a row are faulty right out of the box. Only to find out that an entire shipment was manufactured wrong.

This brings me back to that ultimate issue... perfection. The ultimate goal. Life isn't perfect; it has its ups and downs just like everything else. If you're not feeling "perfect", you might need to see a doctor. They're a busy bunch of professionals, those doctors are. We as humans are far from perfect, so it's not long before we all might have to go see the old "saw bones" for some repair. At the doctor's office you wait... sometimes for hours just for that fifteen minutes of office time with the doc. In a perfect world you wouldn't need to wait, but we all have to get in line with the rest of the human race when it comes to seeing most professional help with something. (I always wondered how some people can sit at a doctor's office for several hours for their fifteen minutes with the doctor and never complain... but, at the repair shop they can't wait fifteen minutes to get their car in the shop for a several hour repair.)

In a perfect world all car parts would be treated like the different organs a doctor would transplant. Everything is checked, double checked, then and only then, would we use those components. But, that's not how things are in the real world. Some people prefer the bargain priced parts for their car. There's a good chance those imperfect choices for the road missile we speed down the highway in (affectionately known as the family car) could lead to an even bigger problem later on. I doubt you're going to hear anyone at the accident scene say, "Well, he would have made it, if he wouldn't have used those cheap car parts from that fly-by night repair shop."

Let's face it...nobody's perfect.

Brain Damage

Throughout the evaluation of the modern car there have been an increasing number of duties taken over by computers. These computers have not only made the engine more fuel efficient, but also more environmentally friendly. Nowadays, these systems are starting to think for themselves and make decisions for the driver. Things like parking the car, keeping a safe distance from the car in front of you, or avoiding accidents are just a small part of the capabilities of the modern computer driven automobile.

In some ways the car has become a thinking, reasoning, and quite capable robotic apparatus. You're not sure of that? Really? Let's define robotic function and a robot's task. A robot is a device that manipulates its surroundings by way of certain inputs, which are dictated by the software or information instructions set into its protocol. In a sense the information in its brain. Not all "robots" are in a form of the walking, talking version; a robot can be stationary and perform one task over and over again.

Take for example ABS (Anti-lock Brake System). This can be considered a robotic function. The ABS module (or brain) is given a task by way of its programming, and in turn watches for certain input signals from various sources such as the wheel speed sensors, brake pedal application, and engine and transmission inputs. It's a stationary robot in a non-stationary setting. If the system fails to follow the preset instructions it gives the human an indication of its condition by way of a service light.

The repair needed is still left up to the technician. I'm kind of glad for that, as I don't know if I'm up to dealing with the "Terminator" mentality of a walking, talking robotic device that inevitability figures out it's smarter than its creator.

These days a modern technician uses a computer to talk to the vehicle's computer. That makes it three "brains" involved in determining the reason for the service light: two cyber brains and one human brain. Each one of them has to do their job correctly. When one or more of these "brains" malfunctions, (and yes, I do mean the technician's too.), the whole process of figuring out the problem becomes a lesson in futility.

I recently had a car in the shop that wasn't communicating with any of my scanners. As the technician, aka "The Human Brain", it was my task to figure out why and where the lack of communication was emanating from. It wasn't long before I tracked down the culprit. Not only was the main PCM in the car dead, but so were several other processors as well. Looks like a case of brain damage to me. All the usual suspects for this type of problem, such as powers, grounds and communication lines checked out to be in good condition. The test results showed that the car had been struck by lightning. Looks like this little robotic wonder of modern technology had been done in by Mother Nature herself. Even in the electronic age…Mother Nature still rules.

But among the variations of problems a technician can run across there are those occasions where the car is fine, but its second brain (the "scanner") is damaged in some way. On occasions I've had to deal with an uncooperative scanner. After countless times of getting in and out of a car, the endless twisting and manipulating of the cords and connections, the scanner can come down with its own form of brain damage. Sometimes it's the service cord at fault, and other times it's the scanner itself. (I keep the shipping boxes just in case I have to send one in for repair.)

The big problem for the consumer these days is the modern car can't function without these computers, nor can the modern technician diagnose or repair a lot of the functions without a computer to talk to the car. We've become so dependent on the electronic wizardry of these modern conveniences that our world today couldn't function as we know it without them.

Sometimes I feel like I've got brain damage myself when I'm trying to figure out the multitude of problems brought on by all these electronic components. There are many numerous problems that only exist in today's cars because of all these technical advancements. You wouldn't see some of these problems in a car without a computer under the hood. In years past a lot of car components were rebuilt right in the shop,and most everything was a "hands-on" repair. A mechanic removed a part, and would take it down to its individual components, then replace one or more parts of the original component and reassemble it. Not so today; most parts are electronic or have been manufactured in a way that the individual parts can't be taken apart. A good example of this is the HVAC systems. It used to be cables and levers that operated the doors and temperature flow. Nowadays, it's sensors, drive motors and processors. Computers and these robotic functions have literally taken over our everyday life right down to the point of turning on the A/C in the car. You're not moving a lever or turning on the compressor, instead you're asking permission from the computer. It determines whether or not all the required systems are functioning properly. If they are…then "it" (the computer) will allow you to have the air conditioning on. You don't decide… the computer decides for you.

For the most part, today's automotive repairs require a high degree of understanding of electronics, as well as mechanical aptitude. You really need both to be a good tech these days. The stereotypical view of the local mechanic as some brain damaged, misbegotten youth with a rag sticking out of his pocket is all but gone; he's more of a brain surgeon than a grease monkey these days.

Our technical advancements and electronic world is moving closer and closer to a place our forefathers of just one generation ago would never recognize. It won't be long before the automatous car is the norm (which is nothing more than a robot on wheels.)

These innovations are enough to give me brain damage if I ever get a chance to stop and think about them long enough. As it has always been in this field… change is constant and dealing with those changes is what the technician has to deal with.

I'll admit I do find all these modern conveniences fascinating, as well as totally plausible…they make our lives physically and mentally less stressful, but I gotta draw the line somewhere. Some people like to bike, others like to hunt or fish, while my favorite pastime is golf. I do like using the GPS to show the yardage…but I'm not using a "Terminator" to hit the golf ball for me… Besides… it would probably keep score better than I do anyway. Even in this modern technical world there are still a few things this old, brain damaged tech would rather do without a computer involved.

DuctTape

When people list the millions of uses for duct tape they never seem to include the various ways I've seen it used on the family car. I'm a big fan of duct tape myself. My son has even made himself a handy little wallet, a tie, bookbinders, and whole bunch of other cool things with it. I'm no pro at conjuring up different uses for this stuff, but I've seen what some creative people can do with a roll. Why, just last night I was out to dinner with the family, and low and behold there in the parking lot was a minivan with the front bumper strapped on with layers upon layers of duct tape. Nice job... it definitely was holding it in place, that's for sure. You could tell it's been that way for quite some time, all the edges were starting to fray and the inner grid of the tape was showing through.(Probably time for another layer…)

Even NASCAR has found a use for this magical fix all tape. If you're running around the track at high speed and you get tagged by the guy trying to pass you, there's a good chance something is going to get torn off. The next trip around the fourth turn means a little more tug on the steering wheel, and a down shift into the pits. Then your pit crew jumps the wall, slaps on a few layers of duct tape, and off you go back out onto the track again, grabbing the next gear and holding the pedal to the floor. No wonder duct tape has the nickname "200 mph tape".

Then there are those uses I think are really ridiculous. Like using duct tape to hold up a broken electric window. It probably sounded good at the time, but wait until you need to take it off. That's usually left up to me when the car is in for repair. It will come off, but you might need a bit of elbow grease and a few shots of cleaner and solvent to get it off. It's even more fun to remove on a hot summer day;it can be an icky, gooey, nasty, slimy mess to get off the paint and windows of the car.

Talk about creativity, I've seen duct tape hold broken glove box doors in place, center console lids, visors, door panels, and various other assorted interior components together. I've even had a car come in that had it wrapped around the entire steering wheel, as if it was a steering wheel cover. Not to mention the patched upholstery, a stereo install gone wrong, or the broken key fob. The list is endless. Let's not leave the exterior out of this, there's the trunk lid when the latch has broken, using it as electrical tape, repairing a broken taillight lens, or the occasionally door that won't stay shut. Of course, then there's the engine compartment; it's a plethora of unending duct tape extravaganzas there. You know, if it's all you have at the time, well... I guess you have to use what you've got on hand...but, really... it's "duct tape" not "tape to hold the coat hanger in place where the radio antenna used to be". It gets hysterically funny when you get a chance to really notice what some duct tape connoisseurs have dreamed up in the way of duct tape innovations.

Some time ago I had a car come in the shop with a severe drivability problem. The service light was on; it was stalling, hard to start, no power,coughing, and for the most part... just plain sick. The service codes showed a rich condition and some really crazy short fuel trim values. When I opened the hood I noticed the rubber intake plenum was completely collapsed onto itself. I thought that was a bit weird, but I might as well pop it back into shape and see what happens. At first the car sounded great,but in a few seconds it was back to what it was doing. This time I took the plenum off the car and checked it a little further. Wedged up against the filter box opening to the plenum was a huge wad of duct tape, completely strangling the air intake system.

Apparently the owner couldn't find the right size air filter for the car, so he used the duct tape to make the opening small enough to accommodate the air filter. It had been on the car for so long he completely forgot about it. As the duct tape adhesion deteriorated, it started to slowly ball up at the connection between the filter box and the leading edge of the plenum. One new (correct) air filter, and a lot less duct tape took care of the problem. I know it's called"duct tape" and this is a duct, but this isn't the kind of duct to be using it on. (I'll have to add this to my list of failed uses for duct tape.)

There was a TV program on not long ago that did a whole segment on duct tape. (Had to watch that one for sure.) They turned duct tape into a sail boat, picked a car off the ground with it, and showed several other cool ways of using it. I'll have to admit they were pretty ingenious and proved the point of how versatile this sticky stuff is. I'm sure there are more ideas that haven't been tried yet, and I doubt that we'll ever run out of ideas for using duct tape in some creative way. Who doesn't have a roll of duct tape lying around somewhere, and who hasn't tried some crazy idea with this stuff? Ok, Ok… maybe splicing a car back together wasn't the smartest thing I've ever seen duct tape used for… but it sure was cool.

Ah yes, duct tape, it's a good thing to keep around for a variety of emergency repairs. It has a purpose no matter where you are or where you go. I keep a roll handy in my tool box all the time. You never know when the need for a few strips of duct tape will come in handy. Just ask the guys on Apollo 13 how valuable a roll of duct tape was. Yep, that's right duct tape even went to the moon.

Duct tape… if it's good enough for NASA, it's good enough for me.

One More Busted Knuckle

It's the grease, the grime, the clank of a loose rod bearing, or the snap of a fuse that is familiar to anyone who has ever worked on cars. But, along with the noises and smells of the business there are the scrapes and bruises. Working with machinery, moving parts, and numerous sharp objects there's bound to be a few personal injuries involved. Sometimes I can go an entire week without cutting myself or jamming a finger, but then there are those days… the ones where I have to make a mad dash for the First Aid kit. It just adds to the challenges of the job.

Have you ever been complacent while working on a car? You know... just lost your concentration for a moment and did something stupid? I know I have. Like the time I hit the trigger on my new high torque air ratchet with the wrong size socket on it. As the ratchet spun, it took me for an unsuspected ride as it slammed up against the car's engine with a couple of my fingers jammed in between. Man, did that hurt! Good thing for rubber gloves, especially the black neoprene ones. (They don't show blood stains as well, and they tend to hold everything together long enough for you to find the First Aid kit and check for damage.)

Like a lot of technicians I've got scars, a couple of broken fingers, and a few swollen joints from working on cars all these years. The older I get the more war wounds I seem to collect. "With age comes wisdom". I sometimes have my doubts about that. I sure feel pretty stupid when I get that next bruised or busted knuckle. Age sure doesn't help with the eye sight, or the knees, oh and don't forget about that aching back! Let's face it, working on cars and trucks is a physically demanding job, as well as a mental workout.

I can remember a time back in my youth, when I would bench press a tranny up into the car while lying on a dirt floor. I don't think I'll try that these days. I've grown out of that macho style of auto repair. You know, always trying to prove I can tackle a big job by myself. (Hint,hint… for you younger techs) I'm much older now. Proving my testosterone level by doing some Herculean feat, which only ends up with another scar for my efforts, is no way to end the day. Sure wish I would have understood that back then, might have saved me from a few bumps and bruises. You could say; "Chalk it up to experience" or "Been there-done that-Know better now", kind of thinking.

With blisters, sores, aching muscles,dirt under the finger nails, and the ever present grease stains deep in the grooves of my palms, there's no denying what I do for a living.. Yep, that's right… I'm a mechanic. Those bumps and bruises are all part of the job, even though I don't remember anyone I ever trained with mentioning that. (Should've been a course in tech school on proper bandage installation and application; after what I've been through, I could ace that class.) Like a lot of techs, I only get paid for what I accomplish. Even if this means putting on an extra bandage, and if capable...get back to work.

On one particular day I was changing the U-joints on a truck. The customer had dropped it off early that morning, and I said I could have it done by lunchtime. The joints weren't that hard to change, but getting the drive shaft off was. Three of the four rear yoke bolts came off with no problem, but the fourth one... I wasn't so lucky. The wrench slipped off, and with the force I had on the bolt my whole arm shot skyward. A sliver of MIG welding wire was still on the joint where the rear yoke housing is welded to the actual drive shaft pipe fromthe factory. This made for a perfect slice and dice on my forearm as it passed by.

By the time the customer picked the truck up that afternoon I had most of my forearm wrapped up. "What ya do to that arm?" he asked.

I told him how it happened in all the gory details. I'd like to say he was concerned. He was… just not with my arm. Oh heck no... He was more concerned with his truck. "So you still got the U-joints changed?" he said with a questioning gesture. Yea, thanks for caring, Mr. Customer… I appreciate your thoughts and concerns. Trucks fine, U-joints are fine, I'm fine… life goes on….

Ok, it wasn't that big of a deal...minor cut... no biggie. (My wife just rolls her eyes when I come home with a new bandage on. I think she enjoys tormenting me, while she cleans up my newest altercation with an inanimate object. Gee… Lucky me....). The customer wanted to make sure I removed that hunk of MIG wire, so that no one else would get hurt in the future. Oh don't worry, I did, and I'll have to admit, I removed that little piece of wire as if I had a personal vendetta against it ... Yea, it ain't going to do that to anyone else... EVER again!

Outside the daily workings of the shop I'm asked to speak at different functions, or invited to some event where I'll be shaking a few hands. I used to worry about the roughness of my hands, especially when I was in a room of businessmen and women who had no concept of manual labor work in their daily vocations. It was a concern of mine, andat times maybe even a bit embarrassing. But, you know, I've come to realize, I should be proud of what I do, and those scars and callouses I've collected throughout my working years are like my own personal business card. It's who I am... it's what I am...it's the way I am… a mechanic. I'm proud of what I do… we all should be proud of what we do. There aren't a lotof people who can do this job. Putting your arm into a blind or tight spot,while trying to turn a bolt or nut with nothing more than their fingertips, isn't for everyone. As a technician you do it, and don't even think about that sharp jagged piece of metal you're wedged up against... you just do it anyway.

Even with a few extra scrapes and scars I'm still going back to this job tomorrow. I don't plan on gouging a test light into my hand while reaching down into an engine bay, but you know… it'll happen... maybe not today, but it will.

Best of luck to all the ratchet spinnin', wrench turnin', hardworking techs out there. Stay safe... work smart... and keep the First Aid kit well stocked.

There's always tomorrow, and tomorrow is just one more busted knuckle away.

Sci-Fi or Our Future Reality?

The year is 2168. Bob is on his way to pick up his car from the repair shop. It didn't need much, just a new phase shifter for his low orbit cruise control. His buddy, Tom was happy to give him a ride to pick it up. His new car is equipped with the new ½ light speed option, which really speeds up his travel time.

As they arrive at the service center, Tom says, "So this is where you get your car serviced?"

"Yea, sure is," Bob tells his buddy, "I've been coming here for quite some time."

With the economy just now getting back on its feet, and a good amount of nostalgia in all the advertisements, most of the car manufacturers have decided to use retro names for their new models, like Camaro, Thunderbird, Road Runner,Mustang, just to give them more of that old muscle car feel from the mid-21^thcentury.

For years there's been a hold on how much power the government would allow in a private car, but that's all changed now. With the restrictions lifted on the TTP (Total Thrust Propulsion) every car geek out there is going for these super-fast cars with the classic names, and with a few modifications you can just about make it to full light speed. (Like Tom's car.) Pretty cool stuff for the modern hot rodders.

Nobody drives on the old concrete and black top highways anymore. All those early muscle cars have been moth balled into sealed rooms for public view and private collections. So, there's no need to maintain the road systems anymore. Everyone uses the transportation lanes at different altitudes rather than down on the old, dilapidated highways. Gravity is still a factor, but not so much for the transportation industry. Since gravitational balance was obtained about 100 years ago, there's really no need for ground travel options on modern cars. (Tires are such a waste of natural resources anyway.)

Oh sure, there's still a lot of people out there driving around with old mag-lift technology, but they can't get any higher than the second level on the transportation lanes. They're just too slow and unpredictable. (Tom and Bob both agree that people really should look at getting newer cars; you know…,something with a jump speed for interstellar travel.)

"Gotta go Tom, thanks for the ride," Bob says to his buddy, as he pulls out of the service center parking area. "I'm heading to Parizolas-1 in the Pexar galaxy to see my family."

Bob flips on the navigational system, programs his destination, applies the auto directional pilot controls, and sits back for a relaxing ride across the space highway. It will have him at his parents' house in no time.

Tom decided to stick around a bit and check out the service facility. He waved goodbye to his buddy, and watched him gain altitude towards the outer orbit on ramp for the IGS (Inter-galacticSpace-way). After Bob was out of sightTom took a stroll through the service center, watching all the displays change images, and listened to the specials being offered. He peered through the glass enclosures at the cars entering and leaving the service bays, and watched the technicians make adjustments to the programs.

The service bays are completely automated. Robots handle all the fluid changes and major work, but there's still a technician in the bay to manage everything that is going on. As a car enters the service bay the technician starts scanning the car from the front to the rear. In just a few seconds he can see the results on his view screen and knows just what needs to be taking care of. Most of the on-board systems in the car will repair things themselves, but there are occasions when the nano-bots in the car's matrix overlook something. That's where the full scan at the repair shop is needed.

The technician orders the needed repair parts from the storeroom and assigns the appropriate task robot to make the repairs. While Bob could have waited for the repairs to be made on his Camaro, he thought he would save time by having the car deliver itself to the repair shop. The technician at the service center can send your car back to you, or like Bob, you can pick it up yourself. You can also schedule the next service based on the information you provided. You won't even know your car is at the shop. It can program itself to arrive at the service center when it's the most convenient for you. But, don't worry… the car will inform you of its travels as soon as you enter the car the next time. These days, cars and people are almost on the same level; it knows your moods, it knows where you go, when you need transportation, and can perform most of these tasks with nothing more than a thought from you.

Tom was really impressed with the shop. It's a lot nicer than where he's been going. He decided to enter his cars' diagnostic log chip into the shop's memory unit, so his car would automatically use this shop instead of his last one. All the service records are automatically sent to the new facility, and any components on order will be shipped directly to the new shop, too. As Tom gets ready to leave, he had to show off his hopped-up hot rod for the service techs. He hits the override control and plants the throttle to the wide open position. With a shower of cosmic particles he speeds off into the distance.

Sounds farfetched, doesn't it? It's not our reality; it's science fiction to you and me. But imagine what it would have been like to explain to someone from the early 20^th century about a car from 2012? They probably would've had you committed, or something worse than that. That doesn't mean they didn't have their far into the future thinkers, they certainly did. In fact they had their own visions of the future too, from futuristic movies like; Buck Rogers and space travel to Mars, to stories about a man landing on the moon. Why, they even had Dick Tracy in the comic strips, who could talk to his wrist watch with a 2 way video screen. Now take a moment and jump back to 2012 … think about it for a second…most of those early ideas have already been accomplished.

So, if you would have told someone from the early 20^th century that by 2012 your car could not only avoid getting into a crash, it could park itself, and could be started without you even being near it, do you think they would have believed you?

It's simply amazing how those thoughts and ideas from the turn of the century end up being today's technology, but I'll bet in 2168 they'll say the same thing about our "historic" tries at technology too.

So, for all you far out into space thinkers, keep looking over the horizon because there's a good chance what we think of as automotive fantasy today will become common place in the future.

Look out year 2168... we're coming your way! ! !

New Dog, Old Tricks

"Sit! Sable, sit", I tell the family's new German Shepherd pup. When she sits, she gets a treat. "Good dog, Sable... good dog."

She's only 8 months old, but she is already turning out to be a great dog for the family. We've decided to make sure she has the proper training, and not learn any bad habits from us "novice pet parents". Instead we are taking her to training classes once a week with an expert dog handler/trainer. We're hoping to have Sable trained as a "companion dog" after all the training is finished. Although, really... the training never ends. Every day there's a new challenge and a new skill to learn.

At the training session all the dog handlers (Oops, I mean pet parents) are standing in a straight line waiting for our next instructions. I've got the leash in hand, the dog at heel position, and I'm intent on listening for every instruction the trainer tells us. It reminded me of those early days when I first started in the repair business. There I was a naive, still green behind the ears young tech thinking he knew it all, only to be told to go sit. I spent hours upon hours walking alongside another tech, observing how he solved a problem or made use of a certain tool. I guess in a way I was just like the pup... I probably looked a lot like the dog; eager to see what was to be next, well… OK, everything except for the tail wag and the tongue hanging out, of course. It took some time to learn this trade, but I eventually caught on how to diagnose the problems and make the repairs myself. But, just like Sable, I learn something new each and every day.

On occasions I'll have an intern in my shop doing their "hands-on" training. They're just as eager to learn, watch and understand what I'm doing, just like I was back then. They want to know how to use the variety of tools, scanners, and equipment that most of us who have been in the business for years take for granted. I have to stop and remind myself, "These interns don't know those old school tricks. They don't know what I know... I'm here to teach those things that can't be taught out of a book."

There was this one intern I had who really wanted to be involved with every repair in the shop. He was a pretty sharp kid, he had already been through several class trainings, and did some hands on at another shop. But, he still had a lot to learn. His enthusiasm was contagious to say the least, which, by the way, made it a lot easier to let him be more involved with each and every repair.

One day, shortly after he started, we had a mid-90's GM come in the shop. I pulled the car into the service bay where he was waiting. Then I jumped out and told him, "I forgot the work order. I'll run up front and get it. Pop the hood open, would ya. I'll be right back". When I came back, there he was kneeling in front of the car peering thru the grill with a screwdriver, trying to pry the hood open.

"What the heck are you doing?" I barked at him.

"The hood wouldn't open, so I was going to "jimmy" the latch."

I just stood there holding my head with my hand, while looking at the floor, shaking my head back and forth.

"Here, let me show you something," I told him.

I reached in and pulled the latch one more time, then went out to the hood and lightly popped the hood with my fist just above the latch. "Pop" goes the hood. He stood there with a surprised look on his face.

"How did ya do that?" he asked.

"Oh, a lot of these stick like that; all you have to do is give it a quick little pop and it springs open," I told him.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I just showed this young wrench hand a little something most techs already knew, and for the most part took for granted. For him, this was a revelation.

"You can put that screwdriver away, Bud," I told him.

A few weeks later I needed an 8mm bolt for a project, and my intern... as always... was standing right next to me. "Go over to the miscellaneous bolt bin and find me an 8mm with fine thread, if you please.

"Going to get it right this second, Chief," He said with a grin, and off in a flash went my energetic intern.

He seemed to be gone for quite some time, and I was getting a little concerned. It shouldn't take that long to find a bolt. I went back to the storage room where we kept the bolt bin, and there he was sorting bolts, still trying to find the right one.

"What's the problem?" I asked

"I'm not sure if this one is 8mm… or this one," he answered.

"Why don't you go over to your tool box and grab your 8mm box end wrench, and come back here."

With that he shot out the door and was back in just a second. He came into the storage room at full speed, and then stopped dead in his tracks just in front of me holding his wrench in his outstretched arms.

I handed him a bolt, "Here try this bolt with your wrench."

As I expected, he went right for the hex head and tried to fit the wrench to it. "No, no... Use the box end, and see if it fits the actual bolt. Not the part you turn the bolt with, I'm after the actual bolt size."

He caught on pretty fast, even though he still had a bit of a puzzled look on his face. He slid the box end of the wrench over the bolt for a perfect fit. "See, there ya go... that's an 8mm bolt for sure," I said with a grin.

The smile he had on his face was priceless. Here again was another example of a new tech learning an old trick. Eventually my young intern became quite a tech in his own right. After graduating from his tech class, he got a job at a large shop in his home town. I'll bet even to this day he is probably learning more old tricks, and someday he'll be the guy showing them to the next young tech who comes along.

In the meantime, my handling skills and dog training continue. I've got a lot to learn myself. Just like in my chosen trade the skills you learn are equal to the amount of effort you put into it. I'm kind of the old dog these days, but I'm not afraid to learn a few new tricks myself. But, I'll be sure to pass on my "old tricks of the trade" to the next tech in line. Oh well, back to dog training... "Sit, Sable, Sit!"... Good dog... good dog... Now if I could only teach her to fetch me that 8mm wrench....

Stupid's Free

There's always been a difference between the professional automotive technician and the weekend mechanic. These days the gap is growing ever wider with the technology changes. However, a lot of DIY'rs still are doing repairs at home and believe they know more than the professional tech even after admitting they don't know what they aredoing. Not to say there isn't adifference between the levels of knowledge at the corner repair shop and the next shop down the street. Sure, always has been. But, that's a result of experience, education and what type of repair is common to that certain repair facility... nobody knows it all. But, imagine how much difference there is between the uneducated, unfamiliar, and down right dumber than dumb person who tries to repair their car at home.

I get a lot of these "home" repair guys in the shop with their family cars whose first claim to fame is how much money they are saving by doing the work themselves. Yes, professional auto care can be expensive, and in a lot instances you can save a few bucks by doing the physical labor yourself. On the other hand, there's an assumption made that you know what you're doing. This is where a lot of socket jockeys get themselves into trouble. Now with small hand held scanners and meters out in the market place there's an even bigger chance of a complete disaster waiting to happen.

Take a problem I was involved with just a few weeks ago. A DIY'rs daughter's air conditioning wasn't working on a 99 Ford Escort. From his meager test results he saw a 12 volt reading at the clutch. His gut reaction was the clutch must be bad, which means a trip down to the local cheap-o-depot for a replacement compressor. After spewing the refrigerant into the atmosphere and more than likely a good amount of the oil he did managed to get the compressor replaced. Then he added a new can of refrigerant to the system. To put the second can in he had to start the car. Oh, oh...problem...the compressor still doesn't come on.

"I checked it again and I still had 12 volts so I don't know what's wrong with it now. That's the only reason I'm bringing it to you," the DIY'r tells me.

Knowing that most of these guys really don't want to spend a dime on repairs, especially something they feel they can do themselves I figured I would save him diagnostic time by helping him out a bit. I told him, "If you have 12 volts at the compressor sir, then it's most likely a bad coil on the compressor."

"Nope, can't be..., it's new"

I've lost count how many times somebody has told me the new part can't be the problem... because it's new. So I not only doubt the quality of his part but his test results as well.

"Well, then...there's only one of two things it can be. Either it's a bad coil on the compressor or... you really don't have 12 volts at the coil," I told him.

He still insisted he was right and that I needed to check it out further.

Once I had it in the service bay I checked the voltage at the coil. Hmmm, that's peculiar... no voltage. This car uses a unit called a CCRM (Constant Control Relay Module) this module has several purposes but the one I'm concerned with is the 12 volts for the compressor clutch. I checked the output lead that lead from the CCRM to the coil... nothing. I then checked the signal from the PCM that controls the activation signal to the internal relay for the compressor at theCCRM. Perfect, no problem there. The culprit in this case turns out to be a faulty CCRM. Not a big deal, I'll call him and let him know.

I gave him the option of doing the job himself, but he wanted me to do it since it was an "electrical" problem. All-righty then, I can do that, and while I'm at it I'll make sure he has the correct amount of refrigerant too. Everything seemed fine until he came to pickup the car. That's when this CrackerJack qualified DIY'r sticks his chest out and tells me his version of how to diagnose it and fix it. As usual, the wife is standing next to him for encouragement.

"I had 12 volts at the coil so why didn't it work?"

"Actually, there was no voltage at the coil."

"Are you telling me I don't know how to read a volt meter?"

"I'm saying you probably misread the meter, that's all."

"I've been fixing cars for years.You're not going to tell me I don't know what I'm doing. You did something else to the car! You electrical guys have a trick to making things work and then I've got to pay for it!"

"No, I'm afraid not. I replaced the CCRM and recharged the system with the proper amount of refrigerant."

"I can put the refrigerant in."

"How much did you plan on adding?"

"I keep adding more until it's cold."

"That's not a good practice sir; you should put in the amount it's supposed to have."

"I guess you assume I don't know whatI'm doing at all... do ya?"

You can imagine the rest of the conversation. I've stood at the service counter for many years and have been on the receiving end of these DIY'rs retributions before. Nothing new, might as well take their abusive comments, straighten the desk a little, jot a few notes down and wait for them to finish. (Never interrupt them... it will only take longer.) In his mind and explanation, (as usual) I turn out to be not only acomplete idiot, but have no reason for being in business. Obviously as he stated, I've been at this car stuff for nearly 30 years and have been doing it entirely wrong all this time. (Glad I found out now... geez...another couple of years of doing it wrong would have been devastating.) You know, after spending time in classes, schools, conventions and on the job perfecting my trade, I find that listening to these wanna-be mechanics blare out their reasons for owning a tool box only amounts to a whole lot hot air.

Well, one thing is for sure... he left the shop with cold air in his car. Maybe he needs to drive around for a while and cool off. Then go home, take a class or something in the proper use of a multimeter. I don't like to assume I know, because all it does is make an ass out of U and me. There are plenty of tech schools and on line classes out there that will teach you how to be a mechanic.

The old saying says it best; Stupid's free...but you pay for knowledge... the pros know it already... the novice just assumes it.

The Things Kids say

Mrs. Turner came up to the service counter with her young son in tow. Her car has been having some idling issues for quite some time. She's a regular customer, and it's not unusual for her husband to try a few things first, but eventually the car ends up at the repair shop to get it taken care of. The boy hopped up on one of the bar stools with a small toy car in hand. He ran his little car up and down the counter, while his mom and I discussed the car.

"My husband tried a few things, but he wasn't having much luck with it," Mrs. Turner went on, "He's very handy around the house you know, but there are times he just needs to step aside and let the professionals take over."

The young boy looks up from his little car with a little quirky look on his face and says to his mommy, "Daddy doesn't like mechanics." The embarrassed mother still blushing and extremely apologetic, looks down at her son and says, "Oh he doesn't mean that son. He meant he thought he could fix it instead of taking it to the mechanic."

"Ah uh, Mommy, he was pretty mad when you told him you were taking the car," the toddler tells his mom.

She turns to me and lays the keys on the counter, "Call me when you have some answers." Mrs. Turner put a firm grip on her young son's hand and led him out the door. As they were almost out of the front door the little boy said to his mom, "But Mommy, daddy said mechanics are dumb, and they don't know how to fix it. Daddy said he could fix it, Mommy."

I can just imagine the conversation on the way home. I'll bet Mrs. Turner was not a very happy camper, and I'm sure the boy was getting an ear full. Me, on the other hand, has to go back and play the part of the dumb mechanic, and see if I make it past the "can't fix it" stage the youngster so carefully informed his mother about.

The actual problem was too simple even for a novice mechanic. As soon as I opened the hood I didn't need any fancy scanners or diagnostic equipment, just a good ear. The idle problem was a loud hissing, leaking vacuum hose. A new section of hose took care of the problem in no time. I don't think Mrs. Turner has even made it to her house yet. She's probably still giving the boy that parental talk about what not to say in front of strangers. I'll wait a bit before I call her, you know… gotta give her some time to finish that speech to her son.

After lunch I made the phone call and told her that I had the car finished, and she could pick it up anytime she wanted. Of course she asked what was wrong with it, so she could tell her husband about it.

"I'll save the old piece of hose I changed out, so you can show him what I found."

It wasn't long before Mrs. Turner and her son were back at the service counter to pick up the car. The little guy had another toy car this time, and he kept himself busy running it up and down the counter. Mrs. Turner was busy writing out the check when the little guy stopped his little race car directly in front of me.

"Did you make smoke come out from under the hood like Daddy does?"

"No, I didn't make any smoke come out of the car," I told him, "Did your dad do that?"

"Yea, Daddy can make smoke come out of his big truck."

Mrs. Turner tore the check out from her book and sweetly patted her son on the head. He looked up at his mom and said to her, "Is Daddy a mechanic? Is Daddy dumb? You said last night that Daddy was dumb."

The embarrassment was showing on her face. I smiled, thanked her for her business, and handed her the keys. She turned towards the door with her hand on the back of her boys head… leading him out the door. As they walked to the door the little guy was clinging onto his little car. Mrs. Turner looks down at her son and tells him, "From now on, the only cars your daddy is going to be making any smoke come out of is one of your little race cars, son."

The little guy, stunned at his mom's suggestion says in a loud voice,

"Uh, uh mommy… he'll break it!"

Ah, yes… the things kids say… no doubt Mrs. Turner will be having another talk with her son on the trip home. I'm not sure at what age our inner thoughts stop becoming so vocal, but as an adult in this polite, politically correct world we live in, we just keep those things to ourselves. It's probably a good thing we do….

Temporary Helpers

There are times I find I have more helpers in the shop than I have on the payroll. I didn't ask for this extra help, but there they are, right there in the middle of the shop. Who are they, where did they come from? Ah, yes… it's those customers who have to keep an extra keen eye on their ride. They're pretty sneaky how they manage to get past the front desk, the waiting area, through the service door, and squeeze by the tire racks. For safety reasons its best that the customer keeps to the waiting room, but for some of these adventurous individuals they feel they need to help me out no matter what.

There are too many hoses, cords, and dangerous types of equipment to be spending the afternoon in a place you're not familiar with. A lot of times an unsuspecting "helper" just won't notice that floor jack, or those sharp tools at the edge of the work table. To some of these new helpers it doesn't matter, they'll still want to wander back there and help me out.

I can usually spot who's going to be the next shop helper. All I have to do is pull their car into the shop. If there's a fresh icy drink in the cup holder, an open pack of cigarettes and lighter lying on the passenger seat, a book, or a laptop, there's a good chance they'll be popping their head around the corner.

"Do you mind if I get my drink out of the car?" my new shop helper will ask.

Well, what to do…can't say no… "Sure, go ahead, you can grab it," I'll tell them… (Grudgingly)

Now, sometimes… they grab their drink, and they head right back to the waiting room. Other times, I'm not that lucky. It's their perfect excuse to hang around the car.

Soon the new shop helper is leaning over the fender with their ice cold drink watching the process of me figuring out what's up with their ride. At times, it's rather interesting; other times… it's simply annoying. I can never tell until the conversations start. If the first question is, "What do ya think it is?" I know it's going to be one of those days. Like most new helpers, they're unaware of the dangers of posing such an inappropriate and pointless question at this point in time. I'd rather not guess at this stuff. If I guess they'll think that's the answer. If I'm wrong, the next thing you know I'm trying to explain why whatever I thought it was.. isn't the problem. Thinking just gets me into trouble; let's try verify, diagnose, and then repair for a change of pace. So I think… I'll find out what's wrong first.

"Let's run some tests, and then we'll know for sure," I tell them.

Some get the idea they're out of place and should probably stick to watching the ice melt in their drink. Others, well… let's just say it wouldn't take much to reach over and pick up a wrench or two. They'll lean on the A/C recovery machine while it's running as if it's an old fashioned hitching post, or stick their head through the passenger window while I'm under a dash. I have to keep from laughing watching their spastic reactions to the recovery machines unexpected clicks and groans, as they stand there trying to act casual. Oh don't worry, no matter how clumsy it may look with all their uncoordinated antics, they're still going to keep a firm grip on that drink.

This little trip into the back of the shop isn't so much to check up on their car, but more as a way to observe the process of diagnosing the problem. It's as if it was some sort of exhibition. They'll look high and low throughout the shop, take a few sips from their drink, and then pay attention to what I'm doing to see how I find out what's wrong. The new help will concentrate on what I'm doing, so they can go home and tell their friends about some sort of wild looking machine or technique they watched me perform on their car.

A while back I had an old fella who wanted to be next his car the whole time. He was one of those "helpers" who had stories of car repairs from years gone by. Interesting, yes… helpful… not a bit. He was really interested in seeing how it was done in a modern shop. The project for the day was to find out why the service light was on. In this case all I needed was a scanner. I grabbed it, hooked it up to the car, and turned the key on.

"That's one of those new fangled scanners I've heard about," the old timer tells me.

"Yep, it sure is. I'll go take a look at the codes now, I'll be right back."

I guess he thought I was going to get another tool or something. What he didn't know was the scanner I was using was actually a wireless unit hooked up to my shop computer in the back office. So, while he was standing by the car waiting for me to return, I was busy pulling the information up on the computer in the comfort of the air conditioned office. Once I had the code, I had a pretty good idea what was wrong with the car. I came out of the office and headed straight for the gas cap, and screwed it back on.

"Ok, that should do it. I'll be right back," I told him.

"Is there anything you need me to do?" the old guy asked.

"Nope, you're fine… I'll clear the code, and check the rest of the car's systems. Be back in a minute."

My bewildered helper stood there… speechless, as I ran back to the computer to clear the code and get the print out for him. When I came back I reached under the dash and unplugged the scanner.

"So are you going to be able to find out what's wrong with it?" he asked.

I flipped the key off and said, "Already got it, we're all done here… the reason for the service light was because your gas cap was loose."

"You're already done? I guess things have really changed since the days I worked on cars. You really didn't need my help at all did ya? These new cars and scanners are pretty smart." the old guy tells me.

Yea, things have changed from those old days, and I guess in another decade or two, I'll be the old guy hanging around the next generation's repair tech. No doubt I'll be that unwanted temporary helper telling the stories about how I used to fix cars, too. Yep, that day's coming… don't know when, but it's coming. Guess I better prepare … now where did I put that ice cold drink?

Poking it with a Sharp Stick

It's not so much in my business that I work with the general public, but it's more of what kind of public gives me the business. I'm not talking about people who can think and reason like most educated, knowledgeable people. It's the cave man mentality, the ones whose elevator doesn't go to the top floor, or the ones who can't seem to get both oars in the water. I'm referring to common sense, the one quality that is lacking in every halfwit adventure I've either seen, or been a part of. (I can't leave myself out of this one... guilty as charged)

It stands to reason if some of these mental giants were among the intrepid pioneers who crossed the great divide in a Conestoga wagon, they probably would be the ones that never made it. But, with so many modern conveniences like diet, clean water, and modern medical care, these half-wit trail blazers roam freely throughout every part of the countryside.

There was a comedian some years ago who told a story about his ancestors from the Stone Age. He commented on how some people felt it necessary to leave the safety of the cave to take on some huge beast with nothing more than a sharpened stick, only to be trampled to death by the same prehistoric behemoth. He went on to say, "My relatives were the ones who stayed in the cave... how else can explain my being here?! If my ancestors were the ones who got killed off, how would it be possible for me to be standing here telling you all about them? My relatives had the good sense to stay out of harm's way. Were my ancestors brave? Sure they're brave, they're just not stupid."

"Oh look, large man eating beast outside the cave, I'll stay here… you can go out there. I've gotta sharpen my stick, and while you're gone I'll paint your picture on these cave walls. Our ancestors will think you're great hunters that way."

("Right, when in fact they're running for your lives…!")

Funny, yes, true... I guess so, and in similar ways, it's how some people tackle car repair.

In most states there's no regulation to keep someone from poking their pointed stick under the hood of their car, or hanging a shingle on a shop door and call themselves a "mechanic". The unsuspecting consumer is at the mercy of the phone book (and other sources) to find a shop that can actually make the appropriate repairs on their car. It's like the car has turned into a huge mammoth, and the person attempting the repair is just taking stabs at it with a sharp stick. No training, no experience, and more than likely no clue what they are doing. This is but one of the many reasons why the automotive field gets such low marks in the consumers' eyes. As one of my customers told me, "It's getting harder and harder to find a good mechanic these days". And, from what I can tell, it hasn't been much better in previous decades either.

A typical example of this was last week. An older gentleman came into the shop with an air conditioning problem on his 1967 Thunderbird. Sweet ride, entirely original... just the way he liked it. He had been to several shops trying to get the air conditioning working. This car was factory equipped with the old style compressor and A/C lines that didn't use a Schrader valve, but instead had the hand shut off valves that you moved (in the correct direction) to recharge or change the compressor. The owner's story was that every place he went to, no one knew how to use the hand valves correctly to refill the system. They were all good at replacing parts, but had no clue as to how the system worked. I'm old enough to have worked on these when they were very common. All the previous shops could have figured out how they operated, if they would have just put down their pointy stick, and did a little research. (FYI - There's only 3 positions to be concerned about: Front seated blocks off the compressor, Mid-position is used to allow flow between entire system, compressor, and the gauge port, and the most important one, back seated, which allows the entire system to work normally.)

Turned into an easy job for me; all in all, the A/C system was blowing cold air in no time. All it took was a little basic knowledge rather than guessing at it. (No telling what parts actually needed replaced, by the time I saw the car everything was new, oiled, and mounted correctly.) Too bad for the owner though, he paid each and every one of them to do what I just did... make cold air. The T-bird owner was overjoyed to finally have his air conditioning back in working order. (He did tell me he wasn't about to use those other guys ever again.) I guess after so many pokes with that sharp stick the T-Bird owner had had enough.

Then there's the DIY'r trying to repair the car in the family cave. First it's a jab with the pointed end of their stick, then two, then another, until they either figure it out, or they find the information they need to make the repairs. There's been a lot of talk lately about the factory information not being available... really?? What Neanderthal told you that? I've been working professionally in the car repair business for a long time and I've never had any problem obtaining factory information. The hard part is getting the right scanners (at reasonable prices) and education these days. It's out there; it just may take a little poking around to find it. (Pun intended) The big thing is, it's not free, never has been. Poking the sharp end of your stick at the manufacturer and expecting him to roll over like a wounded mammoth and hand you the information for free … just ain't happening… ever.

I have this mental image of a DIY'r and their protégé the "untrained mechanic" as the cave men portrayed in the painting with the great mammoth in center. The cave men are throwing their spears into the beast, but the huge behemoth of prehistoric times still isn't quite finished off. It's not a futile effort, if they keep stabbing at it they'll eventually get the job done. Gee, doesn't that sound just like a couple of guys trying to figure out what's wrong with the car by throwing part after part at it? It does to me.

Poking around with that Stone Age sharpened stick method of diagnostics is a slow and unproductive way of making any kind of automotive repair. But, I still see the same kind of poor workmanship even today. Working on modern cars, and even one from a few decades ago requires the right tools, the right information, and a bit of common sense. If you've got all that, you've got half the battle won. That common sense and good repair practices goes a long way. One thing's for sure… it beats poking it with a sharp stick.

Ya just have to wonder sometimes, what people are thinking. I get a lot of cars in the shop with pointed sticks dangling from the car. I guess there is a lot more cave dwellers out there than I could even imagine. Comments welcomed...

Myths and Rumors

Rumor has it that all mechanics are alike. That's a myth, an all-out rumor started by uneducated, misinformed, and quick to judge vehicle owners. Information and the ability to interpret that information is what separates rumors from facts. A lot of it depends on where the information is coming from. There's the manufacturers websites or the many independent companies that offer the same quality information either on the internet or in book form. There's also some really great information found in the automotive trade magazines with some of the top pros in the business. Of course, there are manuals that offer less accurate information to the consumer, and if that's still not in the budget there's always "he said – she said", rumor central as I like to call it. (For as long as I can remember there has always been cheap repair manuals out there...and as it always is… cheap sells first and often, quality sells… … after all the cheap stuff has been tried. Nothing has changed since the first production cars rolled off the assembly line, and I doubt it will ever change.)

There are plenty of myths and rumors for all kinds of car problems. From how to remove tie rod ends, ball joints, and steering wheels, to diagnosing an electrical short with a potato... (No kidding...) (Ridiculous, to say the least.) Some of these home remedies really do work, (Never tried the potato myself.) but, most are just the type of thing that makes most decent techs just shake their heads. Now, I don't want to leave out some of those crazy apparatuses people will create just to take care of a problem without repairing it correctly. From screw drivers jammed in the steering column for a turn signal handle to bathroom faucet handles for radio knobs. It's the ingenuity of some of these wacky folks that just makes me laugh out loud. I just can't imagine how or what possesses some of these creative minds to do the things they do. It comes down to the rumors that are started that some repairs are going to be so expensive that they will try to find a way around it. Even though, they probably have never had it tested correctly in the first place.

Some of these "weekend bumper jack operators" think it's a myth that you don't need a whole lot of training to work on cars these days. They'll get a cheap car repair manual or watch a video on how to install brake pads and then head out to their car and attempt the job themselves. Only to end up bringing the car into the repair shop because of a horrible grinding noise coming from one of the wheels. And, of course, their cheap manual will be neatly left on the passenger seat opened to the appropriate page for the tech to see. (Rumor has it the owner found their book tossed in the backseat like a rag doll. Hmm, I wonder how that happened. My bad...)

So is it a myth that car repair is easy? It's a myth all right, but the answer is actually complicated. My hats off to anyone that can come home from the office and tackle a car repair without any background in automotive diagnostics or previous mechanical experience. (Those are few and far between I might add). But if they fail, I'll get the typical questions asked at the service counter, "Is this something I could do myself? Or "Is this fairly easy for me to fix?" Well, yes... and no. First off, "Is it easy", well, yes...it's probably easy for me... but then I've got years of hands on experience. Secondly, "Can you do it yourself", sure you can... and if you had the years of hands on experience to go along with it you could probably get it done quickly and efficiently without any mistakes. Honestly, how would I know if it's easy for you? You brought the car to the shop to have it fixed not to have your mechanical aptitude analyzed.

Generally, it really doesn't matter what I say, if they want to try it themselves, they're going to try it themselves. The next usual question is; "Ok, can ya show me how to do it?" My answer to that is, "Does the baker at your local bakery teach you how to bake a cake? Does the guy who sells you your lawnmower teach you how to mow the lawn?" I don't think so. I'm probably not going to give you a detail by detail instructional lecture on how to fix your car. So if your neighbor or the shop down the street told you that I would be ever so happy to help you out... ah, that's a myth too.... ain't happenin'. But, my all-time favorite myth, When a customer says to me, "You do have that machine that tells you exaclty what's wrong with the car, don't you"? Right, that machine... sure I do... I keep it next to the muffler bearings and turn signal fluid.

Let's face it, the skills each and every one of us have acquired is part of our earning capacity. Not to say there are not times when a little extra help given to someone isn't appropriate it's just not the kind of thing that keeps my shop in the black. I've heard rumors that in order to have a profitable shop you need to charge for your services. (Dah, ya think?!)

There are so many cars out there and so many people with different ideas and opinions as to what it takes, that it's no wonder so many rumors and myths get started. Along with all the half-truths and false information floating around it doesn't take long before one of those rumors gets to be part of our everyday culture.

There have even been entire cars and manufacturers of cars that have gotten a bad rap because of some of those rumors. There's no doubt that public conceptions about some cars has a lot to do with the total sales and or longevity of certain models. The Edsel and the Corvair are two examples of bad publicity and poor acceptance that are forever more associated with rumors and exaggerated stories. Sure, they had problems, but honestly some of the stories I've heard over the years are just too hard to believe. (Then again, a lot of it could have been brought on by poor maintenance practices too.)

I've worked on both and it may be true that some of the technology developed for them might have needed a bit more improvement, but what car doesn't have a bug or two in it. If you take a hard look into the history of the automotive world you'll find examples of cars that had either the same flaws or even more faults than these two examples. I wouldn't call them bad cars... I'd say they were unique cars… but then, if I started telling people that ... I'd be starting another rumor wouldn't I? Best leave it be, and just take care of the cars in the best way possible. Rumors and myths are great for the arm chair mechanic. Makes for great conversation with the other gear heads, but as a professional... I'll stick to the facts.

Challenges and Rewards

Did you ever get the feeling all the effort you put forth out in the shop or at the office doesn't amount to a whole lot of gratification from the people you're trying to help? Sure, we've all had those moments. You work your tail off diagnosing some weird problem, only to have the customer decide it's going to be too involved or too expensive to repair. A lot of times the total hours spent on the job doesn't even begin to equal the effort you've put into it. Then there are those days the smile on the customer's face is the greatest reward you could have ever wanted.

Sometimes I'll make comparisons with other "blue collar" trades. There are so many different skilled professions out there that don't have as many changes or diversification as the automotive repair business. Of course, a lot of trades have equipment they use, or skills they need that hardly ever change. In some of those trades, once you've mastered the tools or the techniques of the trade, your skill level only increases with every new job you take on.

In the automotive repair business there are those times you can step back a bit and see your handy work in front of you. You can admire that beautiful paint job, or listen to the purr of a well-tuned engine. But, there are times when what you've done is hidden under a dash or below a valve cover, completely out of sight from you or the customer. Still, there are those times when what you've done does make an impressionable difference. Such as a car that has a severe miss in it, and you've managed to bring it back to a smooth running engine again, or those squeaky brakes are now silenced. I wish I could say that is true in every case, however, things like putting in a new timing belt, or changing the oil doesn't have the same outward reward as hanging a new shiny fender. More times than not, as a technician, your efforts can end up as part of the criticism or scrutiny of the vehicles owner.

Some of the typical responses range from: "It cost more than it should have."… "It took too long."… "I found out that another shop would have done the same job cheaper than you."…. "I found the same part on the internet at half of what you quoted me." …. So on, and so on. After the countless hours I've spent under a hood I sure have heard a few. Then there are those responses like: "This is awesome; it's never run so good." … "I knew you could take care of it."…. "Boy, they told me you were good… now I'm sure of it." …"Thank you so much… you've been a great help." Yes, it is a challenge, and yes it has its rewards. It's all part of the job.

But for those people who tend to complain about things, I find that they tend to be the kind of people that complain about everything. I wouldn't doubt it if these types of people that challenge the technician's results or prices are the same ones that would question how much the plumber, the HVAC guy or the carpenter charged them too. (Some days my reward is not having to deal with people like that.)

Then again, unlike some of the trades we all use from time to time, the product an automotive technician services is constantly changing. Which means constant studying, more information, new tools, new equipment, and new techniques to be learned and mastered. (Only to see those techniques and tools become obsolete with the next new production models.) I've been around long enough to have seen the change from points and condensers to solid state, to computerized engine controls. No doubt more changes are on the way, which only means more challenges for every technician out there. One of these days I'll have to sit down and add up all the tools, training, and dollars I spend each year to do the same job I did the year before. (I'd probably be in shock at the amount.)

Customers who stop by your shop on a regular basis are the ones most of us are grateful for. They show their appreciation by coming back time and time again. Even some of those once in a while customers' have a place in the shop, and are extremely grateful for all that you do. But, as seems to be the norm, we tend to dwell on the customers with poor judgment, or even worse behavior at the service counter. It's a challenge to keep it all in check, that's for sure.

Facing the challenges in this crazy world of automotive repair is a huge challenge, to say the least. Between the cars, the components, and the people it's a wonder how any one of us ever make it to a ripe old age and retire from it all. For now, I think I'll keep accepting those new challenges; I'm not ready to retire just yet. I've always been one to learn something new and take on those new challenges. The reward for me is meeting those challenges, and meeting some really great people from both sides of the counter.

Yes, there are challenges, and yes there are even more challenges on the way. The rewards are few and the challenges are many. No matter what trade you're in or what challenges you're facing, try and take that step back and view your accomplishments and take pride in what you've done... you deserve it.

Where do they go?

I've often wondered where all these "always in a hurry" people go when I'm too busy at the repair shop to get to their car the minute they show up at my door. At least once a day if not twice, I'll have a call or someone will stop by wanting me to drop everything and take care of their car the very second they show up at the service counter. Just the other day it was a Honda Odyssey.

"I need my SRS light turned off," he says in a very diplomatic voice.

"It will be about 30 minutes until I can get to you," I told him.

"I just need it turned off. I don't need it diagnosed. I'm on a tight schedule today."

"Everyone is busy right at the moment but it won't be very long until I can get to you sir."

He couldn't wait, instead he headed back out the same door he came in. "I'll be back tomorrow," he said as he pushed the lobby door open.

Tomorrow never comes... I suppose somewhere in the infinite number of "tomorrows" people like this guy are lined up to get their cars fixed. Oh, never mind that, sorry…, these kinds of folks don't want to wait, my bad.

I find it peculiar that someone would take the time to drive across town and expect some sort of service the second they showed up. What do they think this is an NASCAR pit stop? It's not like they are the only person with a broken car on the planet. I'm not saying it's not possible to take on a new project at a moment's notice but there are those occasions when there just isn't enough time or man power to accommodate everyone every time.

Let's take a look at it from a different perspective, say you're going out to dinner and when you reach your destination the maître d' tells you, "It's going to be about a 30 minute wait for a table.". Do you say, "I'm not waiting I've got a schedule to keep. I want a table now!" or do you wait? I would think waiting would be appropriate. You're at the restaurant so… wait, just like everyone else. Maybe I need to invest in some of those little pagers that vibrate and have those blinking lights on them. That way when someone wants "NOW" service I could take their name down, hand them a pager, and then I tell them, "It will be about 30 minutes for a service bay sir."

I guess I'm just not fast enough for some of them. Could it be their time crunch is too critical to wait? Was it my attitude or my laid back greeting "How ya doin', can I help ya with somethin'?" Could it be their general pace of life moves so fast that a mere 30 minutes would disrupt the rest of their natural life? Can't figure it out myself.

Maybe I came off a little rude, I know I've been to a few restaurants that I would put in the "rude" category and quite frankly the size of the tip would indicate that. Then I'm reminded of an episode of Seinfeld from several years ago about the so called "Soup Nazi". The guy behind the counter had such a horrible disposition that everyone was scared to say anything to him, but his soup was so good that people would tolerate his abusive personality just to sample his wares. I'm not that bad (Well, on occasions I probably am.) but I do take my job pretty serious. Serious enough that I want to make sure that I'm doing the best job for my customers, and doing something quickly usually means mistakes will happen, and often do.

It never fails if somebody wants something done in a hurry there's more to the story than just turning off a service light. This old quote fits these situations: "If the explanation of the problem is short, the problem is probably long and involved." - but- "If the explanation is long, the problem is probably small and quick to repair."

Case in point: A customer who was in too much of a hurry to leave his 94 Grand Am for me wanted to know what a couple of the "usual" problems were on them. I gave him a couple of the typical problems I've seen over the years on those 3.1 engine electronics. He hurriedly jotted them down and then shot out the front door and headed home to try them out. Several weeks later a tow truck showed up with his car on the hook. The entire interior was completely taken apart with the dash panels hanging by their wires. Looking under the hood I could see all kinds of new parts, coil, cam sensor, TPS, spark plugs, wires, etc.... But it still wouldn't start. By now he had given up on it and decided it was time to "wait" and see what I found out.

His novel of what he had done got rather lengthy. I had a pretty good hunch he's over looked something rather simple in his quest to diagnose this car. I turned the key on... hmmm, no service light, no gauge activity either, interesting... (Doesn't look like that new ECM lying on the passenger floor boards did him a lot of good either.) I'll check some fuses first. Wasn't hard to find the fuse box, it's on the end of the dash with the panels in the back seat. I checked the gauge fuse first... dead. No voltage. With all the other panels dangling around my feet the ignition switch wires were easy to find. Well what do ya know... a bad ignition switch.

If this guy would have waited for me to check it out a few weeks ago I could have diagnosed it then and saved him from buying all those components and tearing his car apart, but I guess that's what you get for being in a hurry. Just imagine how much leisure time this guy turned into a futile effort of car repair. I'd say he wasted a lot of his own time on this one.

As with most repair shops there are those days that it does get slow but even then there's still going to be some "wait-time" involved with any repair. It's not like a tech jumps in the car, pulls it in the service bay, opens the hood, tweaks a screw or two and you're down the road again. Things take time, It doesn't matter how much you'd like to hurry things up even an oil change takes time... you still gotta wait for the oil to drain before you can put the new oil in.

So where do they go? They must be still out there driving around trying to find somebody that can do it now for them. Maybe they are waiting for that special day to show up that they can get right in the shop without any delay. I still think the restaurant beeper thing would be a hilarious idea; I'm just not convinced the "hurry-uppers" would get the joke though. Maybe I could start a new policy at the shop that might get them to at least bring their cars in. I'll make up whole new calendar with my own days of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Nowday. So anything you want done NOW... here's the day to do it on.

Nah, what's the rush... just wait for tomorrow.

Sometimes You Meet the Nicest People at the Repair Shop

A referral came in the other day with a battery drain issue on a 95 Chevy truck. I was busy zooming back and forth from the office to the computer, and then to the shop with diagrams in hand for the project I was working on. The service counter and the phones were both busy as well, but an elderly couple maintained their steady pace towards the service counter, and didn't seemed to be fazed by all the commotion from the phones and bells ringing. My daughter Katie was at the front counter. She greeted them with a big smile, along with a "Hello, how can I help you?" and eagerly took down their information.

I was out in the shop when Katie came up to me with the keys and the work order.

"Dad, they say they have a battery drain. The other shop didn't touch it, but sent them directly to us instead. They'd like to wait on it if they could," Katie tells me.

"OK, not a problem, I'll take a look at it in just a minute," I told her as I was just about to finish up with the latest job.

"The old guy had to tell me all about what he had done to the truck. He had quite a story, and wanted to make sure I heard and understood every detail."

"Anything important about his story?" I asked.

"The only thing that I thought you should know is he hooked up his charger to the truck, and noticed his little meter was bouncing back and forth rather quickly. That's when he noticed he put the positive and negative on the battery backwards."

"Not to worry kiddo, those little chargers most people have are only trickle chargers, and if you hooked it up backwards on a car battery it would probably do more damage to his charger than it would to the car. Those things aren't strong enough to affect it. Unless his battery had an absolute "0" voltage level then I might be concerned. Well, even then.... it would be remotely impossible to charge the battery backwards with one of those type chargers. It could happen I guess, but I don't think under normal circumstances there's much chance of that happening this day and age."

With that bit of information jotted down, she handed me the keys and the paperwork and headed back to the front office to explain things to the old gent, while I pulled his truck into the service bay.

As with most of the "seasoned" drivers out there, the condition of the truck was very clean, neat and orderly. It hardly had any miles on it considering the age of the vehicle, and obviously it was garage kept for most of its life. All I needed to do was run a couple of checks on the alternator output, battery load test, and condition of all the connections.

Everything was great except for the load test. The battery failed miserably. I checked the date on the battery... OMG... it's ten years old. Unbelievable... how did it ever last that long? I wrote up the results of the tests and printed out the alternator results and battery status from the scanner and headed up to the front office. Katie then took the information out to the customer lobby and read back what I had written down. The elderly couple was very pleased that it only needed a new battery, and thanked her for all the printed information that she provided for them.

When Katie came out I had already had pulled a new battery off the shelf waiting for her to tell me to install it. "Go ahead Dad, it's a go on the battery."

"Way ahead of ya girl. I'll have it in, in just a sec."

I rechecked the results of the charge output and battery after the new one was installed to confirm the findings, and then pulled the truck back out to the customer parking area. As I came through the front door, there at the service counter was the elderly couple paying for battery. The old man turned around and reached out his hand, "I want to thank you for the quick service, young man. Oh, and did the little lady tell you what I did?"

"Yes she did, you hooked up one of those trickle chargers backwards I take it?"

The old timer began to tell me his entire story even though I said I already knew what had happened. I might as well get comfortable, because no matter how many times I nod my head, or make any kind of understanding "uh-huh's" I'm still going to hear his story... the whole story...with every detail right to the bitter end.

The old gentlemen's bride took a seat at one of the service counter bar stools. She put her elbow on the counter and rested her head in her hand, and sat there with a big grin on her face, while her man told his story of the backwards trickle charger. I got the impression that this is not the first time she's sat through one of his tale of tales. As the he told his story about his little charger that could... his bride would interject just enough to keep him from missing any details. (Actually, I was having more fun listening to her than I was to his story... it was quite comical I might add.) I can see my wife doing the same thing when I get to that age. Then again, she has a way of doing the very same thing now.

When he finished his story they both gave me a firm handshake and another thank you as they headed out the door to their truck. Katie was still on the other side of the counter, with a big smile herself.

"Dad, that old guy told me exactly the same thing he just told you."

"Kinda figured that, but that's OK with me. You know, I'll probably be doing the same thing when I get to his age."

I really get a kick out of listening to the older generation myself. The real admiration I had was the way this old couple walked out to their truck arm and arm. He held the car door open for his bride, and closed it behind her. As he hoped in the truck he waved goodbye to me as I waved back at him. The old truck started up and off they went down the road.

Ah, yes... Nice to have a relaxing type of job for a change, not the hectic "get it done, get it done… let's go, let's go… I'm running late" type of jobs. There are those occasions when things happen at the shop that really make you appreciate people and the business you're in.

I've got to admit, once in a while you really do meet some of the nicest people at the repair shop, very true indeed

After the typical day to day attitudes, grumpy, or just plain ticked off because they have to pay for car repair. It's a nice change of pace to see folks that really show a little gratitude to automechanic.

Just needed a smile once in a while... keeps my attitude adjusted too.

Second Rate Parts

When it comes to diagnosing a problem one of the biggest mistakes is the notion that once a new part is installed the problem that you were experiencing should be a thing of the past. Countless times I’ve had vehicles brought in that have the same old story attached to them. They’ll tell me:

“I’ve change this part, and that part and this one over there, along with this part under the dash.” Only to still have their original problem.

The latest was a “No A/C” problem on a 97 Chevy pickup. It came in from another repair shop that I deal with on a regular basis. Out of desperation they had tried the “swap-parts-till-it-works” approach but could never get the A/C to come on. A typical system of the day where the PCM energizes the compressor relay and controls the idle once the signal is sent from the control head.

A couple of simple tests led to a faulty control head, so I gave the repair shop a call. “We changed it twice already,” the guy on the other end of the phone told me. They had some doubt about sending me another control head but, at this point they were desperate enough to try anything.

Later that afternoon I had the replacement control head in hand, and wouldn’t you know it… the replacement piece was faulty too. The big surprise was it was doing exactly the same thing as the previous control head. This seemed to be the point where the other shop stopped testing and started stuffing parts under the hood and dash. Now I’m back to calling the shop and see what they wanted to do next.

This was not going well at all. After three different control heads in the same car the shop was not buying my diagnosis.

“There’s something else wrong with this. You’re missing something. I think you should go back and check it again because it can’t be the control head,” the now frustrated shop tech tells me.

Granted, it does seem inconceivable that the same part could be faulty three times in a row, but the test results were spot on. My biggest hurdle wasn’t the testing, and it wasn’t the diagnosis, it’s the other shops lack of trust in my results. Even their parts warehouse wasn’t keen on sending them another part. Somehow I had to convince them that we needed another one.

Since I wasn’t involved in the original diagnosis or the eventual parts juggling I wasn’t aware about the issues with the parts warehouse. They didn’t want to send another part without somebody paying for it first. The warehouse was fed up with the whole idea of it, the repair shop was out of patience and I was the guy stuck with the test results that couldn’t be changed. So convincing somebody to do something took a little more than the average phone call.

The guy from the warehouse came by to check out my shop and to see how I could have possibly come up with two new parts straight out of the box that were bad. I’ve never dealt with this place before so it was a new experience for me as well. I showed him how the test was done and the wiring diagrams. He seemed to understand, but was still not buying that three control heads could be bad.

“Where are you getting your parts from?” I asked.

“I think they come in from China,” the warehouse guy tells me.

“I’ve seen a lot parts come from all over the world, but by far China is the most likely place to have bad parts right out of the box. Do you have a different source we could try?” I asked.

By the next afternoon I had another part, delivered no less, by the same guy from the warehouse. He wanted to watch me install it in the truck, because the warehouse had their own ideas as to what was the problem… and it wasn’t the part. So where did the part come from this time? Straight from the dealership. The warehouse guy’s boss didn’t buy the story I was telling him and wanted to prove that his parts suppliers were not sending him faulty parts. Of course, I must be wrong, and obviously… as a lot of general practitioners of “All mechanics are alike” school of thought, he wanted to prove that I needed to be on that list of idiot technicians prowling the countryside.

The warehouse guy climbed in on the passenger side while I installed the new control head. One simple turn of the key was all it took to either prove me wrong or prove me right. As the engine came to life I pushed the A/C button. “CLICK” went the compressor, and the cold air came blasting out of the center vents. Well, what do you know? The darn thing works.

Just to prove a point, I disconnected the working control head and reinstalled the first one. We’re back to no A/C again… Imagine that….

“I suppose you’ll be sending this part back to China then?” I laughingly told the warehouse guy.

He was quite impressed and had a lot to tell his boss when he got back to the store. I called the other repair shop that originally sent me the job to tell them I was done with it. They were relieved that it was finally solved and was going to send the customer over to me directly to pay me instead of through their shop.

About then the customer came through the front door. Nice older guy, very talkative, and wanted to know what I had found out. The owner never knew his car had been taken to another shop and was quite surprised. (It wouldn’t be the first time that an owner of a vehicle found out their car was at another shop rather than at the one they originally took it to.)

All said and done, the big issue here was testing, and retesting. The other shop had thrown their hands up after several attempts and some very expensive parts that didn’t get anywhere. Then there’s the matter of the part store not willing to budge after they had sent so many components back and forth. A diligent effort and solid test results won out over parts swapping.

All in all, I think I gained a little more respect from the other repair shop as well as a new customer. This parts warehouse, I don’t know… cheap parts just mean cheap results and this job was no exception.

“We certainly can set up an account for ya,” the warehouse guy tells me.

I might pass on that. After this repair I don’t think I want to deal with some second rate parts while trying to do a first rate repair. Just ask the other shop how much they made on the job and how much time they spent on it. Just goes to show, test it correctly and trust the results. And when it doesn’t seem to work out… retest it again.

You know, I might have an idea for a story and then I may just write about what has happened in the last week or two. If you have any ideas I'd love to hear from ya. Coming up with new stories each week is a real challenge... glad ya like the stories... comments welcomed.

You Can Lead a Horse to Water…

As technician I work on symptoms of a problem, diagnosing said problem, and then make the appropriate repairs. It's hard to justify going out into the service bay and installing parts that a customer swears up and down is the cure to their aliments. The point being, I haven't diagnosed it. I haven't verified the complaint, nor determined if the part in question is at fault. It happens all the time, a customer will read something on a forum, talk to their friends, or perhaps they've gone to one of those parts stores that will code your car for you. You know the parts stores I'm talking about, the ones that carry every part from A to Z, the DIY'rs first stop when it comes to any kind of repair. I really think it's not wise to give partial answers to unsuspecting customers who will only take those "codes" and assume that a particular part is the problem, because it was mentioned in the description of the code.

Which leads to the eventual problem at the service counter. Here comes "Mr. Customer", armed with that tidbit of information which he has committed to memory. Now he's trying to lead me down that path where he thinks I'll just be so happy to oblige……not unlike the proverbial horse being lead to water. The usual scenario starts off with my asking, "What can I do for you today?"

"I need my GEM module replaced, how soon can you do it, and what will it cost?" the customer will ask.

"Well sir, I could give you prices, but I'd like to know how you arrived at this conclusion, before we just start stacking parts on top of a problem," I told him, "How about we begin with what doesn't work in the car, instead of what part we assume needs changed."

"My wipers don't work, my power windows don't work, and my radio doesn't work. It blew the fuse once," the customer tells me, "the fuse is marked GEM, so I know that's the problem."

I wouldn't dream of going to my doctor and telling him, "Put me in a new kidney." A smarter approach would be to tell the doctor the symptoms I'm having, rather than tell him what I think needs to be done.

"I have a battery drain also, and I know it's not the battery or the alternator," the customer goes on to tell me.

"There you go again sir; you're leading the symptom with a result before it's even tested. How about we just start with "It blows the GEM fuse, and I have a battery drain."

Once I had the vehicle in the service bay, I did some checking on all the systems he had mentioned. The wipers, radio, and windows all worked perfectly no… blown fuses, no "GEM" problem noted. Although there are a few things I will check when someone comes in mentioning something to do with the GEM module, and that's check for water damage on or near the fuse box. Luckily for this guy... it was dry, and no signs of any water or mineral stains on it. The next step was to check for any parasitic draws... none. OK then, might as well check the two things he said it wasn't. Hmm, the battery didn't pass load testing, and the alternator has a rather low output. Well, well, well... seems a little diagnostic work really did pay off this time.

No surprise to me, but it sure was to him.

Arm chair diagnostics hardly ever amount to much. This was no exception. I did explain to him how everything requires proper testing to determine the cause and cure for a problem. Even though I couldn't rule out the GEM module as the problem, he did get the idea that a number of other factors could cause the fuse to blow.

"I'll keep an eye on it," he told me.

Some people think they are actually helping the technician by telling them which part needs replaced. On the contrary, that's completely the opposite. I always picture a horse with blinders on when a customer tells me the exact component they want replaced. I need to see the whole picture, and not just what they think it is. Most of the time the true answer isn't as clear as changing a component, but a lot of these "helpful code reading parts stores" tend to inform their customer that it's just that...

"Change this part, and you'll be as good as new," the A to Z parts store guy will tell them. Then what does the customer tell me when they get to my shop? "Change this part; it'll be as good as new. I've been told that already by my mechanic." Seriously people, ya need to rethink this a bit more. Codes don't fix cars... technicians fix cars; they just use the codes as the road map to solve the problems.

An example of reading codes and coming up with the wrong answer happened a few days later. This time from a guy who insisted that his 95 Dodge computer is locked up.

"Locked up, what do you mean by that?" I asked.

"My mechanic said it's in "auto shut down", so I need to know how much you'll charge to put another one in?" the caller tells me.

I'm not sure who is leading who here. Is this guy's mechanic leading him into believing something is wrong with his PCM, or is the customer leading me into changing a part based on some nitwit's evaluation? (Probably both) I'm well aware of how the ASD relay works with the PCM on these Dodges, and I'll bet this is what he's referring to as far as "locked up", but I could be wrong. Of course diagnosing and testing is the answer here.

"My mechanic said it's either a timing chain or the computer that's bad," the caller goes on to say.

"Sir, my best advice to you is to remove your car from there... if your mechanic can't tell the difference between a timing chain problem and a PCM, you've got a more serious issue than your car's problem."

Needless to say, even mechanics can fall victim to the horse with blinders routine. Sometimes it's harder to ignore the advice of others, even when you know you should. People with the best intentions can have the wrong answer to an automotive problem, and they'll do everything they can think of to lead the technician down their path of poor choices.

Every tech I've ever met has had this happen to them a time or two. Past experience does pay off and makes you a little more cautious when dealing with similar issues.

Just like the horse… you can lead it to water… but you may not get the results you're expecting.

Keeping the customer aware who's the repairman in these cases is sometimes harder than it needs to be. Some people want to use the mechanic as their personnal parts changer and not as a technician. However, when the consumers "idea" of the repair doesn't work... guess who they'll blame for their failed diagnosis... you guessed it... you... the mechanic.

The A-B-C's of Auto Mechanics

Turn the pages of most automotive labor guides, and you'll see not only the "guestimated" time for a certain job, but also the level of skill required to perform that certain repair. I've always wondered who wrote those skill levels and determined what type of technician should be able to handle a particular repair. What would be the outcome if a higher skilled technician did the same job, and how do you determine a technician's skill level in the first place?

I completely agree that a first year tech won't have the same skills as a seasoned veteran. But what about all those people who use the word "mechanic" in such a loose term to explain what they do for a living? Lately I've been taking a completely different view of how I interpret those skill levels. I was thinking, maybe those levels need a more descriptive way of explaining what these skills actually are. Maybe I could enlighten the writers of those labor guides as to what I think they mean, and how it relates to the real world where you find those technicians who are really doing the work. Not in some environment where people are watching the techs every move with a stop watch.

Let's start with my descriptions of each of the skill levels.

A - "A" mechanic - is truly "A" technician/mechanic. Someone who has the ability to diagnose, repair and complete a project without any assistance. An "A" mechanic will have years of experience and keeps up with the advanced training needed to do his/her job correctly.

B - "B" mechanic - This is a tech who is trying to achieve the status of an "A" mechanic. I sometimes refer to them as "wanna B" mechanics. Most "B" mechanics have past tinkering experience, and have turned a few bolts in their day. Obviously, training is a big part of their future. These types of techs need to learn not only how to be a good tech, but how to walk, talk, and perform the required repairs like an "A" mechanic. (However, some techs stay at this level their entire career)

C - "C" mechanic - The worst kind. These are the most prolific type of technician out there. Most of these technicians can only repair things they can actually see. Thus... a "C" mechanic. They won't understand what they're doing, and have no desire to learn or advance up the ladder….. just make a paycheck and go home. I'm afraid to say, these are the type of "mechanics" that give the rest of the automotive world a bad name.

A perfect example of a "C" mechanic happened just the other day. A lady brought a car in because the coolant fans weren't working. She had it at another shop prior to coming to me, and they noticed the coolant fan had melted the connector and the fan motor housing. Before even consulting with her they removed the melted parts, and took them up to the lobby where the lady was waiting. They proceeded to give her the hard sell, and told her that the car was unsafe to drive.

As she pointed out to me, "What choice did I have? They already had it torn apart, even though I didn't ask them to. I didn't know what else to do, I was stuck there. Since they showed me the parts, I assumed they knew what they were doing."

So, how did her car end up at my shop? If you couldn't guess by now... the fans still weren't working. I proceeded to do some diagnostic work, and determined the problem. The first thing I noticed was that all the clips, fasteners, and wire tie downs were either completely missing or never put back into place, which left all the wiring and other various parts dangling behind the fan housing and very close to the exhaust manifold. As I looked into it a bit further I found they never plugged in one of the two fans. I checked the connector they had installed (from a salvage yard) and found that two of the four wires were installed backwards. Not that big of a deal, it would only have made one fan run on low speed while the other was on high. Easy fix, so far. After plugging everything in, I used the scanner to cycle the fans on. That's when I found the fan they left unplugged was bent and twisted. The motor was rubbing against the fan shroud, and even after freeing up the motor it wasn't hard to tell the motor itself was burnt from not being able to turn freely. (Nice install job guys…)

After giving the customer the bad news, she called the other shop. It wasn't long before I got the call from them. The mechanic started to tell me the condition of the original fan motor, I quickly shut him down, (which he said was rather rude of me... because he was just trying to tell me how he found it.) I didn't care how he found it... I wanted to know... what YOU did to it. Because right now, I've got to undo whatever it is that you've done in order to properly repair it. The problem you had with it isn't the problem I'm having with it; it's more of a problem you probably created from installing it.

This guy was definitely a "C" mechanic. He saw a problem and naturally assumed he could fix it. But while explaining things to me I realized this guy was trying to step up a notch on the automotive technician evolution ladder. He's worked his way to a low end "wanna B" mechanic. Now he's trying to explain the problem to me, but not in any terms that would make sense to any well trained mechanic. It was like talking to a complete novice about a car problem. He knew nothing about how to diagnose the problem just how to change the parts.

"I saw smoke come out of the motor, so there's something wrong," this novice parts changing "mechanic" told me.

What's worse, he left the customer paying for all these issues. He should have sent it over himself, and not made the customer assume the responsibility. The customer has already spent time and money to have the car repaired, but it's not fixed yet.

I realize as a customer it's hard to find someone with an "A" mechanic skill level. I know as a shop owner/technician I run across a lot of "wanna B" mechanics, and see even more "C" mechanics in and out of the trade. Attending advanced classes, lectures, conventions, and being certified is some of the ways to keep up with the new technology. But those labor guides don't cover all that information. You're left to figure out if it's an A, B or C mechanic at the other end of the wrench.

So you C, to B an "A" mechanic you need a variety of expertise. Some you'll gain over years of experience, others you'll pick up from other good techs or schools. It really does take some skills… just because you can hang a few parts on a car doesn't make you … … … "A" mechanic.

I've never been one to take it lightly when I run across a person who calls themselves a mechanic after they've screwed up a customers car. I'm not so pissed at the customer, because they're just trying to save a few bucks on car repair and really don't have a clue what a good tech would do to make the repairs. These "C" mechanics out there should stick to working on their own heaps rather than on the general publics cars.